Have You Ever 'unbonded' With A Dog?

[Guest Labradork]

Oops, double post.

Edited November 20, 2012 by Labradork

[Little Gifts]

deleted because it was OT to OP issues.

Edited November 20, 2012 by Puppy_Sniffer

[dotdashdot]

ZPerhaps we should get peoples definitions of bonding?

For me it's an experience of peace, love, joy, happiness, connectedness, relatedness, deep understanding and strong, protective, motherly feelings, and feeling a bit overwhelmed at times.

This would be my definition too. I haven't "unbonded", but I have not bonded with a dog that we currently live with (husbands childhood dog).

[Guest Labradork]

ZPerhaps we should get peoples definitions of bonding?

For me it's an experience of peace, love, joy, happiness, connectedness, relatedness, deep understanding and strong, protective, motherly feelings, and feeling a bit overwhelmed at times.

This would be my definition too. I haven't "unbonded", but I have not bonded with a dog that we currently live with (husbands childhood dog).

I would have problems bonding with someone else's dog. That would be hard.

Edited November 21, 2012 by Labradork

[Guest Willow]

I had a dog I never bonded with....from day one I regretted my decision to choose her, and I felt terribly guilty about it too. She had dreadful issues (BYB mixed breed)which were apparent within a few hours of getting her home. Her agression got worse and worse despite behaviourist help, and she ended up being PTS at 11 months after she attacked me for the umpteenth time.

I have also "unbonded" with a dog I was previously bonded to.

I'm glad you started this thread, because up till now I felt like the worst person in the world, and now I see I'm certainly not alone.

[westiemum]

Nope. Even with my dementing, slightly incontinent old westie. I love him to bits - and even more these days if that's possible. But I have heard of people PTSing their old incontinent dogs because they couldn't deal with the incontinence - they'd have to have 'unbonded' with their dog in that case, wouldn't they?

[sas]

I had a dog I never bonded with until it was abour 4 years of age and even then it could be strained at the best of times, apart from that wven with all our fosters I have always bonded with them but I think it's reasonable to expect you won't bond with them all just like you don't bond with all people for a variety of different reasons.

[casowner]

I have a struggle to form real bonds with dogs ever since I lost my heart dog Chief, I loved my little girl Shannon and she is a part of me and I miss her daily. Jake was the most amazingly awesome dog and I am forever grateful to him for what he did for our family but I can't say I was completely bonded to him, I loved him absolutely though and that is more apparent now that he is gone. I am the same with a lot of animals now, I love them all but I form instant bonds to certain animals. I am incredibly bonded to two of my kangaroos Daisy and Poppy, I was completely bonded to my Arabian stallion (RIP Aaraa) and I formed an immediate bond to my new retired Clydie who I have only had a few weeks.

Regardless of my bonding or lack thereof they are all treated with love and respect

[Cougar]

I have sort of considered re-homing but he's not a young dog, he's unpredictable around little dogs and clearly not cat-safe, plus there's so many of them already needing homes that I don't know if I could even try. Look, he's not that unhappy - he's great with my son and he does make us laugh when he's hooning around in the yard with our other dog. And he can look miserable even when he's happy - must be the long face!

I guess I never expected the ambivalence thing. It would be easier to understand if there had been some sort of incident (like the ones that some of you have very kindly shared with me), its been more of a gradual decline - which you don't notice for a while. Still not entirely sure what to make of it all. And please don't think i treat him worse because of all this, he still does all the stuff that we do, there's just an added layer of complexity. I could never mistreat an animal for any reason, least of all when the problem is mine.

Thanks to everyone, I am glad I asked - you've all been great and given me some things to think about.

Edited November 20, 2012 by Cougar

[hankdog]

That sounds like a really tough situation, has he ever seemed to click with anyone else. Seems others have found homes where the dog fits, personally I don't like cats or the beach and you'd need to tether me in a camp ground but I have my hands full.

[dee lee]

I've had a dog that i loved straight away, but that caused so much difficulty to our lives within weeks of bringing her home, that I couldn't sustain that bond. I'd come home from our daily traumatic walk (she was badly DA- I couldn't walk her within blocks of another dog without her going ballistic, despite training), sit on the step in tears & tell her how much better her life would be if she'd get over her issues. Then she'd jump on me uncontrollably & knock me over... It was a heartbreaking time. After a long time spent trying to deal with her issues, we had to accept that management of her DA wasn't working in our house & she was pts.

I am not sure I un-bonded as such, I just was emotionally numb with the trauma of the situation. I know it broke my heart to hold her as she died, so maybe the bond was still there?

[Salukifan]

I think it would be hard to bond or remain bonded with a dog if you got no pleasure from the relationship. Certain breeds leave me cold and I know my breeds leave some others feeling the same. Best thing for the dog if its suitable is a new home. Sometimes you won't know that home is out there unless you look.

[chuckandsteve]

I fall head over heels for every dog i meet. My current foster if he ends up leaving will break my heart.

He is not the right dog for us as he and my male staffy can't be alone together and he is a hell of a lot of work (reactive) but him leaving will break my heart all the same. I could understand though how people wouldn't bond with him, cant decide if OH has or not (he will always deny with foster dogs lol)

[*kirty*]

I have a dog who I love but never bonded with. I know when he dies, a weight will be lifted. But he has issues and he's getting old now so I couldn't rehome him. He continues to do things that make me dislike him more and more and I admit I wish we never got him.

[Rainers]

Yes I have. I no longer see one of my dogs very much as he is living with my mum's boyfriend (as she'll be moving in soon) and I haven't seen him much since I left home. I like to see him when I do but don't miss him.

One of my dogs I never bonded with at all, yet my newest dog I'm besotted with in a matter of months.

It's no reflection on the owner or the dog, they just don't match. I certainly don't/wouldn't feel guilty.

[disintegratus]

I had a really close bond with my parent's dog Jack. We got him when I was still living at home, just out of school and didn't have a job, so was home all the time with him. That was a truly amazing bond. Then I moved out. It was actually okay for a couple of weeks because I left all my stuff at home and moved out gradually (I moved around the corner when my sister and I bought our grandmothers house.) I was still taking him to training and spending heaps of time with him, but then I packed up my (our) bed and took it to my new house. Jack wouldn't talk to me for weeks. I'd go over to Mum's house and he'd run up to the door, see it was me and turn around and walk away. Then one week at training, Jack cocked his leg and peed on me, in front of the whole class! I'm aware that I'm anthropomorphising, but I swear that was a calculated act of revenge for moving out and taking his bed away. Now he has to sleep on a dog bed, like a dog!! I really miss the bond we had, and I know there's nothing I could do to get it back. I don't think Jack has ever truly forgiven me for it, even though he's talking to me again.

We had a couple of incidents with my boy Thundercleese. When my sister and I moved house, she said I couldn't keep my ferrets inside any more because they stink. She was also opposed to me getting a large aviary for them because she thought they were ugly. So I got them a walk in chicken coop. Apparently fox proof, but not dog proof:( Thundercleese killed one of my ferrets, would have been playing with him because he adores the ferrets, but 40kg vs 1kg, that had to end badly. So I recognised there was a problem, and I put panelling over the top of the mesh that formed the sides of the coop. I didn't have enough timber to finish the job, and so I fixed it temporarily which was fine for a few days, then I went to bunnings and bought some more fence palings. Came home to another hole and no ferrets. Found them a month later when we had blocked drains.

That coupled with his Fear aggression issues really made me resent him, and I was almost at the point of having him PTS because I was not enjoying him and we were both miserable. He overloves me, but at that point I wasn't having a bar of it. I couldn't forgive him for what he'd done. The problem was I couldn't take a break from him either. He's too big and strong for my sister to handle and she's not interested anyway. She likes the idea of getting new animals, but after the initial "yay" phase, it all gets left up to me.

I'm glad I didn't get him euthed though. I've managed to forgive him (mostly because I eventually realised that at the end of the day it's my fault, I should have seen the problems with the chicken coop and I should have listened to my gut saying it was an inadequate option and gotten a decent aviary regardless of my sister's opinion) and we are strongly bonded again. :)

[Blakbelgian]

many many years ago we bred a litter and kept brother & sister.

I didn't quite bond with the sister, she knew how to push my buttons. She knew what was good behaviour and what wasn't.

She was a sweet girl but knew how to agrregevate me.

I guess it didn't help her cause that she was wrong for the show ring but OH loved her said she was staying.And we had several others as well.

She did until the age of 8 yrs then went to live with my MIL.

BB

[Pollywaffle]

Cougar, I think you are beating yourself up internally over feelings you can't fabricate! In an ideal world we would all give and receive equal amounts of love, but it doesn't work that way in reality. I think that you have to just accept how you feel, acknowledge it and carry on giving your Dog A the care and attention he has obviously always enjoyed. When he goes you will be able to look yourself in the mirror and say to yourself (with no self-recriminations), I gave him the best I could - that's already so much more than many dog owners (non-DOLers) do!!

Ease up on yourself!

[flame ryder]

I looked at my rescue dog the day I found her at the pound and instantly fell in love with her good looks and quiet ways. I felt the first stirrings of a potentially great bond. Then we bought her home and after a few weeks we noticed her 'issues'. Over the last 4 years we have owned her I have tried to deal with her severe dog aggression issues, but one day at obedience class she attacked another dog and the owner got between them and got bitten. Now that a human has been harmed that's it....she no longer leaves this property. She will end her days here and to be brutally honest I wish I had never got her in the first place. She loves me and my OH and is completely bonded to us, but acts weird around the other family members to the point of hiding when OH and I went away for a romantic weekend alone. She apparently didn't eat for the 3 days we were gone because my daughter was doing the feeding. She has a good life hooning around our large acreage with our other dogs. Although I will be sad when she dies it will actually be a relief. I can't cope with her mental issues. It would be impossible to re-home her as I consider her dangerous and it would be irresponsible to re-home her even if I told the new owners all of her issues I would still feel responsible if any other dogs, or kids got hurt.

Although we didn't un-bond as such those initial feelings of potential great bonding gradually faded away over time. Now she is simply another dog who we are fond of but are very disappointed with.

[dotdashdot]

I think it would be hard to bond or remain bonded with a dog if you got no pleasure from the relationship. Certain breeds leave me cold and I know my breeds leave some others feeling the same. Best thing for the dog if its suitable is a new home. Sometimes you won't know that home is out there unless you look.

That's how I am! I get absolutely no pleasure from being around my OH's childhood dog. Everyone else loves her and my OH reckons I don't like her because I never tried to bond and I don't want to like her. That's not true, I work in a pet store and there are certain customer's dogs that I "click" with and others that I am indifferent to and yes, a lot of the time breed plays a part.

I am a dog person though, If this dog that we live with needed help I would help her (been trying to get OH's mum to take her to the vet for a year now and I have bought her superpremium foods from my work so that she's not just on supermarket stuff all the time) so Im never cruel or anything, but I just don't love her to the end of the earth like I do my dally and other family dogs. I also see that my dog is her best friend and Im glad that Cleo has that doggy companionship every single day.