katetk Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 Hi All Long time no post. Am guessing there are a lot of new members here! Now, I need help, ideas, thoughts anything on what to do with our current situation. to give a brief background - here goes. 2 years ago in sept we lost our beloved westie Harvey to a tick, it was a terrible time, not only with loosing Harvey, our cairn got a tick (recovered) I had a 6 week old baby and my husband collapsed out of bed and was rushed to hospital (the dogs and husband thing happened all in the same week - it was nuts) ANYWAY, we lost Harvey, he was 9, and the best. Isobel (cairn) had a rough time and needed a helping hand from the vet to relax, calm her etc, this was done and she picked up a bit. Fast fwd to this time last year we decided to add another dog to our family - introduce Hugo, the border terrier, a breed we originally wanted pre Harvey but could never get in Qld at the time. He is great. He and isobel get along great. He is also great with my two girls. Hugo and I did some basic obedience etc, things going along great....BUT, did we do the right thing? was it too soon? The relationship between isobel and the family is another issue. I don't 100% trust her around the girls (I know I know, they are never unsupervised anyway) we (and this will sounds terrible) have never warmed to her, we can not put our finger on it. This has always kinda been the case (she is 5) BUT please, don't get me wrong, we love her, she is well looked after, taken to the park, vet, feed a good diet. One the weekend just gone my husband and I had a conversation about the above, how we cant put our finger on what it is with the dogs, but something just isn't there. for example, hugo has been getting out (I think we are up to about 6 times - (fence fully fixed now) and, ok, if that was Harvey I would be frantic, when it is Hugo and Isobel, I am angry and frustrated... Shouldn't I be feeling frantic, worried? fast fwd again to last night... arrived home and isobel had eaten our guinea pig... this is where husband stated the "get rid of them", now, we have discussed rehoming isobel after Harvey as she was miserable, but she came good. The conversation has come up numerous times as she does kinda seem sad, but she is a naturally timid girl. I thought husband may have just said the rehoming thing in anger/sadness about the GP BUT have just got off the phone from him and he has said it again and that "we will have to think about it" I don't know, and apolgies, this post is all over the shop. My concerns are I am not feeling the love for either dogs as I did Harvey, did we rush into adding hugo? Should we rehome isobel, none , one, both, gah, I don't know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tdierikx Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 If you rehome one or both of your current dogs, would you be looking to get another dog in the near future? How much time does the family spend with the current 2 dogs? T. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katetk Posted May 22, 2013 Author Share Posted May 22, 2013 I personally don't want to rehome Hugo. That's not to say I want to rehome isobel; but that thought has been in the back of our minds for a while now. I am at home all the time, apart from the odd few hours when we are out. Weekends we generally spend most of the time outside with the dogs, and my girls are always in and out. If I am sitting outside, Hugo is generally right next to me or on me. Isobel will be near me too. They do get plenty of attention, but there is just something, I am so frigging angry at myself to even have these thoughts going round in my head. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tdierikx Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 In all honesty, we can all have those feelings about our dogs when they've just done something so incredibly naughty as to eat a pet guinea pig... don't beat yourself up about it. If you feel that Isobel would be better off in another home, then by all means, give her that opportunity. T. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katetk Posted May 22, 2013 Author Share Posted May 22, 2013 oh gawd, now I have tears. I feel for Isobel, I really do. I really hope it is a case of us being upset/angry re the guinea pig, but I just don't know. I mean, how can I have a dog for 5 years and now be thinking of possibly rehoming her, this seriously is not in my nature. I have only ever had one dog in my lifetime that was rehomed when I was 5 due to a neighbour issue. Then there is Hugo, I know my husband is not wrapped in him, we have had this conversation, but came to the conclusion on the weekend that Hugo, is not Harvey (I know this, husband needs to acknowledge it). he does have his good points, he is a great dog, he has his bad point, he is destructive but we are working on that too... far out, stoopid thought process. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trisven13 Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 I rehomed a dog at 9 years of age - should have done it 7 years earlier when I recognised that his personality and my personality didn't gel. Dogs have personalities just like people and sometimes, IMO, its unrealistic to expect "to death do us part" with a dog when people don't do that with other people. What is disgraceful is to not rehome your dog carefully, taking the time to do it properly, to not offer back-up to the new owners and ensure that they know you will take him back if ever it is needed. Tigger is, 4 years on, a settled and happy dog without any of his stress related behaviours he had when he lived with me. Poor frigging dog who had to suffer for 9 years because I "don't rehome dogs". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trisven13 Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 (edited) ETA actually just remembered it was 6 years ago and he was 7 - doesn't feel that long ago. Edited May 22, 2013 by Trisven13 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alpha bet Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 (edited) Not all dogs suit all families.... and sometimes dogs suit families at different times in their life. Consider the blue heeler that might have suited a young guy who later married and had a family, the older dog is a wonderful family pet, however at 15yo passes away and the family get another blue heeler because the first guy was so good. However the lifestyle the family have NOW doesnt suit an active young heeler. Whereas perhaps the smaller lazier dog would suit a busy family. If you honestly feel detached from this dog then find a home with people who will love her.... perhaps an older couple without kids who would love a little bright dog to take on walks and visits to friends. Otherwise spend some time and build a relationship with her and help her become a great family member. You have to assess your own life and be realistic to what suits you now. There is no point living in the past and understand the difference between whether you feel love or feel obligated..... Make a decision and act on it just remember this dog is your responsibility. You must either commit and love her or pass to someone who is going to be happy to take the responsibility of loving her. Edited May 22, 2013 by alpha bet Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katetk Posted May 22, 2013 Author Share Posted May 22, 2013 (edited) Good point trisven13, very good point, you are right. We have never gelled. And in the meantime perhaps that has hindered the hugo bonding situation too. Who bloody knows. ETA thanks Alpha_bet too, very good point also. Edited May 22, 2013 by katetk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moosmum Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 I agree with Trisven and alpha bet. Harvey had 9 years of shared history and expectation in your family. Hugo can't overcome that by himself.Its one thing to recognise hes not Harvey,another to commit to welcome him to make his own place. Only you can judge the realities of the situation,but best to decide earlier rather than let things progress with no decision. If it gets to a stage of "they go,Now!" finding the right homes won't get the priority it deserves. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dogsfevr Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 Rehome both until you stop comparing them to Harvey they will never meet your expectations. New dogs come with a new beginning,if you can't accept them for what they are then they will never be happy . Contact the breeders & seek there help in rehoming & yep do it sooner than later because whilst you decide the dogs won't be your first priority & they will now there not wanted by everyone's interactions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cougar Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 Feeling for you, it's a tough one. I can't offer advice really as I have a dog I'm not super bonded to either. All I'd say is that if you do decide to rehome do it sooner rather than later, don't let it drag on too long for both of your sakes. I should have done it a few years ago. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
raineth Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 I don't think its unethical to rehome, its the way rehoming is done that is important. However, I do wonder whether maybe you are over-thinking things a bit; for instance the dogs ate your guinea pig, so its pretty understandable that you feel quite upset about that, and it might take you a while to come to terms with that. Maybe you could just find a way to enjoy your dogs for there doggy-selves, maybe they don't have to have a very close bond with you in order for you to all enjoy each others' company. Don't worry about whether you made the right decision to get the younger one, it's already happened. I guess I'm just wondering if you could reposition you relationship with these dogs and whether it still has value and is worth sticking with even if its not perfect? Only you will know for sure whether what I've written is way off the mark or worth considering :) Goodluck with whatever you decide to do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katetk Posted May 22, 2013 Author Share Posted May 22, 2013 The idea of boarding them has come up before, as I have spoken to another breeder regarding this isobel situation a few months ago. Everyone is making very valid points, thank you. I will have a chat to husband tonight. Yes, I have to stop comparing Hugo in particular to Harvey, this has been my undoing. Isobel, is slightly different, we have never gelled, I always kinda put it down to her being a female (never had female dogs before) lots of thinking to do, I the meantime I may look into a boarding arrangement either at a kennel or family member. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tdierikx Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 I have moments with my latest addition where I swear if someone offered to take her, I'd happily let her go... but I do have a bond with her, and wouldn't actually dream of rehoming her. She does test the patience with her crazy 30+ kilo craziness at times though... I'm a complete crazy dog lady - I have 4 of my own, and foster pups for rescue (glutton for punishment) - but I have returned a foster once because I was completely indifferent in my feelings for her. It wasn't fair on her, and she was a great little dog, but I felt nothing for her... which actually scared me to be honest. She went to another carer, and was eventually rehomed to a family who adore her... Do what your heart is telling you to do - don't overthink the "what ifs", OK? T. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katetk Posted May 22, 2013 Author Share Posted May 22, 2013 yes, I have to stop over thinking. I understand what you mean with being scared by the thought of feeling nothing. Right now my thoughts are with re homing Isobel. She is a great little dog, but if I think (gee, cant help that thinking thing) she isn't getting everything out of life she deserves. I think then, I can concentrate with Hugo and go from there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dame Aussie Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 Rehome both until you stop comparing them to Harvey they will never meet your expectations. New dogs come with a new beginning,if you can't accept them for what they are then they will never be happy . Contact the breeders & seek there help in rehoming & yep do it sooner than later because whilst you decide the dogs won't be your first priority & they will now there not wanted by everyone's interactions Agree with this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
~Anne~ Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 Phew, I came back to this thread expecting to see the OP slammed for considering re-homing. Glad to see some sensible support on the issue. I am so tired of hearing the 'responsible, loving owners don't re-home' argument. Katetk - I don't envy your position. I have never totally gelled with one of mine, who was a rescue initially, but she is very much loved. Interestingly, since the death of Monte, I feel closer to her. She seems to have settled a little more now that there is only 2 of them. Maybe that was part of her problem. I now see some of her naughtiness as being cute... or maybe she just isn't being as naughty as she used to be? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pheebs Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 I too am in a very similar position. I love my two dearly, but they're not Tess (nor is it fair to expect them to be) and I've never truly bonded with Lucy as much as I had hoped. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
juice Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 (edited) I would rehome them, however its easier said than done, i have one foster here i kept that i regret, he is a trouble maker, but after 6 years i can't do it either.( he is loyal and follows me everywhere, is really easy, but should be an only dog, something i didn't realise at the time) Edited May 22, 2013 by juice Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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