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Go Chase Rabbits Tip


tikira
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My dreams about our Jack Russell passing away due to snake bite has finally come true. I knew the last thing I would ever tell him was that he could chase rabbits, well today I told him that.

Two days ago I dreamed (again) that the last person Tip saw was Ron, the vet he had "chosen" as a puppy, and who he loved. Then today I had a nap, and felt Tip leave the bed. I woke a little later in a sweat, as a cold shiver had passed through me, the dream was about a brown snake, and it woke me. Tip was in the hall, and couldn't walk properly. A rushed trip to the vet was not enough.

I know when he passed, I heard him scratch the seat, and let out a huge sigh. We were on the corner of the vets surgery.

As much as we had tried to snake proof the yard, (close paling fence, more palings along the bottom, cemented, mowed short outside and inside the yard, and regular fence checks), it did not work.

He was a very typical Jack Russell and we always knew it would be that that took him, there was nothing we could do, but I am so sad that he did not die in my arms, I was too busy driving, and not game to look at him. I had already bacj=ked into a gate and a tree trying to get the car out of the front yard.

I am going to miss his headstrong ways. He was our first dog, and one of our two fur babies. He was my world, and I am devastated. but trying to hold it together for my husband, who had to bury him, and is as devastated as I am, it was Wayne who conned me into getting a puppy in the first place- the best decision he ever made.

The vets were great, and we werent even charged, just like the first vet visit when Tip was a pup, his first day home. I trod on his foot and thought I had broken his leg. A rushed trip to the duty vet who met us at the surgery, and the crazy puppy jumped all over the vet. Ron did not charfe us that day either, and gave him a health check and a worm tablet too!

Di

Edited by tikira
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Thanks everyone for your replies, it really does help to know others understand. I never thought it would be this hard, I have never had a reaction like this to anyone or anythings death before. I feel so unable to stop the tears, and Wayne is feeling so helpless to console me, making it worse. I think I am scaring the other dogs (mine and the nephews), as they are avoiding me at the moment. Tip would have been all over me, with his "rotor Motor" tail stump whirring, as Wayne said this morning, he was my cuddle bunny.

Okay, enough feeling sorry for myself, thanks for being a dumping ground for my thoughts.....

Di

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It is so comforting to know my feelings are all very normal, no-one talks much about pet loss grief, but this forum is wonderful, because I know everyone understands, and is grieving their losses just as hard as I am my own..... I am not strange or weird, and people here are not trying to avoid me, as others are, because they don't understand the depth of it all, and feel I am "over the top". Because of this section of DOL I know I am not strange, and I know I don't need to pretend nothing is wrong.

Nothing in our lives has ever hurt this much.......NOTHING

Thanks for listening on the first day Kira and I are alone here, Tip was always here when I was, and Wayne has gone back t work. I am off now to read the sticky's at the top of this sub forum again.

Di

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You are definitely not strange or over the top. In no way at all. You are 100% normal for a person who loved their dog as a dog should be loved, and was loved in return.

When I lost my beloved dog last year I found that it was the most painful thing I have ever experienced. One aspect that took me by surprise was how guilty I felt - not about his death, but about every little time I didn't scratch his tummy when he wanted it (though I had scratched it ten thousand times) or every time I went out and left him at home (though we had taken him with us ten thousand times) or the times when I didn't let him have the last of my toast (though he had had it ten thousand times). I kept beating myself up about those stupid things, even though he had actually had a wonderful, long, active, interesting life with the best of care in every way. I mentioned it to a friend who said she had felt the same when she lost her special BC, berating herself about, for example, the time when she had left the dog shut outside and went out for dinner and it rained...and forgetting the ten thousand times when the dog was snug on her bed, or taken on holidays, or the daily 2 hour walks on the beach etc etc. It was a relief to find that I wasn't alone in feeling/thinking the guilt stuff. Anyway, if you are feeling all that guilt stuff too - it is normal.

Over time, we found it helpful to do a few things as a tribute to our dog - we chose a favourite photo and had it made into a canvas for our lounge room wall, we planted a line of roses in the garden, we hung up his flyball and obedience ribbons and we got an engraved memorial stone for his grave in the garden. Just kind of helped us a bit.

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Hi Mudlark

Thanks for the vote of "sanity" sometimes I wonder.

I agree about the weird little things that you beat yourself up about. We chose to bury Tip, and the other day I found myself covering his grave with a blanket. I don't remember getting it, or putting it there, but I must have, it was there and I was the only one home.... He hated the cold. The only way I can sleep is with a pillow behind my knees and yet I can't sit on "our" lounge. I see and hear him everywhere.I can't eat toast yet, Tip was called Tip Top, after bread (my husbands favourite food) and bread was his favourite too.

Thanks for the ideas on a memorial, I am currently working on one for Tip, but it is still a little early to think about a plaque/headstone yet.

One foot forward at a time, one "first" at a time....

Di

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