Children/saying goodbye to old dogs/new dogs

[bece]

My apologies for the confusing heading.

I have three children (12, 8 & 6) and a sweet 13yo cavalier spaniel, Dash. Dash has severe heart failure, and was diagnosed 4 years ago. We were told back then that he would probably have a matter of months to live. Our sweet Dashie continues to defy all odds, however I’ve noticed his health has started to decline. My 8 year old son loves Dash more than life itself. He knows that Dash is sick and won’t get better and he is absolutely distraught at the prospect of him dying. I’ve toyed with the idea of getting a new dog to soften the blow of Dash’s passing when it happens. But I also feel incredible guilt for introducing another dog into the family when Dash has provided us with nothing but loyalty and love and feel he deserves our undivided love and attention in these final stages of his life.

 

I guess just looking for some advice if anyone’s been in a similar situation. Am I overthinking it? Do I wait until our old dog crosses the rainbow bridge? What would you do? 

Edited May 27, 2023 by bece
Typos

[Tassie]

Not a parent myself, but there have been similar situations like this discussed on the forums before, so a couple of suggestions.  It is going to be tough for all of you.=, but especially for your  8 year old.    I  think one of the best suggestions I've seen here is having the children, particularly your son, making a memory book for Dashie .. while Dashie is still alive.    Have him collect his favourite photos ... and add some more, and write down special things or times he and the rest of the family can rember .. he can be the one in charge of collecting memories from other family members.    And it might be possible to plan Dashie's last days ... a bit sad .. but again, it gives the family agency.  You'll find some stories here about how people have planned their pet's last day.  Relly special places, food and so on.   It's also important to have a chat with your vet to see whether your vet is prepared to come to your home, or some other place, when the time comes.  Obviously it's important to make a decision in advance about cremation or burial.   Personally I am very thankful we have the individual cremation option.   Then children could be involved in choosing a box or an urn, and a photo to go with it.

 

It's hard to know when the right time is for a new pup ..but it certainly doesn't hurt to start looking.   I would think a good breeder would be putting a family like yours at the top of a list ... given what a great job you've done in getting Dashie to such a great old age for a Cav.  

[Dogsfevr]

I would wait .
And i agree that each day should be a memory day & photo's .
When the time comes then the fun of selecting a new person & new journey will begin & ofcourse whether the children want another cavie,for some replacing with the same breed is too hard or the same colour .

Edited May 28, 2023 by Dogsfevr

[Rebanne]

I would wait. It wouldn't be fair to either dog to get a pup now. 

 

I didn't do anything special with my daughter. Just told her the pet was old and sick and in pain and it wasn't fair to keep them like that. Or words to that effect. Was a long time ago and she was 5 when the first dog was PTS. It was her first day at school and the dog had a stroke. My daughter wasn't allowed to witness any euthanasia until she was about 12

[Kazm]

Children need to know and be able to deal with life and death. I always explained everything although both mine were older. 
Personally I would wait to get the next pup. Let Dashie be the most important until his last day. Maybe talk to your kids and explain although it’s going to be  a sad, terrible day when he passes, in time you can all have fun choosing the next family member. Give them something to look forward to. In the meantime make every moment with Dash count, because as we all know it’s a very hard thing saying goodbye to them.

[Rascalmyshadow]

I wouldn’t be getting a pup now I think you would regret it later and it won’t make losing your boy easier.

 

We went through this last year, our almost 13 year old boy was diagnosed with a splenic tumour, the cancer had spread to his lymph nodes and bone marrow so wasn’t treatable, we had 10 days from diagnosis until we lost him, we had four other dogs but the impact on my 7 year old daughter has been devastating, actually so bad that she is about to start seeing a psychologist to help her, I would keep the kids involved in everything so they have complete closure once the time comes, start making plans now ie. are you going to do a burial, cremation etc. take lots and lots of pics and videos so you have lots of memories.

[Mairead]

I wouldn't get another dog now or in the immediate future. 

Everyone, even children, deserves to be told the truth. It doesn't need to be the whole truth but don't sugar-coat what is happening and will happen. Don't say the vet is coming to put Dash to sleep. You may find your children are then terrified to fall asleep. 

The vet is coming to take Dash's pain away forever? With special medicine?

Respect your son's feelings and don't let anyone tell him to toughen up, or get over it or, God forbid, act like a man.

I would let the children honour Dash's memory and grieve for as long as they need to, and don't be afraid to cry in front of them or with them.

When/if they start persistently asking about another dog, consider the breed you already know but a different colour and/or sex.

 

The Last Battle

If it should be I grow frail and weak

And pain should wake me from my sleep

Then you must do what must be done

For this last battle can't be won.

You will be sad - I understand -

Don't let your grief then stay your hand.

For this day, more than all the rest,

Your love and friendship must stand the test.

We've had so many happy years

What is to come will hold no fears.

You'd not want me to suffer, so,

When the time comes, please let me go.

Take me where my needs they'll tend,

Only, stay with me until the end.

Hold me firm and speak to me

Until my eyes no longer see.

I know in time you'll come to see

It is a kindness you do for me.

Although my tail its last has waved

From pain and suffering I've been saved.

Do not grieve that it should be you

Who has to decide this thing to do.

We've been so close we two, these years,

Don't let your heart hold any tears.

 

 

 

 

Edited May 28, 2023 by Mairead

[bece]

Thank you all xx

 

I’ve put any plans for a new dog aside for the time being and our focus will just be on Dash. We have a plan in place for what happens when it is time for Dashie to go and we recently got family photos done with him included. He recently got a fancy new collar and name tag so that my 8 year old will have a special keepsake of his best buddy. I’ve said that we’ll all be really sad when Dashie dies, but we can make the time we have with him special. He loves and is loved. We should all be so lucky in our lives 

[Rebanne]

@bece

[Kahn]

Oh I feel this. I like that you have purchased a special new collar. We also wondered about introducing a new puppy when our dogs were approaching the end (as a way to soften the blow) but I'm glad we chose to just focus on our two old dogs.

 

My kids are 7 and 10yrs old. We had 2 Border Collies aged 16yrs. They were both from the same litter. We had to say goodbye twice, once last year in June for our girl dog, and again this year in Feb for our boy. About a year prior we started explaining to our kids that our dogs are getting old. Just getting them used to the idea that they wouldn't be around forever. The kids could see them starting to struggle with mobility, sight and hearing. We started explaining that we wouldn't have them for much longer. We explained that one day we would have to make the hard decision but that we didn't know when.

 

For each dog the date was different, but both times, once we made the decision and appointment, we only told the kids on the day. There was no point them feeling such strong feelings for the days leading up. Both kids chose to be there in our dogs' final moments. It was hard. So many tears for the whole family. Twice in one year. But it was a very peaceful process and as a family we were prepared (as prepared as you can be). We were so lucky to have both of them and for so long.

 

We have a little sample of fur from each, a keepsake photo and frame and we kept their little blankets and collars and got a special border collie cuddle teddy. Every time I walk past I give it a stroke. The kids get teary now and then but I'm glad we were open and honest with them.

 

We are only now talking about getting another dog perhaps in 12-18 months time. I am glad we will be able to focus on a puppy without trying to give due care to our elderly dogs.