Teebs Posted July 31, 2012 Share Posted July 31, 2012 We havent had to do this before. Tomorrow we have to tell my OHs 7 and 2 year old about their 'Aklas' The 7 year old cried for hours when we told her about her fish being dead, how the hell do we deal with this? The 2 year old loves Atlas, how can we make her understand? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bullbreedlover Posted July 31, 2012 Share Posted July 31, 2012 First and foremost Always be honest in letting them know what has happened and with answering any questions they have. I am sure you know this already. I do believe dogs have an after life and once their bodies have departed their souls live on. I have owned dogs my whole entire life. They have been part of me and explaining to a child that their pet is no longer with us can be a harrowing experience for them and you. Good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coogie Posted July 31, 2012 Share Posted July 31, 2012 Teebs, so sorry you have to go through this,I agree you should be honest - there are a couple of websites that offer some suggestions. I know everyone is different but if being you think having some idea of what you will say in advance would help you links are below.I realise you can't really be prepared for something like this when you are so upset yourself and not sure if you could bear to read them , but for me; in most situations if I have an idea of what I might say I seem to get through it better. Sending love to all your family at this horrible time. Pet loss and children Helping children cope Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teebs Posted July 31, 2012 Author Share Posted July 31, 2012 Thank you I told OH i wont lie to them and i am ok with telling them if he cant. Its just what words to use and how the hell am i going to cope with them breaking down when i can harldy hold it together myself? Will leave them up on the screen so he can read them when he gets up Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nic.B Posted July 31, 2012 Share Posted July 31, 2012 I am so very sorry for your loss, Run free sweet soul Teebs for us, being honest is very important. Not necessarily about details of death, just their passing. I have been through this with a dear old Shepherd who was surrendered to the pound at 12 years. He lived out his days with us. We all adored Old Ray though Hannah my youngest and Old Ray were inseparable. Old Ray taught my daughter how to speak (she was selectively mute). Hannah and I did lot of symbolic things together for Old Ray once he passed. Hannah still sleeps with Old Rays photos which are hung up on her bed, she still has his collar and she still talks about Old Ray. I do believe the soul moves on and that there is a beautiful place for our loved ones. We drew pictures and Hannah told me Old Ray had a lot of children playing with him in heaven. She saw Old Ray in the clouds and knew he was watching over all of us. It was very comforting for Hannah, we put a Christmas decoration of Old Ray on the tree every year made by a truly beautiful DOLer Let preschool and school know, teachers are a wonderful support. There are some beautiful books explaining death of pets and loved ones at your library or a good book shop. My thoughts are with you all, Hugs and love xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
schnauzer Posted July 31, 2012 Share Posted July 31, 2012 When I lost Oscar my friends 4 year old daughter asked where he was? I told her that he had gone to heaven, and that if she looked up into the night sky and found the biggest brightest star, that it was him. She cried but accepted this and several years later still goes onto their balcony at night to look at "Oscar" and say hello to him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lugeanjaam Posted July 31, 2012 Share Posted July 31, 2012 The sad reality is that the girls are going to be incredibly sad. As much as our instinct is protect them from grief, all we can do is be gentle, understanding and allow them the time and tears they need. Lots of hugs, and maybe some kind of memorial to Atlas that they can be involved in will help them work through it. Hugs to you Teebs. It is so beautiful that in amongst your own loss and grief that are thinking of the girls xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pepe001 Posted July 31, 2012 Share Posted July 31, 2012 I never lie to my daughter and something that others may disagree with is that we all look at the body, give him a last pat and bury the pet together. We don't hide anything. But my daughter lives on a farm and is very matter the fact about death even of her beloved friend Moose. Moose was a mastiff* who spent many hours with daughter from when she was a baby and he would lie next to her rocker. To following her around the farm. He died early this year and we buried him in the paddock. She says he is in heaven now and understands they never come back. When her pet chook, Buffy, died. I was in tears but she was hugging me saying 'but mum there are two more Buffies in the sheds lets go get one of those so you are not so sad'. So my advice is just be honest and let her be part of the funeral. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebanne Posted July 31, 2012 Share Posted July 31, 2012 yep be honest with them and then you cry with them. You can't make the younger one understand. Be prepared for her to ask several times where's Atlas when she comes to visit. My daughter's first experience was on her first day of prep, her granddad was very ill in hospital and I had to put the old dog down! On her first day of school. She coped beautifully. the only thing I did lie about was telling her Brandy died, rather then telling her Brandy was PTS. Kids handle it very well usually. My daughter was quite happy to show her friend where Brandy now was (the grave) the next time the friend was over. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teebs Posted July 31, 2012 Author Share Posted July 31, 2012 Thanks. Going to try to arrange for his ashes to come home a day we have the girls. And we are talking about getting a tree to plant. We are hoping to move at thr end of the year so would like something in a pot we can plant once we move. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
persephone Posted July 31, 2012 Share Posted July 31, 2012 A hard job ..but, yes, honesty all the way . he didn't 'go to sleep ' he didn't 'go away' he was very very sick, and the vet couldn't fix him this time .... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Staffyluv Posted July 31, 2012 Share Posted July 31, 2012 A friend showed her 5 year old a picture of rainbow bridge on the internet and said that is where their dog was staying until we can see him again. Kids love stories and telling them the truth through a story makes it easier for them to understand and to cope. Maybe get a tree for the backyard and get them to help plant it and look after it so they remember At.. Tiny ones don't really comprehend death (IMO), they just need an explanation of why they can't see him anymore. Perhaps say something like At was sick and we took him to the vet and the vet helped him to go to the Rainbow Bridge - where all eventually go. They wait for us there and we can see them again when it is our turn to go to heaven (or whatever your explanation for this is)... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
huga Posted July 31, 2012 Share Posted July 31, 2012 The two year old probably won't understand. You just need to try to explain it in clear, honest terms. When Harry was PTS, I told Ollie that he was sick and he had died and that means he is gone now. I'm not really one for heaven, but we said he is up in the sky now with Yogi (in laws dog). Blunt maybe, but it's what his young brain needed as an explanation (he was 4 at the time). He came with me to the vet and we stayed and held Harry while he was PTS, so I think that helped too (even though it was the most heart wrenching thing I've ever done). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clyde Posted July 31, 2012 Share Posted July 31, 2012 I deal with it the same as Huga. I completely get other people putting frills on it but I dealt with it fairly simply and my daughter accepts this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Willow Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 Sorry for your loss My daughter is two, and we recently lost one of our dogs, and one of our rabbits. Whe Rhu (the dog) was PTS I explained he was up in the stars and we can't see him anymore. She promptly picked up her toy phone and said "but I can talk to him", and then said "Hello Rhu? Yes, I can't see you any more because you're up in the stars. Ok, Bye"....we agreed she could talk to him on her phone whenever she needed to. After Willow died (the rabbit) I explained she was up in the stars with Rhu, and she said straight away "so we can't see her anymore?". She occasionally asks where they are, or says she is talking to them, but there was no sadness, because she can't fully grasp the concept. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katdogs Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 A hard job ..but, yes, honesty all the way . he didn't 'go to sleep ' he didn't 'go away' he was very very sick, and the vet couldn't fix him this time .... As Perse says, just use the honest words. Atlas was very sick and died and everyone is very sad. My nephew had nightmares and wouldn't sleep for ages after someone told him death was like 'going to sleep and not waking up'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
persephone Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 after someone told him death was like 'going to sleep and not waking up'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
megan_ Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 Thank you I told OH i wont lie to them and i am ok with telling them if he cant. Its just what words to use and how the hell am i going to cope with them breaking down when i can harldy hold it together myself? Will leave them up on the screen so he can read them when he gets up I think it is important to be honest in an age appropriate way. I agree with not inventing stories about sleeping etc because kids can take these things very literally and become traumatized. If they are being taught to believe in heaven, I'd use that. Some might disagree, but it can be comforting to a child. If not, I'd keep it more simple and say that he was older, got sick and died. That you will miss him very much and it is okay to cry. I'd also mention that he had a really good life and he will always have a special place in your heart. Maybe even bring some pics of him along, especially the ones of him being a bit silly? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
baifra Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 (edited) There are also books for children about losing a much loved pet. We recently lost both of our dogs within a month of each other and I had no idea how to tell my 4 year old son. Both my girls had to be PTS so I sat my son down and told him that Rusty and Jessie were very sick and needed to live up in the stars with his grandparents. I gave him time to say goodbye and then took him around to my parents place. I chose not to have him there when they were PTS. My son then chose a star for them and every night points the star out and says hello ( very hard to hear and brings me to tears most days but also gives me comfort) They're were both cremated and he often cuddles their boxes and talks to them. I also bought the book, 'Jaspers day' about a little boy who loses his dog. My son loves it. I myself cannot read it as its too painful for me but my OH reads it to my son whenever he asks for it. I openly cry for my dogs and don't hide my emotions from my son. I miss them and he seems to understand this. Take care Teebs at this very sad time. Edited August 1, 2012 by baifra Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BonJosie Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 One of the most valuable things about growing up with dogs is that it teaches children relatively gentle lessons about mortality and that life must come to an end. I know it sounds morbid, but I will always, always appreciate that the first beloved family members I ever had to mourn were my pets. It made me more understanding and accepting as an adult when I lose members of my human family. There will be tears and confusion, and those tears will come back every now and again when they're feeling fragile. But grief is part of what makes us human and all of us, no matter how young, process it and come out the other side. All the best, and I'm sorry for your loss. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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