Moses Is Dead

[thegownchick]

THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH, I really really appreciate your kind words and thoughts. I'm trying hard to be a little better today. Counting my blessings etc. Trying not to focus on the loss, but to go forward. My goodness it's so hard. AFter my dog Rusty died in September, I thought I'd never have to visit Rainbow Bridge again for many many many years. I still keep thinking "if only I'd kept Moses at home, put him in his cage, cleaned the blood off his beak and let him sit there and calm down". I'm sure he'd still be alive. Stupid bloody vet. Never should have taken him to the vet. Moses was SO full of life and so bold and bossy, I never thought for a minute he'd actually die.

Today we had a old pastor friend drop in, dear old soul, haven't seen him in a long time and we certainly weren't expecting him as he lives in NSW. After an hour or so of polite conversation, I couldn't keep the tears in any more and just started bawling, as I now do constantly. My husband had to explain and this man managed to find words of comfort. Something about Moses (the prophet in the Bible) going up to the mountain, and God taking him home, he didn't come down again. His people had to have a new beginning. Had to let go of the old. The new leader was Joshua, who took them into the promised land. So Pastor Brian thinks Joshua would be a good name for the new little un-named budgie. Yesterday I thought maybe Jacob, but Joshua sounds okay. I just wish he would like me, he tries to run away when I put my finger up for him to sit on. And I can't remember how long it took to train Moses but I do remember I gave him all my time, all day every day. So I can only do that again I guess. But I'm scared, what if it doesn't work? What if he just hates me and wants to stay in his cage forever? This new budgie is just the only thing that's keeping me sane, that and the thought that I HAVE to go on, and I HAVE to get up tomorrow morning, and the morning after, and the morning after that etc. I've even joined a budgie forum to try to get some training hints. I feel like such a klutz, my best friend is killed and I can't remember how I trained him. I wish I could go to sleep for about six months and wake up when the pain is gone.

Janette :D

Edited December 30, 2006 by thegownchick

[kozpink]

I have been thinking of you I understand your pain.

I think Josh is a great name, my Josh was a very special boy.

All the best with Joshua, hoping you both bond together soon.

:D

[shekhina]

I think Joshua is a great name :D

He doesn't hate you, he's just confused at the big change...it's a brand new home for him and it'll probably take a little bit of time for him just to settle in let alone feel OK with a new person.

He and you will get there, be patient with the both of you

[whatevah]

Josh is a great name, my other dog is called Josh. I have Josh and Moses.

[rastus_froggy]

When I got Hoshi my cockatoo she didnt like me, and it was about a week before she even thought I was ok to get a feed from but honestly it was the longest week of my life. Everytime I went near her cage she would screech at me, I really wondered what I had gotten myself into. She turned out great even though it was only a short time I had her.

You and Joshua will bond, just give it time.

[zacpud]

I was so sorry to hear about Moses and I feel your pain...such a tragic end and so young! I had a wonderful budgie who lived till 9 and I was devastated when he died. I still cry when I see his little grave and that was 5 years ago. Give Joshua a chance, you will both get there. Your training methods will come back to you when the initial grief has lessened. Sending you lots of hugs.

[thegownchick]

Crash Test Dummy, I had to smile when I read your post. Josh and Moses! And I haven't smiled in days. Thank you!

Haven't cried yet today. Josh sat on my finger for about ten minutes this morning (in the cage) but I've tried again since then and he still tries to get away. I've decided to spend all my time with him, training, surely the more time I spend the quicker it will happen. I don't want to be one of these people who is still trying to bond in six months time. THANK YOU guys for listening to me waffle on. Even though I haven't met anyone from this forum, and you're all dog people, you're so kind to put up with me. My dear husband is still away and I don't cope well on my own. I am trying not to hate dogs, and this from a person who all her life has preferred dogs to people. I hate grief, it sucks.

Janette

[kozpink]

There are a lot uf us thinking of you, and we understand your pain.

l

[SpikesPuppy]

When I was a little girl, I had a Budgie. Her name was 'Ipsy Wipsy' (y'know, after the 'incey wincey spider' rhyme? I thought it was Ipsy lol). She was green, like the color of wild Budgies and she was my very first pet after Goldfish, so she was my first 'real' pet. She tamed very quickly and soon became my best friend and spent much of her time on my shoulder or near me. When I was 7, we had our usual Saturday afternoon nap, in my mum's bed. Ipsy would snuggle up with me. One afternoon, I woke up and found Ipsy lying limp. I was devastated. I had killed my best friend!!!

It took me days to calm down and to understand that it was an accident. I still feel ill when I think about it - in hindsight it wasn't a very smart thing to do and my mother also feels some guilt for allowing me to do this. But things do happen. We are only human and we make mistakes.

The best thing about animals (including birds) is that they understand this and they forgive. Sometimes they probably shouldn't (such as when they have been abused), but they do. Humans have the smallest, most closed hearts and minds of any animal IMO.

[whatevah]

My husband had a budgie that he loved and trained, then when we got to Melbourne, the cage wasn't secure and he flew away, my husband was in tears. Check out my website http://www.dogtrick.741.com it has Josh and Moses, I love the name Moses I picked it to be commical. Also he is a red dog. LOL

[liberty427]

oh god it is hard coming into this area of the forum... need to get the tissues ready everytime..

i never had a budgie that died at the hands of another animal... when i was a kid i had a budgie that lived for years and years... i still remember he died on 13 May 1982... i have it written on a little flowery thing somewhere... i was 13...

a few years ago my OH bought home a baby budgie he was a little runner.. he was gorgeous.. any animal that comes to my house has to have room ... so i went to the markets and bought this huge budgie cage... (well compared to the one's when i was a kid it is) ... he lived in the cage happily for a few months... until the bushfires in (can't remember well).. think it was 2002... december... i went to work one day and it was so hot and humid... and the wind was wicked..

i had begged my OH to let me put the budgie in the cage... in the bathroom for the day... he insisted that the house was going to be too hot for him... and he left him on the table on our back verandah..

even when i was walking around the city at lunchtime in the hot disgusting wind.. i never even considered that it could be as bad at my place... and the verandah never got much wind even when it was bad there...

when i came home that afternoon.. my 42 yr old OH was sitting on the back steps sobbing cos our 'birdy birdy' was gone... the cage had blown off the table and hit the ground before bouncing off the verandah... and popping in half... there was no sign of him anywhere... i know my dogs didn't get him... cos they never kill and eat anything.. they used to play rough... and things like mice would not survive their kisses.. but they would always just be sitting by them crying.. i know they wouldn't have eaten him..

but like you we were crushed... all i could think of was the little baby bird that couldn't even fly to start with.. being bought up in a cage with food and water always there... and it was horrible to think that he might be somewhere out there and not know where to get any...

we think he got away alive... which could have been good for him .. but i doubt it... we were the same... cried for days and days... we have never replaced him... and the cage still sits out there empty... i think my OH just doesn't ever want to go there again.. so we don't...

hope your new birdy brings you the joy you deserve.. and your little moses will watch over him i am sure..

pxx

[Gretel]

I am so sorry. We get so darned attached to these critters don't we?! I feel sorry for those people who say things like, "it was only a dog/budgie/cat - get over it". They have never known the love we feel for our animals.

[thegownchick]

Oh Liberty! Yes I know, I really know that feeling. I can't shake the sick feeling right in the pit of my stomach, it's there all the time. I know exactly how your OH felt. The only time I have seen my dear husband cry was when our dog died. He didn't even cry at his mother's funeral! We are pretending life goes on here, but it doesn't. I try to cry when no-one's looking but it doesn't always work. The new budgie, Joshua, still isn't overly keen on me. Coming from Moses who loved me SO much and would seek me out wherever I was. I called him my velcro budgie. Always on my shoulder, my arm, my back, if I shooed him away he'd fly in a circle and come straight back again. How I took that for granted!!!!! Still can't believe it, still not coping at all.

I have three books on grief, including two on pet loss, I've been on every pet loss/grief and loss internet site and nothing's helping. Even been in touch with two grief counsellors and NONE of their survival tips are working. My doctor is on holidays until February so I couldn't get any drugs even if I wanted to (I don't really). And I don't drink so I can't go and drown my sorrows that way either.

What I want is to find someone whose budgie was killed and have them tell me HOW THEY MANAGED TO KEEP GETTING UP IN THE MORNING!!!

Ever feel like you're in a vortex, being sucked down further and further and you have no fight left? Sorry if you think I'm being dramatic, I'm not trying to. I've joined a budgie forum to see if that helps. How do other people cope? How about people who lose their child or children in an accident? What happens to them? I know there's no short cut through grief and it happens to everyone but THIS IS SO PAINFUL. You almost understand people who say they don't have pets because they're afraid of getting too attached to them. Almost.

Janette

[schnauzer]

I can feel your pain and grief. When my heart dog (GSD) died, eleven years ago, I felt exactly the same way.

My other dog gave me much love and consolation, but I was torn apart by the grief.

My thoughts and very best wishes are with you.

[Berner-Loki]

I had a little budgie I had for years that died in July 2004. She could talk amazingly, not as clear as a parrot but still understandable. Some of the words weren't so nice (shut up and oooohhhh sh@t to name a couple) but although she wouldn't let me touch her and would bite me all the time, even when cleaning her cage I would have to wear a glove because she wasn't frightened of me either. When you spoke to her she would put her head to 1 side and listen. Anyone who thinks small animals don't have a big impact are very sad people.

Nothing takes their place and time doesn't heal all wounds. All time brings is a way to learn to cope with their passing but you will always miss Moses. RIP little guy.

[liberty427]

Ever feel like you're in a vortex, being sucked down further and further and you have no fight left? Sorry if you think I'm being dramatic, I'm not trying to. I've joined a budgie forum to see if that helps. How do other people cope? How about people who lose their child or children in an accident? What happens to them? I know there's no short cut through grief and it happens to everyone but THIS IS SO PAINFUL. You almost understand people who say they don't have pets because they're afraid of getting too attached to them. Almost.

Janette

oh luv... sometimes i live in that sucking vortex... you are not being dramatic at all ...

you know the bit about people losing a child.. i know that nothing would be like the pain of that.. but how often do you hear people say .. it's only a dog... or it's only a cat... i have had that said to me before at work.... and couldn't help my response.. when i pointed to the photo of this man's 3 year old child.. and said.. see that.. that is just a kid... a lot of them forget that not all people make the choice not to have kids... and even if i had them i would still have animals.. they are too important in my world...

and where you mentioned the grief and asked the question about kids.. when my cat Baby died in February last year at 15 years... all that kept going around my head was ... it is ok to be beside yourself ... it is ok to be sad.. a lot of people don't understand that you can be as upset as some of us get... but all i could think there too was... lots of people's kids don't make it to 15 years.. it is a long time to love, nurture and protect anything that breathes...

and the other thing i always remind people with attitudes like 'it's only a dog' is that a 10 year old kid that is hungry can get up and get a biscuit or something to eat out of the pantry... it can turn on the tap for a drink... but our little animals are so dependent on us for their survival.. cos they cannot do those things.. thank god when they have these things they can be left alone... (like to go to work or to go out for the night) it is a gigantic plus not having to worry about babysitters for them too.. ha ha

pxx

[boo n poo]

Dear Janette,

Having followed your sad story for a few days, and watching the flood of replies, I thought I'd throw my own in. We have all experienced loss in our lives, some of us more than others. I've lost loving pets (both canine and feathered), close family members and friends. It is always painful, but like any of the others have said, ‘time does ease the pain’.

Your emails don’t just show a person in grief, but a person fighting with guilt. Looking for support in anonymous web users on a ‘Dog’ website will not ease your pain – I’m also a little concerned about the possible hatred you hold towards our doggy friends now – is this wise on a dog website? How exactly did this "old dog" get to your "young bird"? In my experience, birds are quite fast and keep away from dogs whenever possible, especially when feeling threatened.

Furthermore, if you want to know how to get up in the morning, maybe you could turn to that bloke laying next to you - your husband. He must feel lost at the moment watching you give up on life – isn’t he an important partner that you should ‘live for’? I hope you don’t have kids!

And finally, if you want the new bird to take to you, maybe you should try and be happy around it, rather spend all day crying in front of the computer. I’m sure in a positive and happy environment your ‘new feathered friend’ will love and cherish you as much as Moses.

I know many will think me mean and harsh, but this constant display is despair will not help you recover; and neither will the numerous replies reminding you how sad you are.

Think of the three wonderful years you shared with Moses, and not the last terrible week. Also think of the new and exciting future you will have with your new feathered friend.

[Janba]

Dear Janette,

I know many will think me mean and harsh, but this constant display is despair will not help you recover; and neither will the numerous replies reminding you how sad you are.

Think of the three wonderful years you shared with Moses, and not the last terrible week. Also think of the new and exciting future you will have with your new feathered friend.

It has only been a week. Ev erybody react differently to grief,

Janette

It does get better. I was a mess after I lost my old dog last year, especially as I got a new pup 2 days before I lost him. I felt like a traitor.

If talking and posting here helps you keep doing it. Grief councillors can also help.

I believe that none is ever gone while they live in our hearts.

[Berner-Loki]

I found all the nice thoughts comforting from here when I lost my horse the same down as thegownchick lost her bird. I had my family and my OH and things but it also is nice to know there are other people out there who care. It is also like a bit of a tribute to your lost pet.

[thegownchick]

Gee, boo n poo, such positive words of encouragement! In my experience, only other animal people would understand this level of grief and loss over the death of a pet you loved. In this respect, yes it is wise to seek encouragement from like minded individuals on a forum like this. As for thinking you "mean and harsh", gee whiz, after such negative comments, why would I think that???? I always remember being taught, if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. As we all get older grief and loss happens more often, but the excruciating pain of fresh grief is soul destroying. Cliches like "get on with life" just don't work. But I am trying my best, as are the rest of my family. Moses was MUCH loved.