If You're Having A Baby, Don't Get A Dog

[Jemmy]

Article

I saw this article linked on facebook today, it made my heart hurt. I'm not sure what the etiquette is on opinion pieces in the news section, so I hope this is ok!

When I first met Velvel, he was peeking out from a cardboard box in the back seat of my boyfriend's Saturn wagon. I was just back from a weekend away, and John had come to pick me up from the train station with the best surprise a man can give to a woman he loves: a puppy.

A puppy! Man, I loved this puppy. A border collie-American Eskimo mix (basically a shrunken border collie, but cuter), we named him after my dad's Hebrew name, which is actually Yiddish and means "wolf," though we didn't know that at the time. He just looked like a "Velvel." You know what I mean. (We get a lot of: "Volvo?" No. "Vulva?" No. Do you think we'd name our dog Vulva? It's VEL-VEL.)

Velvel quickly became the center of our lives. Weekends consisted of taking him to the dog run or the dog beach or the dog park. I developed a very specific, high-pitched, raunchy voice for Velvel, because he had a lot to say. Remember when there was that big dog food scare? We freaked and started spending Sundays cooking huge batches of homemade dog food that filled our apartment with the disgusting aroma of chicken livers, broccoli, and bone meal.

Velvel watched TV on the couch with us every night and slept on our bed. Sometimes I let him sit in the front passenger seat of the car and I took the back. We had a multistep system for brushing him out, which we did regularly and with discipline. We gossiped about the other dogs in our neighborhood and marveled at what a better and cuter and smarter dog Velvel was compared to them.

Then I got pregnant. Actually, pregnancy was fine. I still loved Velvel when I was pregnant. The night before I was to be induced, I thought more about how bringing a baby home was going to impact Velvel's life than my own. "This is going to be very hard for him," I told John. We'd have to be sensitive to his needs, we agreed. After the baby was born, we did exactly what "they" say to do: John took the newborn hat from the hospital for Velvel to smell, to prepare him for the tiny human heading his way. That was probably the last nice thing we ever did for him.

A friend of mine once told me that before he had a kid, he would have run into a burning building to save his cats. Now that he has a kid, he would happily drown the cats in the bathtub if it would help his son take a longer nap. Here is how I feel about that statement: Velvel, avoid the bathroom.

It's not that I don't love my dog. It's just that I don't love my dog. And I am not alone. A very nonscientific survey of almost everyone I know who had a dog and then had kids now wishes they had never got the dog. This is a near universal truth, even for parents with just one child, though I have more.

Here is a regular sequence of events at my house: I pick the baby up and he pukes on me. I run from the living room to the kitchen with the baby in one arm, trying not to touch his milk-dripping mouth to the left side of my shirt while I grab a paper towel to wipe off the milk-covered right side of my shirt, when I hear the sound of exactly 2,459 tiny Legos crashing to the floor. My middle son has dumped out the Lego bin again. And my eldest (who is now 4) is yelling "ready for wipe!" from the bathroom. I think, "I've got to start trusting that kid to wipe himself," just as the middle son, who is now sitting in a sea of Legos smearing Desitin all over his face, screams: "Velvel threw up!"

Don't get the wrong idea: My life is not boring. There are variations to this lineup. Sometimes Velvel just whines. (I'm no dog whisperer, but this might be because he's not getting any attention.) Other times I take him for a walk - it's such a nice night for a stroll! You actually are a pretty good dog, Vel! - only to have him poop on himself. Like, he poops, and some of that poop gets stuck on his fur. Before we had kids, this was at least an occasion to give him a nice, calming sponge bath. Some warm water, a wash cloth, and soap would do the trick. Now I grab a pair of scissors and hack off a clump of his hair. All clean!

Did I mention he sheds? This is not his fault, exactly. But who else to blame when the new baby is covered in dog hair, or the older kids are making gagging noises while watching Jake and the Never Land Pirates because "there's something in my mouth."

There's also all the other stuff, like having to walk him every day, and the fact that he loves to start a manic barking fit just as one of the kids is about to fall asleep. (We bought one of those collars that shoots "a harmless burst" of citronella at his face every time he barks. It worked for two days.)

Recently I took Velvel for his annual checkup. He's 13, does not get enough (any) exercise, and has gained a fair amount of weight in the past few years, as we've started doling out the dog treats quite liberally because it's the only thing that shuts him up. The vet ran some blood tests and called with the results a few days later. Velvel's liver levels are a little off, she told me, but why don't we try medicine first before discussing other options. The vet delivered the news gently, as if I might start sobbing at any moment. All I could think was, "I can't remember if she said liver or kidney." And then the baby spit up and I had to go.

There are many lessons I've learned from my parents, but one in particular I wish I had followed. They didn't get a dog until my sister and I were grown. They loved him like a dog should be loved until the day he died. He never got less cute to them. I never heard them yell, "GOD WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS UNDER FOOT?" They never regretted him.

I cannot in good conscience tell you every thing I think on the subject of my dog Velvel. Yes, there's more. I can only say this: To all you young couples, thinking, "We should get a dog!" "I love you, let's get a dog!" "We're not ready for kids, but what about a dog?!"- don't get a dog. Or, if you do get a dog, don't have kids.

-Slate.com

By Allison Benedikt

[Kavik]

That is a very sad piece

The first 6 months, maybe the first year after you have a baby is life changing, for some it is hell on earth. I can understand people who are not truly dog fanatics struggling with a dog after they have a baby. Those scenarios do happen - in the short amount of time it took me to do my morning dog training, the kids managed to put toys over every floor surface in the whole house this morning! And when you are sleep deprived and cleaning up poo and spew from a baby, it is hard to then have to clean up after dog accidents.

But for me, the dogs are what get me through every day, they helped me get through PND, I look forward to and cherish my evening dog walks, dog training nights and competition days, as these are my time off from looking after the kids. They are the time to be me.

And now that the kids are getting older, they like to help. Amy loves to help me brush the dogs, and sometimes helps with training.

Let's just say I am planning my next dog, but don't plan on having more kids :laugh:

Edited February 1, 2015 by Kavik

[aliwake]

Wow, how depressing. I sure hope some of you parents who are dog lovers will chime in with how wrong she is and reassure me!!

[Lhok]

If anything having my dog helped me with the total upheaval my life was in the first couple of months as my Missy dog helped me keep myself sane. I was able to get out and enjoy the sun and have some down time away from Bea and this helped me get over my postnatal depression. Yeah she did some annoying things like snore really loudly down a corridor that echoes almost everytime I wanted a nap but the positives she gave me far outweighed the negatives.

--Lhok

[*kirty*]

Wow, what selfish lazy arseholes. When I brought my first child home, we had at least 4 dogs and several cats. When I brought my second home, we had 2 dogs and 4 cats. Now we have a house full of animals and two young kids. I can't stand people who ditch their pets just because they have kids. What a great lesson for the kids. Pieces of crap.

[The Spotted Devil]

So she has to walk him everyday and yet he doesn't get ANY exercise? Which is it?

Poor bloody dog. Of course life gets crazy but a little management and awareness goes a long way.

Edited February 1, 2015 by The Spotted Devil

[Steph M]

She sounds like a horrible person. A horrible cold person.

Did she get bored of her first kid when she had the second, and so on and so forth.

Jesus. That comment about the bathtub made me feel sick.

I'm.off.to hug Gus now. No matter how many kids we do or don't have, he and Rosie will never ever be loved less. Probably more, in fact. Loved by us and our potential future little people.

[Jemmy]

I'm pleased I'm not the only one who found it distressing. Poor dog!

[The Spotted Devil]

And what makes me sad is the dog sounds unwell and in his twilight years. That's when they need us the most.

[CHA]

I hate that lady!!! I think my kids might say my dogs come first and them second then husband.... They all know their place :laugh:

[Dame Aussie]

What an arsehole. Maybe she shouldn't speak for other parents just because she's a piece of shit.

Edited February 1, 2015 by Dame Aussie

[VizslaMomma]

Wow, how depressing. I sure hope some of you parents who are dog lovers will chime in with how wrong she is and reassure me!!

Ask yourself this, aliwake:

Ever felt so miserable you want to scream your head off BUT that sweet dog that lives with you senses you are unhappy? They make an effort to make YOU feel better.

With a companion, a true and loyal friend like that, lots of troubles can be conquered.

I can say to you that all of the dogs I have had the honour of loving and being loved by, thought of me & doing their bit to make me happy.

My Gabor Heart dog would not let paramedics past the door because he feared I was going to be in more danger. I managed to tell Gabor to obey a long forgetten set of commands. He knew his duty and he knew to trust me.

When the human heart, and mind, is willing, adjustments can be made.

I'll look for photos too where friends' dogs are already guarding the new humans without dramas or issues.

[The Spotted Devil]

"With a companion, a true and loyal friend like that, lots of troubles can be conquered."

"When the human heart, and mind, is willing, adjustments can be made."

Beautifully said VM :) x

Edited February 1, 2015 by The Spotted Devil

[cavNrott]

And what makes me sad is the dog sounds unwell and in his twilight years. That's when they need us the most.

Exactly ^. I feel so sorry for that poor old dog. She's not even interested enough to listen to or care about the vet's diagnosis so I doubt these people will provide proper treatment for Velvel. I hate to think what he'll go through before his time comes to cross the bridge.

I hope this woman never ever gets another dog, she doesn't deserve to own any animal let alone a dog whose whole life revolves around interaction with its owner.

I don't get it. How can you love a dog and then just stop loving it because you have a child?

[dotdashdot]

That's a very sad article. I'm four months pregnant, and I know that already I am not the person I was pre-pregnancy but I am and will continue to be 100% devoted to my dogs, that was the deal when I decided to get them. How could you ever resent or complain about that unconditional love?

I'm glad that my family, and my husband's family are also huge dog lovers and we've been raised with dogs ourselves.

[aliwake]

Wow, how depressing. I sure hope some of you parents who are dog lovers will chime in with how wrong she is and reassure me!!

Ask yourself this, aliwake:

Ever felt so miserable you want to scream your head off BUT that sweet dog that lives with you senses you are unhappy? They make an effort to make YOU feel better.

With a companion, a true and loyal friend like that, lots of troubles can be conquered.

I can say to you that all of the dogs I have had the honour of loving and being loved by, thought of me & doing their bit to make me happy.

My Gabor Heart dog would not let paramedics past the door because he feared I was going to be in more danger. I managed to tell Gabor to obey a long forgetten set of commands. He knew his duty and he knew to trust me.

When the human heart, and mind, is willing, adjustments can be made.

I'll look for photos too where friends' dogs are already guarding the new humans without dramas or issues.

Thanks VM, I don't really have doubts, but it is reassuring to hear from those with human babies!

My husband said something the other day about loving our future human child more, and I disagreed! I adore Nix and can't imagine life without him. Plus I have no doubt he'll be an awesome big brother when the time comes :) I'm sure a lot of things will change between now and then, but I highly doubt I'll be loving Nixon any less.

[RiverStar-Aura]

It makes me wonder how someone so crappy at family management even has a family. It sounds like she was struggling with her first child AND Velvel yet she went ahead and added two more children to the mix? I can understand putting a child's needs first but she's basically saying that poor Velvel is the worst thing in her life and I'm struggling to understand how someone can go from such a loving owner to *this*.

You don't just wake up one day and go "oh, I've got a kitten now (example) therefore I'll ignore, bitch and moan about everything else I had first". I actually think this woman is feeling a little bitter towards her sprogs because her life isn't the gold and roses she thought it would be and that she's almost longing for those simple early days of Velvel and the doggy outings.

[CHA]

Sure you don't have as much time for them when the babies are little, but you all adjust and all are richer for having both babies and dogs. I think ALL kids should be brought up with dogs, they learn respect and care for something other than themselves. That lady is so self centred!

[Simply Grand]

It is really sad and she is being so unfair to the poor dog I get that people can't necessarily help how they feel but she has an obligation to her dog to make sure he is looked after properly and given what he needs and if she couldn't or wasn't willing to that after she had kids she should have found home who would look after him and love him

She also tells everyone else that they shouldn't get a dog if they ever want kids, or if they must have a dog they shouldn't have kids (seriously, how stupid) but she stopped caring about the dog after the first baby and went on to have 2 more, proceeding to give herself even less time for the dog so she's pretty hypocritical saying that.

AND it's not even like she's just ignorant and doesn't realise that the dog is suffering, she knows it and still does nothing to change it. That's horrible.

Edited February 1, 2015 by Simply Grand

[Simply Grand]

It makes me wonder how someone so crappy at family management even has a family. It sounds like she was struggling with her first child AND Velvel yet she went ahead and added two more children to the mix? I can understand putting a child's needs first but she's basically saying that poor Velvel is the worst thing in her life and I'm struggling to understand how someone can go from such a loving owner to *this*.

You don't just wake up one day and go "oh, I've got a kitten now (example) therefore I'll ignore, bitch and moan about everything else I had first". I actually think this woman is feeling a little bitter towards her sprogs because her life isn't the gold and roses she thought it would be and that she's almost longing for those simple early days of Velvel and the doggy outings.

Yes!