G.S.P.S/K Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 Hi guys, just wanted your advice on a particularly painful subject for me. I have made the decision to split with my partner who I have been living with for 2 and 1/4 years. We have acquired 2 dogs together during that time. I plan to take both dogs with me. In the past we've discussed hypothetically what would happen if we split. He thinks he should have one I should have the other, but I don't want to choose between them. What I want to know is, do you think I have a case to take both? I'll give you my reasons: I am the dog lover and have had dogs before, where as for him they are his first pets.I pushed to get the dogs.I chose the breeds that I wanted.They are registered and microchipped in my name.I have a lot more time to spend with them, he works long hours.I know a lot more about dogs and their needs- I have worked as a groomer, done work experience at a vet, and obedience trained 2 dogs prior to the current dogs, and constantly extend my knowledge by reading books, magazines and things online about dogs- he is not interested in any of this. He loves the dogs and has paid half of their required expenses such as food, flea/worming, vet bills and the cost to buy them in the first place. It will break my heart to see him say goodbye to them for the last time, but he has also stipulated that if we ever did split he wouldn't want shared custody as it would be more painful for him to have to keep saying goodbye and to keep seeing me than to never see us again. Is it fair for me to take both dogs? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Labradork Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 (edited) I think it's probably best that the two dogs stay together, whomever they end up living with. eta That's assuming that they're great mates, of course. Edited January 16, 2013 by Labradork Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sandra777 Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 I think you will find that by law they are your dogs since they're chipped & registered in your name, but you have to be realisitic too - if you have discussed this already & decided what is going to happen (even 'theoretically') then if I was in your partner's situation I would expect you to stand by your word. Think this is something you are going to have to be adult about and discuss with your partner. Obviously the argument that he has less time than you for the dogs needs to come in to it. If the dogs are great friends then perhaps this would be another argument, but the idea that because they're his first pets he has less rights in some way just floors me. Yep, by the strict letter of the law I would agree you own the dogs, but that's not always what life is about. Personally I wouldn't bother with stressing about keeping the dogs together or anything, I assume they are young dogs (ie that you haven't bought a pair of 10 year olds in the past 2 years :laugh:) - they will almost certainly adapt to whatever your new arrangements are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Labradork Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 (edited) Oh sorry, I thought you meant that you bought the two dogs together as a pair... "We have acquired 2 dogs together during that time." Edited January 16, 2013 by Labradork Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loving my Oldies Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 (edited) - sorry messed up quotes - Edited January 16, 2013 by Danny's Darling Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loving my Oldies Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 They are registered and microchipped in my name. Is it fair for me to take both dogs? I know you ask is it fair, but the emboldened bit is your answer. And apart from that, you also both need to consider what is fair for the dogs. I think you have answered that satisfactorily as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
julesluvscavs Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 I haven't really got any advice for you, but Im sorry to hear about your split up Its probably something most of us wouldn't think about happening, but of course it does, and its always difficult on children and pets too.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dogsfevr Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 Just because you now more shouldn't mean your entitled to both or automatically make a better owner. It may simply mean you took it upon yourself to do more around the house because of your experience but it doesn't mean the other person will be a bad owner straight away . If you discussed this topic & he said he would like one at the time then you need to respect that after all what was the point of bringing up the topic?? It maybe a case of doing a trial & seeing how each party deals with it or the OH may decide that with him working it may not work as well but just because he works shouldn't mean he can't have It likes saying if your not working you can't afford them . You both need to discuss the pros & cons . He has contributed just as much & just because there chipped in your name doesn't mean your entitled ,did he refuse his name being on the chip or was he not given the option? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G.S.P.S/K Posted January 16, 2013 Author Share Posted January 16, 2013 Thanks for the replies guys. Sandra777 I wouldn't be going back on my word as I never agreed to us keeping 1 each, that was just what he said he would want. Also by my argument that he hasn't had dogs/pets before what I meant is I'm better equipped to look after them and I was the driving force behind getting them. He wouldn't have got a dog if I wasn't in his life. He may well now after experiencing them however. I should add my deal to him is I wont make any claims on the house or shared possessions/ furniture if I can have the dogs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pollywaffle Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 Unfortunately it's not just about who has better credentials to care for the dogs, it's also about love and what your soon to be ex has emotionally outlayed on both dogs..this is the bigger consideration and one I think that needs discussion with your (soon to be) ex....sorry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dougal Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 For me it's about how you decided to bring the dogs into your family. My dogs are part of the family and adored by all family members, but ultimately I am responsible for them, and they have always been considered my dogs. Our children are shared :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loving my Oldies Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 Sadly when break ups occur, children and pets are the ones who suffer most - from what one reads. I hope the dogs don't become pawns or a way of one person trying to punish the other. As the dogs have spent virtually their whole lives together I think it would be cruel to separate them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
k9angel Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 (edited) Sorry to hear you are going through this. A seperation can be a very difficult time, not only for the humans involved but for the dogs too. I'd be keeping them together, especially if they have formed a strong bond. Why cause them anymore stress? Edited January 16, 2013 by k9angel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ash1 Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 I think in this scenario it's a bit like children; you need to do what's best for the children ("furkids" in this case), not what best suits the adults wants/needs. It's not like dividing furniture. If the dogs are a bonded pair then they need to be kept together, IMHO. If the dogs don't get along particularly well, then it may be best to split them anyway. If you take both and are still on amicable terms with your ex, perhaps you could visit a shelter together to choose him a dog that may be best suited to his lifestyle? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bjelkier Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 For me it's not about who has the better credentials provided both sides can afford to keep the dogs. Who are the dogs more bonded with? If my OH and I ever broke up I would take the boys, without a doubt they are mine but he would get my first home bred girl Dany. She is very much his dog and although it would hurt me to lose her she would be happier with him and IMO it's more important to let the dog go with 'their' human. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebanne Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 Sorry but you are not automatically the better owner just because you say so. Your partner has an equal say in what happens to the dogs, after all they are half his. You need to talk to him, not a forum. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dame Aussie Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 Sorry but you are not automatically the better owner just because you say so. Your partner has an equal say in what happens to the dogs, after all they are half his. You need to talk to him, not a forum. I agree with this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loving my Oldies Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 Sorry but you are not automatically the better owner just because you say so. Your partner has an equal say in what happens to the dogs, after all they are half his. You need to talk to him, not a forum. Well that puts the kybosh on 99% of the topics on any forum Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G.S.P.S/K Posted January 16, 2013 Author Share Posted January 16, 2013 (edited) Why do people have to be really arrogant and nasty when all people like me need is a bit of a sounding board, as I'm yet to have the official discussion with my OH. As I said its an extremely painful and heartbreaking thing for me and I can't stop crying over it, and am devastated to be hurting my OH in this way Edited January 16, 2013 by G.S.P.S/K Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greytmate Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 I should add my deal to him is I wont make any claims on the house or shared possessions/ furniture if I can have the dogs. I wouldn't be making any deal with him about house or furniture. The dogs are a separate thing. Who is moving out? If it is you, just take the dogs with you. Then when you settle for an amount of money, the monetary value of the dogs and what has been contributed to their upkeep can be taken into account. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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