What Is So Broken In People That Causes Us To

[Rebanne]

https://heartofphoenix.org/2016/12/31/what-is-so-broken-in-people-that-causes-us-to-often-hold-onto-suffering-animals-for-too-long/

One of the biggest challenges of animal stewardship is to let them go when their quality of life diminishes. It can diminish with age, disease, injury or lack of adoption if they are living in poor quality conditions while they wait.

It is NEVER when we want to accept it has diminished.

Our pets and companion animals do not dream about tomorrow. I think most of us know better than that. They live in the here, the now. They try to survive because biology begs them to do so from a time when their species’ or ancestors’ survival meant they limped along regardless of life quality on their own, in the wild. Look into nature now if you have doubts about whether this is true.

Not to diminish the value of the lives of our dogs, cats, horses and so forth, but they do not set goals they work to achieve through their lives. They do not dream of spending their golden years with grandchildren, children or the like. They do not worry about what happens in the afterlife. They do not worry about how we will go on without them. These are reasons people cling even when they suffer, if they do at all.

Our animals live in the yesterday and the today. If the current days are painful, but the people who ‘own’ them or are owned by them keep searching for ways to manage their pain or keep them breathing, the animal is not a beneficiary, usually. Some are entirely unable to see their pets without rose colored glasses when they are chronically ill or so aged they are slipping away slowly, only being held on by a person’s sheer will to never let them go.

Sometimes in rescue, rescuers know better, but the donors and public push them to save the animals at all costs. . .often at the cost of the dignity of the animal. I’ve seen posts about extremely senior animals in questionable body condition having strokes with rescuers saying, “She isn’t ready, yet.” But some of us know better. Sadly, this type of story resonates with donors who are commenting and giving without trying to consider what a tragedy is unfolding.

Personally and in rescue, I watch these heart-rending stories take place so often, it breaks my heart and makes me question humanity sometimes because I’ve seen truly inhumane things take place in the name of rescue and “saving.”

Each time I see this, animals pay the price of a person’s wild idealism and lack of fortitude.

We are generally apt to outlive our animals. Being able to make the right call is something we need to decide if we can do early on. This means before we go into rescue, too.

That old saying. . .”Better a day early than a minute too late” could not be more true.

Animals suffer, and in the rescue community, the small amount of resources donated to organizations are spent in unwise ways to save the unsave-able or those that would, if asked, rather not be kept alive given their degree of suffering. . . while animals that could be saved with a great life quality die alone, unloved and unaided. Over and over again. This doesn’t mean to not spend a lot of money to save the obviously savable or even the likely savable. And this isn’t black and white. There is a grey area, and I LEAVE that to you, those that know the animal and the experts in the vet world.

I speak not only of physical health. I speak about mental health, as well. To put an animal through years of living in a crate alone hoping someone will some day come to adopt, to put them through months of painful recovery with a small chance recovery will ever come offering good life quality. . .to limp them along in their old age when their backs and bodies and hearts are failing because WE can’t let go. . .these are injustices. These are about human weakness, and we need to ask ourselves why we do it. Why? It would tell us a lot about who we are, really. We probably need to know why.

Animals depend on us to make the hard choices they are powerless to make for themselves. How can we make smart, decent and kind choices for humanity if we can’t do so for our pets or our rescued creatures? Of course, some say let nature take its course in these cases, but I think we know that isn’t kind, if we are fair. If we don’t see that, it is a whole other debate for another time.

We know factually that many chronically ill humans and elderly humans beg to just be let go and while this isn’t about human choice in that matter, we are aware that even with the weight of the afterlife on their minds, the heaviness of their dreams, their children, their tomorrows on their minds. . .pain and suffering, even when managed, becomes too great in people. How much more it must be for the animals living only in the yesterday and today? How much greater in animals biologically designed for a millennia to hide pain at all costs for self preservation. . .

I think back on a rescue Pyr I loved dearly. Carly began wasting away before my eyes. We tested her for everything our vet recommended. We tried everything as she wasted away and became a shell. I will always feel I waited too long, though some would say I called it too soon. I know better. The vet said we could open her up and search more, and I looked at her body that had shed 40lbs in a month, and I said, “No.” It was enough. She didn’t know what was happening. She was scared. Someone who was weak might not have been able to see it, but I knew. I could do no more to her. I never had an answer, but I let her go with tears and hugs and kisses galore. I wish I could have been stronger to not worry her with even that show of emotion. It was selfish to worry her in the last moments with tears. She didn’t understand. Some would say I should have kept on and on. . .and that is the crux of the issue. It would have been for me at that point, not her. . . to keep on searching.

Chat Conversation End

While it isn’t entirely black and white, and sometimes your gut says something you need to listen to beyond reason, this isn’t typical. Sometimes it is right and the odds are beat and many years of amazing life quality if achieved, but all I am asking is we really, really pause and ask ourselves is it something in ourselves that is pushing for more days, months or years out of the animal we share our lives with or rescued?

We try very hard, and sometimes we do fail, to be sure that the choices we make at Heart of Phoenix have the animal’s long term interests at and in “our” hearts. We looks for a high quality of life that is lived pain free and the ability to have a life where their environment is healthy, kind and secure.

[westiemum]

Great article Rebanne. Thanks for posting.

If I have one thing I really worry about its that - as I really believe "That old saying. . .”Better a day early than a minute too late” could not be more true". Even though you think you've got it right with me there always seems to be this niggling doubt. In my case I still wonder if I got it right for Mac after getting it really wrong (two days too late) a few years before with a beloved cat. (Incidentally Mum actually called it better than I did that time, so now I listen to her much more closely).

Even with the best intentions and will in the world its so hard to get it right, particularly if its a decision you only make rarely. Two vets said I got it right for Mac - yet I still occasionally wonder if I did?? And as Sarebear approaches the end, probably within the next 12 months, I worry about getting it right for her too. As the article says its so grey.

[tdierikx]

Rescue does seem to attract a large number of "if it has a pulse, it must be saved" types... and I sometimes wonder whether some people are in the industry for the animals, or for their own personal "feelgoods".

I've had to make the heart-rending decision for a few rescue animals who were physically healthy, but mentally broken enough to not be adoptable safely. I've held my share of rescue animals while they were given their wings. It's not fair to keep an animal indefinitely who's every day is a torment of emotional issues. It is not fair to keep such an animal indefinitely in the vain hope that some member of the public wants to adopt an animal with severe issues... what normal person really wants to devote years of their lives trying to manage such issues in a pet?

Spending massive amounts of money on diseases and ailments that leave an animal compromised in some way, and needing management for the rest of their lives is also a bugbear of mine. Some "rescuers" seem to thrive on the drama and attention they receive when they put out their pleas for funding help to deal with such issues... and I sometimes wonder about who/what exactly these people are doing it all for... because I don't believe it's for the animals' sake.

It is hard to know exactly when to make that particular call with any animal in your care... and even moreso when it's a beloved family member you have shared your life with for years. Westiemum, you made the right choice at the right time for Mac... no 2 bones about it, OK? And you will get it right for Sarebear when her time comes too... *hugs*

T.

[persephone]

This is so true . Thanks for sharing .

[pirate]

I dont get were this everything must be saved mentality came from, if you breed dogs and mention culling your the worst person in the world. Today a video came through on facebook showing a puppy with no front legs dragging itself along the ground they were all saying how cute. Sooner or later somebody is going to do crowdfunding to buy it legs. When l was researching liver shunts came across a rescue organization that was prepared to spend 10k plus for a malumute that had a shunt. To me it would have made more sense to let the dog go so they can rescue other healthy dogs

[BarbedWire]

I do think that some rescues spend their limited funds inappropriately and rescue the wrong dogs. Sometimes an old or crippled dog makes people want to save it because it is clearly in need. Sometimes it is also the very frightened dog that doesn't trust anyone that appeals to people because 'Poor thing. It is so scared. It must have been ill-treated.' I hate it when a healthy young, but maybe ugly?? dog doesn't make it. But I am not in a position to comment really because I can't help anything.

Edited January 6, 2017 by sarsplodicus

[Rebanne]

I think this applies to everyone. I have seen DOler's on here that I wanted to shake and say can't you see what you are doing? I have seen rescuer's that I also want to shake. I've PTS because of broken bodies and once because of a broken mind. I never worry that I went too early because animals don't understand the concept of time, I regret the one I went too late on.

[The Spotted Devil]

When making decisions about my own animals I'm more of the opinion that it's "better a week too early than a day too late". I think it's a very complex issue. Vets will never tell you it's time. And people often look for that reassurance from someone they trust. Rescue is a whole other story.

[sparkycat]

I have a wonderful vet who will actually say "it's time" and I have also given mentally distressed animals their wings as well as physically injured.

I don't want to turn this into an RSPCA bashing but I do get annoyed when they spend $$$$$ on treating one badly injured animal while at the same time PTS many healthy ones.

[westiemum]

When making decisions about my own animals I'm more of the opinion that it's "better a week too early than a day too late". I think it's a very complex issue. Vets will never tell you it's time. And people often look for that reassurance from someone they trust. Rescue is a whole other story.

Yep spot on TSD. While vets often won't tell you directly you can usually tell. And IMO thats part of what I pay them for - to help with these incredibly important decisions. I took Mac to two practices (one my emergency vet and one my regular vet who both knew Mac very well over many years), a day or two before he died to say goodbye. And they both were kind enough to clearly validate my decision for which I'm so grateful - but in my sad moments I still wonder if I got it right... You are judging quality of life and thats subjective - and I never want to make the mistake again that I made with my cat George. So I'll always now try and err on the side of going a little early than even a day too late. I owe it to my beautiful companions. And I actually don't really see that rescue is any different (except their greater responsibility to the broader community to rehome only physically and mentally healthy animals).

[westiemum]

I have a wonderful vet who will actually say "it's time" and I have also given mentally distressed animals their wings as well as physically injured.

I don't want to turn this into an RSPCA bashing but I do get annoyed when they spend $$$ on treating one badly injured animal while at the same time PTS many healthy ones.

Yep so do I sparkycat. When the RSPCA post on FB asking for funds to help animals in their care I think "WTF"? Where does all the millions and millions of dollars they raise from a gullible public go each year and what are their in-house vets doing if they have to fund-raise for specific aniimals? Something smells big time.

[Starkehre]

I too am not one to let animals go on in pain or with obvious lack of quality of life. I would never keep them here for myself. It's not something I struggle with.

However, I don't see those that do as being broken as such. Over the years I have seen this in a lot of people and my experience tells me that these people are one or more of the following things... young, have not had to deal with much or any death, scared of how they will cope after "killing" their pet, scared of how they will cope missing their pet, not comfortable with being present in death but feel guilty not being present, struggle to deal with such a big decision, don't understand how animals live in the present.

Having euthed many dogs, cats, horses and smallies over the years, sadly it does seem to get a bit easier. Not in the sense that I don't feel the pain and loss, but in that I know I have coped before and therefore I will cope again. I do think experience and age has a lot to do with it.

[Paul777]

I've also questioned a rescue acquaintance about the attitude to spend huge resources when the poor animal is in pain & often beyond help. Where those resources could be better spent on younger dogs with good prospects. It's misguided in my opinion. Sad shit happens, it's called life.

When my 50kg beautiful boy was around 13.5yo, the vet had the 'we have to think of what's right for him' talk, I was so choked up that I couldn't speak.

Ponti wasn't sick or in obvious pain, he was just very old. I couldn't do it. He passed peacefully at my side several months later & I think of him every day with a smile.

I'm in pain everyday, I have my good days, I have my bad days, but even on a bad day I don't wish for death, I'm still enjoying life despite the pain.

And that's how I see it with my boy. Looking back, if he was in pain & no longer enjoying life, not eating his tucker, no longer smiling, then I'd have known that that was the time to call the vet.

My thoughts are with those who are facing this decision, it's never easy.

[stellnme]

Thanks for posting this, Rebanne. It's very timely for me as I had to make that decision on 21st December for my elderly, lovely little dog. That wasn't my first rodeo but by far the worst. I've had to step up for previous family dogs and cats, plus a little rescue dog that I thought I could rehabilitate but unfortunately I couldn't and although she had 9 months of good care with me, I couldn't fix what was wrong with her.

I don't quite agree about not spending money on animals with problems - many ailments are fixable, or at least treatable and can give great quality of life. A cataract operation can give an animal back some sight, we can help with medications for incontinence, heart and kidney problems and surgery for mammary tumours can certainly give a dog many more years of pain free living. Limbs can be amputated with the dog or cat still able to lead pretty normal lives. It's up to each rescue to decide their boundaries and ethics. But, there are times to call time and this is where I agree with the link posted.

I'm feeling that horrible guilt that perhaps I could have done more although I know that is not rational - no one could have done more, cared more, loved more for Stella than me. Her time had come and I, like so many of us on these threads, had to do the hard yards and say enough for her. It hurts more than I can say but to keep her alive for just a little more time wasn't in her best interests. My wonderful vet didn't question when I made the decision, but after going to that vet surgery for all of Stella's almost 16 years, she gave me credit for knowing it was time.

The words in the link made me teary but I'm glad you posted it - it's helped me a lot.

[teekay]

Another one here who is grateful for you posting this Rebanne. Save me typing this all out again here is a copy and paste of what I have put on my Facebook page, sharing this article:

This is an interesting article around the decision about when to euthanise our beloved pets. I will admit sometimes I have wondered if we let our gorgeous lab, Holly, go too soon. She had been going downhill for a while and we had decided the time was right, and then that morning she appeared a little brighter. The vet had told us whatever she had, we never did find out what that was, was not going to be curable. It was nerurological and we had done all the tests for anything curable. Vet sad we could do more invasive tests but all you would be getting was a diagnosis not a cure.

When having the difficult conversation with My older son, who was 16 at the time, I remember him saying, "surely, if she was given the choice, Holly would choose to live no matter what the suffering? The will to survive is the number one drive for all animals" This has played on my mind and reading this has helped me come to terms with our decision.

I sit here this morning, with tears in my eyes reading this. I know there will be difficult decisions to be made in he future but I will try and remember this article when the time comes.

Love you always Holly. A better first dog, no one could ever ask for xx

Edited January 6, 2017 by teekay

[Rebanne]

Stellnme and Teekay your posts bought me to tears. Hugs to you both.

[Ruffles]

I never worry that I went too early because animals don't understand the concept of time, I regret the one I went too late on.

Yes this. I don't ever worry that it is too soon. What is too soon? It's just too soon for yourself, your pet doesn't know, because your pet is not on this earth anymore. But being too late - that haunts me.

[persephone]

I never worry that I went too early because animals don't understand the concept of time, I regret the one I went too late on.

Yes this. I don't ever worry that it is too soon. What is too soon? It's just too soon for yourself, your pet doesn't know, because your pet is not on this earth anymore. But being too late - that haunts me.

Perfectly put.

*nods*

[RiverStar-Aura]

I personally don't find it fair labelling those attached to their pets as being "broken" to be honest. Sure, as outsiders it's easy for us to sit back and say, 'hey, you need to put your beloved pet to sleep' when our emotions aren't so deeply invested. I understand completely what the article is trying to say, but unfortunately when it's regarding a loved one, sometimes a logical and rational thought is the last thing on our minds.

In myself I like to think I have the strength to do right by my pets, but I have deep understanding for those who struggle. Sometimes it does anger me to the point of wanting shake these people into seeing that their pet is suffering, but again, as the outsider, it's a no brainer.

[DogsAndTheMob]

I personally don't find it fair labelling those attached to their pets as being "broken" to be honest. Sure, as outsiders it's easy for us to sit back and say, 'hey, you need to put your beloved pet to sleep' when our emotions aren't so deeply invested. I understand completely what the article is trying to say, but unfortunately when it's regarding a loved one, sometimes a logical and rational thought is the last thing on our minds.

In myself I like to think I have the strength to do right by my pets, but I have deep understanding for those who struggle. Sometimes it does anger me to the point of wanting shake these people into seeing that their pet is suffering, but again, as the outsider, it's a no brainer.

I agree. We wouldn't have dogs if we didn't believe we could give them a good life. It's not always obvious when that's no longer the case, but everybody seems eager to voice an opinion.

I've sent dogs over the rainbow bridge earlier than others would have done - my heart-dog most painfully; her degenerative myelopathy was not advanced, but she was terrified of falling.

I've also kept dogs alive, knowing that they had a quality of life that other people didn't recognise. My heart-dog's grand-daughter lived happily with more advanced DM; she learnt to prop her hindquarters against the clothes hoist while she showed a puppy how to dig.

My oodle rescue lived a vibrant life in the world of smell, still able to track me through the paddock long after he lost both sight and hearing.

Too often, I've prolonged my pets' lives against my better judgement, at the urging of vets. I've seen them die harder because of it, when their circulation has become too poor for rapid administration of the final anaesthetic. Most recently, my elderly Birman developed unexpected kidney failure. The vets sent her home, knowing that they'd been unable to get her to eat or drink. After a day of forcibly administering food and water, I returned to the vets. They talked about dialysis, and made me feel cruel when I opted for euthenasia. Her blood pressure was so low that they had to inject the anaesthetic directly into the heart.

People are too ready to judge others for their decisions.

Edited January 6, 2017 by DogsAndTheMob