An Unenviable Situation

[trinabean]

Who's in a state? Trinabean? I don't think she's in 'a state', she's just concerned about juggling her own large breed puppy, a visiting dog and her children. I would feel exactly the same way.

Exactly Clyde.

Oakway, I just want to do what's best for my kids and my dog. Oh, and peace and harmony with the in-laws would be nice too....

You may have been there and done it before but I have not. Hence my original post.

[trinabean]

Is there some reason why they might not get along? Is one of the dogs aggressive or fearful of other dogs?

My son and his partner brought their two dogs to our place for a holiday once, they had an English Setter and a small terrier-type muttly. With my two Aussies and a 15yo Lhasa Apso we had a houseful and a range of sizes. The dogs all got along great, they had a blast together and we all had a really good and memorable Christmas holiday. Three of the dogs are no longer with us....his ES and my Lhasa Apso and my biggest Aussie, and I wouldn't have those incredible memories if they'd left their dogs behind.

I have no idea about their dog. Mine has been a bit more alert to other dogs on walks since being bailed up by an aggressive dog last weekend.

That's a good point about the memories and I hadn't looked at it that way. I hope this will end up being a positive experience for us.

Have you got a tiny garden? Is your Boxer good with other dogs? Is their dog good with other dogs and/or scared of larger dogs?

The other good thing to do is to make sure both dogs get plenty of long walks to wear them out! Perhaps they can help you with taking both dogs out to give you some space!

We have a good sized garden. Bruno is good with other boxers but I don't know about smaller dogs. Puppy school separated large and small breeds and dog obedience didn't allow dogs to meet. I don't know anyone with a reliable small dog to 'test' him with. Can't speak for their dog though, she's about 18months old and I haven't met her yet.]

Long walks are definitely part of my plan. Not sure if they can walk my dog though. He is boisterous and strong and 'loose lead walking' is still a work in progress! ;)

[Ons]

my very boisterous playful coolie teenager and my griffon pup are the bestest of friends as maybe your boxer and minature poodle. the size difference would be almost equal, boxer may be a bit bigger.

they are supervised at all times and Latte the coolie is crated at mealtime and at bedtime. she also has learned calm and that she doesn't get attention if she isn't sitting with all four paws on the ground, she has learned leave it as well.

Get a crate, use it for a training experience for your dog.

One thing I don't leave them unsupervised so separate them if no one is going to be around, Mocha stays in the house, Latte is outside with the other 3.

Works well here and could at your place too.

[cheekygal]

We have a Papillon, a Maltese and up to a few weeks ago, two gorgeous Boxers. Sadly one passed but we have been very lucky and have never had a problem with the Boxers accepting or playing with other visiting dogs. My daughter came to stay with us for a while and bought her three dogs with her,a Great Dane/Lab cross,a Cavalier and a foxie/cattle dog cross. All seven have been friends on and off for years (with the cats)and as long as feeding times were supervised there was never any problems. My mum now has a little maltese rescue and he comes once a month and stays for the weekend with mum and he just basically ignores the boxers but tries to play with our two littles.

I agree groundrules need to be in place and the home based dogs shouldnt have to be put into situations that are out of the norm for them. When our neighbour drops in for a visit, he normally has two or three dogs in tow with him and they all in sniffing each :cheer:other and then just slink away to investigate the new smells in our place. Only once was there a problem and that was a Jack Russell growling at our Papillon,then out of nowwhere sprang the most meek and mild little maltese you could ever imagine and she jumped on top of the Jack Russell and put him in his place quickly and told him to leave her friend alone. Was so funny we nicknamed her 'murderous Molly'. She is the quietest dog we own and was so funny to see her leap to her friends defence.

I guess we must have been the lucky ones but If the humans are calm themselves the dogs normally follow suit. Good luck on whatever decision you make.

[Christina]

I can understand all the reasons why you are upset but it is all manageable if somewhat awkward. I would not force them into a position of kennels, for their dogs sake if not theirs. Get a crate or maybe some of those round treated pine logs & a roll of wire & put up a temporary seperate area in the yard.

If they can't be managed together with these just seperate rooms with the doors closed & turns out around the house apart. Its only for 14 days & they may get along absolutely fine after all your worry & upset.

[juice]

Let them meet on a walk, nuetral territory, and walk them alongside each other. Tire them out, then go home. Makes it all more relaxed.

Get a crate, for either to relax in.

Being young still the poodle maybe very happy to have a buddy, if she tells him off for being too full on, thats fine too, he has to learn doggy manners.

Just watch and try and relax, could be fine.

[Zug Zug]

I agree you should give it a chance to work. These two dogs may be good for each other.

Yes you should also talk through some basic rules, and I think it is also good to have a back-up plan of a kennel if the need arises.

But I think Poodlefan raises a really important issue. As hard as it is, your OH has invited them down, with their dog. They are just doing as they have agreed with him/her. So it is important that you both now make them feel welcome when they arrive. Being too stressed about the dog could certainly tarnish that, and I think you might regret that down the track. There is no worse feeling than that of feeling like an unwelcome guest.

I also agree with the idea of getting a crate for your dog if you don't already have one. That will help give you all some time out from the puppy games, and also give the dogs some time out from the kids and each other. I would even think about 2 crates, unless they're bringing one with them.

You could pitch it as 'look we've even set up a special little bed for your dog to rest and be comfortable, right next to our dog's bed', and I think that would go over fine. Obviously both dogs would only go in the crates for a short time unless they are already crate trained and used to it.

[trinabean]

Thanks everyone for your input. Love the collective wisdom of DOLers.

[BCPuppy]

Hmmm wondering if any of these solutions would work for kids. My step son has new GF with 3 kids and wants to come stay, means 4 kids under 7, think I might just run away

[persephone]

Hmmm wondering if any of these solutions would work for kids. My step son has new GF with 3 kids and wants to come stay, means 4 kids under 7, think I might just run away

;) wire crates, cunningly disguised as cubby houses ...............

[Kelly_Louise]

I'd also give it a chance and see how things go - BUT it is YOUR dogs home, and I would be advising them of the rules you have for implemented (for the safety of both dogs AND kids), and let them know that you expect them to be followed at all times.

I don't think that's an unreasonable thing to expect of guests. Maybe I'm a cow too - but in my house (and my dog's home) - I would like to think that people would respect me enough to abide by and understand this. If people don't know your concerns and expectations, they can't be expected to be able to follow them.

Not long after we first brought Sasha home, she was still fairly unsettled and OH was laying cement for a shed to go up in our backyard. We had a yard full of strange (to Sasha) men, large cement trucks coming and going, lots of yelling and shouting. This, to a dog with high anxiety was a little overwhelming - so I kept her quietly inside with me. I was then told that my OH's mum, sister and 2 loud and boisterous children were coming over to see what was happening and to have a BBQ once the cementing was complete - and that they would be stay inside with me until it was done. Now, I had Sasha in a calm state - and I did not want her to be upset by yelling children chasing and cornering her in our small house (children she didnt' really know at that stage) and running amok to scare her. Especially when the Mum didn't really understand the situation, nor watch and supervise her children around dogs. So I told them, that it couldn't happen - that they were welcome to come to the BBQ after the cementing was finished, but that I couldn't have them all inside with Sasha until the cementing was finished. I'm not sure if that offended, because they didn't come at all... however, I did what I needed to do to protect my dog, and all the guests safety and best interests - with the knowledge that I had. Still to this day, I don't feel bad about it. When OH's sister and kids come, they still harass the life out of Sasha and do not understand why we've put rules in place, and don't abide by them (simple things like don't feed her 'party' foods as she has a very sensitive tummy) - so I know that I am always fairly justified in my decisions.

[SheWolf]

You poor thing, how awful. By what you have said there is not much you can do - BUT please make the introduction between the dogs off your property and on neutral territory ie. a park or somewhere they can be introduced with your dog being able to 'lead the inlaws' dogs home, do not allow them to bring the dog into your dogs territory , or even worse try intoducting them between a glass door, it will be a recipe for disaster!

The best you can do in this situation is 'manage' the behaviour of the dogs to the best of your ability. Good luck with it.

[Gayle.]

I must be in the minority, but if family or friends are coming to stay and they have a dog, I'd just assume the dog was coming too. It wouldn't be a matter of "invitation" or "planning", the dog is part of their family and therefore is part of the "coming to stay".

[sheena]

I must be in the minority, but if family or friends are coming to stay and they have a dog, I'd just assume the dog was coming too. It wouldn't be a matter of "invitation" or "planning", the dog is part of their family and therefore is part of the "coming to stay".

Me too.....but I do have areas in the house where I can keep their dogs seperate from mine for sleeping arrangements & bad weather. Also the house yard is divided into two allowing access to seperate parts of the house, verandahs & sheds. I don't allow friends dogs free range of inside the house, nor do mine if unsupervised, so they understand this before they come, otherwise they make different arrangements.

[trinabean]

Kennel solution may not work if they haven't brought there vacc card with them or the dog isn't current.

If the dog is current then there vet should be able to fax/email a vacc copy.

Good point Showdog. Im pretty sure she will be current, they are good with things of that nature.

If they don't get along then kennelling their dog will obviously be something they have to consider. Could you get them to meet while on leads on neutral ground to introduce them and take things from there? If they get along well and the difference in size isn't an issue, then take things slowly and see how they go.

Yes, a few people have suggested this, definitely worth trying.

I would wait and see how the dogs get along first. But definitely let the in-laws know the house rules with regards to kids and dogs, I expect any reasonable person would respect those.

Also it sounds like you have the means in place to separate the dogs if necessary and I would feed them in separate areas just to be safe.

I'm not sure what your relationship is like with your in-laws but if you feel like you can't be blunt approach it like you're helping them "I think Boxer Pup is too energetic for Poodle I'll just put him out the back while I'm away and I think Poodle would be much happier inside" ???

When my in-laws visit with their 2 dogs they just take over, but they always supervise and have control of the situation, even if Archer (puppy) is a bit put out by the "new rules" they never stay long and we just recommence our rules once they've gone. I understand it is different with children involved which is why I think you should definitely lay down the law in that respect.

Yes, the supervision of kids and dogs is probably my main concern. It's ironic that more adults present sometimes means less supervision happens. People get distracted chatting and everybody thinks someone else is watching the kids. I've seen this happen at swimming pools.

We had some fun with dogs/family over Christmas just gone.

My uncle was coming, then he wasn't, then he was, then he wasn't, then he was and 'btw - we are bringing the dog'.

It was fine. I played rotating dogs and it went without a hitch. I have one dog that isn't good with other dogs, depending on the dog/introduction etc, but this pairing was not suitable. Our other dog is fine but being a bit older and the visiting dog quite a bit bigger and boisterous, we kept them separated for the most part.

I stayed over my nan's in the evening with my girl, more for my sanity than anything else. I'd spend the evenings with nan and glass of wine, debriefing about the day's events, whilst the rest of the family was living the chaos back at the house. The dogs cope better than the people.

It was a great setup really, because families members could just excuse themselves to play with/walk the dogs and go and hide for half an hour. Worked for me anyway.

Henrietta, I wish I could visit nan for a glass of wine!

[trinabean]

Get a crate, use it for a training experience for your dog.

One thing I don't leave them unsupervised so separate them if no one is going to be around, Mocha stays in the house, Latte is outside with the other 3.

Works well here and could at your place too.

I have a crate which I used as Bruno's bed in the laundry when he was younger. Since he's been housetrained though I haven't used it much as he has a comfy bed in the loungeroom (in front of the heater.) I guess I could set up the crate in the loungeroom? He dislikes being 'banished' to the laundry methinks and he's well-behaved and calm when he can see what we're all doing. Nosy little guy.

I can understand all the reasons why you are upset but it is all manageable if somewhat awkward. I would not force them into a position of kennels, for their dogs sake if not theirs. Get a crate or maybe some of those round treated pine logs & a roll of wire & put up a temporary seperate area in the yard.

If they can't be managed together with these just seperate rooms with the doors closed & turns out around the house apart. Its only for 14 days & they may get along absolutely fine after all your worry & upset.

Probably can't manage the pine logs and separate yard area on my own (OH is interstate and I'm not handy!) though it's a good idea. Separate rooms/crate / time outside will have to do. As they've taken me by surprise, unfortunately I just won't be home all the time as I have some commitments I can't change. Will have to juggle the separation when not supervised as best we can.

Let them meet on a walk, nuetral territory, and walk them alongside each other. Tire them out, then go home. Makes it all more relaxed.

Get a crate, for either to relax in.

Being young still the poodle maybe very happy to have a buddy, if she tells him off for being too full on, thats fine too, he has to learn doggy manners.

Just watch and try and relax, could be fine.

Thanks, this is a good idea. And yes, it's good that the poodle is young and not elderly/unwell (and not up for zoomies and playing!) She might be a good playmate.

I agree you should give it a chance to work. These two dogs may be good for each other.

Yes you should also talk through some basic rules, and I think it is also good to have a back-up plan of a kennel if the need arises.

But I think Poodlefan raises a really important issue. As hard as it is, your OH has invited them down, with their dog. They are just doing as they have agreed with him/her. So it is important that you both now make them feel welcome when they arrive. Being too stressed about the dog could certainly tarnish that, and I think you might regret that down the track. There is no worse feeling than that of feeling like an unwelcome guest.

I also agree with the idea of getting a crate for your dog if you don't already have one. That will help give you all some time out from the puppy games, and also give the dogs some time out from the kids and each other. I would even think about 2 crates, unless they're bringing one with them.

You could pitch it as 'look we've even set up a special little bed for your dog to rest and be comfortable, right next to our dog's bed', and I think that would go over fine. Obviously both dogs would only go in the crates for a short time unless they are already crate trained and used to it.

All good points Zug Zug. I'm not just stressed about the dog I suppose. My in-laws both have special dietary needs and need separate meals, plus with OH interstate I'm functioning as a single parent,-with no family support in WA. I've been pretty sick too and have just been tested for whooping cough (yuck!) Oh woe is me! I'm disappointed that they're coming in the month we specifically told them was really busy. Had they come in October, we could have done some really nice things together. As it is, we will hardly be around. I will make the best of it when they arrive though...

Hmmm wondering if any of these solutions would work for kids. My step son has new GF with 3 kids and wants to come stay, means 4 kids under 7, think I might just run away

Take me! Take me!

Hmmm wondering if any of these solutions would work for kids. My step son has new GF with 3 kids and wants to come stay, means 4 kids under 7, think I might just run away

;) wire crates, cunningly disguised as cubby houses ...............

Hehe maybe I need a crate for me? Small wine bar, cunningly disguised as a dog crate!

[trinabean]

I'd also give it a chance and see how things go - BUT it is YOUR dogs home, and I would be advising them of the rules you have for implemented (for the safety of both dogs AND kids), and let them know that you expect them to be followed at all times.

I don't think that's an unreasonable thing to expect of guests. Maybe I'm a cow too - but in my house (and my dog's home) - I would like to think that people would respect me enough to abide by and understand this. If people don't know your concerns and expectations, they can't be expected to be able to follow them.

.

Agree. The safety of both kids and both dogs is paramount. More important than anyone taking offense to the rules actually. I think you did the right thing for Sasha.

You poor thing, how awful. By what you have said there is not much you can do - BUT please make the introduction between the dogs off your property and on neutral territory ie. a park or somewhere they can be introduced with your dog being able to 'lead the inlaws' dogs home, do not allow them to bring the dog into your dogs territory , or even worse try intoducting them between a glass door, it will be a recipe for disaster!

The best you can do in this situation is 'manage' the behaviour of the dogs to the best of your ability. Good luck with it.

Yes, this sounds like a good idea. I'm wondering if it would help to walk my dog just before they arrive too? They could meet us close-by and walk together for a good while before going home. Might burn off some of the boisterous boxer energy first?

[trinabean]

I must be in the minority, but if family or friends are coming to stay and they have a dog, I'd just assume the dog was coming too. It wouldn't be a matter of "invitation" or "planning", the dog is part of their family and therefore is part of the "coming to stay".

Well when it comes to in-laws, I for one am a bit better prepared if I have prior warning. As stated in a previous post, I'm not just stressed about accomodating an extra unknown dog.

Go easy on me GayleK, I'm not heartless or inhospitable.

Life for us has been a bit pressured lately. Among other things, both my parents are seriously ill in another state, I'm parenting 2 young children single-handedly while my husband works away and I've been sick for weeks. I did specify that September was diabolical and that October was a great time to come, so it's not ideal that the communication failed. I would love them to have a great time here and I do hope the dogs and children get along fine. We had some lovely plans that we could have managed in October. Nothing wrong with managing and 'planning' IMHO. ;)

I must be in the minority, but if family or friends are coming to stay and they have a dog, I'd just assume the dog was coming too. It wouldn't be a matter of "invitation" or "planning", the dog is part of their family and therefore is part of the "coming to stay".

Me too.....but I do have areas in the house where I can keep their dogs seperate from mine for sleeping arrangements & bad weather. Also the house yard is divided into two allowing access to seperate parts of the house, verandahs & sheds. I don't allow friends dogs free range of inside the house, nor do mine if unsupervised, so they understand this before they come, otherwise they make different arrangements.

Sheena, your set-up sounds perfect. Wish I could borrow your house!

edited: spelling

Edited August 27, 2011 by trinabean

[Gayle.]

I must be in the minority, but if family or friends are coming to stay and they have a dog, I'd just assume the dog was coming too. It wouldn't be a matter of "invitation" or "planning", the dog is part of their family and therefore is part of the "coming to stay".

Well when it comes to in-laws, I for one am a bit better prepared if I have prior warning. As stated in a previous post, I'm not just stressed about accomodating an extra unknown dog.

Go easy on me GayleK, I'm not heartless or inhospitable.

I'm not being hard on you, I don't know you, your situation or circumstances any better than you know mine. I do think you're making a bit of a mountain our of what might be a very small molehill, in fact might be nothing at all. In our case, I am "the in-laws"......my kids are always welcome to bring their dogs to stay, no need to ask, they are part of our extended family and I'd no sooner refuse them the right to bring their dogs than I'd refuse them the right to bring their children.

[sandgrubber]

I'd say the real question is how humans get along, not how dogs get along. One of my dogs threw up on my sister-in-law's rug and they have since been banned from the house. The result . . . I no longer visit. If you take a hard line, you may prevent future visits from your in-laws. If that's what you want, go for it.

If you want to make it work, I'm sure you can. If worse comes to worse and your pup gets too rough, the poodle can be put in a bedroom when people can't or don't want to watch out for problems.