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Terrible Things Your Dog Is Forced To Endure


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Ernie...

- Cannot come into the kitchen when I'm cooking. So he puts, ever so delicately, ONE PAW over the imaginary line and sighs.

- Cannot jump on the beds. So he blasts out of his crate, races to EVERY BED and jumps once then sits politely With a 'who me?' look on his face.

- Gets a frozen narrow bone every day for his breakfast. He doesn't like it frozen, he likes it warm. So he stares at me every morning in disbelief, takes it, puts it in the sun than humphs himself down and stares at it for two flipping hours till its thawed to his liking. Does. Not. Move.

- Must wait for his dinner. Mournful pleading look every damn time. Wait time? About 30 secs.

- Must get fed at 6pm. If we are late with our dinner, he attempts to hurry us along by going into his lounge room crate and sighing at regular intervals until we are finished eating and he knows his dinner is in the way. He's not impressed if our timing is off.

- He gets an hour to two hour ramble with me every morning but Sunday and he's fine. But after his ramble, he's out in the back garden while I catch up on housework? Is he chasing bunnies? No. Is he seeing off the bush turkeys? No. Is he racing around our 800sq metre grassy yard with trees and bushes and things to sniff and explore? No. He's plonked, long suffering look on his face, at the back door until he can come back in. To sleep and do nothing. I swear, he's got the mental processes of an old age pensioner.

- Can only poo in one spot in the garden. And that spot must be clear of previous poos or I get the most unbelievable look of hurt and bewilderment.

- MUST MUST go to bed at 9.30. Maude forbid there's a show that we want to stay up later for. He begins his telepathic stare at 9.20 and I have to pile cushions in front of my face to block him out, and he maneuvers himself every damn time so I can see his eyes. Staring. Willing me to go to bed.

- Has to have a chat with me once he's IN his bed and can see me. Should I not respond to his noises, he starts throwing his toys around until I show him what I'm watching on Netflix and tell him how utterly special he is and how he is a king amongst dogs.

Honestly, what goes on in that dogs brain is anyone's guess. And he does get treated like a dog, he's from a show kennel where I don't think he had a lot of one on one contact with people but I swear he reckons he's just as entitled as the two divas. What's the equivalent of a diva? Coz that's him.

Edited by Stressmagnet
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Poor Bosco was not allowed to lie in the muddy puddle or eat horse poo today :( And then tonight he was only allowed to sit on my lap for 10 minutes ( he is a 44kg Borzoi with heaps of boney bits )

Poor Jaana was not allowed to eat cat poo and has to stay inside tonight because of the storm.

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Cedro isn't allowed to go out in the rain, he loves the rain especially when it comes with wind. He likes to sit out there with his ears blowing in the wind like a super model.

Gilly goes under the doona around May, dog forbid if another dog doesn't recognise his bump under the doona. Its like a crazy toothy clawry thing is erupting from under there, terrifies poor Cedro, when he climbs on the bed he tip toes along the edge, giving Gilly lots of room!

Anna just goes urumph and goes back to sleep.

All three take it in turns to look at me around 10 to 5, then on woods until 5, after 5 which IS feed time, the looks get worse and worse. To downright sorrowfull. Sometimes the butcher is late and their food doesn't get here until 6 and they are reaching a starvation point.

They are all on one lounge putting up with each other because is cosy near the fire at the moment.

But I know if I let them out, Cedro and Anna would dissapear following a scent.

Gilly isn't silly he stays were its warm.

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Dozer has to endure sleeping in his crate until morning, at which point he lets us know he is clearly freezing to death (in his covered crate with a mink blanket) and is let out. He then immediately jumps up on the bed and waits for me to lift my mink blanket so he can hibernate until mid morning.

And I must be starving him if his dinner bowl isn't picked up exactly at 5pm LOL poor guy then has to wait to be released to eat his dinner. The drool is astonishing!

There are very little breakfast theatrics, dinner time must be the highlight of the day!

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What is it about sleeping that leads to a dog needing to lick their bits? Tempeh is also guilty of this. Is it like when we need to wash our faces as soon as we wake up? As soon as the sun starts rising that all too familiar sound wakes me and I look over to see a leg stuck in the air and I know a bed bathing session is in progress. I tend to roll over and stick a pillow over my head because if I stop her she is like a spider weaving a web and must start all over again. I wish I could teach her to use a wet one!

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Dozer has to endure sleeping in his crate until morning, at which point he lets us know he is clearly freezing to death (in his covered crate with a mink blanket) and is let out. He then immediately jumps up on the bed and waits for me to lift my mink blanket so he can hibernate until mid morning.

And I must be starving him if his dinner bowl isn't picked up exactly at 5pm LOL poor guy then has to wait to be released to eat his dinner. The drool is astonishing!

There are very little breakfast theatrics, dinner time must be the highlight of the day!

Stan demands a chicken wing at 11am. He starts barking in my face about 10 to 11, you could set your watch by him. He doesn't care where we are either, we were at a cafe with Doler Beltar when he started to get a bit antsy and then the barking started. I asked Beltar the time and she said 11am. He was like a bratty child that was stomping his feet in public demanding his chicken wing and then when he realised I don't actually carry chicken wings around with me he was staring longingly at the waitress every time she walked past just in case SHE might have a chicken wing. The couple behind us said "oh isn't he funny" and I was like "yeah...hilarious" :laugh:

We have a repeat performance of that for dinner which starts about 3.30pm, food is the highlight of Stan's life!

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Haha Jake wasn't allowed to eat until commanded....so he refused to eat out a bowl. Now he has me trained to make him do tricks until his food is gone.

He has a licking bits room, jumps off the bed, clickty clacks down the passage and licks his bits on the shag rug in the spare room. Poor darling Had to endure having a guest in his licking room this week and had to lick his bits in the freezing passage. Very loudly.

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You can set your watch by Sarah at bedtime. She takes herself off to bed at 9.30 pm sharp. And if I don't go as well, she re-appears 15 to 30 minutes later stands in front of me and stares at me as if she has her hands on her hips and says 'Well are YOU coming'?? She gets quite agitated!! And its really very funny!!

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Zeph is so starved that he has to beg for food on a regular basis

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Dee has the worst sleeping arrangements, not enough cushions apparently

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There is only one bed in the office, so they have to share, but Zeph won't move, so Dee has to sit on him

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Ours love to pre-rinse the things that go into the recycle bin, but they keep a couple of containers to bring to you so that you can put a treat into it.

It is a great way to teach "fetch" "hold" and "give". However, it has turned into a not so subtle way of Zeph communicating that it is dinner time. He turns the simplest, most innocent action into a weapon of evil.

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