Pockets Posted March 6, 2012 Share Posted March 6, 2012 Thanks everyone. Lots to think about and I will show her this forum.I think one of the problems is dog 2 is very needy. If she is sleeping near you and you get up she bounds up and follows you. She is very licky and they have worked alot on that. She has the lovliest nature but is a bit of an airhead which I think they are probably struggling a bit with. Maybe just some better training could solve those problems. They got the dog to keep their dog company but very much also because they wanted a second dog. They do like this dog and as I have said, it is well cared for I think she is just worried cause they don't feel that devotion. The dog sounds to me very bonded, cant they use this to their advantage, a simple teaching of "stay" will not only be spending time and bonding with her, but also a useful tool if they dont wish for her to follow them every time they get up... Seems to me the dog is the only one putting in any effort and is being very clear in its signals to the new owner Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
megan_ Posted March 6, 2012 Share Posted March 6, 2012 A lot of judgement here. One of my dogs follows me around (even to the loo) but it works to my advantage with training. I like it. Some people prefer independant dogs - what is wrong with that? Why the assumption that the "dog is the only one putting any effort in"? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mumsy Posted March 6, 2012 Author Share Posted March 6, 2012 Thanks for all the input. I do have to say that this dog is not neglected, ignored etc. She is not the only one putting effort in. These are really good people. They got the dog with the right intentions, and intend to go on with the right intentions. The dog will not be dropped at a shelter (if they decided to rehome, which is a decision that has not been made). This was a conversation between myself and my friend in which she was discussing her feelings. I am the one asking people for an opinion. Another 12 or so years with an animal that you don't have a good connection with is a long time, and alot of money. My friend spent alot of time looking for another dog, it was not an impulse, but that doesn't necessarily guarantee success. Unfortunately she got her from a shelter, and besides bringing her dog to the shelter for a "meet and greet", was not given a trial period, which may, or may not have shown her whether they were a great match. They do care for her and it is for that reason that she is questioning whether they are the right family for her. As I said, I will show her this forum and hopefully some good advice may help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Salukifan Posted March 6, 2012 Share Posted March 6, 2012 Just out of interest: What breed/s is the first dog? What breeds/s is the second dog. I KNOW I could not live with some dog breeds. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greytmate Posted March 6, 2012 Share Posted March 6, 2012 I think they should attempt to do more to bond with the dog. Isn't there even one family member who feels close to the animal? Not bonding isn't really a reason to get rid of the dog, it's a reason to spend more time with it. Maybe there is another reason they haven't mentioned. I feel sorry for the kids, learning that if an animal isn't perfect, it can be shoved out the door. Learning that a commitment lasts only as long until an excuse can be made that keeps everyone satisfied. I wonder if their motivation is just to get a different dog. If they do, I hope it bites them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wuffles Posted March 6, 2012 Share Posted March 6, 2012 Agree megan_. Our first (rescue) dog is very independent, doesn't follow you around, doesn't even get up when you come home half the time. Our second dog is completely velcro, thinks she's a lap dog, is very affectionate. My OH prefers the independence, I prefer the cuddler, and TBH it took a while to get used to such a velcro dog. I can see how it would annoy some people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
megan_ Posted March 6, 2012 Share Posted March 6, 2012 mumsy I certainly wouldn't show my friend this thread :-). There have been a lot of negative assumptions about her motivation etc and if I was her and read it I'd be p*ssed off and that certainly wouldn't help the situation. Some people seem to think that responsible rehoming is the same as dumping a dog at the pound. The end result for the dog couldn't be more different. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dame Aussie Posted March 6, 2012 Share Posted March 6, 2012 I see where you're coming from megan, but it seems the dog has no issues, only the owners. She follows them around and licks......is that really reason enough to give up and rehome? I'm not judging, I actually hope they rehome the dog as obviously it's not the right one for them, but really, how many people get a dog that behaves exactly as they expected with NO unwanted behaviours? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
megan_ Posted March 6, 2012 Share Posted March 6, 2012 It might not be hte actual behaviour that is the problem - it might be a clingy dog, and some people struggle to cope with that and they might be an active family and they can't meet a clingy dog's needs. However, if the dog lived with a little old lady she might be delighted at having a constant companion. There are certain types of dogs that I just couldn't live with. It doesn't make me a lesser dog owner to admit that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dame Aussie Posted March 6, 2012 Share Posted March 6, 2012 It might not be hte actual behaviour that is the problem - it might be a clingy dog, and some people struggle to cope with that and they might be an active family and they can't meet a clingy dog's needs. However, if the dog lived with a little old lady she might be delighted at having a constant companion. There are certain types of dogs that I just couldn't live with. It doesn't make me a lesser dog owner to admit that. Fair enough, I can see what you mean. I hope whatever happens she ends up with someone compatible. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greytmate Posted March 6, 2012 Share Posted March 6, 2012 Whatever the real issue is, I hope they can describe it to the person they pass the dog onto. Because 'not bonding' tells us nothing at all about what the dog does that is so objectionable to them, and will not help that dog get a better home. A person isn't a lesser owner if they admit there are things they don't want in a dog, but they are a very poor owner if they cannot articulate that or refuse to admit the real problem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mumsy Posted March 6, 2012 Author Share Posted March 6, 2012 I think they should attempt to do more to bond with the dog. Isn't there even one family member who feels close to the animal? Not bonding isn't really a reason to get rid of the dog, it's a reason to spend more time with it. Maybe there is another reason they haven't mentioned. I feel sorry for the kids, learning that if an animal isn't perfect, it can be shoved out the door. Learning that a commitment lasts only as long until an excuse can be made that keeps everyone satisfied. I wonder if their motivation is just to get a different dog. If they do, I hope it bites them. Wow Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Staff'n'Toller Posted March 6, 2012 Share Posted March 6, 2012 Just out of interest: What breed/s is the first dog? What breeds/s is the second dog. I KNOW I could not live with some dog breeds. I agree and sometimes this is highly underestimated. I've personally had Border x Kelpie, Bully x Kelpie and Stafford before my Toller and OMG the gundogs are sooooooo different to herding breeds or the bull breeds. There are tonnes of things I love about him I just notice massive 'group' differences, they are very stark to me. As a Dog Trainer I can put that into words - perhaps the OP's friend is struggling in this way but can't describe it in enough detail. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greytmate Posted March 6, 2012 Share Posted March 6, 2012 As a Dog Trainer I can put that into words - perhaps the OP's friend is struggling in this way but can't describe it in enough detail. Maybe. I apologise for being harsh earlier, but I think the reason given is a poor one. It's a lame excuse, as if the dog is to blame. Perhaps the OP can help them get to the bottom of why they don't like the dog. Whether they want the dog to do something that this one won't do, or whether this one does something that they don't like. They are not going to be able to decide whether the new home will be suitable for the dog if they cannot explain why it doesn't suit their home. They might be lucky and get a good home for this dog, or they might put it in a worse situation than it is in now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Staff'n'Toller Posted March 6, 2012 Share Posted March 6, 2012 (edited) As a Dog Trainer I can put that into words - perhaps the OP's friend is struggling in this way but can't describe it in enough detail. Maybe. I apologise for being harsh earlier, but I think the reason given is a poor one. It's a lame excuse, as if the dog is to blame. Perhaps the OP can help them get to the bottom of why they don't like the dog. Whether they want the dog to do something that this one won't do, or whether this one does something that they don't like. They are not going to be able to decide whether the new home will be suitable for the dog if they cannot explain why it doesn't suit their home. They might be lucky and get a good home for this dog, or they might put it in a worse situation than it is in now. Oh I tend to agree - my post certainly wasn't aimed at you GM, was just trying to add something useful. :p I do tend to agree with Jed as well, that they should stick at it and try harder. Cuddling on the couch with the kids and not bonded seem mutually exclusive to me??? I just have the experience at home where my Mum (who has anxiety) says the same thing of one of ours and my reply is always "well there is nothing that this dog is doing that is wrong, you just don't feel the same way towards it". Then I find her massaging his ears and talking to him like a puppy. :laugh: I'm in two minds though, dogs are intuitive - and much more than we give them credit for - maybe this dog feels that the people don't like him that much, would the dog prefer to be somewhere else? Maybe it would. Edited March 6, 2012 by Staff'n'Toller Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mita Posted March 6, 2012 Share Posted March 6, 2012 (edited) Mumsy, just my opinion. But I think there are 2 posts on the first page that would be spot on to show to your friends. First, Jed talked straight.....but not abusively....about the responsibility owners have towards the dog they've taken in. And indicated that it wasn't just an emotional reaction but ought to be about working at bonding. Second, Pretty Miss Emma gave some good tips on how she was advised to do that. My own thoughts are that it's a situation where a good example in problem-solving can be given to the children. Rather than just, 'Don't like. Chuck!' Also adding that people can own a couple (or more) dogs & find that one specially grabs their heart. Sometimes called a 'heart-dog'. But that is no reason for the other dog....or dogs....to be passed on. It's necessary to work at & find a 'connection' of some kind with the other dog. But so far, nothing specific's been given about any behaviours, traits or characteristics of that dog. Yet that's the info needed for any plan. If a well thought out plan is tried & doesn't work out, then it's a different matter. Edited March 6, 2012 by mita Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flame ryder Posted March 6, 2012 Share Posted March 6, 2012 I don't see what's the problem with responsibly re-homing a dog. Horse owners do it all the time and no-one questions it. Sometimes one has to go many years and own a lot of different horses before they get the right one. They may want one that's better at showjumping, or better at dressage, endurance or whatever. A certain horse may be a great horse but not suited to what the owner may have wanted to do with it...therefor selling it on to a more suitable home. Same with dogs...if the dog just doesn't suit you then I can't see problem with re-homing it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mags Posted March 6, 2012 Share Posted March 6, 2012 We do a bit of breed rescue - cat not dog - and we took on a cat last june. Was told the cat wasn't affectionate didn't bond with them etc. She had to be quarantined until we got her healthy and had all her tests so was in one of our big outside pens and since she was not staying we tried really hard to not get too attached to her (she was going back to her breeder) once everything was done. She is the loveliest little being. She is sweet, gets on well with everyone and wants to be with you though is in no way demanding. I can not for the life of me understand why they did not bond with her. However it did take her a long time to start really trusting again and for us to see just how special she is. She did come from a good breeder so was very well socialised before she went to her first home and that certainly helped her recover from being ignored/neglected. I just wish the people had asked for help sooner as she did not need to go through what she did. This is a rescue dog - he comes with baggage even is you don't know what that is, he needs time to settle and start trusting again. He may not have been reared/socialised in a way that makes it easy for him to fit in to your friends family. They need to give him one on one time if they want him to bond with them, you only get out what you are willing to put in. They need to help him learn to be the companion they want. Have to say if they aren't willing to put in the work and time he would be better off homed with someone that will give him the help/time he needs - he deserves to be where he is thought of as special. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Topoftheheap Posted March 6, 2012 Share Posted March 6, 2012 Tell her she is the human, the dog is the dog. The human made the choice to take the dog, not the other way around. The human is the one who makes the calls, not the dog. It is up to the human to make an effort to bond with the dog. The human must show affection and like for the dog, and allow the dog to return that. This is done by speaking to the dog, stroking the dog, playing with the dog, grooming the dog, training the dog - even if it is just teaching the dog to shake hands whilst watching TV. I presume the dog is inside? So the dog should be in the area with the human as much as possible. The human is responsible for bonding. The dog may have a few issues about being rehomed/dumped the first time, and may be missing its first family If they throw this dog away, it will have even more problems in the future than it has now ... if it actually does have problems now. A dog is for life, not just for christmas or until the someone gets sick of it. It hasn't bonded because they haven't tried hard enough.If they didn't like the dog, they should have left it wherever they got it from, so someone who would like it could take it. If they did like it, now they have to make the effort to bond. 'LIKE' button pressed!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Salukifan Posted March 6, 2012 Share Posted March 6, 2012 (edited) Yikes - and folk think I'm tough!! Don't people think that the dog deserves to be in a home where people do more than tolerate it? Don't people think that a family that has adopted a dog deserve to get one that they can genuinely care for? The dog's at no risk here. Why on earth NOT rehome it if you can do so responsibly after figuring out what it is about this one that you can't warm to and avoid it next time. Anyone who suggests to me that sheer effort can make you bond with any dog simply needs to meet more dogs. Stanley Coren even wrote a book about it. 'A dog is for life" - yeah sure. But "life" shouldn't feel like a prison sentence. Edited March 6, 2012 by Telida Whippets Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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