arjay Posted June 9, 2011 Share Posted June 9, 2011 I was in similar position when i got my rott pup chico. 1st time dog owner, didn't know how really hard it was to raise a pup, first night was so noisey, than slowly got better bit by bit. But that first week we had second thoughts as a family if we should keep him. But so glad that we didn't. after 2nd week with 8 week old pup he just got better and adjusted. taking him to puppy pre school, made me a proud owner of a dog, especially rottweiler breed. Now I regretted even thinking of returning him to breeder. So try to resolve your living arrangements with neighbours, try different training methods, using toys,treats etc, never give up cause it does get easier down the road, unless you really have to pull out and let him go, see what options you have. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve Posted June 9, 2011 Share Posted June 9, 2011 Im so sorry bringing home your puppy has been so difficult for you. Taking a puppy away from everything it is comfortable with and its Mum and its litter to a completely different routine can be really full on and some puppies can be pretty stubborn about it all. Puppies dont do ANYTHING without reward and if it cries when you go out of the room and then you come back - just once - it will think maybe its made you come back by crying .If it cries and you come back twice - for the puppy - its a done deal. I see this a lot with people who have kids - puppy is outside and it cries at the door to come in . Kids feel sorry for it " ah poor thing isnt it cute - it wants to come in" and when it cries they open the door .Puppy is rewarded for behaviour that isnt going to be so cute any minute but its learned what to do to get what it wants. In your case you have reacted because you are concerned about the noise affecting the other people who live near you so without meaning to you have rewarded the pup for crying.You didnt mean to but thats what has happened. This is how poker machines were invented because they found that if a rat pushed a lever and got a pellet of food it would push the lever for ever until it got the next reward. So this is actually part of the way as a breeder I prepare my puppies to come home. Its one of the reasons I like to sell them before they are 4 weeks old so I know where the pup is going and what the family is going to do to manage the pup at 8 weeks. Where its going to sleep ,how much company its going to have, etc. So as much info that I can get about the puppy's new home enables me to set up some of the things the pup will be walking into when it arrives at its new house. In the last week before they go home my "training " is pretty intensive in preparing the pup for what is to come.Around here they can yell to their heart's content and no one hears them. So puppies crying at the door to come in - I shut the door and no matter what never allow anyone to open that door when a pup is crying to come in. I make the humans use the other exterior door if they want to come and go. When the puppies are quiet I open the door and let them in .They work out pretty quickly that unless they shut up Im not letting them in - but part of it is explaining what I do and why and what the new owner has to do when the puppy gets home too. I never use crates or crate training for my dogs but if the new owner intends to do that or if the puppy is going to be travelling in a crate I work at getting the pup used to that and knowing from day one if it yells it stays where it is. Where ever the new owner tells me the pup will be sleeping I set up a similar area for it to sleep in without its litter mates for the last week it is at my house. If its going to be living inside I get it used to coming and going via a lead so when it gets home its expecting to be led from the house outside to go to the toot - no point in carry it outside as it doesnt know how to get back there if it hasnt walked there - so it will take longer for it to sit at the door to let you know its time to go. My point is sometimes you dont see the reward the dog gets for its behaviour because you cant see how the pup is thinking but I promise you its about - if I act like this what do I get out of that. So you have to make it more rewarding for the pup to shut up until you come back than it is for it to yell about you going. Arm yourself with an empty coke can with pebbles in it and masking tape over the end and tiny little bits of something like devon. Then if it cries grooooooowl at it as its Mum would to let it know its not on and while you are doing that shake the can like mad near its ear then leave the room. Stamping your foot or banging pot lids together or just clappung your hands works too. Do this every time it yells. Then wait until you get even just a minute where it isnt yelling and come back and really love it and feed it a tiny piece of devon. If you take time out to concentrate on this for just a few hours it will make a huge difference for ever until needing to make a noise or treating it is extinguished. Just like the rat thing with the lever make it be quiet just a little longer each time and when you can see its starting to work begin to only give it a piece of devon every couple of times instead of every time and then stretch it out to sometimes. This way you are doing something about it when it is doing the wrong thing so its not going on forever to upset the neighbours and you are rewarding it when its good rather than when its not. Rather than concentrating on the puppy and what the pup is doing have a look at what you are doing or what you did and you will see why the pup thought thats what it was meant to do to make you do what it wanted you to do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deltoid Posted June 9, 2011 Share Posted June 9, 2011 Have you talked to your neighbours yet? If not, do so. I was worried about the noise our pup was making and apologiesed to the neighbours in advance. They both told me they had never heard the noise (one didn't realise we had a dog). We are in a house though but the houses are close to the fence lines and thin walls. As for the rest. Do like others say, you have to work through it. Don't go to them when they cry, just make sure they are in a safe place where they can't hurt themselves if they fret. Things will improve. I had similar anxiety when we got our pup and it'd cry. I just started putting in my headphones and listening to music to drown out the cries. A week of tough love and the crying / whailing stopped Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest HarperGD Posted June 9, 2011 Share Posted June 9, 2011 I didn't mean it as putting pressure on him, I meant that I wasn't just going to give up on one dog and try another. Having slept on it I think my emotional state actually has nothing to do with Harper, but with anxiety re. How I'm going to cope in general with worrying about my partner when he goes away overseas. I think that the enormity of taking care of a pup along with taking care of myself during this time is too much for me to fathom. I think Harper will be really happy with this new family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dandybrush Posted June 9, 2011 Share Posted June 9, 2011 first thing i would do is talk to the landlord or whomever and your neighbours and see if their is a problem or if they are willing to give your puppy time to adjust then i would work on small increments locking the puppy in another room away from you or in its crate and as soon as it shuts up go give lots of treats and let the pup out, if your neighbours are willing to let the puppy adjust for another week and know that you are training it then you might have the whingeing fixed before you know it now when i first got my first boy i thought crap what have i done, that said i never cried (this could be the result of you thinking about getting rid of him) he is this small being that trusts you and looks to you for guidance and love and care, how can you cry over that they are beautiful and so trusting chin up can you maybe tell the potential new owners that you would like to think about it another week? and just relax and put in time with you and pup in separate rooms (give him something to do like a kong with peanut butter or something) and lots of rewards for quiet behaviour and then know that you did everything you could if you do still decide to send him to a new family? to you sorry this is so hard for you, a puppy is a big commitment but once you get into a routine its one of the best commitments you can ever make IMO im sure you will make the right decision, im sending strong vibes your way so you can stay strong and do what you feel is right Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ruftybear Posted June 9, 2011 Share Posted June 9, 2011 Oh and I'm not interested in replacing him with another dog or a kitten. It's either going to be Harper or nothing. That's a lot of pressure to put on both him and you. I agree that it's too much pressure on you both. We have had, and lost, many dogs over the years. I have had people say that when they have lost a dog they couldn't possibly have another one, and I think that is sad. I love my dogs to death, and they have a wonderful life with us. We cry when they are gone, we have them cremated and bring them back home with us, we put them in the family room with a photo .... but we still get another dog. I couldn't imagine my life without one. As someone else said, because this dog may not be right for you, doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with you or the dog. You just don't belong together, but there is probably one out there that is perfect for you. Plese don't give up, and stop being so hard on yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
persephone Posted June 9, 2011 Share Posted June 9, 2011 I think that the enormity of taking care of a pup along with taking care of myself during this time is too much for me to fathom. I think you have made your decision, and I think it is the right one. If he is a bit clingy, then imagine the joy he and the older couple will be able to give each other You will be anxious , esp. in the first days/weeks after your partner leaves ... and the pup will pick up on this as well. Oh and I'm not interested in replacing him with another dog or a kitten. It's either going to be Harper or nothing. You had a big plan for this little pup ... he was to be your companion , a memory of your partner, security ,a friend..... and now it seems all that is not to be . That's really sad ,and leaves a big hole ........... BUT............. he is a little pup , and there are other dogs who could also fill that space very well... That is no criticism at all............... I have had many dogs ... one was my 'heart' dog , my constant companion ... they ALL have filled a spot in my life and heart- and they ALL have given me their love and loyalty.......and I have never felt guilty about loving a new one after one died - You may well change your mind one day when you see a photo/hear a story /meet a dog who will look into your eyes ...and you will feel that tug on your heartstrings I wish you all the best. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest HarperGD Posted June 9, 2011 Share Posted June 9, 2011 All the replies mean so much to me and you're right Persephone, he will pick up on me being anxious when OH leaves and I'm worried that will just upset him. I can tell he has picked up on my anxiety the last few days and I suspect this might be why he is being so clingy - he thinks/knows something is wrong. Last night while I was at work my partner went and spoke with one of the neighbours who said he wasn't home much anyway and didn't mind. While OH was outside pup was fine by himself. When I got home, we both went into the bedroom and pup cried. So yeah, I think it's just me and I just can't handle it. This was a huge learning curve for me. I never knew I could feel like this and I think it truly reflects on how badly I handle something relying on me - needless to say it's put me off having babies for a while We will get another dog one day, but it will be when my partner is around for while so that we are both here to help the dog settle in. We plan to move to a house when he gets back from OS, so I think that will be a lot more appropriate. And we will get a rescue dog so that we can give a doggy a second chance, just the way this family is giving Harper a second chance for us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aziah Posted June 9, 2011 Share Posted June 9, 2011 Whilst the decision was difficult and upsetting I feel you have made the right choice for Harper and I am sure his new family will offer him a wonderful home Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quickasyoucan Posted June 10, 2011 Share Posted June 10, 2011 I think it is the right decision and also good on you for realising you may not be able to meet the pups needs and being selfless enough to let him go. If you miss having a dog and you have the tim once your partner is away you could always look at volunteering to walk dogs at your local shelter or an organisation like the AWL. Just a thought if you want a doggy fix. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubitty Posted June 10, 2011 Share Posted June 10, 2011 Harper GD, please don’t feel too badly. I want to share my experience with you which I hope will make you feel better. 5 years ago I got my first dog Bubby. He was 11 months old and he was perfect. I did have some “OMG what have I done” moments with him on the first day but he was/is the second greatest love of my life. About a year after that I decided to get a puppy. Was very excited, posted on Dol about it all the time, got pick of the litter, told all my friends etc. I was on cloud nine and was so excited to bring him home. I flipped out when he went home. I wanted my life to reset to what it was before this puppy. I wanted it to be just myself and Bubby again. I was in tears and simply did not enjoy this pup. So I showed up on my breeders doorstep in tears. She cried, I cried, it was terrible! I gave the puppy back but felt very bad and very guilty about it for a long time. A years after that I decided I was ready for another pup. I was older and wiser and more pup worldly! Along came Bitty (from the same breeder). And boy did I love her. LOVE LOVE LOVE! Everything she did was divine even though she was a NUTTER! She was mad, bad Bitty! Nothing like my boy Bubby! But none of it mattered. She just made me so happy and even though I was waking up at 5.30am to train her, it was easy! It felt easy! She made me so happy! I was bounding through all the early wake ups and training and puppy monitoring! I thrived on it and breezed through it! I enjoyed her so much I even forgot to ring my breeders to update them! They chased me down and said “We didn’t hear from you so we were scared that you had, had a full meltdown and were too embarrassed to rehome this pup back to us!” I think timing is everything. Don’t be hard on yourself. You will miss Harper and you will judge yourself for a while after this. But just know there is another dog out there and sometimes, despite best intentions, things don’t quite work out. *hugs* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christina Posted June 10, 2011 Share Posted June 10, 2011 I didn't mean it as putting pressure on him, I meant that I wasn't just going to give up on one dog and try another. Having slept on it I think my emotional state actually has nothing to do with Harper, but with anxiety re. How I'm going to cope in general with worrying about my partner when he goes away overseas. I think that the enormity of taking care of a pup along with taking care of myself during this time is too much for me to fathom. I think Harper will be really happy with this new family. A brave & honest post. In another frame of mind you may have thought Oh well a puppy can be a pain & just have got on with it. Timing was wrong. Forgive yourself knowing you are doing the right thing here. Harper will settle with the new people & be happy, They will love him & you will feel less stressed. It will work out well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ruftybear Posted June 10, 2011 Share Posted June 10, 2011 You have shown that you will be a brilliant dog owner when you try again, because you have been able to put his welfare before your own feelings and sadness. That makes you really special to me :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poodlefan Posted June 10, 2011 Share Posted June 10, 2011 I didn't mean it as putting pressure on him, I meant that I wasn't just going to give up on one dog and try another. I don't see admitting that perhaps a different home might be better for Harper as "giving up". I see it as doing right be the dog. Patricia McConnell once commented that there is no shame in rehoming a dog to a home that suits it better than yours. I think there's a lot of wisdom in that statement. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sooky Posted June 10, 2011 Share Posted June 10, 2011 I think you have definately made the right decision, I too have rehomed a dog in the past and although it was so hard at the time I now look back and am so happy I did it cause I know she has the most wonderful life and a much better one than I could have given her at that time. Sending you a big for tomorrow it will be hard letting him go but the best thing for for you and Harper. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dancinbcs Posted June 10, 2011 Share Posted June 10, 2011 You are definitely doing the right thing for you and this puppy by letting him go. You are not ready to raise a puppy and you have the wrong dog at the wrong time in your life. Puppy development is roughly equal to human babies at the rate of one one month to one year, so a 2 month old puppy is like taking on a two year old child. Some are more placid and easier to deal with than others and they definitely pick up on any anxiety in the house and act out like a child would. Don't rule out a cat or an older dog. One of them might suit you perfectly as a companion at this time in your life. One day you will be ready to raise another puppy but don't deprive yourself of company now just because raising a baby is too hard. Talk to the breeder of your puppy and ask if they know anyone with an adult they are looking to home. Sometimes breeders run on more than one in a litter and then choose between them when they mature. Those they don't keep are already trained, often been shown, sometimes had a litter and are therefore settled and easier to manage. A dog like that could be exactly what you need now, rather than a puppy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Akay Posted June 10, 2011 Share Posted June 10, 2011 (edited) I don't think you're giving up either. After my mum passed away last year I felt the need to have a companion dog. I brought home a puppy only a couple of months later and I just wasn't emotionally prepared for the stress that a pup causes. I have had a pup before and it did not feel like this, however, because I was grieving I just couldn't handle the stress of having something relying on me. I was not in the right frame of mind to give so much, I needed a dog to give a bit to me. I felt so guilty, ashamed, embarassed and I cried a lot. It didn't help when I explained the situation to the breeder just as I have done here and she gave me a lecture about how she doesn't like her dogs being shunted from home to home, she didn't even acknowledge what I had said about my mother. To this day I just can't understand how someone can be so lacking in empathy and compassion. Her reaction would have been the same if I had just said that I was fickle and just didn't like the pup. Anyway, I ended up getting a 9 year old rescue Cavalier and not once after I brought him home did I wonder if I had done the right thing. He is perfect for me. He has fit in so well, he's loving and affectionate, just what I needed. I thought at the time that the puppy was for me, but it just didn't work out. It's not until I got the Cav that I realised that this was the dog for me because everything was perfect. The point I'm trying to make, which is similar to what poodlefan said above, is that if the dog was right for you, you wouldn't be having these problems. When you get the dog that's right for you, it'll all be so easy. Please also don't underestimate the anxiety you might be feeling about your partner going to Afghanistan and how it might be making the situation worse, especially with how you are feeling emotionally. I think the pup will love being with this elderly couple. It's good that you get to meet them so you'll know how wonderful Harper's life will be. I think you should get another dog, you recognised you needed a companion and that hasn't changed. You just need the right dog and I do think this would be an older dog that suits your living situation better. You have not failed as a carer, you have not failed Harper, it's just not the right time for a pup. Edited June 10, 2011 by Akay Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alkhe Posted June 10, 2011 Share Posted June 10, 2011 Like everybody has said, you are not giving up, and you are doing the right thing for yourself and for Harper. The next little while will be rocky and sad, I'm sure, but I think you know that you've made the right decision. When the time is right, the right doggie will come along Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alkhe Posted June 10, 2011 Share Posted June 10, 2011 Like everybody has said, you are not giving up, and you are doing the right thing for yourself and for Harper. The next little while will be rocky and sad, I'm sure, but I think you know that you've made the right decision. When the time is right, the right doggie will come along Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
frufru Posted June 10, 2011 Share Posted June 10, 2011 HarperGD You have made the right choice and Harper will be very happy in his new home. Take care of yourself while you partner is O/S Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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