Helping A Pet Cope With Loss

[Chicken]

Some of you will know that I lost my Cav Fern on Wednesday. It is hard enough for me to cope, but my Rottie, Abby, isn't coping either.

Abby and Fern weren't like some dogs who are joined at the hip and dote on each other, but they had a quiet bond and clearly loved each other.

Since Fern passed, Abby has been howling every afternoon when I get home from work. When she comes inside she just sits and stares at me. She's always been pretty cruisy and not really run around inside or anything like that, but she is just so quiet now.

And since before Fern passed Abby had bumped her trying to get out the door and this was ultimately what caused her to be put to sleep, abby is very funny around doors at the moment. She doesn't want to go outside in the morning and refuses to go out unless I walk out the door first and call her.

Does any one know of anything I can do to help her? As much as I want Fern back, I dont want Abby to suffer and I want her happy as well.

[persephone]

awww

Rescue remedy will help ... human dose .

keep to your routine if you can ...

make sure she has out of the house time - take her for car rides/walk/visiting folks

massage

feed her what she really loves

Vacuum , use a deodoriser .. clean away bedding etc .

Try not to use Fern's name .

I am sorry you now have this to cope with, chicken. Take care.

[Chicken]

I accidently called Fern to put her to bed last night....

I vacuumed and mopped and everything last night as well. Cant quite bring myself to put away Fern's bowl and bed yet. I tried but

Abby has always come with me in the car to my mum's or to Karate or other places I go. Karate has finished for the year now, but I will make a few special trips just to take her out.

I have just asked the lady next door if she has heard Abby during the day and apparently she has been howling nearly non stop the last 2 days. So much so that she has stuck her head over the fence numerous times to make sure she is ok. So glad I have a good neighbour who doesn't crack the shits with all my doggy stuff.

[Loving my Oldies]

This is a very distressing time for you and Abby made worse for you because you have to also witness Abby's distress and confusion.

Comfort her and give her time.

Persephone's idea of massage is spot one. Google Tellington TTouch.

Condolences and hugs to you both.

[gwp4me]

Chicken, so sorry you lost your beloved pet. Same happened to me when Struppie's brother Strolchie died, we both suffered.

For months, Struppie lay on the ground like a doormat, looking up the track where they had taken off, listening, waiting for Strolchie's return. Best thing I ever did, was to find us a new puppy, whom Struppie, the male dog, then reared like a mother. Have you thought of getting a new instant mate for Abby (and yourself), so many deserving dogs, waiting to be loved, at pounds or Rescue Organisations at present?????

[Loving my Oldies]

Chicken, so sorry you lost your beloved pet. Same happened to me when Struppie's brother Strolchie died, we both suffered.

For months, Struppie lay on the ground like a doormat, looking up the track where they had taken off, listening, waiting for Strolchie's return. Best thing I ever did, was to find us a new puppy, whom Struppie, the male dog, then reared like a mother. Have you thought of getting a new instant mate for Abby (and yourself), so many deserving dogs, waiting to be loved, at pounds or Rescue Organisations at present?????

That's a tough call, gwp4me, but one I certainly understand and, with recognising that it is up to the griever, one I endorse. Many years ago, when I brought home another dog to a home which comprised me and Nammu, Nammu was almost instantly healed from a little dog who couldn't be left alone, who cried and whimpered whenever anybody came to the house, who jumped in the car looking for Calypso whenever I came home. Whilst he and the dog I adopted didn't become soul mates, he had the company of another dog and that was what seemed to matter.

I hope you and Abby find a way through the grief, Chicken.

[persephone]

One thing I have tried to do is to let other animals say 'goodbye ' .. by allowing them to spend time with the deceased .

This seems to then let them know most of what they need to ....and I have had not many problems. It's not easy , watching them, but they realise quickly .

I have done this with horses, sheep, cats, dogs, mice ....

[westiemum]

One thing I have tried to do is to let other animals say 'goodbye ' .. by allowing them to spend time with the deceased .

This seems to then let them know most of what they need to ....and I have had not many problems. It's not easy , watching them, but they realise quickly .

I have done this with horses, sheep, cats, dogs, mice ....

Pers that's a very sensible, very tough and loving thing to do. I've been wondering how Mac's eventuall passing will affect my other two. Letting them spend time with Mac after he's gone is a good idea.(Assuning he's the first to go of my three). Thanks. But at the risk of being a bit morbid, how did you actually let them spend time together? ( I really want to be prepared when that really difficult time comes)

[julesluvscavs]

Im sorry to hear about Fern, Chicken, that is so sad. You probably have posted about it on fb but I never see your posts in my newsfeeds. Was it sudden?

We went through a similar situation years ago with our last dog. Jenna and Joey were very close, and it was the saddest thing to watch Joey fret after.

We tried not to make too much fuss over him, as he is a sensitive boy at the best of times, but we did take him on extra drives/outings for quite a days after. We just kept up with his normal routine as much as possible.

Luckily his breeder rehomed us his Mother a few months later and that was a blessing in itself for all of us.

We may be going thought it at some stage again with Renae (Joey's Mum) as she's over 10 now, and has just started having liver issues I don't even want to think about it !

We may be getting a cav puppy (we have been searching for a long time) and if this puppy comes to be ( we will know in about 4 weeks time) I think it will be perfect timing in that there will be another cav around to entertain Joey, if something should happen to his Mother later. I think he already knows something is up with his Mother.

Anyway I don't have much other advice, but I feel your heartbreak. How old was Fern?

RIP Fern and hugs for your Chicken and your Rotti x

Edited December 14, 2012 by Jules♥Cavs

[persephone]

This could a bit raw for some .. sorry. As words explaining death and 'forever' don't work with our pets ..I fell they need to see it themselves...

Westiemum .. after a pet dies , I just place it on a bed or whatever near where it used to spend time ... and encourage the others . With my mice ..it was probably the saddest ..two brothers , very close ..and the remaining one sat next to his dead brother for ever so long , and sniffed , until he realised that here was no response ..and he went off. he died about a week later ...they were both old boys.

Luckily most of our animals here die at home by our hand ..and the others are usually given a chance to have a sniff and a look afterwards . They do seem to then realise , by the lack of response/different smell ..that this is final....and I find that they don't go looking as much...and after a short time, we do the burial ,well away from the house.

Edited December 14, 2012 by persephone

[persephone]

I think he already knows something is up with his Mother.

Jules..they do .

Different body language and different scents produced by the body - either from a disease process or medications certainly make them aware .! I've seen it many times.

[Chicken]

Jules, Fern was nearly 12. She and Abby we both tyring to get out the back door at the same time and Abby won. She bumped Fern on her way past and Fern hit the door frame. Straight away Fern's back was twisted and her left leg was pointing to the roof. I was hoping she had just dislocated her hip again as she has done this before and we were told it would be likely to happen again. I got her to the vets and due to her heart murmur being so bad we made the decision to give her her wings instead of have her possibly pass on the operating table under anesthetic.

Abby does have another doggy companion, a 2 year old Amstaff, but they are not close at all, they tolerate each other, but thats about it. He has been trying to get Abby to play for the last few days but she wont have a bar of it. The only thing that is helping at the moment is the little rescue kitten I had. Fern loved Charlie (kitten) and Charlie would hang off Ferns ears and tail and chase her around. Abby has started to follow charlie around the house since fern is gone. Her tail had a little wag to it last night when Charlie was tormenting her.

I was considering getting a puppy prior to Fern going, but circumstances changed and I was unable to. I think if the right cav turned up then I would. I was thinking about it yesterday and I think I would love to find a pup or young dog with Fern in its line. Like a great grandchild of Ferns or something.

[Loving my Oldies]

I think little Charlie might be the helper/healer here.

And, in time, Abby may play with your Amstaff. I hope so.

[julesluvscavs]

I think he already knows something is up with his Mother.

Jules..they do .

Different body language and different scents produced by the body - either from a disease process or medications certainly make them aware .! I've seen it many times.

I never noticed it with him and Jenna (I probably didn't want to notice it at the time), but i am noticing it with him and his Mother. And it like he's always been the submissive one, but lately he's kind of stepping up..

Edited December 15, 2012 by Jules♥Cavs

[julesluvscavs]

Jules, Fern was nearly 12. She and Abby we both tyring to get out the back door at the same time and Abby won. She bumped Fern on her way past and Fern hit the door frame. Straight away Fern's back was twisted and her left leg was pointing to the roof. I was hoping she had just dislocated her hip again as she has done this before and we were told it would be likely to happen again. I got her to the vets and due to her heart murmur being so bad we made the decision to give her her wings instead of have her possibly pass on the operating table under anesthetic.

Abby does have another doggy companion, a 2 year old Amstaff, but they are not close at all, they tolerate each other, but thats about it. He has been trying to get Abby to play for the last few days but she wont have a bar of it. The only thing that is helping at the moment is the little rescue kitten I had. Fern loved Charlie (kitten) and Charlie would hang off Ferns ears and tail and chase her around. Abby has started to follow charlie around the house since fern is gone. Her tail had a little wag to it last night when Charlie was tormenting her.

I was considering getting a puppy prior to Fern going, but circumstances changed and I was unable to. I think if the right cav turned up then I would. I was thinking about it yesterday and I think I would love to find a pup or young dog with Fern in its line. Like a great grandchild of Ferns or something.

Well I do believe a lot of things are in the laps of the gods as they say, and if something is meant to be, it will come along . Timing is everything .

Im glad your little rescue kitten is helping. Support come in various ways and forms *hugs*

BTW 12 is a good age for a cav with a heart murmur.. if thats any consolation You did the right thing giving Fern her wings x

Edited December 15, 2012 by Jules♥Cavs

[Chicken]

So many people tell me I did the right thing, and on some level, I know I did, but it doesnt feel like it. She was happy. Slow and fragile, but happy. And she loved having Charlie there. He was like her instant friend. Fern could play with him, at least he was the same size as her!!

[persephone]

So many people tell me I did the right thing, and on some level, I know I did, but it doesnt feel like it. She was happy.

yes, she was... but that injury would have changed all that .. it is similar to a very elderly and frail human breaking a hip ..like my Mum .the surgery was just too much for her old body to cope with...

[Loving my Oldies]

So many people tell me I did the right thing, and on some level, I know I did, but it doesnt feel like it. She was happy. Slow and fragile, but happy. And she loved having Charlie there. He was like her instant friend. Fern could play with him, at least he was the same size as her!!

So many people tell me I did the right thing, and on some level, I know I did, but it doesnt feel like it. She was happy.

yes, she was... but that injury would have changed all that .. it is similar to a very elderly and frail human breaking a hip ..like my Mum .the surgery was just too much for her old body to cope with...

Chicken, persephone is right. And despite knowing we have done "the right thing" by one of our old, sick, injured, damaged animals and pets, we many many times have out doubts and wonder whether we could have done more (and sometimes less). Be kind to yourself as you would be to someone else in your situation.

[Riley James]

Chicken my heart goes out to you and I do understand how you feel

We lost one of our dogs only a couple of months ago he was a terrier cross (it was an accident) and our Ridgie boy was and is still sad.

But on the day what we think helped a lot is what Pers has recommended we took his little body down to the dog run as soon as we got home from the vets.

The big fella just knew he was gone. As soon as we started carrying Sniffy down to the run the big fella just started to howl and cry and it was almost like a scream.

We lay Sniffy on the ground and let Boof out to sniff him he lay down beside him and just cried he them did the nose push to get him to move

After a while we took Sniffys body to where we had decided to bury him and dug the hole.

Boof watched all of this while lying beside the Sniffys body. .

Once Sniffy was buried we walked away but Boof just sat at the grave site and cried and cried and cried..

He often now still goes and sits up there.

But I'm positive it helped that he knew that his little mate was dead not just gone.......

We kept the same routine apart from having him inside a lot more and gave lots of cuddles. He doesn't do the zomies that he used to do as he doesn't have Sniffy to do,them with so I try and get him going a bit by chasing him around and he loves it for about 2 min then has had enough.

OH has taken to taking Boof with him everywhere whenever he leaves the property (apart from work)

But we are getting a new puppy tomorrow (had to be a terrier in memory of Sniffy) and hope it will bring a bit of his old spark back.

Hugs to you and your Rotti.

You def did the right thing.

We also got some rescue remedy but tried to keep,life as it was going to be from now on as we didn't want to get him into a new routine with out Sniffy and then change it again just because time had moved on.

Xxx

Cheers Janet