Puppy Problem - Please Help :-(

[megan_]

I used to live on the same property as my grandparents, and my dog spent the day with them while I was at Uni. I however took her to agility and flyball and made sure she had a heap of fun with me most nights of the week !! She ended up bonding with me exceptionally well, as have all subsequent dogs brought up in the same situation.

That being said I did lose one dog to my grandpatents when I moved out because they missed her too much so we now share her and she visits between both houses .

I think that's the key. Pats only count for so much. Go out and train your dog and she'll be yours for life.

Don't fawn over her to build a relationship - that seems to drive them away!

[Mrs Rusty Bucket]

RinnyRow

I think it's great that your Inlaws like having your puppy over and are willing to contribute to the training. You avoid so many puppy problems with separation anxiety, barking all day and toilet training. I'm sure your MIL means well and didn't understand how it messes with your head.

I think it would help if you get your MIL to reward your puppy with low value treats like chopped carrot or kibble. Make sure she's not sharing cake or roast chicken. Supply the kibble if necessary.

Use the PREMACK principle: Make sure before you release your puppy to go visit your MIL, that you have a release word like "Where's MILly" (or whatever her name is). And get your puppy to hold a nice calm sit (and then sit stay) before you let her go. Ie make the reward of the MIL come from you. And then the value she has connected to MIL becomes connected to you. If ever you call Penny and she doesn't come - go and get her - don't sulk - just enforce your rules. When you get home - have a fun game with Penny with lots of fun rewards.

What the others have said about keeping her on lead in the yard when you're home - so she only gets to visit next door with permission, and crate training, I agree with. Do let her go but make sure she has permission. If she goes without permission - go get her back and start over with the calm sit sequence. Be consistent as possible - if you can get this right 4 out of 5 times, it will work.

You may also (along with the PREMACK principle) want to investigate NILIF or Nothing in life is free. Ie if a dog has to work for their rewards - they value them more. If you give them away (eg patting the dog to sleep) they don't have any value for it.

You may want to have a discussion with your MIL about whose dog is it in her mind and does she really want to keep Penny and would she be ok with you getting another dog.

Try to be open minded about it and just clarify things all round. If she wants Penny to be your puppy then she can help by the kibble rewards (in the ration you supply) and making sure Penny only comes over when she has permission (maybe put on a special coloured collar or something or just take her over on lead and release (with the cue word) when she does have permission). If she wants to keep Penny, I think you may as well get another dog, frustrating as that is.

If you do get another dog, it may pay to get an older dog, and follow the Ruff Love program by Susan Garrett eg no off lead time, lots of crate time when you're not supervising - and lots of fun training games with high reward with you - for the whole of the first month, and no off lead until the dog comes when you call no matter what.

You could try this with Penny - but you need your MIL to be clear in her head that Penny is your dog.

[Christina]

Please don't take offence to this, but it really is much kinder for the pup to have human contact and companionship throughout the day when you're not there. I dont think it'd be right to confine her inside just because you want her to be 'your dog'.

Just be the best alpha dog you can be, and try to think that Penny is happy, that is the main thing.

Agree with above & lavendergirls post, except I wouldn't be telling MIL to take the dog.

I suspect the problem is more than the dog & the whole relationship with his parents is too close for comfort for you.

Keep the dog inside when you are home & relax. The dog may be picking up your mood too, we give out signals too subtle for humans but dogs get them.

It is better that they love your dog than complain, as many do. You can share & its good for the dog to be so loved.

[RinnyRow]

Hi all.

Just thought I would give you all an update.

I've had lots of success with Penny and my MIL. I decided to 'lock' her in with me and asked my MIL to not continue to feed her daily, supply her with treats and keep her inside with her whilst I am at work. Although I have NO objection to them being affectionate it would be appreciated if you could at least let the dog and I get to know each other before you step in.

Much to my dissapointment, my MIL told my partner that I had upset her terribly and she'll just lock herself in the house and not come out which is just another hurdle for me to contend with later but at the moment, after Penny and I had a little run in, she finally came around. I think the dog was nothing but confused about where she belonged and who she belonged to so a lot of hard work and some magic little chicken bites I found have turned things around.

My MIL is another story for another day but life's too short I say. I don't think my request was unrealistic and nasty, it really was just necessary.

Thank you to each and every one of you for your support and advice, puppy school starts in 2 weeks and we are locked and loaded!

[persephone]

..and I guess this has been said - but you cannot make a dog "yours" , entirely - they do make choices .

I am glad it is working so far - and also hope that you and the MIL can get past this -

[Guest lavendergirl]

The measure of success is obviously a personal perspective but sounds like this has damaged your family relationships somewhat. Do you mean Penny is now locked in during the day?

Hope things improve in time.

[Dogsfevr]

I think your getting OTT the top about the dog & it "belonging" to you .

It sounds like this pup has adjusted very well to alot of major changes in its short life

Dogs can't be brought by food but they can enjoy the company of people more than others for many reasons .

If Penny is now being locked up more to simply achieve the "love me " more status you may still be very disappointed .

There is alot of "my" in your posts so i gather your partner has nothing to do with the pup ??

It sounds like your trying to hard & trying to compete in a battle that doesn't really exist.

Many of the pups we sell go to gran & grannies place in there puppy life until old enough to stay home or for some variety during the week but these dogs still adore there working owners .

[RubyBlue]

Many of the pups we sell go to gran & grannies place in there puppy life until old enough to stay home or for some variety during the week but these dogs still adore there working owners .

Same is true for working puppies who spend their first year in a foster home.

[twodoggies2001]

I think you are fortunate to have someone (in this case your inlaws) living next door to you. If it were me, I would appreciate the fact that my pup was having interaction and training and most of all company during the day. Why would you want to lock your pup away all day till you come home to make it miserable when it can have fun and company with someone who obviously cares about the pup very much. I think your problem with your inlaws stems not from this pup but could be more deep rooted but that's not my concern. You say you love your pup but you are willing to lock her away for the day just so the inlaws don't have access to her because you want her to love you. Love can't be bought. Love comes from the heart. I actually feel sorry for the pup. She must be getting lots of mixed messages and if I were you I would either hand over the pup to your inlaws and have her visit you or leave it as it is and be thankful she is loved and looked after by them.

[Christina]

Hi all.

I've had lots of success with Penny and my MIL. I decided to 'lock' her in with me and asked my MIL to not continue to feed her daily, supply her with treats and keep her inside with her whilst I am at work.

Seems we may view success very differently.

You want the pup to love you but reading this makes me wonder if you love the pup.

Forced isolation after leaving mum & siblings when there is so much company & love next door. Some people actually pay for doggy day care so pups aren't isolated.

When there is no choice, as often happens, pups do get used to being alone & indeed they need to be some of the time.

Handled differently this could have been a way for you to bond with & become friends with MIL too. Like her or not she is an important part of your partners life.

Your choice obviously but it does not seem a wise one.

[aussielover]

I think you are fortunate to have someone (in this case your inlaws) living next door to you. If it were me, I would appreciate the fact that my pup was having interaction and training and most of all company during the day. Why would you want to lock your pup away all day till you come home to make it miserable when it can have fun and company with someone who obviously cares about the pup very much. I think your problem with your inlaws stems not from this pup but could be more deep rooted but that's not my concern. You say you love your pup but you are willing to lock her away for the day just so the inlaws don't have access to her because you want her to love you. Love can't be bought. Love comes from the heart. I actually feel sorry for the pup. She must be getting lots of mixed messages and if I were you I would either hand over the pup to your inlaws and have her visit you or leave it as it is and be thankful she is loved and looked after by them.

+ 1

Surely you want the best thing for Penny? And surely that would be for her to have company all day.

I am in a similar situation- I work long hours at the moment and my parents are retired. My dog spends the day with them. I am very grateful that they can look after her during the day so I don't have to worry about her being lonely or bored. They take her for several walks throughout the day and give her special treats (that part is annoying as she is supposed to be on a diet!). I would have to pay a dog walker or send her to doggy daycare if they were not available. I make sure I spend at least 2 hours with her each day, exercising her and training her. I go out of my way- getting up early or going to training/park late to ensure that we spend time working together. I take her to agility trials and training on the weekends and take her out to the beach or other special places whenever I can. Even though she spends more time with my parents, she is still very much "my" dog and very closely bonded to me, i believe this is a result of all the training we do together and she also sleeps on my bed at night.

I think you need to think about what is really best for your dog. I believe that if you do training with her and spend time working with her (perhaps doing obedience or agility training) she will come to love you just as much, if not more than your MIL.

You have to be the person that is super fun to be with, the person who challenges her to think, gives her the chance to earn rewards etc

[persephone]

I had to laugh yesterday - a 7 mth old pup we have , who I helped deliver, fed, cuddled, taught tricks to , introduced to collar/chain/vehicle travel..

My brother has taken her with him a very few times ..yesterday she was with me - he gives one whistle ...and she's off - no looking back ..100 km/h!

:D

I do like it when dogs make their own decisions as to who belongs with who :p

[SunnyCoastCav]

Perhaps mention to your in laws they might like to get their own dog? And I agree there needs to be some way he is kept to your property, either a dog run or some such. It is also a little unfair that your MIL is encouraging your dog so much as well, no matter how much she likes him it is still your dog.

And as for the unsupportive partner who backs up his parents over you - been there, bought the t shirt