The Loss Of My Pup

[jesomil]

In a world where alot of people question our deep attachments to our dogs this forum is a life saver.

I thought that I was going mad from the grief of losing my pup 2 months ago until i read all the stories on here.

I now know that its ok to feel like dying but eventually it will get better.

7 months ago, after many months of researching and waiting, I was finally given the most perfect puppy. He was a wedding present from my husband to be.

He was the best bred, from the best breeding lines I could find. He was everything i had ever dreamt of. I was going to do everything with him. We were going to get back into trialling and the sky was the limit.

He was growing up to be one of the most attentive, responsive dogs i had ever worked with. We went everywhere together. On the train, the plane, into the city, out to the country. He was bombproof in every situation. You couldnt wish for a better friend.

Then one day when he was 6 1/2 months old, he just wasnt right. The vet said he was a sleek, fit pup and i was being overly concerned. Then 2 days later he had a grand mal seizure. My perfect puppy was cowering in the corner drooling and showing his teeth, trying to attack every movement. My boy had gone. He then had several more severe seizures. Vet said they were the worst he had seen. He had a brain abnormality that had been slowly growing and had now tipped him over the edge. He was now severely brain damaged. We had many tests done.

I had to tell the vet to kill my boy as there was no fix and he was suffering badly.

I held his little head as the vet was giving him the drug. Just before he died, my braindead pup looked up and stared straight into my eyes. He held the gaze and then took a deep breath then went to sleep.

His little body then started to fit and continued for 15 long minutes before his brain let go.

This happened 4 days before my wedding day. I had the worst and best days of my life all in the one week.

I am not sure when it will start to get easier. I still cant talk about him. I wonder what i could have done better for him. Why was such a perfect gift taken away so suddenly.

My husband has now got me another pup from similar lines. I feel so guilty crying over my lost boy when i have a new bouncy little fellow. I am sure i will learn to love the new one but it will never be like how i loved the first. Part of me died with him and i still feel lost.

Sorry for the long story. I just had to get it out.

RIP little angel

22/6/04 - 11/1/05

[FHRP]

I am very sorry to hear of the loss of your little angel

[RnB]

I plant as many Golden Elms as people will let me.....in memory

Very therapeudic

[tybrax]

l feel your pain and l am so sorry for your loss.

R.I.P. tybrax, tyra

[blacklabrador]

Oh Sweety... what a sad story. Please don't apologise about the long post.. this is what this place is for! One day you might know why that pup came into your life and went so quickly... but for the time being don't feel guilty about your grief. Give yourself as much time as you need. Your big pup wouldn't want you feeling guilty about loving your new little one.. It sounds like you have had a lot going on in the past few months. Give yourself some time.

[fifi]

your beautiful post made me cry, treasure your boy's memories - he knew you were with him at the end, and you both gifted each other love.

let your new boy into your heart, love without fear and enjoy him for the different dog he will be.

lots of us here have held a hearthound while their last breath was taken, the pain eases, let yourself have a cry when memories overwhelm you. I also plant trees, as a living memorial to my loved ones.

hugs from here,

fifi

[Muttly]

You'll learn to love with an open heart you new little on, who is an addition not replacement on your journey. I am so sorry for your loss, he'll be playing and running free at the bridge

Give yourself time, it does get easier.

Edited March 31, 2005 by muttly

[FlippingKazza]

I'm glad you have found a place to open up about your grief. Your post made me cry, I really feel for you.

You know that you did the right thing for your sick pup and dont think of your new pup as a replacement. Your other pup may have sent him to you to ease your grief and for you to be able to pour all that love you have into another deserving pup.

I wish you all the best.

[Tornado]

I'm so sorry, Jesomil. How hard it must have been for you!!

(((HUGS)))

Lynne.

[Roiley]

I had to tell the vet to kill my boy as there was no fix and he was suffering badly.

Sweetheart you didn't kill your boy, giving a fur baby their wings when their pain is so deep is the Greatest Act of Love of all. I believe when he stared straight into your eyes it was his way of saying "Thank you Mummy, thank you for making it stop".

He is now playing in the sunshine and the rainbow lights of the bridge. Take comfort in the fact that one day you will get to hold your little man again, he will be the healthy puppy that you knew and loved, you will run together and play together and he will rain a thousand sloppy puppy kisses all over your face.

My heart goes out to you and sending you all the healing light and love possible.

RIP Little Man

Your Mummy loves you very, very much, she told us all about you.

Soar High with your Wings

Roiley

Edited April 2, 2005 by Roiley

[Aryxa]

Oh no! That is so sad

*hugs*

[tramissa]

Oh bugger, I'm crying at work.

The amount of love you felt for your boy is reaching out to each and every one of us sweetie. you didn't kill him, you set him free. It is the greatest gift of love any of us can give our furkids - to let them go in peace and love and release them from pain.

There was a reason he came into your life, just like there is a reason he left it so soon. You just may not be able to see that for a while.

Enjoy your new puppy, but don't feel guilt over your tears. The new puppy will never be a replacement - the heart has many pieces and each piece can belong to another, and the more pieces we lose, the more the heart generates, so we will never run out of love for those we choose (or who choose us) to share our lives.

[Aellyssa]

So so sorry to hear about your first pup. It's always hard to lose any dog but one so young makes it more difficult. Tramissa is right, this new one will take another part of your heart, that's what puppies are for. We can be assessed for how much of our heart has been given to others and I am sure that yours is HUGE. Allow your grief to flow but not block you from ever loving again, your pup's legacy is that lesson. Enjoy your new pup.

Aili

[Divine Angel]

I was doing OK til I read Roiley's post. Then I lost it.

No other furry companion (including your husband!) will ever be a replacement for your loss. I think of it as adding to the family, not replacing a member.

Sending you a thousand angels to heal the grief and to help you adjust to your new friend.

Your little boy still visits you, close your eyes and you'll see him.

Many blessings to you,

Renee

[puakenikeni]

Oh your post and your tribute to your little boy made me cry :rolleyes: . I know exactly how you feel - about the grief and the gaping hole left in our hearts when our furbabies make their journey to the bridge.

I lost my little girl just this week and whilst the pain is still as poignant as the moment she passed on i will always always cherish the good times and the memories of my baby girl.

jesomil - my heart goes out to you.

RIP to your beautiful little angel.

[Racket]

It seems if you are going to visit the rainbow bridge forum you need a box of tissues. Your post made me cry real tears. With composure nearly recovered I got to Roily's post and .... tissue box again.

I thought of my dingo X, who at 15 was in too much mysery to continue. The vet came to vist and my boy died in my arms, a moment I will never forget and ten years later I cry as I type this. How lucky I was to enjoy so many years with this beautiful dog.

Your pup was special and obviously, so are you. Never be shy to talk and shed a tear with doggie people 'cause we all understand.

(BTW, I highly reccommend having the vet come to you for treatments of any kind. The aminal is more relaxed in ti's natural envirnment. The mobile vet - only does home visits - was a real find)

My wife and I are looking for a pup now for our twins so the journey continues.

THE GRIEF IS THE PRICE YOU PAY FOR THE HAPPINESS THEY BRING AND THE LOVE YOU GIVE. I'LL PAY...

[missymac]

that is so sad. I'm at work and had to hold back the tears, as you said we live in a world where some people just don't understand our love for our dogs. My husband included, he seriously just doesn't get, I'm hoping that when we get our little baby he will understand why I love my old border collie (we live with my parents so he's kinda not mine anymore) even though he has started to go insane.

[chris64]