How Do I Help My Timid Puppy?

[ski]

Hello,

I have a 5 month old puppy, Ski (golden retriever), who is very timid.

When I got him, from a breeder at 8 weeks, he was terrified of so many things - just normal plate clattering in the kitchen would frighten him. The rustle of a plastic bag OMG how terrifying! After lots of slow introductions and encouragement he is okay now with these common noises.

His tail lives between his legs most of the time He always sits on his tail - even when wagging it.

But when romping around with Jackson our older dog, Ski acts like the normal confident puppy - He even tries to have sex with Jackson - so is showing dominance. Jackson is not timid in any way and is a great buddy for Ski. They even cuddle up together to sleep.

Ski is an extremely gentle, sweet boy who sits, stays, walks on lead perfectly, never jumps up etc So very well behaved.

So has this puppy been abused? Have the breeders beaten him? We got him at 8 weeks - so SURELY not?? Why is he SO scared? And if he was, wouldn't he realise we are gentle and loving and won't ever hurt him? Is it just his nature then?

I hug & cuddle him a lot & put my face on his and talk softly to him, gentle loving strokes etc which he loves - so why isn't that making him feel safe and loved? I don't cuddle and sook him when he is frightened of something - I just give reassuring pats and say "it's okay" Come on" Good boy" etc. I've tried "fun-slapping" him in play to try and get him used to some rougher play - but worried that might be the wrong thing to do so have stopped doing that. Our other dog loves fun-slaps on his back and bum (I hope you know what I mean when I say that!) I've tried to "rough" play with rag toys i.e. tug of war - but Ski won't be in it. Jackson loves that!

I'd love him to not feel so frightened! A perfect example for you is this morning we had a bank valuer visit to measure our house - Ski ran (cowering) and sat up the back yard because he was so scared of the measure (it was a wheel on a long stick) the man was using! He wasn't scared of the man - it was the stick-wheel thingy. Anything new sends him running and cowering.

Ski has bonded very closely to me, I can never leave the room without him following and laying down quietly at my side. Wouldn't matter if I got up 10 times, he sticks to me like glue - is this because he feels scared? Our old dog also like to be near me, but is not obsessed with having to be near me. This is not a complaint, I'm just to trying to give you all a bit more knowledge about Ski. Even within the room if I move out of sight, Ski will get up and shift to a position where he can see me. He does spend hours at a time outside in the garden with Jackson, away from me and is fine with that. It's only inside the house he behaves like this.

Sometimes he cowers at us as if WE have been beating him and abusing him????? Example - the phone rang and I made a clatter and ran - Ski cowered and panicked as if I was about to beat him?? Ski wags his tail, but keeps his bum down at the same time in a cowering manner even when excited to see us. He prefers to walk behind/beside us, seems confused/lost/cowering when walking infront of us. Again, not a complaint, just trying to give you are much about Ski's personality.

The other thing that he has finally overcome, is us telling him to go outside. He used to be scared to actually walk past us (when we are holding the door open for him). As if he thought we were going to beat him as he walked past!!?? OMG as if!! So is that another sign he WAS abused buy the breeder? He is okay now thank goodness (giving him loads of praise still) and will happily go past us.

Also when feeding him, he will not eat until I have walked away. He will sit back away from his food, even if I call him and tap his food.. he might inch forward a bit, but all cowered and tail between legs. Why would he be doing that?

When he is laying down, should you reach down and touch/stoke him with you hand, his back leg comes up in a fearful manner (like he is about to roll on his back) and you can see his tail tense.

Apologies for such a rambling letter. If nothing can be done to help him, we can accept this is how he is because Ski truly is a beautiful darling boy - loved to bits, and we will just make allowances, and help him the best we can when he is fearful. I just want to know if I can make him feel confident - because he should feel confident! Poor thing must be terrible to feel so timid. Apart from his timidness, be is incredibly well behaved, and was extremely easy to train. He is well socialised with other dogs and is great with our cat.

Any advise would be appreciated.

Thanks in advance,

Grace

[Reddii]

Hey Grace,

I feel for you on this one as we have a very soft dog (10 month old BC) who is also scared of so many things (although perhaps not as scared as your little boy.) EG: Walk past a pram sitting on the side of the road for the first time, stop and cower - she saw a bike helmet swinging on the handle bars of a bike just this weekend gone and hid behind me, we walked past an empty wheelie bin the other day - I'm sure there was a boogie man in it.

She also has a problem with Men she doesn't know, especially when I am with her, if we are with the little guy (4mth BC) she is fine and quite protective (just gets in front of CKand is quite happy to be patted instead of hiding behind me like she normally does) - bizarre.

Any way we have been working on positive reinforcement training and socialising her with as many PEOPLE as possible - she's fine with other dogs as well. She is really beginning to come out of her shell with this - the other thing I've found works well is to ignore the fearful reactions and remove her from the situation with a minimum of fuss. eg: Just keep walking past the wheelie bin and pretend not to notice it or say in a neutral voice "don't be silly, it's only a ..........." This way she doesn't feel like she is in trouble, but neither have I rewarded the fearful response with praise and pats.

I know she hasn't been abused as we've had her since she was 6 weeks and is in no way hand shy, it's just she doesn't like strangers or foreign situations. The more training she gets the more she trusts me and the better she is getting at her training - viscious circle only a cool way - this way when we come across something she's not sure of I can tell her it's not a problem and she is OK with it because there is trust. as a result she is becoming more confident in herself and so it goes. We are getting in to agility and flyball where other people have to handle her (for recalls etc) which is really building her confidence as well (just make sure the others are handling your dog in a way YOU are happy with and make sure they know you have a soft dog.

I'm not an expert at all so please don't take what I have to say as gospel or a guaranteed solution. I thought it might be worthwhile to share the experiences of another novice.

cheers.

tony

[ski]

Thanks for replying Tony, I appreciate it That's a good description 'Soft Dog' I hadn't heard that before.

Could you please explain what positive reinforcement training is? (How embarrassing I'm sorry)

And I hadn't thought of agility classes to help.. I'm thinking he is too timid tho?

[Reddii]

Thanks for replying Tony, I appreciate it That's a good description 'Soft Dog' I hadn't heard that before.

Could you please explain what positive reinforcement training is? (How embarrassing I'm sorry)

And I hadn't thought of agility classes to help.. I'm thinking he is too timid tho?

Again, I'm no expert in all this and it's only my experiences (with the help of a very experienced friend) so hopefully someone else can add in their knowledge.

By positive reinforcement training I mean only rewarding good behaviour and not acknowledging/correcting undesirable behaviour - clicker training is one good example. You 'click' (with a clicker like the frogs that used to come in a show bag when I was a kid) whenever the dog does something right or makes more progress towards the behaviour than they have made before and then treat straight afterwards, that way the dog begins to relate the click to a nice treat and will be more inclined to do the right thing when you ask them to. In the initial stages it is quite time consuming to get the dog to do the right thing, but as they get it right the process is very solid because the dog wants to do the right thing.

initally we trained our dog with a check chain and while she didn't shut down completely she did retreat in to her shell, by using this method she has really begun to enoy life a lot more and is more obedient overall, if not quite as sharp on some specific exercises.

WRT the agility thing - you won't necessarily begin with Ski leaping through the air or doing advanced stuff, but it's all about having fun with your dog and your dog having fun with you - building a bond. Simple stuff like runniing together, targetting your hand - hold out your hand and have him 'touch' it with his nose. Once he has mastered that get him to follow your hand around in a circle and reward that, then get him over a small jump following your hand and reward that - all about baby steps building your confidence and his. (probably best to get him to a solid off lead obedience standard before going down this track - I'm not sure where he is on that front)

I'm having a ball watching Xena come out of her shell and on Tuesday night we actually got through a small run and then she decided to keep going and did another tunnel on her own. It's a DQ in a competition, but I was SOOOOO excited just seeing her having fun and turned on to it all I didn't care.

The other big thing I have found is not to overload Xena with too much new stuff all at once. Do it slowly - just because you understand what you want and it makes sense to you don't assume you are communicating effectively with your dog. Little steps will build trust and confidence on both sides - it is a two way thing.

Oh yeah, I've learned to NEVER let your dog know you are frustrated, it can be hell when they just decide to stop mid session, but that means you've over done it and need to give the dog a rest and not go for so long next time or that you have tried to take too big a step. Very frustrating in the middle of a class and not all instructors are happy to hear it, but let the dog stop on your/their terms, not the timetable the instructor has in mind.

hope that helps.

T

[poodlefan]

How much socialisation and training did Ski get as a baby?

This kind of behaviour can have an inherited component and also be partially the product of a puppys early experiences (or lack of them). I honestly doubt your puppy has been abused but wonder a little about the environment he was raised in in terms of experience. What were Ski's mum and the rest of the litter like.

If this behaviour is troubling you I'd seek an consultation and evaluation with an experienced, qualified canine behaviouralist. If you tell us where you live, we may be ablet to suggest one.

The best you can do online is get educated guesswork about why your puppy behaves this way.. without knowing what causes the behaviour no one can give you really productive suggestions about how to improve Ski's confidence.

Much of the behaviour you describe as scared I would categorise as very submissive.

Edited March 15, 2007 by poodlefan

[Reddii]

If this behaviour is troubling you I'd seek an consultation and evaluation with an experienced, qualified canine behaviouralist. If you tell us where you live, we may be ablet to suggest one.

The best you can do online is get educated guesswork about why your puppy behaves this way.. without knowing what causes the behaviour no one can give you really productive suggestions about how to improve Ski's confidence.

Really good point PF, I was trying to give my point of view/(in)experiences - as with all this sort of stuff best to speak with an expert who can assess your dog, or at the very least get involved with some people with a bit of experience who can help first hand.

T

[Bubitty]

Hi Ski,

I'm most certainly not an expert but I can certainly tell you about my experiences with Bub.

We got Bub when he was 12 months old and at first he was very scared and cautious of everything. He was extremely well behaved but always looked nervous and would jump at the slightest noise. He would also cower when he met men and would cower at my husband. He wasnt even really interested in the food or treats we gave him and always looked nervous/scared when he was given food.

We were told by the breeder that he was very "soft" (probaly one of the main reasons why he failed as a show dog). We were CERTAIN that his breeder did not abuse him as he clearly adored them and was quite cheeky in their prescence.

We took him out every day to socialise at the doggy park with nice, mild mannered, well behaved dogs (but monitored him like a hawk, make sure he has no bad experiences there). We asked random strangers to pat him and praised him when he did not cower. We took him to different places with different noises and sounds and gave him treats when he looked calm and happy. Lots of hugs and kisses and play at home. Lots of random kisses all the time. Eventually he realised that we were going to take care of him and that he can depend on us so he completely relaxed and began to enjoy life.

He has been with us for 6 months now and the change is phenomenal. He is a completely different dog. He swanks around the doggy park, tail wagging trying to elicit pats from both men and women. He gets really excited when we offer him dinner, treats or toys. He wrestles with us and when he is overly jubilant (When we first get home he occasionally even tries to jump on both of us (something he never dared to do before). He's always offering us a paw, putting his head on our lap, burying his head into our necks and licking us and when we take him to visit people he carries on like they are the love of his life (every one has told me he makes them feel special).

His inherent personality is still there though. For example he is still extremely cautious which I believe has always been his true nature but if we tell him to do something or that something is ok he will trust us.

I say take the advice that the others in this forum have given you but also just give it time. I think he just needs time to establish that you are "ok" people and that you're not going to hurt him so gradually you will build his trust. Maybe its just taking longer with your particular dog than normal.

Hope that is of some assistance!

[Cosmolo]

Second what Poodlefan said- its important that you learn appropriate ways to build his confidence to resolve the problem rather than have it get worse over time- which is likely to happen otherwise. I'm sure a good behaviourist or behavioural trainer would be able to assist you and him so that he can be a little less stressed.