Have You Ever 'unbonded' With A Dog?

[Sandra777]

"unbonded" - no, but like someone has already said, there's been a few I never "bonded" with in the first place.

Personally I think there's far too much emphasis put on so-called bonding. Some dogs have lived out their lives with us and they are still missed to this day, others have stayed for life and sometimes we are hard pressed to remember their names. Sorry if that offends sensibilities but each and every dog here is given love, boundries, training, food and attention regardless of whether we feel some sort of "bond" or not. Some we have had to rehome for various reasons and are never missed, some we still talk about and wish we could have kept and one I had to rehome I still miss terribly and want to "replace" her every single day.

If you no longer want to share your life with a specific dog this IMO isn't anything to feel ashamed about and if it's in the best interests of the dog for it to be rehomed then so long as it's done responsibly then personally I see nothing wrong with it - but dumping it in a pound because you don't want it is a whole different story! Not suggesting this is what the OP is intending, just saying those people that do are pond scum.

[cowanbree]

Yes. I had a bitch that initiated an attack on my gorgeous oldie Kayla who was asleep on her bed, she had over 100 stitches. I rehomed her to a single dog home

I have heard similar stories from folk who've had a dog maim or kill another one of theirs. Under those circumstances it would be hard to feel the same about a dog I think.

I have no doubt that my Labrador would maim or kill my Rotti/Pittie cross if they were ever to be allowed to get into a scrap again. They both stll bear the scars from their last fight a few years ago, which is a constant reminder to me of why they are separated.

On the other hand, I couldn't rehome either of them either - as I know exactly what they are capable of if triggered off. Good thing I love them both to death and can manage to keep them here and keep them separate... but don't think all those evil thoughts about one or both of them didn't cross my mind after the last fight they had...

T.

To be honest if the vet would have done it she would have been pts on the day of the attack. I tried to get past it but it was a totally unprovoked attack on a gorgeous gentle oldie. I found it impossible to forgive her and after much thought and soul searching rehomed her as an only dog.

I have a friend who had a terrible incident where a strange bitch got into the whelping room and killed the newborn puppies. I really wish she had rehomed this dog. It was fed and got the care needed but it was never forgiven. She could have been someone's loved pet as she was a lovely dog.

Edited November 20, 2012 by cowanbree

[pepe001]

I got a GSD from an RSPCA a while ago. He was a nice dog and we trialled, got our CD title and did lots of doggy activities. When a friend rang me to ask if I knew someone who wanted to rehome a GSD as they wanted an adult I thought of him. I took him around to their house, put him on a stay at the front door and told him to bark. They invited him in and he was 'home'. He adored them and they adored him. When he saw me he would come over for a pat but never take his eyes off his boss. They rang me a few years ago to tell me he had died of cancer and that they never expect to get such a good dog ever again. He was the man's heart-dog, no doubt. To me he was nice but a bit annoying. Like most posters here I never really bonded and never missed him when he left.

[huski]

I found it really difficult to bond with my beagle, there was a point where I just didn't like her and she wasn't at all affectionate and was just constant hard work. I'm sure she didn't like me either! Learning how to handle her differently to get the best out of her made the biggest different and now of course I love and adore her.

[Dame Aussie]

I don't get that at all. I don't think I've ever met a dog I didn't pretty much fall in love with, I can't imagine a dog being annoying or unlikeable. I think they all have something gorgeous about them.

I'm not saying there's anything bad about it, I guess I've just never experienced it.

[mixeduppup]

I still haven't bonded with Torque, I love her but she's just really difficult to bond with...not sure why.

[Cougar]

OP here. Thanks for sharing, I really appreciate it. And just to clarify - I would never dump an animal at a pound. The dog in question is still very much looked after, fed, walked, comes inside and all the things you do with a dog. Its just that as Sandra777 said, there are some dogs that you don't/wouldn't miss and I sadly think the one of my current dogs is in that category. Am considering the possibility that maybe we've never really bonded? Which is something I hadn't really considered.

Let me see if I can tell this in a sensible fashion. So Dog A is a sighthound and comes with sighthound limitations. He did kill one of my cats a number of years ago - didn't really hold that against him back then, he has a strong prey drive - so we've kept dogs and cats separate for years now, it's pain in the bum but you do what you have to. He's stubborn and barks til he gets what he wants. I never did quite figure out how to manage that aspect of his behaviour - growling at him never had any effect. He's a funny bugger - its' like I can't make him happy? We go to the beach, he's cold (even with a coat on), can't run with the other dogs and generally looks miserable. But I leave him at home and he carries on like a beast. I can't win - and that makes me feel like crap.

Dog B comes into the picture - she is quite frankly the most perfect, wonderful, amazing dog I've ever had. Recalls like a dream, super temperament and people love her. Consequently we're able to do things like go to the beach, let her off lead and do normal dog things that people do with their dogs. We take them camping, she just cruises around camp, comes back when you ask her to and we keep dog A tethered or on lead (which again he looks miserable about).

Part of the problem is that the amazingness of dog B is really showing us the limitations of Dog A - which I guess is why I feel so incredibly crap about my lack of feeling towards dog A. Dog B could be easily trained out of cat issues, then I can reintegrate cats and dogs and relieve the stress of running 2 separate sets of animals (and I also have a nearly 4 year old son, so yes that too).

But its not the dog's fault - he basically is what he's always been, its other stuff that has changed and I just feel so horrid about it all. I hate that I think, hmmm one day when you die, life will be quite different and easier for me. It's just so wrong and I feel like absolute crap when I love dogs and don't view them as a disposable commodity and yet I have such ambivalance towards one of my own. I don't know whether I've failed him or myself or both. So yeah - you can now condemn me if you choose, but realistically you can't call me anything I haven't called myself.

Thanks for reading.

[HazyWal]

No I haven't experienced it but to those who have I understand and think it is a wonderful thing to re-home them and give them the best you can. Having said that I have had a couple of fosters that I couldn't wait till they found their forever homes but maybe that was because they were fosters and I never really tried that hard...I don't know.

[MishB]

I have unbonded with a dog

We had a working kelpie when I was younger, he was my late fathers dog and he was a great dog,very affectionate and loving, he also provided us with a connection to Dad after he died. One day he just brain snapped for no apparent reason and went to attack my god child from across the room, i remember josh hadnt been anywhere near him at the time, Devil just had a quiet low growl and flew off his bed towards josh who was about 4 years old,I reacted instinctively and managed to intercept him before he reached young josh, I caught his collar, he bit through my hand and kept trying to attack me while I dragged him to his kennel.I have a couple of scars on my arm and hand where he got me, it was pretty full on. we took him to the vet who couldn't find anything wrong after a barrage of tests, mum said she would have him pts if I wanted but I couldn't bring myself to have him put down. We had only lost Dad a year earlier.

To this day I have no clue why he did it, but I never felt the same about that dog again.Devil also avoided me afterwards & probably picked up on my distrust of him. I never let my kids near him when we visited my mum even though she said he ever again showed any aggression & she kept him until he died of old age quite a few years later.

[Maddy]

No I haven't experienced it but to those who have I understand and think it is a wonderful thing to re-home them and give them the best you can. Having said that I have had a couple of fosters that I couldn't wait till they found their forever homes but maybe that was because they were fosters and I never really tried that hard...I don't know.

I've felt that way about a few foster hounds, just no connection with them

I have to admit I struggle to like Bosley at times- his temperament reminds me a lot of a previous foster that I wasn't overly fond of but.. I committed to keeping Bosley (he's partially blind and his breeder was worried about him being bounced from home to home) so I guess I have 10-15 years to sort it out. It's definitely not easy though, especially when you have a really good dog to compare to. In Bosley's case, that's actually Kiff- even though he's old and lazy and grumpy, we communicate well and we're past even needing verbal cues, he just knows what I want (by body language or whatever).

[MishB]

OP here. Thanks for sharing, I really appreciate it. And just to clarify - I would never dump an animal at a pound. The dog in question is still very much looked after, fed, walked, comes inside and all the things you do with a dog. Its just that as Sandra777 said, there are some dogs that you don't/wouldn't miss and I sadly think the one of my current dogs is in that category. Am considering the possibility that maybe we've never really bonded? Which is something I hadn't really considered.

Let me see if I can tell this in a sensible fashion. So Dog A is a sighthound and comes with sighthound limitations. He did kill one of my cats a number of years ago - didn't really hold that against him back then, he has a strong prey drive - so we've kept dogs and cats separate for years now, it's pain in the bum but you do what you have to. He's stubborn and barks til he gets what he wants. I never did quite figure out how to manage that aspect of his behaviour - growling at him never had any effect. He's a funny bugger - its' like I can't make him happy? We go to the beach, he's cold (even with a coat on), can't run with the other dogs and generally looks miserable. But I leave him at home and he carries on like a beast. I can't win - and that makes me feel like crap.

Dog B comes into the picture - she is quite frankly the most perfect, wonderful, amazing dog I've ever had. Recalls like a dream, super temperament and people love her. Consequently we're able to do things like go to the beach, let her off lead and do normal dog things that people do with their dogs. We take them camping, she just cruises around camp, comes back when you ask her to and we keep dog A tethered or on lead (which again he looks miserable about).

Part of the problem is that the amazingness of dog B is really showing us the limitations of Dog A - which I guess is why I feel so incredibly crap about my lack of feeling towards dog A. Dog B could be easily trained out of cat issues, then I can reintegrate cats and dogs and relieve the stress of running 2 separate sets of animals (and I also have a nearly 4 year old son, so yes that too).

But its not the dog's fault - he basically is what he's always been, its other stuff that has changed and I just feel so horrid about it all. I hate that I think, hmmm one day when you die, life will be quite different and easier for me. It's just so wrong and I feel like absolute crap when I love dogs and don't view them as a disposable commodity and yet I have such ambivalance towards one of my own. I don't know whether I've failed him or myself or both. So yeah - you can now condemn me if you choose, but realistically you can't call me anything I haven't called myself.

Thanks for reading.

Virtual hugs Cougar, my heart goes out to you

[mantis]

I don't get that at all. I don't think I've ever met a dog I didn't pretty much fall in love with, I can't imagine a dog being annoying or unlikeable. I think they all have something gorgeous about them.

I'm not saying there's anything bad about it, I guess I've just never experienced it.

I'm the same, I even bond with other peoples dogs. I have always bonded with animals, even my snakes, turtles, cats, birds, guinea pigs, rats, possum etc, I have had over my lifetime.

I bond better with animals than I do with humans, probably why I have 3 exes.

[mixeduppup]

ZPerhaps we should get peoples definitions of bonding?

[aussielover]

Cougar- have you considered rehoming? If the dog doesn't have any serious issues the perhaps it would be kinder to both of you- your life will be easier and he may find a home that understands him a bit better?

[megan_]

I don't fall in love with most dogs. I love mine and a select few and that is it - nothing wrong with that.

Not everyone is going to love all dogs. Lucy is a rescue and when I got her she was very fearful, and then got fear aggressive. It was a very, very stressful time and it impacted my enjoyment of life. There were times when I would "guiltily" wish that she wasnt here. I know that there would be people here that would be horrified at that but I doubt they've experienced the rmotion and financial strain of a dog with serious issues. Dreading visitors because of your dog. Haring going for walks. Crying yourself to sleep.

Those days are past and, while her issues will need to be managed for life, we are both much happier.

[Guest Labradork]

Good on you Cougar for sharing your experience. That must be really tough

I bonded with Poppy the minute I saw her. I don't have kids and this is the first time I have experienced those kinds of feelings. I was so happy the day I brought her home that I cried. It was a bit overwhelming for a while.

[HazyWal]

Do you think A would be a happier dog if he was in a different home? Would you consider re-homing him? Just for me if I was thinking life would be easier for ME when he passes maybe life would be easier for HIM if he lived in a another home. I don't know if I could just co-exist with A if we were both not happy. I am in no way condemning you, my heart goes out to you, just maybe looking for a solution.

Edited November 20, 2012 by stans mum

[megan_]

Oh, and please don't feel guilty. I wouldn't want to live with my pets - who are part of my family - to be separated 24/7. I know there are some people who do it, but I work long hours and live alone so this would mean my dogs only spent short amounts of time with me.

[Zug Zug]

I think there are times when we put ourselves through all kinds of torture, but in the end finding another (hopefully a better suited) home for a dog is not the end of the world.

If Dog A has some issues, but is not dangerous (it doesn't sound dangerous) then maybe it's really about the fact that what your life involves isn't all that well suited to that dog and its temperament.

Having said that, and having rehomed this dog I had all those years ago, I still wonder about her and feel guilty at times. But I was actually quite relieved after she was gone. I just didn't enjoy having her around - and this is me - a tragic dog-lover since childhood!

I have no doubt she was happier after leaving me, but I do wish I'd stayed in some kind of limited contact so I could be sure.

[Guest Labradork]

ZPerhaps we should get peoples definitions of bonding?

For me it's an experience of peace, love, joy, happiness, connectedness, deep understanding and strong, motherly feelings, and feeling a bit overwhelmed at times.

Edited November 20, 2012 by Labradork