My Little Boy

[jshaytana]

i was reading kaye's thread about maya. rip maya.

i didnt want to hijack the thread so i thought i'd start a new

one. i had my little 14 y.o. toy poodle (rigby) pts about 9 months ago

and i havent told anybody this. maybe its easier to

type it. i pts my 16 y.o. cat (shaytana) at the same time. i buried

them both in my yard.

grief runs so deep with loved pets. i was grieving terribly

and cried every day several times a day for weeks. i

couldnt seem to let go. about 3 weeks later i had a dream.

i was in a room and my mother was there (dont ask me

why, she lives interstate). all of a sudden both rigby and

shay were there at my feet. i kept saying to my mum

"look they're here, they're here" but she couldnt see

them. she said "maybe they have come to say good-bye"

i bent down and picked up shay. she was a bit dusty/dirty

and i gave her a pat and said goodbye. i put her down

and picked up my little boy. (he was blind for the last

7 years of his life and i treated him like a little baby,

never went anywhere without him, had a baby sling etc.

he put on a lot of weight after going blind and was

quite heavy)

in my dream, when i picked rigby up, he was so light.

i said to my mum he's so light, i was bawling my eyes

out. i gave him a hug and had my arms crossed over

in front of me. i was so distressed i actually woke up

with my arms crossed over and tears pouring down

my face.

the next day i cried all day. and when i think about

that dream i cry. i couldnt speak of it because it

made me cry.

it was very real. i wonder if they did really come

and say goodbye.

the sadness has eased but i still miss them both

terribly but especially rigby.

i have 2 new dogs now. i love them dearly.

And even though the pain is sometimes excrutiating

the joy of having pets really is worth having to

say goodbye.

everyday i spend with my new dogs i make the

most of it.

[Guest LittlePixie]

in my dream, when i picked rigby up, he was so light.

i said to my mum he's so light, i was bawling my eyes

out.

He was light because it was just his beautiful little spirit that had come to say goodbye to you, and it was no longer weighed down by his body and all of its problems.

*hugs* to you, and I'm sorry about Rigby and Shaytana. It would have been very difficult to lose them both at the same time.

[Labsmum]

Thankyou too. I feel a bit selfish wallowing in my greif. It is only my greif. I must be crazy and in denial, I can still hear Maya walking around the house. I know that is not really the case but it is my way of coping. I am so sorry about your little ones. It does not end does it? It just changes your heart.

Avanti/forwards....we have lots of furbabies to care for now. These tears have got to get useful.

[Labsmum]

Hi again, your comments are hugely important. Thankyou for sharing your story with me at this time. It is best you talk about it. You sound like a very kind person. I will get over Maya and move on. I am too emotional and in a way that is my disability in a way. Emotion and expression of emotion will save your life, however. Crying is good medicine. Sometimes we do not want to cry because it moves other people's grief. They might try to stop you to do that because they thought they had it all bottled up years ago and they want you to help them to keep it bottled up. Go with your natural expression and ignore them. I understand your dream. Your mother could no longer help you. You are now the parent.

There are family rules and there are rules of the soul. Sometimes we are older than our parents and we come back to them to try to teach them something.

Now I am sounding very nutty. I took this risk,

Katey/Kaye

[jshaytana]

Kaye you dont sound nutty at all. when i read about

maya it just reminded me of how difficult it was when

i had to put rigby and shay to sleep. having a pet for

that long and them being part of your life for so long

is not an easy thing to get over.

and it gave me an opportunity to tell someone of

my dream. I cried all last night but today i feel

much better. that dream always makes me cry

it was very powerful. i dont cry about rigby's passing

now though. i just feel sad. i know in time i will

be able to manage to think of him with fondness

and love without feeling sad. it just takes time.

i dont think i could have stopped the crying back

then though. it was just a matter of taking it a

day at a time until the grief started to ease.

your grief will ease too but it has to come

out first. every tear lets a little bit more out

i think.

i know how you must be feeling.

dont worry about expressing. thats

another way to let it out.