I Need Help...

[MsDani]

You will see I have done another post here (and will see what he has been through the past couple of weeks) - but today I found out that my beloved dog has cancer and I'm absolutely devastated.

He is my first dog love.

It is cancer in his liver, they said they could operate to remove it, but before they did that they need to do more tests to make sure it hasn't spread elsewhere. Then have chemo - but it will grow back. Or they said that could do another treatment (honestly can't remember what she called it) where is may stop the growth and give us more time. or pallitive care

But what I want to know, how do you make the decision when there is a struggle going on between your head and your heart?

My head knows that he has been through a lot, he's lost weight, he's not happy - but my heart wants him here forever, I don't want to let go.

I keep on thinking if they can stop the pain (they have issued me with pain meds now) that will give me more time with him, but I know that I'm being selfish in doing that - and I don't know if I can cope seeing him like this.

When do you know it's time? when do you make the decision? how do you just pick and day?

I don't even know if this is making any sense? I'm struggling with it!

Edited August 29, 2012 by MsDani

[persephone]

OH Dear

It's these times when we are both angry and devastated that our dogs have such a limited span of time with us.

The fact you are questioning , tells me that you have 'almost' made a decision....

Your poor boy is tired, and he has been battling these last weeks ....

My head knows that he has been through a lot, he's lost weight, he's not happy - but my heart wants him here forever, I don't want to let go. <br style="color: rgb(34, 34, 34); font-family: verdana, tahoma, arial, sans-serif; line-height: 17.600000381469727px; background-color: rgb(238, 242, 247); ">

I always look at what quality of life an old/ill dog has ..and will treatment bring better quality of life- or yet another struggle ?

If you bring him home , will he , and YOU be relaxed and happy ? Will he be guaranteed no pain ? Will you be able to look at him without feeling guilty and so , so sad?

It is a horrible time - and from my experience , it is the WORST time .. . Once an old/ill pet has been given its wings , and is finally out of reach of all pain and sadness ... there is, for me, amongst the loss and grief, a feeling that I have done what is right - I have sent my pet on its way before life is 24 hrs of pain & confusion .

I will never knowingly let a pet of mine get to the stage of being so ill as to not still enjoy food , or a sleep in the sun ..I prefer to have the memory of them enjoying something , still :)

I can not tell you what decision to make - only think of how your boy is feeling .... do you think he would want to fight on ..?

Thinking of you , and wishing you strength .

[Guest Ams]

For me the decision is when the light goes out of their eyes and they don't seem to be interested in anything any more. They look like they have given up. If your boy no longer has any interest in his surroundings, food or any of his favourite treat things then it is time. If there are days when he struggles and days where he is fine then you can weigh up if the good days balance the bad.

It is a fine balance and a decision that is incredibly personal for each and every one of us. My only thought is let me make the decision one day too early, rather than one minute too late.

Whatever you decide will be the right decision for you, your boy and your circumstances.

[megan_]

I'm so sorry that you're having to go through this.

A lot of people will say "your dog will let you know". I, however, think it is often very hard to listen to them and we miss the message as we so desperately want them to stay with us.

My two are still young and I've never had to make that call. I have promised them that I will never let them suffer unless the suffering is temporary and there is a very, very good chance that they'll fully recover. I'd rather they go a day too soon with no pain than a day too late. But that is easy to write, but very hard to do.

My only advice is to try to look objectively at him and ask if he is enjoying life.

[Guest lavendergirl]

I am so sorry - sounds like he has come to his time . I haven't had to deal with cancer in a dog but always think that I would let go rather than keep him lingering because of my own pain.

Very sorry, hopefully someone will come along soon who has gone through this.

[Dogsfevr]

The decision is easy for me ,i love my dog more than my own needs.

As much as it breaks my heart & i deal better knowing i have done the right thing .

But the decision is solely yours .

[Simply Grand]

So sorry msdani, how heartbreaking I recently had to make my first ever put to sleep decision with my old cat, it was horrible but it was clear her time had come. She went down hill quickly over the weekend and I booked the appointment for late on the Monday and spent the time just being with her.

I don't think I would want to put a pet through surgery and chemotherapy but I know many do, it's such a personal decision and as others have said there is no right or wrong except what is right for you and your much loved dog.

Our oldest childhood family cat lived to 21 when she dies naturally but it was obvious she was quite ill for some time before she died - my mum still says she really regrets not making the decision to have her pts earlier so she didn't suffer. That made the decision easier for me, I definitely agree that slightly to soon but while they still have some quality of life is better than letting them go on unhappily for too long.

Hugs xx

Edited August 29, 2012 by Saxonpup

[MJA]

Hi,

We dealt with this two months ago, although a rapid two day decline probably made our decision a bit easier. It was a no brainer in the end. The light went out in her eyes, she wasn't interested in anything, even us, and we had to hand feed her as she wouldn't even get up for food. The guilt I felt just in that two days for the pain that she must have been going through was horrible. Holding on too long is my biggest regret; but honestly she had never given such definite signs before, only old age, and I guess I needed to see definite signs to know that I wasn't cutting her life shorter than she wanted.

We held her as she was PTS. She knew we loved her.. It was tough, and still is; I am crying as I type this. But I know we did the right thing FOR HER and it is what she wanted. I couldn't stand seeing her like that. If your boy is in pain, or showing that he has had enough, your greatest love for him is giving him his wish.

Best wishes. It is tough.

[Tazar]

My best friend of 13 years a beautiful labrador left me when I made the decision to put him to sleep about 4 month ago. He had laryngeal paralysis and had such a bad turn that it took him about 2 hours to calm down. The thought of having him look at me for help when he could not breathe and me knowing there was nothing I could do to help him was what forced me into the decision.

Still today, as everyday, my decision upsets me, could he have hung on longer? Yes he could but I could not have let him suffer like he did in the last attack. I kiss him goodnight as his ashes are in a box beside my bed, same as he slept by my bed everynight.

My head knows I made the right decision, but my heart will never forgive me.

It is a hard decision but I guess the moral of my story is that you need to do what is best for your dog. I understand that not everybody thinks like I do. My bear had no idea and did not suffer, I could never let him suffer.

Go with your gut, you will make the right decision for you.

[Guest donatella]

I think that if they're a younger dog who still is relatively healthy and energetic and can cope with more tests and chemo then that is an option that would be beneficial but if they're an older dog who has no energy and is sickly and unwell already then it would just be extra stress and pain on them to go through and not the way for them to spend their final days.

I'm sorry you're going through this and having to make such a difficult and heartbreaking decision

Edited August 29, 2012 by donatella

[canine fun sports]

When do you know it's time? when do you make the decision? how do you just pick and day?

I hope I am able to give you some information to help you make this decision. I have had to give this advice on many occasions. Your own vet should also be able to help you.

There is no moment when the decision is THE correct time. It is not black and white. The decision comes in various shades of grey.

At one end of the spectrum - light grey - the dog may have days of being unwell, have mild pain, or occasional unpleasant episodes (depending on what the health issue is.) Most people would, at this time decide that the dog is still enjoying life enough to maintain an interest in life.

At the other end of the spectrum - dark grey - the dog is in frequent or constant pain, feeling listless and uninterested in life, he may be vomiting, breathless, unable to exercise (depending on what the health issue is.) Just about everyone who saw this dog would advise the owner to euthanase the dog, and many vets would not allow the owners to take them home.

My belief is that the right time is somewhere in between, and I would prefer to err toward the lighter grey than the darker grey. I do not think we have the right to keep our dogs alive to a point where they know significant suffering. We owe it to them to have a happy life. I certainly would not keep a dog alive until he no longer wagged his tail, was not longer interested in food, and was always listless. I love my dogs too much to let things go that far.

It is a very personal decision whether you want to put your dog through chemotherapy. Cost, for most people, must be considered. But also you must considerfor how long the dog will live with good quality of life after the event. So the dog's age, general health and the prognosis on the particular type of cancer must be considered.

My last piece of advice is that the decision should ALWAYS be based on the welfare of the dog, and not your own needs. If you base your decision of the needs of your dog, you will find that your decision will be easier to live with. You will be grief stricken, but that will pass with your recollection of the good memories, and knowing you did the best thing for your canine companion.

Hope this helps with your difficult decision. It is a sad time.

[Rebanne]

I would rather go too early then a second too late. I have been that second too late and it's awful and it haunts me still.

[Wobbly]

OH

Don't let him suffer. Euthanasia is the only area in which animal rights outstrip human rights. He has had a wonderful life with you, and given you so much, let him go while the going is still not too horrific for him. Once the pain killers stop working, let him go. He's only a dog, he can't rationalise suffering, he can't understand it, all he knows is that it hurts and he wants the pain to stop.

I know we let my mum's Burmese cat suffer too long, and I will regret that forever. I wish we had gotten him euthanised before he went through that last night. Myself and my mum sat up with him all night, poor beautiful creature, far too elegant and dignified to ever have suffered through that last horrible night, I wish I had taken him to the vet earlier so he wouldn't have had to suffer like that. We took him to the vet next day and he went so peacefully, such a blessed relief, we should have taken him in days earlier. I am so sorry Mr Minx.

My childhood labrador we timed right. We saw the day the pain killers for her arthritis had killed her joy in the things she loved, the morning she couldn't stand up to greet us, to eat her breakfast. It was good timing, she didn't miss a day where she wagged her tail, and she never suffered horribly.

I'm going to quote Canine fun sport's post here, it is good thing to bear in mind through this, and I hope it's something I can remember in 10 years or so time when my dog's day comes:

My last piece of advice is that the decision should ALWAYS be based on the welfare of the dog, and not your own needs. If you base your decision of the needs of your dog, you will find that your decision will be easier to live with. You will be grief stricken, but that will pass with your recollection of the good memories, and knowing you did the best thing for your canine companion.

Big hugs and much love to you, please don't let your animal suffer, this is something we owe to our animals - to never let them suffer horribly because we can't let go, we have the power to alleviate their suffering, to not make them go through days of hurt. You will know.

Be strong for him.

[SkySoaringMagpie]

I would rather go too early then a second too late. I have been that second too late and it's awful and it haunts me still.

Agree with this, I haven't gone too late with a dog but have with a cat and if I could turn back time I would have relieved her suffering earlier.

I also agree with Ams and others that if the light has gone out, it's time. If he's flat and miserable, and there is no hope of recovery, help him go.

[Her Majesty Dogmad]

I have been through this situation far too many times in the last few years. I rescue old dogs and often only have them for a year or two.

My vet says it is better to go too early than too late.

I lost my Cattle Dog Sally to liver cancer in 2010. I was having trouble accepting it, she was obviously sick and this went on for a week or more but I took her to the park as I did every day and on the last day, she no longer wanted to play with the ball. It was her obsession and in spite of her illness she still wanted a short game with the ball but not that day and that was when I knew it was time to let her go.

Her best friend Pepper the Keeshond cross, died 5 months later. Most unexpected. She hadn't been right for a while but the vet could not find anything wrong, she was still walking, still eating but I felt something wasn't right. And then one day she was coughing, I thought she might have kennel cough but the vet examined her and said he felt it was lung cancer possibly. I was so shocked, I got antibiotics from him and took her home, sure that he was wrong. 2 days later, I woke up in the night to find she was struggling. She could no longer lie down. She was falling alseep and as she touched the floor, she dragged herself up again. I can't tell you how terrible I felt. I should have let her go 2 days before or even the day before, this was terrible.

However hard it is on us, we should never let our best friends suffer needlessly. I have often wondered if i made a decision too early but I did what I thought was best at the time and second guessing myself isn't going to change things. We have to let them go, we only hold on to them for ourselves, it's not for them.

Be strong and be there with him. I have taken treats with me to the vet on the last few occasions and my darling dogs have left this world enjoying a tasty treat, they were happy and this helped me cope. Hugs to you.

Edited August 29, 2012 by dogmad

[TwinkyDay]

Ages ago, I had a beautiful Shih Tzu. At nine years of age she developed a grape size lump on her tummy - diagnosed as cancer but removed by surgery. She bounced back but less than a year later the cancer was back and she started to go downhill pretty fast. How I knew the time was right to let her go was the day that I came home from work and she didn't come to me. Up til then, every single day that I walked through that door, she would bound from her basket straight for me. As the cancer spread, she got slower but still appeared excited whenever I came home. She'd do the same if I picked up my keys, heading straight for the door to come with me.

But on her last day, I walked through the door and she stayed in her basket. She lifted her head up and looked at me, and put her head back down. I knew there and then that it was time. I took her straight to the vet, dreading that he would tell me what I already knew in my heart. She went peacefully, I swear with a smile on her face as the pain left her. All these years later, just writing about her now, I am in tears. I miss my Nessie.

My thoughts are with you at this very difficult and sad time.

[Staffyluv]

The decision is easy for me ,i love my dog more than my own needs.

As much as it breaks my heart & i deal better knowing i have done the right thing .

But the decision is solely yours .

I agree with showdog...

My last boy had cancer and we fought it for 6 years. Luckily for us his was kept at bay with chemo, diet and holistic treatment...

The last 6 months was palliative care as he had reached the end of treatments and you could see the cancer was winning..

The day before he was given his wings he was playing under the sprinklers at the local park and watching him that day, I thought he was fine. We were at the vets the next day saying goodbye.. It can come so quickly and I wasn't ready for it, I don't think you can ever be ready to let them go. But we have to.. Giving them their wings when it is time is the greatest gift of all...

[oakway]

The decision is easy for me ,i love my dog more than my own needs.

As much as it breaks my heart & i deal better knowing i have done the right thing .

But the decision is solely yours .

+1

[tdierikx]

It is very hard for someone sitting on this side of the computer screen to tell you what you should do in these circumstances.

What I can do is offer you my deepest sympathies for the pain you are obviously feeling right now.

When you do make the decision for your best friend, it will be the right time and thing to do.

T.

[stellnme]

I'm so sorry. What has helped me is to realise that it is your dog's journey, not ours. Could I suggest you give your little dog a perfect day - devote the day to him and do things he always liked, feed him all the special food he wants, take photos, a gentle walk if he is up to it, all the cuddles you can fit in. You will be making happy memories to look back on later. Make the appointment for the next day and be there for him.

Wishing you strength and hoping in time you will look back and smile at the memories of the lovely dog who shared your life.