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My Beautiful Girls: Maddie 2000-2013 And Kc 2002-2013


CaseyKay
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It has been almost two weeks since my girls left me. It is a week today since their ashes were ready to be picked up. I tried all this past week to go and pick them up myself but I just couldn't. My husband Simon went and picked them up today so they are home again with Mr Toby our beloved fluffy cat who died in late 2005 aged 20, and taught them as puppies that you don't mess with cats. I wrote a letter for Simon to give to the vets.

I have a lot of competitions coming up with Gael but I haven't been able to do any more than go on long walks with her and Scout. Last weekend she and I went to a field trial a few hundred km south of where we lived and watched Simon and Scout compete. It wasn't too hard as Gael was actually the only border collie there but I had a few hugs with some old grey-faced gundogs. Funny how I think of Madd and I just smile. I feel she is at peace and she is happy. We went to a cafe by the beach near the field trial one evening and there were a lot of seagulls. Maddie always loved chasing seagulls. I asked Simon which one did he think Maddie was and he said the one who is up the highest and flying the fastest just for the thrill of it.

My favourite walk with Maddie, KC and Gael was beside the river in the big reserve behind our suburb. We never take Scout-the-Brittany on this river walk as she runs too far and too fast and ruins the peace I have always found there. The walk finishes in a little pine forest before we turn back for home. Here, every walk without fail KC would chose a pine cone to carry home. It had to be the Right Sort of pine cone, and she would choose and discard several. She would drop it at my feet and dance her feet up and down, and I would throw it for her most of the way back. She chased and pounced on it. She growled and woofed and bit at it. She made me smile every time, she had such a huge quirky personality. Gael and I haven't been back on the river walk, it will take some time...it makes me sad to think of all those pine cones and no one to choose them.

I think maybe Anne will understand because of Monte who had epilepsy too, but it has hurt so much to lose KC. I looked after her all her life and worried about her. Not even Simon would take KC for a walk, she was my heart alone. I find her Pb pills for her epilepsy everywhere. I kept packets all over the place in case I needed some. I had said to people in the last few years that I never expected KC to last this many years and I was so happy she got to grow old and grey and that I understood every day was a gift. That I would accept when she left that I had had more time than I ever hoped for. But I can't, it is so unfair and it is so hard to let her go.

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Memories are precious and you've shared so many with your girls.

I think maybe Anne will understand because of Monte who had epilepsy too, but it has hurt so much to lose KC. I looked after her all her life and worried about her. Not even Simon would take KC for a walk, she was my heart alone. I find her Pb pills for her epilepsy everywhere. I kept packets all over the place in case I needed some. I had said to people in the last few years that I never expected KC to last this many years and I was so happy she got to grow old and grey and that I understood every day was a gift. That I would accept when she left that I had had more time than I ever hoped for. But I can't, it is so unfair and it is so hard to let her go.

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:cry:

This could be me writing, word for word.

I also often said I never expected Monte would grow old. He even began to go grey around his muzzle in the last year and he looked so cute.

It's been 6 months now and I miss him terribly still. He was, and will always be, my heart dog.

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