Sad Experience At The Vet Today

[Little Gifts]

We had Tempeh at the vet today to arrange for entropian surgery on her eyes. She was being a bit of a pork chop. A man and woman came in with a rotty and told the daughter to sit in the waiting room where we were. She started telling us her dog was getting put down. So we sat with her and asked her about the dog, her family, other dog she had at home, school, what she did on holidays, anything we could think of. She was only 6 and told us that the dog was a puppy when she was still in her mother's tummy. She was very sad and had obviously been crying. So we gave her lots of hugs and just kept talking. We also talked about why dogs die and what would happen to his body and the ways she could remember him.

After about 20 mins it was our turn to go in but her parents still hadn't come out so we took her in with us (and told the reception staff and left the door open). But she got very upset all of a sudden and so my sister took her back out and stayed with her till her parents came out and left with her. Apparently she has an older sister but she had to stay home with their other dog who was going a bit beserk.

I just thought what an incredibly sad experience it was. Obviously she was too young to be in there while the dog was pts and in their grief I think her parents forgot about her and took the time they needed to be with their dog. In a way I'm glad we could be there with her in the interim and I hope we didn't say anything opposite to what her mum and dad might have about the situation. She was quite bright for her age and seemed to understand everything but was still very sad about it and probably felt a little alone going through it with strangers.

Once before I was outside my vet and a really tough looking bloke with an old staffy was heading to the clinic. I asked him how old his girl was and he told me that he was taking her in to be pts. I hugged him (having been through the same thing not long before with my old sbt girl) and told him he was doing the right thing and wished I could've stayed there with him while it happened but I had dogs and family in my car and it was a warm day. I cried for him and that old girl once I got in the car. He didn't look like the kind who shed tears very often himself.

This is the sad side of owning a pet and having been through pts twice I feel an empathy for people in this position. But is it wrong to stick my nose in like that or do you think it helps? Do some people think the vet staff should provide this support, particularly when a child is by itself like that? I just feel its human to care and have always been lucky enough to have someone by my side when I was going through it so can't bare the thought of others feeling so alone. It is a big decision and going home with empty hands is not easy if you have no-one to share the loss with.

[Michelleva]

I really feel for the child in that situation, I have a 7yo son and he would demand to come into the room if he was in the same position. I don't think I would allow that and would probably organise someone to watch him. I find it sad that they thought it was ok to just leave her out there by herself. You did the right thing by talking to her. Its not an easy thing to go through at any age, I can remember being a kid when Mum took our old corgie into the vet. I don't remember being told he was being PTS, although I probably was. What I do remember though is being left in the car with my brother, while Mum took the dog in. She only returned with a lead and we were heart-broken. As a child its hard to understand things like that.

[Bjelkier]

I wouldn't be happy if someone tried to hug me or for that matter even speak to me in such cases.

It's not that I'm trying to be rude but I hate people being around me when I'm super emotional like that. I just want to be able to get in and get out without talking to anyone.

I love my vets like that. When I had to have my last boy PTS they told me just to leave, worry about paying at another time. They were so respectful.

I do really feel for that little girl though. Her parents really should have dealt with that better.

Edited January 18, 2013 by Bjelkier

[Little Gifts]

Bjelkier I would totally respect if someone was on that emotional edge and needed to be left alone. I kind of shut down when things get too much for me and my vets have always pts for me after the clinic is shut so I didn't have to deal with anybody sitting in the waiting room.

I didn't feel we had a choice with the young girl though. I rubbed her back first when she started crying and she leaned into me so then I stroked her hair and we talked and she played with Tempeh and looked at the fishes with my sister and then the chickens, all the while talking. I'm sure her parents never expected to be so long and were overwhelmed by what was happening and thought leaving her in the waiting area was the best option.

[Baileys mum]

Oh they poor little girl, I really feel for her ...It's nice that she had you to talk to though.

My sister had to PTS he little Maltese girl, & the vet's where so lovely about it, they gave her some time alone with Bonnie's body afterwards (as her body was being left with them, as they where orgainising cremation for her ) & they also made her a cup of tea. A few days later she also received a lovely sympathy card in the mail from the vets too. :)

Yes I agree the hardest part of pet ownership for me, is the fact that we will lose them some day

[ash1]

I think you did a lovely thing for that little girl, possibly it was her first experience having a beloved pet PTS and hopefully you eased that a little for her.

But I do have to agree with the other posters, I wouldn't like anyone to approach me (an adult) if I was there to have my dog PTS. I am also very private in my grief. But hopefully that will never be a problem as our vet has agreed to do a home visit when it's time. Easier on the animal, easier on me.

[Katdogs]

PS I think you and your sister did exactly the right thing.

And you're lovely people for showing sympathy rather than putting your head down and ignoring the poor girl.

Even if I don't want a hug or to talk, I still would rather have my grief acknowledged than ignored, whether I was six or 106.

She's learning early about the hardest part of having a beloved pet, but has obviously enjoyed the good parts as well. Lucky girl even if sad.

[Remarkabull]

When I was 11 we had to have one our Dobes PTS. My dad couldn't go as he can't cope with that type of thing and my mum is not the strongest person emotionally so I went with her. I remember that I sat on the floor and held his head in my lap while he died. The vet left us alone with him and I decided when it was time to leave. I told mum not to look back at him but she did and she completely lost it. I held it together until we got into the car and we both bawled for half an hour and then went home. It is a very tough thing to go through but kids are tougher than we think. When the time comes for any of my current dogs to leave us I will ask the kids if they want to be there or if they would prefer to say goodbye before.

I think what you did was lovely, poor kid

[Kajirin]

I think what you did was very caring and lovely also, such a sad time for anyone of any age

[Rosetta]

The parents handled it very badly I think - the little girl should have been left at home with the sister. In this case you were correct to offer sympathy.

[Staffyluv]

That was lovely of you to do that.

I remember when Ollie dog was given his wings - my brave (then 20 year old son) came in with us to begin with but after Hamish started explaining what was going to happen he got really upset and said he couldn't stay.

So he went and sat in the waiting room and the 2 girls behind the desk sat with him until I came about (about 40 minutes later)..

I was hard for the kid, he had grown up with Ollie - He was nearly 6 when we got Ollie and 20 when we lost him.

It is hard for kids when their dog has been there their whole life.

I am so glad you could be there for the little girl..

[Marion 01]

I think you did the right thing PS, that little girl definately needed someone with her, just hope her parents were there for her afterwards.

Our vets are really good when we have had to give our oldies their wings, as soon as OH arrives at the surgery he rings them and the vet comes out to the car.

[redangel]

When I was eight a dog I knew all my life had to be put to sleep. I was not allowed into the room. It didnt upset me any less though as I cried for days. Actually I was upset because having not been there & having the imagination of an eight yr old I saw the most painful scene in my head which may have panned out to my reckoning.

When I later was present at a euthanasia that inner fear was consoled.

As a parent I have always tried to make the passing of a pet the 'circle of life" theory for my kids. I have from the time I thought them capable explained death & euthanasia of a pet...and given them the option of how much they wanted to see.

When my daughter asked to see at ten our old dog that passed in the night I let her, I didnt want her to imagine something that was not the case. I was there to be strong for her & hold her/.

When we lost our Dobe to a torsion as it was an emergency I explained to the kids why they couldnt come & that there was a chance our dog might not make it. I left them in the care of a grandparent, as I was not in the presence of mind to be a comfort for the kids.

Kids need reassurance and someone to be confident and strong when they are distressed. So pleased you were there for this girl. She will remember your kindness.

[Little Gifts]

Thanks everyone. I'm sure the vet staff would've looked after her had they known but the waiting room is off to the side. My sister and I actually told her we had been through the same experience and how very peaceful it would be for her dog, how he would just become very sleepy and not wake up again. We talked about how it is sad dogs can't live as long as we do and how the other dog at home would need lots of extra cuddles as she would also be sad and miss her friend. And we told her how we have little mementos of our dog and photos to remember her by at home and that makes us feel good. She said she had photos too. I think her parents had tried to prepare her for what was happening as she asked lots of straightforward questions and given her level of maturity we tried to give honest advice without scaring her. She even asked what would happen to him afterwards and we lied a bit there saying that if mum and dad could not take him home and bury him there that the vet could make sure he was buried somewhere lovely if that is what they wanted (didn't know how to broach the cremation/urn idea).

I'm still thinking about her today and how sad she must be feeling. He was a large breed, guard dog type so I'm sure he kept that house and the kids under his watchful eye whilst alive. His presence will be missed.

[CHA]

Hi Puppy_Sniffer, sometimes at the most devestating times in our lives, a kind word or touch from a stranger can mean so much. I think you did the right thing, but also be aware not to go too overboard with it.

I remember when my dad was given the worst news that he only had 6 months left to live - a kind nurse outside of the consulting room reached out to him and held his hand and it was very appropriate at that time.

[mita]

And you're lovely people for showing sympathy rather than putting your head down and ignoring the poor girl.

I agree.

There are no 'rights' or 'wrongs' in situations like this... only people of good heart trying to do the best they can for someone else. A very little girl, at that.

It's so sad seeing other people at the vet's whose pets are being PTS.

I once sat in the waiting room, noticing a young woman (mid 20s), with the dearest little elderly poodle sitting on her lap. She went in before me... not long she was out, with tears streaming down her face in great distress. And she had car keys in her hand as she headed for the door.

I followed her & asked, 'Are you OK? Is there anything I can do?' She stopped & told me she'd had her little poodle since she was 12 yrs old... she'd 'grown up' with her. A serious health problem meant she'd had to be PTS. The young woman thanked me & said she now only wanted to get home. But there was a slight regaining of composure as she shared her little one's story. I felt just a bit better about her driving her car.

Edited January 19, 2013 by mita