I Just Lost Gypsy - My Heart Dog.

[Chezy]

[k9angel]

I updated the cross I made (for my other furbabies) with Gypsy's name the day before yesterday. They're all on it now. I was so nervous as I held the magnifying glass in the sun. My hand was trembling, it was just something I had to get right.

I have my ok days and my bad days. The kids and furkids help to make me smile and keep me going but inside I still feel empty and lost without her. when it all gets too much I dissapear to the bathroom or take one of the other dogs for a walk to have a good cry.

Most nights I cry myself to sleep thinking about her and fretting for her.

[BCPuppy]

[k9angel]

A little video I made in memory of Gyps.

I found some old photo's today as I went through my photo box. I had a good cry as I looked through them all, they bought back some lovely memories too.

And a poem I was finally able to bring myself to write today.

Gypsy

You sat by my side as I wrote many a poem

Now it's time to write a farewell to you

I miss you girl, my heart is torn

Life just isn't the same without you.

I hope in time the pain will ease

I hope the hurt does too,

But for now, the tears they still fall

My heart is broke in two.

Sometimes I think I see you there

Or hear you make a sound,

I know you miss me as much as I miss you

My heart tells me, you're still around.

It's been 2 weeks and 3 days today

Since you crossed that lovely Rainbow,

I knew by the look in your eye's that night,

That sadly, it was your time to go.

Gypsy, you were more than my best friend,

You made my life complete

You were always there, through good and bad,

Unconditionally, for me.

They say that dog is man's best friend

You proved that to be so true,

Your love, your loyalty, your company

Is at times, what got me through.

Each night I light a candle for you

And at night before I go to sleep,

I stare out my bedroom window

At that star that shines so sweet.

Gyps, know I am always thinking of you

You are always in my heart,

Before I sleep, when I wake

We are never far apart.

It was sunny when I started this,

Now it's pouring down wth rain

Are you trying to tell me something,

That you're crying just the same?

One day I know we'll meet again

In another time, another place

And at last my heart will be whole again

When I can hold you, and see your face.

Until then be a good girl for Mummy,

Don't eat too many pig ears, have lots of fun

Run free with Claude, Cass, Jay and Whitey,

Until we are together, back as one.

Love you Gypsy.

XXXX

[sumosmum]

K9, I just read this with such saddness. I am so very sorry.

Your video and poem are just beautiful. Rest In Peace Beautiful Gypsy.

[k9angel]

Thanks guys for your kind words and support as always.

I also want to say a special thankyou to Marion01. After I lost Whitey Marion got in ctc with me and asked if I would like a memorial poster made up. I gratefully accepted and I have to say she done a wonderful job. They came out beautiful.

Marion has been in ctc almost everyday since and has not only helped me through this very sad past few months, but has also become a good friend in the process.

Thanks Marion.

And ofcoarse a thankyou to Cynthia aswell. Another caring friend I have made here on DOL and who continues to keep in contact to see if I am ok. Thanks Cyn.

Now to share some of the lovely artwork Marion has made for me. I framed them today and hung them up. Each of the posters are A4 size and laminated. (also behind glass) I am so thankful. I love them to bits. This picture takes pride of place on my wall now, next to the plaque I made for Gyps. I also have a lovely one of Whitey that I have to get a frame for. I might even try and squeeze him into the big one, so they're all together.

Gypsy, Cassie, Jay Jay, Claude and Whitey - now all

And I even have one to hang above my bed.

She'll always be watching over us.

[k9angel]

To My beautiful Gyps,

Happy Birthday for today sweet girl. XXXXXXXXXXXX

Today you would of been 12 yrs old.

Not a day passes that I don't think of you and shed a tear for you.

I miss you more than words can say. The kids miss you, the other dogs miss you, we all miss you so so much.

Whenever little Bailey see's a blk and white husky, he calls "Gizzy, Gizzy".

And little Jack always talks about you. He wants to send you little presents and always includes you, even though you are not here anymore, well in body you're not - but in spirit - I know you are.

You knew how upset I was last night as I was thinking of you and crying for you. When the clock passed midnight, and I quietly told you "Happy Birthday Gippi" - I could feel you were around. I swear I saw you at the corner of my eye, not once, but twice.

I saw your name tag move on your urn, I heard the noises you made throughout the night, I saw the lights flicker as I thought of you. You were letting me know, you were and still are, close by.

Love you girl. Hope you are getting lots of treats and having loads of fun today.

Mummy XXX

Edited August 28, 2011 by k9angel

[Cody]

Happy belated birthday to Gypsy in doggy heaven.

[k9angel]

Happy belated birthday to Gypsy in doggy heaven.

Thanks Cody.

It's been 2 mths tommorow since Gypsy crossed the Rainbow bridge and I am still crying. I will for some time to come.

I have my good days and my bad. I thought today was a good day until tonight....

We had Jacks 5th Birthday party today and although everything turned out fine, includ. the weather - it just wasn't the same. Gypsy has been here to help celebrate all his other Birthdays.

Yesterday I was standing infront of the heater. I was fine at first as I warmed my back but as soon as I turned to warm my front, I was standing almost eye to eye with her urn.

I broke down big time. I was sobbing like a baby but trying not to let Jack see me.

He heard me and came to see what was wrong.

He looked at me as I held my hand against the glass bawling my eyes out and said nothing. He knew.

I am also still grieving for Whitey and Jay Jay. I miss them all so so much.

To think this time last year we were all one big happy family. I would never of expected in a million years to lose 3 and so close.

Edited September 10, 2011 by k9angel

[Cody]

Have you spoken to anyone yet about your grief? Do you feel you need to? You don't have to answer if you'd rather not.

[hortfurball]

K9Angel, I have just read this thread through and am in tears for you...serious snuffling nose-blowing tears.

I try not to visit the rainbow bridge forum as it upsets me, but on the 20th it was six months since I lost my boy and I was very aware of that date over the last few weeks. So here I am, reading your thread, and just devastated for you to have lost three of your babies so close together, one of them your extra special girl. My heart goes out to you and I hope you can get through this, it sounds like you are still really feeling it a couple of months down the track. Maybe as others have suggested, it might help you to get some grief councelling. You have lost more at once than most of us, and might be in special need of some real help.

They are never with us for long enough, we know when we first welcome them into our lives that we are always destined to lose them sooner or later, we just need to find efficient coping mechanisms for that. One way is to try to be thankful for the time we had with them, rather than dwell on the loss, which is inevitable from the start. In your case I would be so thankful that it was quick for her and it sounds like she didn't suffer. She passed in your arms, which is a gift that many doting owners only wish they could have had. I would have hated to have been at work or asleep when my boy went, sometimes in his later years I dreaded going to work 'just in case' - it is just so special to be with them at the end and to be able to hold them and say goodbye.

Then after their bodies are gone, finally we must let their spirits go, wrap their memories up treasured, cosy and warm in a little place in our heart but at the same time set our beloved babies free to run joyfully over the bridge and not cling so that they are unrestful. If you need help to do this then please find it.

Rest now Gypsy, you were well loved

[k9angel]

Have you spoken to anyone yet about your grief? Do you feel you need to? You don't have to answer if you'd rather not.

Hi Cody,

Thanks for asking but no, I haven't sought professional counselling.

Although some days are still better than others I am getting there... slowly.

I have her pic as my screensaver/background on my computer and I can look at her now without breaking down each time. Before I couldn't even look at her pic.

I watched her video on the weekend. (the one I posted a link to earlier) It had me in tears, I don't think I was quiet ready for that yet but I will be, One day.

I have also had the wonderful support and friendship of a fellow DOLer who has helped get me this far. I am forever grateful for that. Thankyou Marion.

Marions been there for me through the good days and bad days, and is always there to listen to me rant and rave but most of all, always there to to hear me cry.

Aswell as this I have been keeping super busy with my arts and crafts. It helps a little although I do think by doing it, I am blocking the pain of my losses as opposed to dealing with it. But anyways...

I will get there, eventually. It will take some time yet, but I will.

Thanks again for asking though, it's nice to know there are ppl who care.

[SheWolf]

So Sorry Rachel, I only just read this. Gypsy had a beautiful life with you, remember the good times, she will be waiting at the bridge.

[julesluvscavs]

So Sorry Rachel, I only just read this. Gypsy had a beautiful life with you, remember the good times, she will be waiting at the bridge.

I agree

[k9angel]

Below is a post I wrote up a few days ago but didn't post as I was too upset. I have just added the video link and poems now.

My beautiful Gypi girl. How I miss you so.

It's been almost 5 months since you left this world and I still miss you as much as the night you left. I am having a bad day today girl. I've had a few these past weeks. The closer Xmas gets, the more I am missing you...

We put the tree up the other day and I thought of you and how you'd hang around sharing the excitement. It wasn't the same this year, without you.

I didn't even want to get it out, but had to. For the kids and for Takoda. It's her very first Xmas and I know you'd want us to celebrate.

But still...

Oh and I searched and searched the house for the Christmas hat you wore last year but couldn't find it. But yesterday as I unpacked another box of Christmas decs I found the reindeer ears you wore last year. It made me smile and cry.

I sat them close to where you now rest. Whenever I look at them I think of you girl. God I miss you.

I thought it was suppose to get easier...

I will be ok girl. Takoda is helping me too. It's just that it's my first without you in many years and I am fretting for you. Badly.

Though I think Takoda is proof that you run young and free again.

As you probably know we welcomed little Takoda into our lives in October.

I often wonder if you sent her Gyps or whether a part of you lives on in her somewhere.

I never got her to replace you, I got her to help mend my heart. To help fill some of the emptiness in my life. It wasn't just a matter of just wanting her, I needed her.

But what amazes me is just how much she is like you. In so many ways. She constantly reminds me of you. The way everynight, she comes to say Goodnight before bed, the way she plays with Jasmine - just how you used to, the way she works hard to hide her food then gives in to temptation and eats it , or leaves it in silly places like the basket of clean washing for me to find it. The way she hiccups even, the way she looks at me and knows I am her Mumma. The list goes on and on, but most of all it's the connection we share.

It's uncanny and I cannot explain it... but I am thinking you might be able to girl.

You know I have asked you for signs - to show me - to prove to me you're in there somewhere and I know you've answered me. It's just hard to believe without you here in body.

I am not the only one who has noted the similarities either.

A few weeks ago when I was sitting here at night with Cody sleeping at my feet just like you used to, I was thinking about you & her and wondering how two dogs could be so much alike. As I stared at Takoda I thought to myself "If you're in there Gyps, give me a sign. One I will know".

Everyone else was sleeping, it was early morning. I got up to go to the bathroom and there on the paper before me was a heart. Takoda had wee'd me a heart. I laughed it off at first but then thought to myself 'hang on, was this the sign I was just asking Gypsy for?' "No" I told myself. I even took a pic to show Jack in the morning.

But as I lay in bed thinking about it and how it could of been a sign from you Gyps, it hit me like a tonne of bricks.

What do I suspect you died of? a heart attack, yes a heart attack.

Maybe it was your sign to me after all....

Then there was those pics I took of Takoda out the back. Again I was thinking of you as I admired Takoda standing in the sun. She is so beautiful. And so much like you in not only her ways, but also her looks. I took a couple of photo's. The angle she was standing on made her look even more like you. It was eerie. Later when I went through the pics I noted those 2 particular pics I had taken whilst thinking of you Gyps, came out with Takoda in a beautiful ray of Sunshine. My first thought was "Gypsy is in there".

It wasn't the first and I am sure won't be the last pic I have taken of Takoda with an orb(s) or light in it.

(Later I was reading the news story of the Soldiers dog who was adopted by his family after he had been killed at War. A news reporter went out to do a story on the dog and took a pic that showed the dog standing in a ray of sunshine. It was a gorgeous pic. The Soldiers Mother believes her Son's spirit was also in that pic, hence the ray of sunshine shining like that onto the dog. I believe it also...).

http://www.dolforums.com.au/topic/230311-famed-iraq-dog-makes-headlines-again/

And just like in life girl, in death you still inspire me to write my poetry. Instead the poems I write these days are about you and our time together and how much I miss you.

If I ever do get to publish our book Gyps, it will be dedicated to you my friend.

I want the world to know how special you were, and still are to me.

I love you and I miss you, more than words can say girl.

I miss you all so very much. You, Whitey, Jay, Cassie and Claude.

x

x x x x x x x

A few of the many poems I have written these past few weeks.

Somewhere over the Rainbow

Somewhere over the Rainbow

You run young and free,

Somewhere on the other side

I wait for you and you wait for me.

Somewhere in the sky up there

You play and breath again,

We count the days, the months, the years

When for me, the Angels descend.

But we both know I have a job to do

Before the Angels come,

But rest assured once my job here is complete

The Angels will again bring us together, as one.

Seed in my heart

Are the raindrops the Angels crying

The thunder their voice above,

Does the wind carry the soul gracefully

To a resting place, above.

Does the colour of the rainbow

Reflect your beautiful smile, your endless love,

The same smile that once filled my days

Now shines from me above.

Like a blue ocean that is endless

So is my never ending love for you,

It goes on forever like a star filled sky

It is nothing but pure and true.

Like a flower that has come into bloom

You left in my heart a seed,

When you left this world to bloom my friend

I knew my heart would bleed.

Like a diamond so pleasing to the eye

Full of colour, radiance and spark,

So pretty and perfect in every way

Just like the seed you sowed in my heart.

Christmas without you

It is early in the morning

As I sit here on my bed,

The lamp is on, the kids are sleeping

Thoughts of you begin to fill my head.

I know I have seen you since that night

And I know I am not going mad,

I know I should take comfort girl

Instead of sitting here sorry and sad.

But it's easier said than done Gyps

When you are there and I am here,

The longing for you will not go away

Nor can I stop the tears.

The windchimes blow away outside

Singing their merry tunes,

I think of all those windy nights

That you were safe here in my room.

At night I would listen to you breathing

What I would do to hear that sound,

You gave me comfort just being here

I felt complete with you around.

All I have now are memories

As I sit and think of you,

As I remember all the years we shared

And how it was you who got me through.

And as Christmas fast approaches

The first of many without you here,

Tonight I put a decoration on the tree for you

For you on Christmas day, my eyes will tear.

Gyps I had better go now girl

My heart is hurting, my vision blurred

I just want you to know I am thinking of you

And that my broken heart still hurts. xxx

And a video I made yesterday. I didn't have many pics of Jay on my computer and wasn't ready to get the memory cards out yet...

[Cody]

[Cody]

.

Edited December 16, 2011 by Cody

[julesluvscavs]

Thats so precious Rach, it made very teary for the loss of all our special and beautiful dogs in our lives and hearts

I do believe their spirits carry on..

I have had this instant unbelievable bond with our Holly foster dog (no we werv'e still not keeping her) and i haven't been able to work it out why..

Then my husband said to me last night that he has observed it as well, and reakons it beause I have had unresolved issues since my first little doggie.

My first little dog was a black terrier cross poodle, so kind of looked like Holly, only curlier and black. About same size tho, same sort of quirks:)

I had her since i was around 13, and she was my loyal shadow, we were inseparable. Then in my late teens i discovered boys, and I started leaving her out of everything, and my parents have said to me since that I would go out for hours, and come back home and ignore Abbie, even tho she had spent hours waiting for me and pining

She ended up getting cancer at about 14 years of age, and it took me a year to get her pts (I was selfish back then and didn't want her to leave me even tho she was in a lot of pain).

So I have spent years feeling guilty about it all. I mean I loved her, and treated her right, but I feel bad for the couple things I put her through (as teenagers do!)

And that is why my husband think I am fussing over Holly, that I am trying to make up for that period of my life. So maybe she was sent to me to make up for what happened and to resolve it before she moves on to her new home?

Anway big gentle squishy hugs for you Rach. I totally know where you are coming from! xoxox

Edited December 16, 2011 by Jules♥Cavs

[Marion 01]

Lovely Rach.

[k9angel]

Aww Jules. Don't beat yourself up. Remember the good times that you shared, not the couple of mistakes you made along the way. We are only human and you were only young. Hugs to you too.

I believe also that their spirit lives on...

And I know Gyps does live on in Takoda, it's just hard to accept atm. I will one day though.

There is no way in this world I could be blessed with 2 dogs, so beautiful and sooooo alike.

The night Gyps died she looked up at me and made this noise I had never, ever heard her make before. It's hard to explain and I don't really want to try to but the other day I heard that very same noise. It was no mistake. It is a sound I will never forget. My heart stopped for a moment as my thoughts raced back to that night... I went to see what/who it was and yes, you guessed it. It was Takoda, playing.

Not long after I lost Gypsy I was speaking to a friend (Abbey's Mum Kerri) and she told me Gyps has probably always been in my life in one form or another. I was thinking the same thing only days earlier as I struggled to fathom how I would cope and live without her. It was as though she'd always been in my life. Forever.

Kerri went on to tell me the story of her own heart dog a black shep x. I cannot recall her name off hand (so will just call her Sammy here) but she was Kerri's heart dog and when she lost her, she was struggling to cope just as I was.

Kerri lives in a small town close to the mines. There was a golden retriever who lived close by who according to Kerri, was as mad as a cut snake. Not his fault. He'd had no training and was forever getting out roaming the neighbourhood.

Anyways, after Kerri lost her heart dog Sammy, this dog would turn up to her house at all hours of the night and day, waiting to be let in. Kerri was lonely after losing Sammy and felt sorry for this dog so would let him in.

What she couldn't figure out though, was the sudden change in him. He could sit and shake and wasn't jumping up all over her, he was so well behaved. He was just like her old Sammy used to be.

The retriever would follow her everywhere, even to work. Kerri said as she'd pass through the mines the guys there would laugh and shout out "What have you done to that dog Kerri? he's like a new boy". Kerri said she was just as baffled as they were.

One day Kerri was outside playing with the retriever when one of her friends turned up from out of town.

As they sat down and got talking her friend says to her "You know when I pulled up I could of swore that was Sammy running beside you".

The thing is... Sam was jet black, whereas the golden retriever was gold...... Kerri said they were 2 totally different looking dogs.

Kerri got talking to another friend who believed she was holding onto Sammy's spirit and had to let go to set her free so she could come back to her again.

Kerri said it still took a little while but she took her friends advice. She went somewhere nice where she was alone and reluctantly let Sammy's spirit go. (Told Sammy that it was ok for her to leave, that she'd (Kerri) be ok).

Kerri said as soon as she did, the retriever stopped visiting and went back to his silly self, roaming around town.

She believes Sammy's spirit somehow got into the retriever to be with her.

She cried as she told me that. We cried together. She is usually a happy go lucky person who is forever joking but not this time... she was very serious.

Oh and Sammy has found her way back to Kerri and back home again.

This time in the form of a little foxy called Rodney. That in itself is a whole other story, but a lovely one too.