Separating From Partner

[mita]

I think a lot of people are judging the OP unfairly. She has never said shell just leave and take the dogs. She is asking if it is fair to take the dogs if the split up, or whether it would be better to split the dogs. She believes she can take better care of them - no doubt a lot of DOLERs would want the dogs if they split up.

I agree. It's not an unusual general situation the OP's described. So much comes down to the details in each case & what the ex-partners can negotiate. Starting & finishing point is the question.... what can they sort what seems to be in the best interests of the dogs?

So it's a case of sitting down & sorting the dogs' needs and trying to match them with the humans' lifestyles.

In some ways, OP & ex-P have already started that. Like, the ex-P has said that any shared arrangement would not fit with what he could cope with.

Actually, that'd been one of the ideas I was going to float. In some situations that can work...if the dog can live with it happily & the humans' lifestyles fit. We had a little dog that used to frequently come to stay... often for longish periods.... because the owner was away on business trips. This little dog had a nature that adjusted beautifully, enjoyed having the best of both worlds! But, of course, not all situations could work as well. So back to the negotiation table!

Edited January 17, 2013 by mita

[Loving my Oldies]

I think a lot of people are judging the OP unfairly. She has never said shell just leave and take the dogs. She is asking if it is fair to take the dogs if the split up, or whether it would be better to split the dogs. She believes she can take better care of them - no doubt a lot of DOLERs would want the dogs if they split up.

I guess the lesson to learn is that if you get a pet, put it in writing who owns the dog.

But, Megan, where would be the "fun" if people actually read what an OP said.

Someone jumps in with a wild assumption and people following don't bother to check what has actually been said.

Sad really, and leaves people feeling worse because they mistakenly thought that they could discuss a topic on this forum in a reasonable and mature manner.

Edited January 17, 2013 by Danny's Darling

[DeltaCharlie]

When my ex and I split I kept Cody. It wasn't even really discussed to be honest, I think we both just always knew he would go with me. I was the dog person, I had pushed to buy him in the first place etc, I was the one who did all the walking and training etc.

BUT the determining factor and the reason it was never really contested by him- Cody was bonded much more with me than he was with Phil.

Mind you, when all the goods were split equally by monetary value, Phil gave Cody a value of $250 :laugh: I would have been happy to give Phil everything else to be able to keep him, he was worth a hell of a lot more than that to me.

If the dogs could speak- who would they choose? Regardless of official paperwork, money and time spent with them, dogs will always have their favourites. My flatmate and I have 9 dogs and some of them are "mine" and some are "hers", and that doesn't necessarily correspond with their paperwork. Its just by individual choice of the dogs.

[mantis]

Why do people have to be really arrogant and nasty when all people like me need is a bit of a sounding board, as I'm yet to have the official discussion with my OH. As I said its an extremely painful and heartbreaking thing for me and I can't stop crying over it, and am devastated to be hurting my OH in this way

Sorry about your split up, it sounds very much the same as my first marriage.

My ex had never owned a dog & didn't really want one, but I told him not having a dog was an option. I selected breed & was the one to go to the kennels to choose them. I did all the training, taking them to shows & looking after them. Sure he eventually fell in love with them, but it was a no brainer that I would be having the dogs.

We shared our two legged kids though. :laugh:

[CHA]

Yes, by the sound of it, it is fair for you to keep the dog for these reasons: They are chipped in your name and you will be keeping the dogs together and you have more time to spend with the dogs than him. I think it would be sad to split the dogs up, keep things as constant as you can for them. How aweful for the one dog who gets to go with the other half and spend long days on his own whilst missing his mum and doggy friend.

There are no winners in these situations, you have to do what is best for the dog or child.

I'd definately keep my dogs in the event of a break up. My partner loves them, but is not really a "dog" person like I am. The only reason he has dogs is because of me.

Good luck through this dreadful time, stay strong and try and make the best decision for your dogs.

[benshiva]

As much as I would WANT to take all my dogs with me, the reality is there is another person who has loved them an financially contributed to their well being. I think it's shockingly unfair that the partner NOT be considered. I would probably leave one with my ex and take one with me. I just couldn't imagine how heartbreaking it would be to lose a relationship and the two dogs that were part of that.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. No matter the outcome, it is a sad situation. Hugs to you xx

[bertie]

I just keep thinking about your partner going through the heartbreak of a separation without a dog to cry on

My first thought too.

[mantis]

I just keep thinking about your partner going through the heartbreak of a separation without a dog to cry on

My first thought too.

Nothing stopping him from getting a dog, one that he chooses.