Lollipup Posted September 2, 2012 Share Posted September 2, 2012 So sorry for your loss MsDani. I've been following the thread with tears but haven't posted yet. I feel for you and you are surrounded by so many others here that understand what you are going through. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
k9angel Posted September 2, 2012 Share Posted September 2, 2012 MsDani... please remember that your boy is only not with you now in the physical sense. He will always live strong, healthy, and loyal in your heart and soul. So true T. I also believe their spirit lives on. Feeling guilt is a normal part of the grieving process MsDani. When I had to take Tess to be given her wings, I felt as though I betrayed her in some way. I know it sounds silly as she was slowly dying and I know I did the right thing but I couldn't help it, it's just how I felt. I also felt guilty when I lost Whitey, when I lost Jay Jay and when I lost my heartdog Gyps. I questioned whether I could of or should of done more for them when I know in my heart I did all I could, just as you did for your boy. It's a normal part of the grieving process and those feelings do ease in time. You gave your boy the greatest gift MsDani. You put him before yourself and you let him pass with love and dignity. Hugs to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katdogs Posted September 2, 2012 Share Posted September 2, 2012 In my experience you'll feel worse and more guilty yet, when you realise you didn't automatically grab for his lead or bowl or look for him, because you've moved on. It's all part of the process of grieving and we have all been through it in our own ways. Hang on to the fact your pup is no longer in pain, and you thought of his needs and did the right thing by him. It doesn't get easier with practice by the way, every dog is different Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MsDani Posted September 2, 2012 Author Share Posted September 2, 2012 I wanted to do another post - but I'm hoping someone might find this one helpful in the 'process'... But I wanted to know, what do I need to do for my female dog? She's never been away from him more than a night (2 were when she had surgies on her back legs and 1 was recently when he stayed in hospital over night) She is 10. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mixeduppup Posted September 2, 2012 Share Posted September 2, 2012 Hugs and love to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
persephone Posted September 2, 2012 Share Posted September 2, 2012 But I wanted to know, what do I need to do for my female dog? She's never been away from him more than a night (2 were when she had surgies on her back legs and 1 was recently when he stayed in hospital over night) She is 10. Just make things as normal as you can ..same routines , walks , etc ... maybe some different treats & things to interest her , and cuddles, without being too upset .. just "hi gorgeous" ..want a cuddle? She will probably also grieve ..but maybe not badly, as she knew he was ill , and had not behaved 'normally' around her for some time ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tdierikx Posted September 2, 2012 Share Posted September 2, 2012 But I wanted to know, what do I need to do for my female dog? She's never been away from him more than a night (2 were when she had surgies on her back legs and 1 was recently when he stayed in hospital over night) She is 10. Funnily enough, most dogs tend to feel the routine change much more than the loss of their constant companion dog. As Perse said, try to keep her routine as similar to the old routine as possible, and she will have a much easier time of it - who knows, she may actually enjoy being the only dog and not having to share you... *grin* Hang in there MsDani, you are doing fine, OK? Everything you are feeling right now is totally normal. T. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MsDani Posted September 2, 2012 Author Share Posted September 2, 2012 Hang in there MsDani, you are doing fine, OK? Everything you are feeling right now is totally normal. Thank you for that! I just need to work out how to work through this guilt I'm feeling. I also need to adjust life without him. I knew it would hurt, but I didn't think it would hurt THIS much! But I know with time it will heal - it will never stop hurting, but I will learn to 'accomodate' it! It's right up there with when I lost my mother to cancer - except I didn't have this kind of guilt to carry around. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HazyWal Posted September 2, 2012 Share Posted September 2, 2012 Hang in there MsDani, you are doing fine, OK? Everything you are feeling right now is totally normal. Thank you for that! I just need to work out how to work through this guilt I'm feeling. I also need to adjust life without him. I knew it would hurt, but I didn't think it would hurt THIS much! But I know with time it will heal - it will never stop hurting, but I will learn to 'accomodate' it! It's right up there with when I lost my mother to cancer - except I didn't have this kind of guilt to carry around. I also lost my mum to cancer and losing my old boy was right up there as well I'm feeling every step with you MsDani,one at a time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
baifra Posted September 2, 2012 Share Posted September 2, 2012 I'm so sorry for yor loss MsDani. Rest easy little one. You gave him the greatest gift you can give... That is a dignified, loving and painless passing over the bridge. He knew how hard it was for you to do and he wouldn't want you to feel guilt. He will always be in your heart, thoughts and memories. You did him proud. I'm sure he will always be thankful for the wonderful life you gave him. Take care of yourself and allow yourself to grieve for as long as you need to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tdierikx Posted September 2, 2012 Share Posted September 2, 2012 Take it from all of us who have been in the exact same position you are now in... EVERYTHING you are feeling is completely normal. Let me guess what you are feeling right now... you have just had your heart ripped out, run over by a Mack truck, chewed on by numerous cats, dragged through a thorny bush... and then handed back to you. Does that almost describe it? Time will make the loss easier to bear - it may never "heal" completely, but it will definitely become easier to bear, OK? My heart dog Woosie passed in 2004, and there still isn't a day I don't wish that she were still here - but I can now sometimes talk about her with other people without completely losing my composure... but it still hurts that she's waiting for me at the Bridge, and I can't cuddle her again until I make my journey there when my time comes. One thing I can hope for is that I have someone who loves me as much who can make my passing as dignified as we do for our beloved fur friends. You have given your boy the most precious gift anyone can give - you gave him release with dignity. Hang on to that... T. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hortfurball Posted September 3, 2012 Share Posted September 3, 2012 I didn't even make it to the end of the first page before I was having difficulty seeing through the tears...so I'm afraid after that I only scanned the thread for updates rather than reading all the replies, and there's snot and tears here again as I relive March last year. MsDani I'm so sorry for your loss and I too understand and empathise with what you are going through. It's absolutely natural to feel guilty, I know I did. No matter what we say we can't make you stop feeling what you will feel. You will second guess your decision simply because there is absolutely NO WAY of knowing for certain when the right time is. I believe that when we act with love in our hearts and in the best interests of our dog, then it was the right decision, and that's what you should hold onto. I also struggled with my decision because my boy was having a good day but in hindsight I am so glad that he wasn't in pain. The pain hits you like a sledgehammer again when their ashes are returned, so just a heads up for that one. There is a 'Rainbow Bridge' subforum here in case you don't know, with some helpful links and poems and a whole lot of dog stories. You may find going there comforting, to know you are not alone. My boy's story is there. Although I stated that I knew it was the right time, I'm pretty sure I was just trying to reassure myself. I asked the same questions as you for years before I finally had to let him go - how will I know? A friend said this "Please make peace with your decision, although it is hard for you, it is the best for him. They are our life companions, and we can't be selfish to hold them with us any longer than they have to. Let the tears flow when you need." Regarding your girl, I also have a 10 year old girl and I just tried to keep everything as normal as possible for her. I did find though, that my bond with her strengthened when we lost our old man, and I hope that you have the same pleasure of really bonding with your girl. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BC Crazy Posted September 3, 2012 Share Posted September 3, 2012 Hang in there MsDani, you are doing fine, OK? Everything you are feeling right now is totally normal. Thank you for that! I just need to work out how to work through this guilt I'm feeling. I also need to adjust life without him. I knew it would hurt, but I didn't think it would hurt THIS much! But I know with time it will heal - it will never stop hurting, but I will learn to 'accomodate' it! It's right up there with when I lost my mother to cancer - except I didn't have this kind of guilt to carry around. I also lost my mum to cancer and losing my old boy was right up there as well I'm feeling every step with you MsDani,one at a time. I too lost my dear father to cancer 3 months after losing my beautiful heart dog," Redman " at 14.5. I had to give him his wings. His loss is too right up there with my dad. Ms Dani you are coping very well through this most difficult time. The flood of emotions you feel that accompanies loss are so vast that it can be so very over whelming. Not to mention extremely tiring. Just take things easy, enjoy your other dog & rest assured your beloved boys spirit is always with you forever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MsDani Posted September 4, 2012 Author Share Posted September 4, 2012 (edited) I had a bit of an irrational panic yesterday that they were going to call me and tell me that it wasn't cancer. But DP managed to calm me down. I also found it hard to come home from work and not have his beautiful little face at the window. I have been taking my female into work with me as she is looking. In a couple of days I'll drop her back at lunchtime and gradually get her used to being on her own whilst we are at work. I was also having an 'ok' day today, don't get me wrong, the tears have happened but it didn't feel like it was going to consume me. Well that was until they called about what Urn we wanted for him. The grief just washed over me again - felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. Edited September 4, 2012 by MsDani Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tassie Posted September 4, 2012 Share Posted September 4, 2012 And that will happen, MsDani - and it's OK. The 'firsts' are hard - first time you go to a place you used to go, meet people who knew him well - don't be afraid to have a cry if you need to - dog people will understand and be right there for you - others .... well, we need to feel sorry for them that they haven't had the unconditional love and companionship that brings on the grief and guilt. I've found it a help to know what I want for my pets in the way of cremation etc. before I lose them - at least that's one thing taken care of. I was thinking of you yesterday as a friend farewelled her lovely 16 year old BC bitch - by arrangement, at home, in the sun on their back deck, and then as the sun went down Meg was buried in their acre garden, with her very own apple tree. Hang in there - we're here for you if you need us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JulesP Posted September 4, 2012 Share Posted September 4, 2012 Picking up the urn might be a bad moment. That bit has always undone me. So maybe send your OH in to get it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
griff Posted September 4, 2012 Share Posted September 4, 2012 I am so sorry MsDani Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
schnauzer Posted September 4, 2012 Share Posted September 4, 2012 Picking up the ashes always makes me feel more at peace when they are "back home". I am so very sorry for your loss MsDani - you gave him the ultimate gift. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JulesP Posted September 4, 2012 Share Posted September 4, 2012 I feel better after I do whatever it is that I am going to do with the ashes. Have a little ceremony whatever. But actually being handed the ashes makes me hysterical. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MsDani Posted September 4, 2012 Author Share Posted September 4, 2012 I won't be able to get the ashes - I just can't! IYKWIM I can't ask DP, I asked him to do all the 'hard calls' on the weekend, and because my grief was so raw (and still is) I didn't see his and how hard it was for him as well! He only knew him for 5 years, but he was his 'mate'! But I think, once his ashes are here, then I will know he's 'home'! A friend offered to pick them up if it was too hard for us. Bless I want to put a picture up of him - but I can't bring myself to look at them just yet! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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