kitkatswing Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 Hypethetical here: I pay for absolutly everything to do with our dog, everything.. If we ever split up, I wouldnt take him. My husband and Maui are bonded closer then Maui and I.. They are best mates... I wouldnt split them up.. Not that it is ever going to happen.. But just because you pay for everything, doesnt mean they dont love the dog any less.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cavstar Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 Its a sucky situation..Personally, if I were in your situation, I would take one each. Yes its hurtful that you'll lose one but consideration should be taken into your OH's feelings too. I'm sure it would be worse to lose both. Is this an amicable breakup that you can still remain friends so that if you do take one each you can still visit? Good luck with your decision x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
voloclydes Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 It does depend, as some dogs are just attached to one or other of their humans. The spots are more my dogs and 2 of the smaller dogs are really my partners dogs. They are his shadows. Leo and Sophie are more my dogs and shadows, but that doesn't mean my partner does like either of em. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RiverStar-Aura Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 Just as something to think about ... When you move out with the dogs where will you go? Trying to rent with 2 dogs could prove difficult if you are indeed going to rent. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nic.B Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 I have not read other posts though if I were you I would sit down and honestly think about the dogs. I mean 100% honestly and authenticly for their benefit alone, take everything else out the equation. Will you be happy to leave one of the dogs/both with your ex partner? Will he meet their needs as you can? If I knew 100% the dogs had much better quality of life with me/I could meet their needs consistantly better than he can, they would both stay with me and I would move hell and high water to ensure that. Remember dogs are considered "property" so if you let one or both dogs stay with him and you leave, it will be very difficult for you to take the dogs back into your own care. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Airedaler Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 To be very blunt and answer your question No I do not think it fair that you take both dogs without first establishing your partners wishes.. It seems you have had some discussion about this in the past and your partner has expressed a desire to have one of the dogs. I assume that he still has this desire and he has by your accounts contributed equally - at least financially. This in my book gives him the right to at least be included in a decision making process without you presenting him with an ultimation that you are taking both dogs beecause you "want" them. With all due respect just because you have more experience does not mean you are a better owner. Under different circumstances(ie a seperation) your partner may well step up to the plate and make much more of an effort to be a more active and "better" owner than you give him credit for. Whatever opinions are expressed on this forum are in fact irrelevant as no one here knows the full facts (only your side of them) and your partner has had no input into the discussion. The first thing you need to do IMO is to have an open and frank discussion with your partner Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greytmate Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 I should add my deal to him is I wont make any claims on the house or shared possessions/ furniture if I can have the dogs. I wouldn't be making any deal with him about house or furniture. The dogs are a separate thing. Who is moving out? If it is you, just take the dogs with you. Then when you settle for an amount of money, the monetary value of the dogs and what has been contributed to their upkeep can be taken into account. what a horrible thing to say, the dogs were bought by both parties and are loved by both parties. So was everything else they bought as a couple. Splitting up means somebody misses out, at least until settlement. If it were my dogs I would take them with me and not leave them behind like the washing machine or fridge. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loving my Oldies Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 Why do people have to be really arrogant and nasty when all people like me need is a bit of a sounding board, as I'm yet to have the official discussion with my OH. As I said its an extremely painful and heartbreaking thing for me and I can't stop crying over it, and am devastated to be hurting my OH in this way well so be it, but to me you were just gathering ammunition to use against your partner . It's why my only advice was to talk to him. Of all the judgemental, leaping to conclusions !!!! G.S.P. came here to talk about a decision she has to make. She is going to discuss it with her partner and thought that maybe other people on a dog forum might have gone through the same situation and was wondering how they coped. I'm sorry people have been so judgemental, G.S.P. Unfortuately, that is what happens. So many people on this forum have never heard of or they chose to ignore the old saying: Play the ball not the man. I hope you and your partner manage to work things out amicably. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Panzer Attack! Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 (edited) I guess it's hard to read tone, because your first post REALLY reads like "I know more, therefore I deserve the dogs." My ex and I broke up a few years ago. We bought our two dogs together and lived together for ages after we split up. Both of the dogs were really mine (he bought one for me and I bought the other one myself) and while we were living together the one I bought for myself had to be put to sleep due to being too sick to function. I paid for everything for the dogs, I'm a vet nurse, groomer, trainer, walked them, took them to the vet, did all the training with them etc. They both bonded much stronger to me than him. When I moved out he kept our dog. Why? Because out of the two of us he needed him in his life more than I did. It hurt like hell. We argued over it a fair bit and nearly lost our close friendship (we're best friends despite everything), but I made the executive decision based on one proviso - if Tucker ever gets sick he immediately reverts back to me (because ex is on the dole and can't afford to look after him, and he turns 10 this year). I know you love both your dogs, I love T to death and miss him all the time. I saw him yesterday and I think about him constantly. But do NOT use them as ammunition in your breakup. Be fair to him. Who cares if you know more, really? It doesn't make his love for the dogs any less real. I have two dogs now and love them just as much as I love Tucker. edit: wait, so you have decided to split up with your ex and haven't even talked him to him yet?! Geez. PLEASE talk to him and do NOT just take the dogs - it will rip his heart out. Edited January 16, 2013 by Panzer Attack! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nic.B Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 I should add my deal to him is I wont make any claims on the house or shared possessions/ furniture if I can have the dogs. I wouldn't be making any deal with him about house or furniture. The dogs are a separate thing. Who is moving out? If it is you, just take the dogs with you. Then when you settle for an amount of money, the monetary value of the dogs and what has been contributed to their upkeep can be taken into account. what a horrible thing to say, the dogs were bought by both parties and are loved by both parties. So was everything else they bought as a couple. Splitting up means somebody misses out, at least until settlement. If it were my dogs I would take them with me and not leave them behind like the washing machine or fridge. I agree with GM, I would not leave without my dogs. I know it sounds harsh though to the OP you may be able to work through this between you and your partner, after separation. I hope that is the case. I would not leave without my dogs, ever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosetta Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 Well, at least we won't see these dogs FTGH on Gumtree because of a relationship break-up and thats got to be a good thing :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
megan_ Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 I think a lot of people are judging the OP unfairly. She has never said shell just leave and take the dogs. She is asking if it is fair to take the dogs if the split up, or whether it would be better to split the dogs. She believes she can take better care of them - no doubt a lot of DOLERs would want the dogs if they split up. I guess the lesson to learn is that if you get a pet, put it in writing who owns the dog. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dancinbcs Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 I would let the dogs choose depending on who they are more bonded to. Most dogs choose their person in a family and I would let that be the deciding factor. If they are both more attached to you, then take both. If one is more attached to your partner then he should have the option to take them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keetamouse Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 I have a lot more time to spend with them, he works long hours. I think this says it all, when having the discussion with your partner you may want to emphasise this and say that it would not be fair on the dog to have to spend long hours on it's own when it has been used to having the other dog all day. It is after all what is best for the dog. Just my thoughts. Maree CPR Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebanne Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 I should add my deal to him is I wont make any claims on the house or shared possessions/ furniture if I can have the dogs. I wouldn't be making any deal with him about house or furniture. The dogs are a separate thing. Who is moving out? If it is you, just take the dogs with you. Then when you settle for an amount of money, the monetary value of the dogs and what has been contributed to their upkeep can be taken into account. what a horrible thing to say, the dogs were bought by both parties and are loved by both parties. So was everything else they bought as a couple. Splitting up means somebody misses out, at least until settlement. If it were my dogs I would take them with me and not leave them behind like the washing machine or fridge. but they are not her dog they are their dogs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dame Aussie Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 If my partner broke up with me and took both the dogs Id be out for his blood. I think you really need to look at it from his POV also before deciding you can look after them better. If it were me I would want both the dogs too, but they are his too and he loves them just as much as I do. I don't envy you it's a crap situation and something I've thought about hypothetically on occasion if my relationship were to ever break down. I think getting things in writing is a good idea too. Good luck with your decision. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zeebie Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 It is very sad in life when relationships break down, even sadder for all those who share attachments in any way with those whose relationship is crumbling. Having gone down this track this topic is very relevent. My older dog was very young when I met my partner they bonded well and there was many hours of interaction, we enjoyed life together like a family unit with dog being Furchild (as most confirmed dog lovers do!). We mutually took responsibility for sharing dog doings, and there was never any question who was the most knowledgeable re dogs overall wellbeing etc. So after 6 years together circumstances changed and my partner decided to 'move on' I was emotionally devastated as did not see this coming, "our" dog has never in my opinion gotten over 'losing' one of his family, he changed in his behaviour,initially constantly pacing, on alert to door knocks,sleeping on ex's pillow on the bed,being somewhat disinterested in our usual activities whereas previously if we had said car ride he would bolt to car suddenly it was 'ok see you later', and whenever we now go to places where we use to visit as a unit my dog goes wild with excitment searching everywhere and still to this day 5 yrs later if he sees any male person in distance who has a hat on he will pull my arm off to get to them, only to find it isn't who he thinks it is. So I personally believe that dogs are impacted by 'loss of human family' and as hard as it is, my belief is that like children in custody arrangements, dogs should have the opportunity to spend time with your partner as hard as it is for you and for him, it could be done in a way that gradually over time the visits could be less and less in between and this way there would be a gradual acceptance of change for all concerned. Emotions are high and mixed in these situations but given time (around 2yrs) things do settle and everyone can move on. I also know that due to my own emotional state at the time this impacted on how my dog behaved. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Weasels Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 I just keep thinking about your partner going through the heartbreak of a separation without a dog to cry on Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
raz Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 As others have said, this is something you have to discuss with your partner. It's all well and good using the forum as a sounding board but you will get responses you dont agree with. Also, if your partner knows you are a member here I would suggest you have the thread removed. What would be really unfair is if he sees this thread and knows it's you. Goodluck with it. Tough times ahead for you both. I hope for the dogs' sakes that you can both sort it out amicably. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clyde Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 I would take both dogs, no question. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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