Puppy Problem - Please Help :-(

[RinnyRow]

Hello everyone.

This is my first go at this so thanks all for giving me somewhere to go to with my problem.

I have a situation with my new puppy - Penny. She is 19 weeks old and came to me after her family found out their children were allergic to dog hair.

I am in my 3rd lovely week of being her 'mum' and really was so happy to get Penny.

My issue is that I live next door to my in laws - there is no fence between us and its their house. They are very lovely people however, my partner's mother is home all day and I have to go to work. My father in law is a vet and they are very into animal discipline as am I. I wake up early everyday to play with Penny before I go to work and race home after work to do the same. I try my very best to teach her and am trying to make her new life into our new family very loving.

Penny however is spending all day next door with my in laws. Although I appreciate the fact that they're there, I now have a dog who once listened to my commands but is now not. She is constantly trying to run away to next door and its breaking my heart. My mother in law told me she shares morning and afternoon tea with penny and is trying to teach her discipline by way of reward which is appreciated but I am also trying to do this. I cannot compete with 9 hours all day with the dog as I have to work and I really don't know what to do.

My partner doesn't see it as I do and will not admit that there is an issue. I love my inlaws but I don't have a partner who can help me and is just 'leaving me hanging' all the while I am getting more and more upset at the fact that my little dog doesn't want to be mine.

I certainly know its not the dog's fault but I don't have a solution to this and am begging anyone kind enough to offer me advice so that I can take it before I just give up altogether :-(

I had never felt so happy in such a long time the way I did when I found out I was getting Penny, now its all being taken away. Please help. THank you so much.

Rinnny

[Bundyburger]

Sounds like you need a fence, or need to have a chat to your inlaws about boundaries and what you're trying to achieve and get them on board.

[tlc]

Hi and Welcome, it certainly sounds like a difficult situation and it always is where family are concerned. If it were me I would either put a fence up or leave pup inside during the day which could prove difficult if you are gone for long periods of time. You certainly can't compete if she is spending long hours with the MIL as she will (has) definatley bonded with her so it seems. Sorry I am not much help hopefully someone else will come along with some more ideas.

We need to see some pics of your pup. :)

[RinnyRow]

Hello TLC and Bundyburger. Thank you very much for such quick responses. I have been getting so worked up about the situation its become near depressing - only because I love the little thing so much.

I would love to put up a fence - however, my increasingly difficult situation is that the house belongs to my in-laws and Grandma lives downstairs...so that's near impossible and my other half would just think I am being awful to his parents.

I cannot blame the inlaws altogether as of course the dog is going to go and wander around.... and I know they are just caring loving people also, but I also think that in particular my MIL being alone most of the day has taken to the company of a lovely little dog. However, I felt upset when my MIL left a message on my phone to stop by the vet clinic and pick up some shampoo she had put aside for Penny and thanks for doing that for her.. and thanking me for picking Penny up a new collar.

As for Penny - today I came home early from work to spend time with her and it was wonderful until my MIL arrived home and I have never seen Penny so excited to see someone home that she ran off in excitement and it was if I never existed. It makes me really wonder what is happening during the day in my absence given my other half has asked my MIL not to have morning and afternoon tea with her..

Again... I really appreciate your support.

I have enrolled Penny at obenience school and we'll start that in a fortnight. Do you think this will help us bond? I am also taking her for walks in the morning away from the house however, when we get home she just bolts next door :-(

Is the damamge already done and should I just give up and take all of Penny's belongings next door?

Oh... here is a picture of her.. you'll see why I fell in love with her.

[mumof4girls]

Rinny I think you need to talk to your partner about your concerns and he really needs to acknowledge your concerns and support you, he needs to step up.. You both need to sit down with your Inlaws and talk to them, open your heart and tell them what your going through... It doesn't have to be a fight just think about what you want to say, but you really need to have the support of your partner... Good luck :-)

[tlc]

Penny looks like a lovely girl. Obedience school will definatley help you bond more with Penny. Can you ask your MIL to refrain from feeding Penny at all, not even a treat no food what so ever. What a terribly awful situation. I would speak with your MIL and tell her how you feel. You want Penny to be your dog so she needs to take a step back and you need to find some way to stop her heading over to their place.

[fuzzy82]

You could keep her inside when you're at work so she can't go over to your inlaws?

[**Super_Dogs**]

Penny is beautiful.

I feel for you. Obedience training will help you bond with her. I would also recommend taking her away from the house to practice the obedience. However, if you want Penny to bond with you then you will need to continue with training her longer term at least until she is 12 months old.

In my house I train the dogs. The pups love my partner equally until I start more extensive training with them........then it become obvious who they have bonded with. . It upsets him but he realises that unless he trains them that is just the way it goes.

Teating your puppy tricks is a really great way to bond. And remember when you are training have really great treats!!

[flame ryder]

Hi, sorry to hear this but these things do happen. Read my thread 'when is your dog not your dog'. My first dog became my mum's dog because she was with him all day long...and she spoilt him. Penny probably just enjoys the company while you are at work, not much you can do about that cause ya gotta work. Continue to do the fun things like walks, and obedience lessons with her, also you might like to try something like dog agility. Give her special attention when you get home from work, and special treats, like chicken necks (haven't met a dog that doesn't love chicken necks yet). At least she's happy and not alone all day.

[RinnyRow]

Thanks everyone. I agree my partner needs to step up but i feel as though he hasn't had to do this sort of thing with his Mother ever and gets so anxious to the point he then turns it around on me and says 'wouldn't i rather the pup be a better pup for it'... Its not that its just that it won't be MY pup.

Even as we speak, Penny has removed herself from her bed and wandered next door to go to sleep despite me sitting there beside her for the past hour petting her to sleep. :-( Its so upsetting to physically see that she doesn't want to be with me.

If I keep her inside I am afraid she'll make a mess when she needs the toilet and what do you do if its her will - she is miserable no matter what I try.

I have told my partner my concerns and he has talked to his Mother but now she is telling him that she is upset because I am upset and my partner is trying to protect his mother - hence why we had a terrible fight on the weekend and he said he didn't know what to do and I am making his mother out to be a liar.

This is why I am at the point of breaking and feel as though I want to just walk away from it all as its so heartbreaking.

I know this sounds silly all this talk of heart break but we lost our black lab of 9 years about 4 months ago. My other half works away all week and Jack was my protector while he was gone. He would sleep on my back veranda and come and sit beside me while I ate dinner. I always felt safe with Jack and every day when I got home he would race out to see me then would not leave my side all night until it was bed time and I knew he would be at my back door sleeping until I woke. Part of this is why I was so very happy when I found Penny. It's really hard to explain but it was such an enormous love for her.

Now, I don't have anything like that but a dog that doesn't want to be near me at all.

Am I way out of line here?

[**Super_Dogs**]

Have you considered crate training her? Reason I suggest this is then she can be crated at night. That way you can keep her inside.

There is a DVD called Crate Games by Susan Garrett that teaches you how to successfully crate train your dog so they LOVE their crate. Also if you are out for short periods on the weekend you can crate her so she is not always next door.

I think you should google some tricks to teach Penny starting to tomorrow. Use chicken as the rewards - all dogs love cicken!!

[dancinbcs]

Get started with some intensive training with her, preferably with a private trainer for the first few lessons and ask your MIL to respect the fact that you are learning to train her a certain way. Also crate the dog in your room at night and make sure you give her dinner. All this should help her to bond with you but some dogs, especially bitches will choose their owners no matter what you do.

All my dogs have spent all day while I was at work, with my both my parents, then just with my mum after my dad passed away. Despite this and the fact that the dogs loved them to varying degrees they were always my dogs and most devoted to me as I was the one who trained them. The males in particular seem to be one person dogs, devoted to their trainer but the bitches share themselves around a lot more. This is the reason bitches are often recommended as a family dog where you don't want them to bond to just one person.

Your emotional overreaction to the situation could also be driving the dog away. Dogs tend to be attracted to calm, confident leaders, so your MIL may seem more like the logical pack leader to the dog. Your role is to stop stressing about the situation, stop blaming your in laws and the dog and become the confident leader this girl needs.

[dandybrush]

maybe you could buy a dog run if you dont want to put up a fence and padlock her in there so the inlaws cant get her out?

i would 100% recommend crate training so she sleeps with you in the house

i have noticed that also dancinbcs my boy is very focused on me 100% our girl will focus sometimes but she loves her daddy and is just as happy to see him as she is me

[Xyz]

Have you considered crate training her? Reason I suggest this is then she can be crated at night. That way you can keep her inside.

There is a DVD called Crate Games by Susan Garrett that teaches you how to successfully crate train your dog so they LOVE their crate. Also if you are out for short periods on the weekend you can crate her so she is not always next door.

I think you should google some tricks to teach Penny starting to tomorrow. Use chicken as the rewards - all dogs love cicken!!

Yes, yes, yes...

Crate train and close your door so she can't go next door when you are home. Toilet on lead then back in with you. Training and walkies on lead and back in with you.

Let her go next door when you are at work (you TAKE her over, and pick her up) but enforce the rules that if you are home she is with you.

She's getting very mixed messages by the sound of things. Not only you who will be stressed out, poor puppy...

[**Super_Dogs**]

Dancinbcs has shown it is not all lost for you. :)

I think most of us agree you need to crate train so she can sleep inside at night and start training her ASAP!!

A private trainer is a good idea as they can also assist you with making training fun fun fun for Penny to help you guys bond.

It seems Penny with always love your MIL and I think it will be easier the sooner you accept this. Penny is lucky to have company during the day. But for Penny to become "your" dog...........this is now up to you. Remeber the way to a labs heart is food, so I would just ask you MIL not to feed her. If you approach this saying that you love that she gets to spend the day with you and if should could just not feed her as this will affect the training, hopefully your MIlL will respect this.

Good luck.

[Guest lavendergirl]

I am afraid I will go against the flow here and advise you to consider relinquishing Penny to your MIL. I know it is difficult but it sounds like they need each other and you could still play with the dog and take her for walks etc. Naturally she prefers company rather than being left alone for 9 hours a day and I think it would be a bit cruel to confine Penny so that she is unable to go outside in the longer term. Even if you were able to build the fence would she just then sit at the fence fretting? You may find that your MIL does not want to take ownership of the dog but will appreciate the kindness in the offer and be more amenable to working something out for a more satisfactory sharing arrangement. Please consider the longer term impact on your family relationships and whether it is worth the battle to try and retain the dog who has obviously bonded with your MIL.

[Barbara B]

Hi,

realistically, if you take steps to stop her visiting your in-laws, you could be laying down problems with them. Best to avoid problems with in-laws in the interests of a happy life. You could ask them just to make sure they're not just "putting up" with the visits because they don't want to offend you.

On the training front - we have always had multiple dogs, sometimes as many as eight at a time. Each one that I am doing intensive training with always takes "ownership" of me. I think if you started the formal training, the same would happen with your dog. Penny will always enjoy her visits to your in-laws, but you're the one working and training her. Dogs love hierarchy and leadership more than anything.

Good luck, stay calm and don't make waves - they're not worth it.

Barbara B

[mumof4girls]

Rinny if I were you I would not be living in that house when you have children,I can picture it now and if hubby can't stand up to his mother re a dog then you will find her interfering in raising your child aswell.. However good intentioned it is.. I would let go of the dog sounds to me you are fighting a loosing battle...

[NOCTRL]

Please don't take offence to this, but it really is much kinder for the pup to have human contact and companionship throughout the day when you're not there. I dont think it'd be right to confine her inside just because you want her to be 'your dog'.

Yes, your partner should also be backing you up, not disagreeing with that, but i do see his point. I know that's easy for someone to say who has no emotional attachment to the situation.

Just be the best alpha dog you can be, and try to think that Penny is happy, that is the main thing.

[Jumabaar]

I used to live on the same property as my grandparents, and my dog spent the day with them while I was at Uni. I however took her to agility and flyball and made sure she had a heap of fun with me most nights of the week !! She ended up bonding with me exceptionally well, as have all subsequent dogs brought up in the same situation.

That being said I did lose one dog to my grandpatents when I moved out because they missed her too much so we now share her and she visits between both houses .