How to grieve

[jacks4nik]

Hi. I lost my Jack Russell last week. She was 17 and and to sum up she was just amazing. The best friend I have ever had. Can anyone give me any tips on how to get through the worst time of my life. I live with my mother on a huge property. She lost her Jack Russell about 5 years ago but she is ready for a new Jack and she is coming in a few weeks. Do you think this will help me through the grieving process?

[Scottsmum]

I don't think there is a right or wrong. The pup may or may not help you (but I bet it will).

 

It can be common to feel like you're "betraying" your last dog when a new one comes along (I did. I cried when I adopted my most recent dog, Id had the one before for 15 years). 

 

sorry for your loss. 

[Kirislin]

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Edited May 26, 2017 by Kirislin

[Papillon Kisses]

 

There's no 'how to' with grieving. We all grieve differently with each loss. No two losses are ever the same nor ways to heal.

 

My only advice is to take gentle care of yourself just as you would if you had a physical wound, and don't try to stuff your feelings away. Grief is something you need to go through and process to get to the other side, where it still hurts but is, for the most part, a less raw and jagged pain.

 

I am so sorry for your loss. This new dog will never be a replacement, no dog could ever be and nor would anyone want that, but I hope she will provide some comfort at this difficult time and some smiles too. I think your beloved Jack would want that, for you to heal and be happy.

Edited May 25, 2017 by Papillon Kisses

[gillybob]

Nothing makes you ready for a loss. I lost two dogs in one day 3 years ago. I had one for 19 years, I felt like I would never heal but I did.

Its hard and you do it a day at a time.

[dogbesotted]

This is a poem which to me sum up the having another dog. After my dearly loved Morris passed I swore I would never ever have my heart broken by another dog. I would have the working dogs but never ever a companion dog again.  But t he dog gods had other ideas and along came Jake.. an ex fighting pitbull who taught me that there is always room in ones heart  for another dog and somehow the right one turns up when you least expect it. May this be the case for you.   Hugs and blessing and may the memories forever warm your heart. The Last Will and testament of Silverdene Emblem O'neill  author E, O'Neill.

I, SILVERDENE EMBLEM O'NEILL (familiarly known to my family, friends, and acquaintances as Blemie), because the burden of my years and infirmities is heavy upon me, and I realize the end of my life is near, do hereby bury my last will and testament in the mind of my Master. He will not know it is there until after I am dead. Then, remembering me in his loneliness, he will suddenly know of this testament, and I ask him then to inscribe it as a memorial to me. I have little in the way of material things to leave. Dogs are wiser than men. They do not set great store upon things. They do not waste their days hoarding property. They do not ruin their sleep worrying about how to keep the objects they have, and to obtain the objects they have not. There is nothing of value I have to bequeath except my love and my faith. These I leave to all those who have loved me, to my Master and Mistress, who I know will mourn me most, to Freeman who has been so good to me, to Cyn and Roy and Willie and Naomi and -- But if I should list all those who have loved me, it would force my Master to write a book. Perhaps it is vain of me to boast when I am so near death, which returns all beasts and vanities to dust, but I have always been an extremely lovable dog. I ask my Master and Mistress to remember me always, but not to grieve for me too long. In my life I have tried to be a comfort to them in time of sorrow, and a reason for added joy in their happiness. It is painful for me to think that even in death I should cause them pain. Let them remember that while no dog has ever had a happier life (and this I owe to their love and care for me), now that I have grown blind and deaf and lame, and even my sense of smell fails me so that a rabbit could be right under my nose and I might not know, my pride has sunk to a sick, bewildered humiliation. I feel life is taunting me with having over-lingered my welcome. It is time I said good-bye, before I become too sick a burden on myself and on those who love me. It will be sorrow to leave them, but not a sorrow to die. Dogs do not fear death as men do. We accept it as part of life, not as something alien and terrible which destroys life. What may come after death, who knows? I would like to believe with those of my fellow Dalmatians who are devout Mohammedans, that there is a Paradise where one is always young and full-bladdered; where all the day one dillies and dallies with an amorous multitude of houris, beautifully spotted; where jack rabbits that run fast but not too fast (like the houris) are as the sands of the desert; where each blissful hour is mealtime; where in long evenings there are a million fireplaces with logs forever burning, and one curls oneself up and blinks into the flames and nods and dreams, remembering the old brave days on earth, and the love of one's Master and Mistress. I am afraid this is too much for even such a dog as I am to expect. But peace, at least, is certain. Peace and long rest for weary old heart and head and limbs, and eternal sleep in the earth I have loved so well. Perhaps, after all, this is best. One last request I earnestly make. I have heard my Mistress say, "When Blemie dies we must never have another dog. I love him so much I could never love another one." Now I would ask her, for love of me, to have another. It would be a poor tribute to my memory never to have a dog again. What I would like to feel is that, having once had me in the family, now she cannot live without a dog! I have never had a narrow jealous spirit. I have always held that most dogs are good (and one cat, the black one I have permitted to share the living room rug during the evenings, whose affection I have tolerated in a kindly spirit, and in rare sentimental moods, even reciprocated a trifle). Some dogs, of course, are better than others. Dalmatians, naturally, as everyone knows, are best. So I suggest a Dalmatian as my successor. He can hardly be as well bred or as well mannered or as distinguished and handsome as I was in my prime. My Master and Mistress must not ask the impossible. But he will do his best, I am sure, and even his inevitable defects will help by comparison to keep my memory green. To him I bequeath my collar and leash and my overcoat and raincoat, made to order in 1929 at Hermes in Paris. He can never wear them with the distinction I did, walking around the Place Vendôme, or later along Park Avenue, all eyes fixed on me in admiration; but again I am sure he will do his utmost not to appear a mere gauche provincial dog. Here on the ranch, he may prove himself quite worthy of comparison, in some respects. He will, I presume, come closer to jack rabbits than I have been able to in recent years. And for all his faults, I hereby wish him the happiness I know will be his in my old home. One last word of farewell, Dear Master and Mistress. Whenever you visit my grave, say to yourselves with regret but also with happiness in your hearts at the remembrance of my long happy life with you: "Here lies one who loved us and whom we loved." No matter how deep my sleep I shall hear you, and not all the power of death can keep my spirit from wagging a grateful tail. Tao House, December 17th, 1940

[Kazm]

I can only suggest to take it one day at a time. Everyone is different. I lost my special girl 6 weeks ago and I still have moments every day. She really was special and left us way too soon. ( 9 years old ) We still have a second dog, her daughter, and she certainly helps us. She just seems to know when I need a laugh and will do something silly. I think your mums new pup will definitely help. It will at least take your mind off things occasionally. Just take it easy. Look at photos and speak of her regularly. Take care. I know how you would be feeling. My thoughts are with you. 

[Boronia]

My three died in August last year, some days they don't visit my heart and then some days they all visit at once and I am gutted once again...not crying-gutted, just so sad.

 

Thinking of you

[Tassie]

Definitely different for everyone.   It's good if you can be with people who 'get' what you're feeling.   That's one of the wonderful things about the DOL community .. we all 'get' it, and as you've seen, many of us have had recent losses, some gentle, some traumatic.  Some people find comfort in making a memory book celebrating the lovely memories the dog has left.

 

My lovely 15+ year old retired agility Border Collie girl passed gently 2 weeks ago 6 weeks after being diagnosed with terminal lymphoma.   I am one of those who thinks that getting a new dog is a way of honouring the place the previous dog had in my life, so the Universe (and maybe my dear old Kirra) had already prompted me to organise a new puppy ... for me, and also for my sooky lala 8.5 year old BC boy who has never been an only dog, and who was quite lost for the week after Kirra died.   I can tell you that your Mum's new JRT will bring joy into your lives the way my new puppy has brought joy to me, but more importantly, to my BC boy.      As others have said, a new dog is never a replacement, but a new adventure.

[persephone]

A new pup will certainly provide a lively presence , and someone else to watch/play with and love
Grief is an ever changing thing. 
I have lost many dogs over my life ..my first one, Cleve, was when I was 4 yrs old ! he was my first dog ..a young border collie ..and one day he chased a truck  ( we live in the bush) 
The latest, Molly, left me a month or so ago ...and , although it's almost 60 yrs  since I lost Cleve , and there have been  dogs, cats, horses and others  over the years ... it hurts  badly every single time and the pain stays , ready to be revived every so often .
You will find your way thru ... and this new dog will take your mind into new places  

take care ..be gentle to YOU ...

[benshiva]

There is no way to answer this question.  It's just too personal.  You have to feel what you feel and take one day at a time.  i'm so sorry for your loss