Jake-K9 Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 Bit of background information: I moved towns to take up a new job. I seem to do this fairly frequently, but anyway. Moved in with a guy who I'd worked with the last time I was here, but back then he had a girlfriend living with him, and I'd found my own place. He is a really nice guy with a heart of gold and we always got along well. This time around he's had a bad break-up with his girlfriend, found himself out of work and on the dole. His car has shat itself, his license has expired, and he's too broke to do anything about it. Me moving in got us both out of a bind, it means I have a base and facilities, and he doesn't get kicked out because he can't afford the rent on his own. Guy has an old dog, Rotty cross, probably with dobe, around 9-10. The "rainbow bridge" is mentioned (but not in those words as such) and the guy just about bursts into tears, he is going to be devastated when doggo passes. He is managing to keep him fed despite the money issues, but can't really afford anything else. I paid for a heap of anti-flea stuff when I moved in as the little buggers were rife, and MY poor dog was overrun with them the second day he was here. Lately, I've noticed a fair-sized hard lump on doggo's rib cage. It's definitely not just a fatty 'old dog' lump. It's very hard and boney and doesn't move when gently prodded. I'm thinking there's a good chance it's osteosarcoma. Housemate doesn't seem to have noticed it, and if he has I am guessing he's just thinking it's an 'old dog' lump, as doggo has a few small fatty ones that the vet (some time ago) told him not to bother about. The guy's mental state isn't that great, as I've discovered since I moved in. :/ I think he'd take the idea that his best mate has cancer pretty badly. I don't want him to try to off himself again. Only found that out after I moved in too, sigh. Given the location of the lump, treatment would likely be futile, and there's no way my housemate could afford it. I don't want to see the dog suffer but I'm not willing to start forking out for treatment either, as I don't know how long I will end up staying here, the guy is doing my head in. I'm really not sure how to approach this. I don't need the shit I'm going to have to put up with if I tell him doggo probably has cancer, it's going to be bad enough when doggo goes, let alone with weeks or months of manic depression preceeding it. He also can't transport doggo to the vet, and me trying to sneak him out for at least a diagnosis would be very hard, as the guy hardly leaves the house. :/ I've asked advice elsewhere and the only suggestion so far has been to take a sob story to a vet and hope for a discount. I really can't see that happening. And even with a discount it's going to be too much for the housemate to afford. ( My best course of action for now seems to be to keep an eye on doggo and just let it go until he starts going downhill, then bring it up, get doggo some pain meds, and hope things are over fairly quickly. Sorry this is long. Any advice on alternate ways to deal with this would be greatly appreciated. I feel that doggo deserves more, but I know my housemate can't manage it right now, and I have my own issues without taking on another burden. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Red Fox Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 Sounds like a difficult situation all round. Personally I'd get the dog to a vet for a diagnosis and your mate to a doctor for referal to a counseller. In the long run it could be more difficult for him to watch his dog go downhill than to deal with it now... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jake-K9 Posted May 31, 2011 Author Share Posted May 31, 2011 Housemate has been in and out of the Mental Health system for a while it would seem. He has been taken off his mood stabilisers because he can't get to his doctors for weekly blood tests for something else, forget what med he mentioned now. I'm not going to be his taxi either, he needs to get off his arse and sort his own problems out instead of sitting and bleating on facebook about how bad he has it >_< Don't get me wrong he doesn't deserve the shit he always seems to attract, but it's not my job to be his gopher and do all his shit for him. I contribute half the rent, half the bills, give him extra money for food as he does most of the shopping and cooking, and I do most of the cleaning. I also usually work 50-60 hours a week, and can't afford to let my sleep suffer in order to ferry him about. Doggo is still bright and happy and shows no signs of pain or discomfort. If he was struggling I'd likely act, but for now I'm reluctant to bring it up as I don't need the guy going into a tailspin on me :/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RiverStar-Aura Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 Poochie had a few of these hard lumps too around her ribs and my vet told me (because I was worried about them too) that older dogs bones start to calcify and go nobly like that so it was nothing to worry about. I'd definitely get Woofer checked out if it's possible, even if it's just for peace of mind. But as my Poochie had a similar problem, I'm willing to bet that he's got the same thing. Fingers crossed that things are fine! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danielle Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 (edited) How do you know that he hasn't already taken doggo to the vet? You said you haven't mentioned the lump, there has been no discussion about it, and you work 50-60 hours a week so your not there to see what happens during the day. He may have already had the dog seen to. I think you are assuming too much, how do you know it's cancer? Are you a vet? My old dog had similar lumps and they were as River said, bone calcifications. You are coming across as a bit mean and uncaring. Why do you even care if he spends his days "bleating on facebook", it's not your concern. No offense, but I'd suggest minding your own business and allowing him to care for his dog the way he sees fit. As you said, he loves the dog to bits so I hardly think he's going to neglect doggo or allow him to suffer needlessly. The poor guy has gone thru a rough trot and needs a bit of support. If you aren't able to offer him emotional support then so be it, but don't go putting any extra pressure on the guy, sounds like he really needs a break IMO. For now just focus on your own animals and leave his alone. Of course if doggo really starts to go downhill then carefully mention it but I'd be staying out of it for now. Best of luck. Edited June 1, 2011 by Danielle Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keira&Phoenix Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 (edited) I think the poster is just trying to work out what the right thing to do in this very difficult situation is. If he just ignored the issue didn't ask for advice and then came on here and told everyone what happened after the dog had passed he would probably get ripped through for at least not asking for advice. His housemate is wallowing in self pity by the sounds of it and isn't going to pull out of the depression if he doesn't get out there find another job and fix his car. It is not Jake-k9's job to babysit this guy and it can become very tiresome dealing with someone who only wants to whinge about how hard life is etc etc but who won't get up and out and make it better. I have known and dealt with people like this and as much as you try and care and help you can only do so much until they need to do it themselves otherwise it will never get better. Jake just seems genuinely concerned for the dog and for the state of mind of his housemate if the dog is diagnosed with something life threatening and is in a moral dilemma. Jake maybe it is worthwhile mentioning the lump to him and finding out if he has noticed it/taken Doggo to the vet about it. If not maybe suggest a check up for the dog just to see. Even if he can't afford treatment it is best the dog gets diagnosed (if it is actually cancer) so they can take steps to make sure it is comfortable once it starts to go downhill (if it does). Maybe the need to treat his dog will get him motivated to go out and get a job so he can pay for Doggo's treatment, maybe its the kick in the a** he needs... Good luck this isn't an easy situation. Edited June 1, 2011 by Keira&Phoenix Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danielle Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 (edited) Keira it's not as simple as giving someone a kick up the ass. From what Jake said this guy has been dealing with mental issues for a while now. Depression/anxiety/bi-polar are not just a state of mind, they are a disease just as real and as deadly as cancer. You wouldn't tell someone with cancer to just get over it or say they need a kick up the ass. I have worked with disabled people, some of whom suffered depression and more. It's not that simple or black and white, there are shades of grey in life and one needs to be careful when dealing with someone who is ill, be it physically or mentally ill. Maybe he does need a bit of motivation to start picking up the pieces and helping himself, but he will only do it when he is ready. Edited June 1, 2011 by Danielle Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keira&Phoenix Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 Keira it's not as simple as giving someone a kick up the ass. From what Jake said this guy has been dealing with mental issues for a while now. Depression/anxiety/bi-polar are not just a state of mind, they are a disease just as real and as deadly as cancer. You wouldn't tell someone with cancer to just get over it or say they need a kick up the ass. I have worked with disabled people, some of whom suffered depression and more. It's not that simple or black and white, there are shades of grey in life and one needs to be careful when dealing with someone who is ill, be it physically or mentally ill. Maybe he does need a bit of motivation to start picking up the pieces and helping himself, but he will only do it when he is ready. I know this, I have dealt with it in my personal life, in my own family. As I said it is not Jake's responsibility to look after this guy. This is why we have a Mental Health system, maybe they need to get off their bums and get someone to transport this guy to his doctor to get the blood tests each week so he can go back on his meds. He is obviously quite a severe case if he has previously tried harming himself and needs to be on his meds or under observation. Either way Jake is trying to do the right thing by asking advice. If he sounds uncaring and mean it is because it cannot be an easy situation to only find out about all of this guys mental health issues/suicide attempts after the fact and to feel weighed down by that. And then to know that a dog could be seriously sick and not be able to do anything about it due to worrying about his housemate hurting himself if it really is worse case scenario. That is a lot for a non-family member to take on. Jake just needs some friendly advice. Maybe from someone who has been or dealt with a similar situation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danielle Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 Yes I agree. But I do think he needs to take it easy with this guy. Maybe what Jake wrote about him bleating on fb and stuff was just him venting. I do hope he doesn't say that stuff to his housemate though... I do agree that it's not jakes responsibility to babysit this guy, he sounds like a very busy man with his job etc, but he needs to be very careful what he says to this bloke. People suffering mental illness are not rational and he sounds quite unstable to me. Personally if it were me I'd say nothing about the dog. As Jake has already said the dog is bright and happy, I'm sure the owner of the dig has indeed noticed the lump, he may have already had it checked, but if not it's his dog and his choice. Of course if the dog gets ill then definitely say something but until then I'd just leave it be. The lump may be nothing but an old dog lump. I agree that it was a good choice to come on here and ask for advice. ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jake-K9 Posted June 1, 2011 Author Share Posted June 1, 2011 It's not that I don't care, it's just that I can't afford to allow myself to be used as a crutch until I know this guy is ready to sort his shit out. He is currently on a sickness certificate so he doesn't have to look for work. I am careful how I word things when I talk to him and I haven't said anything about his sitting on facebook all night. I am willing to help out where I can, but I don't want it to turn into one of those give an inch, take a mile situations either. I have given him lifts to pay the rent and do the groceries, etc, and offered help to get him to the doctors and/or centrelink but he usually declines, says nah it's right such-and-such is taking me on <day>. He then fails to get out bed, or such-and-such fails to show... His car is completely stuffed now and won't even start. He seems to be allergic to the idea of public transport and reckons the bus stop is too far to walk. He also reckons the service station thats directly across the road is too far to walk, but I digress. He can't afford a taxi. I *know* he hasn't taken doggo to the vet since I've moved in, and the lump has only come up since I've been here. Doggo is a retired security dog and is quite cranky with most strangers. And as I said, he manages to keep him fed, but that's about it. I spent about $200 on anti-flea products when I moved in, doggo was so bad he'd chewed all the hair off his flanks and butt, housemate just let it go... you could see he felt bad but either didn't know what to do about the problem or just felt he couldn't spare the cash, I don't know. I've pretty much knocked the fleas over now, I helped give doggo a thorough bathing (during which I pretty much felt all over him, and the lump wasn't there then), his hair has all grown back, but they are still lingering, the house and yard really needs a professional pest spray and he needs to throw out the dogs' couch :/ I don't know for sure that the lump is cancer, but given doggo's age and breed, there is a good chance that it is. I have watched enough 'my dog has a lump' threads on various forums for years, and probably 98/100, a week later, damn my dog has cancer, a few weeks or a few months or so later, rainbow bridge thread I work nights and am at home sleeping (or trying to sleep) during the day, the guy is up until stupid o'clock in the morning sitting on his computer and whining that he can't sleep. I keep suggesting he go easy on the coffee - he has gone through about a third of a 1kg jar in a few days - but he just laughs it off, or goes nah I've only had two today. The problem is he makes his coffee using a desert spoon and a milkshake glass thing, throws about 6 sugars in and 2 heaped spoons of coffee, so 'one' of his coffees is like 6 standard ones... I've let him use my phone when he's he's been out of credit and needed to ring centrelink, when he's had to call his doctor, when he had to ring origin after they stuffed his payment plan up and sent him a letter saying he was in arrears, but I'm not just going to hand him money for phone credit because he'll probably spend it on smokes and shit. Throwing money at him isn't the answer. As far as housemates go, he's definitely not the worst I've had, and he has generally been pretty good about not asking me for shit, but it's still hard to be around someone like that. I am going to want to find my own place eventually but then I only found out about his suicide attempt after I'd moved in, and that it was because his last housemates had said they were leaving, he panicked because he thought he was going to lose his house and his dog, and if I hadn't moved in he probably would have :/ So now I don't want to shift until I know he can afford the rent on his own, but I can't stay indefinitely to keep his lazy arse afloat >_< Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jake-K9 Posted June 1, 2011 Author Share Posted June 1, 2011 (Can't find an edit button on this mobile skin) Forgot to say, if I knew I could sneak doggo out of the house without the housemate noticing I would. Even though it'd likely be a mission to have him at the vet as he'd want to eat them, I'd do it. Thing is I never know for sure when the guy is going to be out of the house, so I can't book an appointment. I don't want to try to take him when the guy is sleeping because if he wakes up and his dog is missing it's not gunna end well :/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danielle Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 If u r so concerned Jake why not delicately bring it up. Try to do it in a sensitive way eg, make him a cuppa and ask him to sit down for a chat. Tell him you have noticed doggo has a strange lump that you are concerned about and that you would like to help him out by taking doggo to the vets just to get checked out. Don't mention cancer or anything, just say you would like to get it seen to for your own piece of mind. ;) Assure him that you know he loves doggo and does a great job caring for him but you are just a bit worried that's all. Dont make a big deal about it, just bring it up over coffee in a general chat kind of way. Ask him to come with you, that way it won't seem like you are taking over his dog. It can't hurt to try Jake and as long as you are sensitive and careful with your words it should work out. If he does get uppity or sad etc, it's not your fault, you've tried to do the right thing by doggo and your flatmate. Give it a shot and let us know how u went. ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dogbesotted Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 If u r so concerned Jake why not delicately bring it up. Try to do it in a sensitive way eg, make him a cuppa and ask him to sit down for a chat. Tell him you have noticed doggo has a strange lump that you are concerned about and that you would like to help him out by taking doggo to the vets just to get checked out. Don't mention cancer or anything, just say you would like to get it seen to for your own piece of mind. ;) Assure him that you know he loves doggo and does a great job caring for him but you are just a bit worried that's all. Dont make a big deal about it, just bring it up over coffee in a general chat kind of way. Ask him to come with you, that way it won't seem like you are taking over his dog. It can't hurt to try Jake and as long as you are sensitive and careful with your words it should work out. If he does get uppity or sad etc, it's not your fault, you've tried to do the right thing by doggo and your flatmate. Give it a shot and let us know how u went. ;) that sounds like a plan. I commend Jake-K for his concern and compassion. it is hard dealing with someone who has mental issues... we alll want to do the right thing and certainly do not want to make the situation worse but also need to retain a life of our own... it is impossible to solve other peoples problems you can only support. i second giving it a shot and let us know how thing go. H Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jake-K9 Posted June 5, 2011 Author Share Posted June 5, 2011 Ugh. I keep trying to find a time when the housemate seems to be in a decent mood to bring the topic of doggo up... I've been completely flat out with work and I've only seen him happy lately when he has a mate around, not the ideal time for the "your dog has a lump" talk :/ He also had a health scare the other night and has now found out a close family member has fairly advanced cancer This is really doing my head in - I want to help him take proper care of doggo one because I can see how much he loves him and two because it's not doggo's fault his owner is depressed and broke >_< I am just so worried about what it will do to his mental state right now... As it is I am currently trying to stay away from home as much as I can :/ I almost wish they'd hospitalized him the other night, I'd have a few days to get doggo to a vet without him knowing and then at least I would know if his lump is cancer or not >_< How's it go? The more people I meet, the more I love my dog.......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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