What To Do?

[persephone]

It's hard, and ideally , should never come to this, but sometimes it just doesn't 'click' ....

The boarding thing confuses me .....and will probably also confuse the dogs

Perhaps rehome both , as there is a lot of 'baggage' to be sorted through between you and your husband , it seems , until you can both choose a dog who will not be seen as a replacement /substitute ?

I am sorry you are having to work so hard at sorting it all out , and hope that it resolves happily .

[katetk]

Yes the boarding thing could be confusing.

I think rehoming isobel is the way to go. However something Showdog said has stuck. New dogs come with new beginnings and I accept that, it is not fair on Hugo to be compared or seen as a substitute and really he isn't, but perhaps indirectly has been. This has to be stopped.

such a crap situation, although it would seem others have been in the same boat too.

[Rosetta]

I think deep down you really want to re-home the dogs and are looking for some reassurance that you are not a bad person for doing it. And that is OK - it is perfectly reasonable to rehome a dog. As someone else said the most important thing is to rehome responsibly. Best do it now rather than agonise over it for too long.The dogs will settle and may be all the more happier and perhaps you then need to have a break before bringing another dog into the family. Killing your guinea pig is very sad and has obviously brought things to a head.

ETA - I don't think boarding the dogs would achieve anything.

Edited May 22, 2013 by Rosetta

[Staff'n'Toller]

Perhaps it is the time in your life where guinea pigs are the appropriate pets and not dogs?

They are showing relatively normal terrier behaviour re the GP's so if you were to consider another dog in the distant future perhaps look at some other breeds.

[tdierikx]

I've sent a message to a wonderful lady up your way who may be able to suggest a couple of rescues you could contact to assist with rehoming... she should be by here soon...

Most importantly, don't beat yourself up over this - you are doing this not only for yourselves, but for the dogs too... you obviously care what's best for them long term.

T.

[espinay2]

The thing you have to remembr about Hugo is that he is..... what... a bit over 12 months old? At this age I kind of expect destruction and frustration.

Any new dog in the future with have to go through the same.

They won't be Harvey, because not only are they not Harvey, but they are also not a 9 year old dog.

Now Isobel, perhaps look to rehoming her if you really feel you haven't clicked with her and she would perhaps be better elsewhere.

But when thinking about the same for Hugo, perhaps also consider that what Hugo needs is time to grow up?

Edited May 22, 2013 by espinay2

[Wobbly]

Just some thoughts, maybe useful maybe not.

I had a bit of trouble bonding with my dog when I first got her because she was insane (really hyper, adolescent, no impulse control or socialisation). It took me a while to come to terms with her. Now though, 5 years later, I love her beyond imagining and I can I see that all those things that were so difficult to manage for me at first (her massive drive & ridiculous excess energy) are now the things I love and appreciate most of all about her. I am learning how to make that work for me, not against me. Nut case dogs are the most motivated, it can be hard to figure out how to tap that, but when you do it's amazingly awesome, they are the best dogs, but it does takes some education to get the best from them, it's quite counter intuitive at first. I'd say it took me at least a year to really learn to manage my dog, and thus to bond deeply with her.

The more difficult dogs can really change your life in great ways... Today I learned one of my favourite dog trainers in the whole world (Denise Fenzi) is doing seminars in Australia in a few months - I am over the moon with excitement (about 52 or so sleeps to go...) If I had an "easy" dog, who just slotted in naturally to my life, with no issues, I would never know who Denise Fenzi was, since wouldn't have needed to find out. Now that I've had to find resources like this, and really value them, her seminars here are about the most exciting news I could possibly imagine. It'll be like Xmas in July. XD

It does sometimes really pay to give them a good chance IMO, I'm really, really glad I persevered with my dog. She was horrible, now she's awesome. And I learnt a hell of a lot of really awesome stuff in making that transition for us.

I'd be inclined to give Hugo a chance myself. So glad I did for my dog anyhow. Just a different perspective, maybe worth your consideration?

I would absolutely expect a guinea pig to be eaten in my home. Dogs never got the memo that they don't have to keep their owners house vermin free anymore. Their just doing what humans bred them to do there, can't blame a dog for being a dog.

Isobel - IMO rehome. It's not an emergency, you have the time up your sleeve to interview loads of prospective new owners. If you genuinely don't trust her with your kids, it may even be best to put her down. Tough decision, lots wouldn't agree, but generally I think it's better to euth a dog who you don't trust (especially with kids, they will push a dog's buttons) rather than rehome.

Edited May 22, 2013 by Wobbly

[Missymoo]

ok coming from a cairn person...there are some you just cant gel with..I bred a girl which I ran on to show and we clash big time...I cannot like her at all...

They are all so different in personality and sometimes you just cant click.

I can always help you out if you need to rehome her :) Have PMd you. Adult cairns are always in demand and you have enough enquiries to pick and choose the best place for individual dog :)

Edited May 22, 2013 by Missymoo

[mita]

Just some thoughts, maybe useful maybe not.

I had a bit of trouble bonding with my dog when I first got her because she was insane (really hyper, adolescent, no impulse control or socialisation). It took me a while to come to terms with her. Now though, 5 years later, I love her beyond imagining and I can I see that all those things that were so difficult to manage for me at first (her massive drive & ridiculous excess energy) are now the things I love and appreciate most of all about her. I am learning how to make that work for me, not against me. Nut case dogs are the most motivated, it can be hard to figure out how to tap that, but when you do it's amazingly awesome, they are the best dogs, but it does takes some education to get the best from them, it's quite counter intuitive at first. I'd say it took me at least a year to really learn to manage my dog, and thus to bond deeply with her.

The more difficult dogs can really change your life in great ways... Today I learned one of my favourite dog trainers in the whole world (Denise Fenzi) is doing seminars in Australia in a few months - I am over the moon with excitement (about 52 or so sleeps to go...) If I had an "easy" dog, who just slotted in naturally to my life, with no issues, I would never know who Denise Fenzi was, since wouldn't have needed to find out. Now that I've had to find resources like this, and really value them, her seminars here are about the most exciting news I could possibly imagine. It'll be like Xmas in July. XD

It does sometimes really pay to give them a good chance IMO, I'm really, really glad I persevered with my dog. She was horrible, now she's awesome. And I learnt a hell of a lot of really awesome stuff in making that transition for us.

I'd be inclined to give Hugo a chance myself. So glad I did for my dog anyhow. Just a different perspective, maybe worth your consideration?

I would absolutely expect a guinea pig to be eaten in my home. Dogs never got the memo that they don't have to keep their owners house vermin free anymore. Their just doing what humans bred them to do there, can't blame a dog for being a dog.

Wobbly, you've put so well some of the things I was thinking.

[pepe001]

Just to add another thought to stop you feeling guilty about rehoming an not-quite-suitable dog. I had a rescue GSD and he was a good dog but we just didn't bond - I had him over a year and even had him CD titled, competing in agility and did some tracking. One day a friend asked me to help her find an adult GSD - I didn't even think of my boy. That night the light bulb went off in my head. The next day I took him over and offered him to them. They kept him and he became their 'heart' dog and was fabulous for them. All of his niggly annoying habits disappeared. I didn't suit - they did. My boy had the most amazing life after moving into their family.

[katetk]

Thanks peoples

Will be having the conversation with husband tonight.

And yes, Hugo is just over 12 months and going through that teenage boy stage, I feel he is a great dog. Am annoyed with myself for taking so long to realise isobels situation.

Wobbly, would not put her down. My children annoy me too LOL so I don't blame her. She is a funny one, anytime I have thought "oh she is a snappy thing" she isn't, it is generally the childs doing. If I take Isobel to the dog park with my older child isobel follows her around kinda protecting her, she is just a timind type of girl, hard to explain. As for the guinea pig, I understand it is total normal terrier behaviour, so I don't blame her (or either of them) for Alvin's death..

Thanks for all the responses, giving lots of food for thought.

[CHA]

Don't forget too you have young children. :) All of your energies are devoted to raising them and the dogs are an additional chore that has to be done. This may have something to do with how you are feeling?

When my two kids were young, the dogs we had then were not as devoted upon as the dogs we had prior to and after the children grew up. We looked after them well, but they certainly weren't our "heart" dogs (not until after they passed, did we realise how much we really really loved our annoying rascally terrier that killed everything in sight and our annoying barking, licky poodle). I miss those guys.....

[Trisven13]

ok coming from a cairn person...there are some you just cant gel with..I bred a girl which I ran on to show and we clash big time...I cannot like her at all...

They are all so different in personality and sometimes you just cant click.

I can always help you out if you need to rehome her :) Have PMd you. Adult cairns are always in demand and you have enough enquiries to pick and choose the best place for individual dog :)

Just to add another thought to stop you feeling guilty about rehoming an not-quite-suitable dog. I had a rescue GSD and he was a good dog but we just didn't bond - I had him over a year and even had him CD titled, competing in agility and did some tracking. One day a friend asked me to help her find an adult GSD - I didn't even think of my boy. That night the light bulb went off in my head. The next day I took him over and offered him to them. They kept him and he became their 'heart' dog and was fabulous for them. All of his niggly annoying habits disappeared. I didn't suit - they did. My boy had the most amazing life after moving into their family.

Sometimes rehoming a dog is the most unselfish action you can take as a pet owner. When you truly love your dogs you give them the best home they can have, even if that means it is not with you and YOU are sad.

[Rascalmyshadow]

Don't feel guilty for not bonding with your girl, it could be personality or bad timing but either way it's not your fault.

We had the same situation with my first standard poodle, neither my husband or I could take to her not really sure why. We stuck it out until she was nearly 2 (I think) and I finally decided to rehome her to a wonderful couple with another Standard and an Airedale. They adored her and have given her a great life something I struggled to do.

[Christina]

You will not like Isobel at present because she has killed the guinea pig. Once I had a Doberman & she killed my rabbit. It put me off her for quite a few weeks & then I stopped seeing her as the evil bunny killer but never got another one.

It may be best to re home Isobel & keep Hugo for now & see how it all goes.

Someone else may love her, she may blossom under their care. Its the guilt that's getting you. You can't love her. No idea about this as I can love anything but it happens with some people. Going to a suitable & carefully selected home, with the condition that she comes back to you if it doesn't work out, is probably worth trying.

Do a home visit or 2 with her first & then she will not be going to a strange place & you can reassure yourself its the right place for her.

[Loving my Oldies]

Such a lot of caring and good advice here, so nothing more I can add, except to agree with those who've said they've had dogs they haven't bonded with. I'm not exactly the same as Christina as I can't love "anything" LOL, but despite having 5 dogs of my own, I can still go gooey over dogs I might see being walked by their owners , but I have had dogs who didn't grab my heart as much as others.

I have a little dog here at the moment who, I am sure, would be happier in another home simply because he would prefer not to share me. Can cause the odd little biffo. I did have him on PetRescue for a long time, but nothing eventuated from that.

It must be very very hard to even like for a while a dog who killed another pet. My condolences for the loss of Alvin

[Steph M]

We have a cat like that, probably my fault I wasn't well not long after he came to me and I probably just didn't put as much time in as I could? Or perhaps that's just the way he is?

Either way, he's loved by my OH and very well looked after but I just do not adore him the way I adore our other cat.

I probably had too high expectations given how well I get along with my other cat, he's the best thing to ever come about and I am so glad he's around, but the other cat is just, there? I don't see myself ever loving him the same, but he has a good life with us and has really become 'Brooke's cat'.

In all honesty, had I not met Brooke and moved in, I might have considered rehoming him. There was a lot of guilt but I really thought about it for a while.

[Wobbly]

Personally I wouldn't rehome an animal for "not fitting in" to be honest. When I get an animal I undertake a commitment to look after that animal for the term of it's natural life. It's only an animal, it's brain is limited and it's personality, while by no means entirely a function of the environment I create for it and the relationship I build with it, is very much influenced and modified by that. I would attempt to structure my relationship with the animal and it's environment till the animal responds in the way I want (or something approaching what I want), I wouldn't give up on that (in fact I am still working hard on it with my dog). Work with the dog in front of you, as they say.

If you were to give the rebuilding a relationship a chance, I think a great start would be clicker training. Watch a few youtube videos of it to get the idea (kiko pup, denise fenzi, turid rugaas etc), and perhaps read "Control Unleashed" by Leslie McDevitt, and Patricia McConnell's book "the other end of the leash", there's a whole world of dog trainers out there on the internets that are fantastic, use the ones that appeal to you most. There's also some pretty amazing dog trainers in Australia who could help too.

It will take a lot of time and work for you to learn, sessions with the dogs themselves are short, only a few minutes long each, the vast bulk of the hours is in teaching yourself. Not an easy task, but you will emerge from it a far more knowledgeable person, with a much broader depth of understanding of relationships with animals (and relationships with humans too - operant conditioning principles work there too), which is never a bad thing IMO.

No negative judgement here though, if you decide it's best to rehome, and you find an awesome home, then - you have fulfilled your commitment to the animal: You promised it a safe, happy, productive home, you found one, it doesn't neccessarily have to be your home.

Just saying the "work with the dog in front of you" bit coz no one else has said it really. Rebuilding your relationship with your dogs is a very valid option for you at this point. OFC it takes quite a lot of work, but the best things in life always do.

[ash1]

How does one go about rehoming a dog responsibly?

I ask because I too, have been thinking about the possibility of rehoming one of our young dogs. Not because I don't like him or haven't bonded with him, but because I feel he is not very happy here with us. He is the real underdog here, and three of the other dogs always want to beat up on him (not fighting, but chasing and bullying him).

He spends a great deal of his time in "safe" places, or running away from the other dogs. He does play with them from time to time, but they just get too rough with him and he gets frightened and hides. He was a insecure and nervy dog to start with and just doesn't have enough confidence to stand up for himself. I think he may be very much happier as an only dog or at least away from our two young bitches, who are just that to him. I would actually rather keep Murphy and rehome one of the girls who is particularly bullying to him, but she has a few issues (incontinence being one) and I would be very worried about her future away from us if someone felt her issues were too much for them to cope with.

I have never ever rehomed any animal and hate the thought of rehoming Murphy, but may consider it if I could find him a great home where he would be happier - but just don't even know where to start - don't want to just throw him up on gumtree!

So where do you advertise, and how do you vet potential new homes? Murphy is a cross-breed (Doberman/Husky) and came from a shelter, so obviously I can't involve a breeder or breed organisation. I am so hesitant about it because even though I think he's not 100% happy here, at least I know he is well cared for and loved by us - by rehoming him, I can't guarantee that for the rest of his life. I could never forgive myself if anything happened to him.

Sorry to hijack your thread, op, but hopefully this information may also assist.

[Sares]

How does one go about rehoming a dog responsibly?

I ask because I too, have been thinking about the possibility of rehoming one of our young dogs. Not because I don't like him or haven't bonded with him, but because I feel he is not very happy here with us. He is the real underdog here, and three of the other dogs always want to beat up on him (not fighting, but chasing and bullying him).

He spends a great deal of his time in "safe" places, or running away from the other dogs. He does play with them from time to time, but they just get too rough with him and he gets frightened and hides. He was a insecure and nervy dog to start with and just doesn't have enough confidence to stand up for himself. I think he may be very much happier as an only dog or at least away from our two young bitches, who are just that to him. I would actually rather keep Murphy and rehome one of the girls who is particularly bullying to him, but she has a few issues (incontinence being one) and I would be very worried about her future away from us if someone felt her issues were too much for them to cope with.

I have never ever rehomed any animal and hate the thought of rehoming Murphy, but may consider it if I could find him a great home where he would be happier - but just don't even know where to start - don't want to just throw him up on gumtree!

So where do you advertise, and how do you vet potential new homes? Murphy is a cross-breed (Doberman/Husky) and came from a shelter, so obviously I can't involve a breeder or breed organisation. I am so hesitant about it because even though I think he's not 100% happy here, at least I know he is well cared for and loved by us - by rehoming him, I can't guarantee that for the rest of his life. I could never forgive myself if anything happened to him.

Sorry to hijack your thread, op, but hopefully this information may also assist.

What breed is the dog? I would suggest the breeder is possible, or they have rescue groups that can help you rehome a dog. Or the dog club of the breed that it is might be able to help too.