Scottsmum Posted April 15, 2017 Share Posted April 15, 2017 (edited) Edit: He is gone. It was as peaceful and as calm as it could have been. Warning. Long & rambly. So I know only we can make this choice, but im so torn. Its 1am. We've been up since 12. Is it the 6th night this week weve been up with sundowners/ night terrors this week. Im so lost. I keep thinking its time to PTS and wondering if im making a hasty decision and wondering if Im simply keeping him here for me. In the harshest of light he's an old dog of unknown age, with fairly serious anxiety, dementia, a bad back & no hearing. This month (well Easter time) is the anniversary of when the ccd symptoms really showed themselves. And to be perfectly honest im close to my upper financial limits - he's costing me a fortune - all of my disposable income & then some. But then i feel terrible for adding money into the decision process Also ...coming into winter. Some nights he refuses to wee at bed time, then gets me up at 12 or 2 - then forgets why he's outside & i have to walk him around the yard til he goes.. He wont wee for hubby at all- at bed time or during the night I have not discussed this with a vet, as ive mentioned here before my "primary care givers" are not so .... familiar with us. A lot of you guys would "know" him & me better. I think I've made my decision - but im so beside myself with doubt & guilt. When Guin went it was the easiest decision i have ever made in my life. It was the right time. She was so ready & ive never once questioned the timing. But despite the fact she'd been with me 15 years .... this little hoodlum at 3.5ish years is my heart dog. Again, part of me is waiting for that same feeling i had with Guin, another part isn't sure we will get it or can wait for it. I'm utterly torn & my heart is breaking. Edited April 16, 2017 by Scottsmum 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
harley Posted April 15, 2017 Share Posted April 15, 2017 So sorry to read this scottsmum, he's such a beautiful boy. It is such a difficult decision, one that I made recently. For me I went with quality of life, there was no dementia involved, just a 'broken' body. I too was up 2-3 times a night in the final 6 weeks and it was exhausting. But we do what we have to do and what we are able to do. Please don't feel guilty, you are the ones experiencing this and you need to be able to manage both physically and financially. Hugs to you and I am sending you strength at this challenging time. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tdierikx Posted April 15, 2017 Share Posted April 15, 2017 6 hours ago, Scottsmum said: In the harshest of light he's an old dog of unknown age, with fairly serious anxiety, dementia, a bad back & no hearing. This month (well Easter time) is the anniversary of when the ccd symptoms really showed themselves. 6 hours ago, Scottsmum said: I think I've made my decision - but im so beside myself with doubt & guilt. 6 hours ago, Scottsmum said: this little hoodlum at 3.5ish years is my heart dog The fact that you are thinking it is his time shows your great love for your "little hoodlum"... go with your heart and know that your decision is the right one whatever that decision may be. There is no guilt attached to taking away what is making his life harder... giving him peace is a gift from the heart. Whatever you decide in the coming days, weeks, months, know that we here understand what you are going through, and fully support you... Sending you massive virtual hugs... T. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scottsmum Posted April 15, 2017 Author Share Posted April 15, 2017 Thanks guys. @harley I think "just a broken body" is easier to deal with (in my experience). Hugs to you. I know loosing H was super hard on you. Thanks to you too @tdierikx. It's not guilt as such. I do really believe euthanasia is one of the kindest gifts we can give our pets when its time. It's doubt & a broken heart at the thought of not having him around anymore. Its 8.30 here & he's still pacing. "The boys" have gone for a second morning walk to try & snap him out of it. thanks again guys 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tdierikx Posted April 15, 2017 Share Posted April 15, 2017 I think that the fact you are thinking it may be time means that you are actually putting his needs before your own... it breaks your heart, but you know that he'll be at peace when the time comes. If/when you have to say goodbye, he will know that you do so with so much love and a broken heart... but he will always live forever in the beautiful memories he will have given you over the years you have shared your lives together... and those memories will be a source of smiles, not tears, OK? T. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mackiemad Posted April 15, 2017 Share Posted April 15, 2017 I always go with the theory that it is in their best interests to euthanise when 50% of their time is spent without the quality of life they deserve. You love him fiercely, that much is evident. So if you are thinking it is in his best interests to go now rather than a continued decline in quality of life then it is the right time. The great thing is when it isn't just physical concerns is you can make his last few days/weeks as amazing as possible. The one pet who I don't look back on and wish for more time was my Burmese cat with dementia. They physically broken ones I feel they were more robbed of time. He's had an amazing 3.5 years with you and you couldn't have loved him more or made his life any better. The financial argument may just be a way of trying to convince yourself that it's time, in any case, it can be a determining factor of quality of life. Letting go is never easy and always sucks xoxo 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
persephone Posted April 15, 2017 Share Posted April 15, 2017 Ohhhh, I am so, so sorry ... I am a firm believer in not waiting ... our dogs just live minute-to-minute .. and he has had many vet visits .One more won't worry him . he has had a wonderful time with you ..and you have given him every opportunity to enjoy his time 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scottsmum Posted April 16, 2017 Author Share Posted April 16, 2017 Thanks all. We leave for the vet in 15 minutes. Im a mess. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teebs Posted April 16, 2017 Share Posted April 16, 2017 Im so sorry 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scottsmum Posted April 16, 2017 Author Share Posted April 16, 2017 Thanks Teebs. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Spotted Devil Posted April 16, 2017 Share Posted April 16, 2017 So so sorry @Scottsmum. It's the toughest decision to make. After going through this several times I can only say that I strongly believe that it's better a week too early than a day too late. Hugs to you 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mjosa Posted April 16, 2017 Share Posted April 16, 2017 So so sorry for you the way that you are feeling at this moment, but I too have lost a beautiful boy to dementia in 2013, it is just so hard to say goodbye, but now, although I miss him dearly, I think of all the wonderful times we spent together and some of the memories allow me to smile and say " thank you Finn for all the laughs, love and special moments that we have spent together. Be easy on yourself. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Papillon Kisses Posted April 16, 2017 Share Posted April 16, 2017 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mackiemad Posted April 16, 2017 Share Posted April 16, 2017 Thinking of you sm <3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scottsmum Posted April 16, 2017 Author Share Posted April 16, 2017 He is gone. I held him in my arms as he drifted into the best sleep he'll ever have. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
persephone Posted April 16, 2017 Share Posted April 16, 2017 (edited) 9 minutes ago, Scottsmum said: He is gone. I held him in my arms as he drifted into the best sleep he'll ever have. Ahhh. Sleep peacefully Scottie boy. Your Mum loves you so much. Edited April 16, 2017 by persephone 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mackiemad Posted April 16, 2017 Share Posted April 16, 2017 He was so loved. Be kind to yourself sm, you gave him the best of life and the best of ending - there's no greater gift or show of respect 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CHA Posted April 16, 2017 Share Posted April 16, 2017 Aw so sorry Best wishes scottsmum I share your sorrow xxx 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loving my Oldies Posted April 16, 2017 Share Posted April 16, 2017 Deepest condolences, Scottsmum. You were both blessed with each other, so loved and cared for. Even when it could not be more obvious that the time has come to send our dogs to the “best sleep they’ll ever have” it is just so difficult and heartbreaking. Take care of yourself at this sad and bereft time. Scottie was a great little dog and could not have had a better mum. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
harley Posted April 16, 2017 Share Posted April 16, 2017 I'm so sorry SM 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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