I'm About To Lose Control Here

[mumtoshelley]

Hi everyone had a fight with my auntie tonight, Rascal wouldn't eat his dinner cause he wanted something else thanks to my auntie she is always giving him something else. So I said Rascal is not to get anything to eat since he didn't want to eat his dinner. My auntie complained big time and ended up giving him a kong filled with crappy predigree pal food no wander why Rascal weighs 11 lbs this is a chihuahua. Rascal is my dog and she doesn't listen to a word I say. Reckons she knows everything about dogs, Yeah right she does,She allows her dog lady to bark at anything and everything when she wants if she wants. This dog also tells my auntie when it wants to be feed and if she doesn't feed it,it then paws at her,barks etc. If my auntie tells this dog no it turns and growls and has a go at her. The dog doesn't know any training,won't listen to a word anyone says, Trys to dominate all other dogs and when she doesn't get her way snaps at them.

I'm getting fed up and sick of it I'm that close to just rehoming Rascal to get him away from my auntie, He needs to lose weight,needs to know whats right from wrong,when to bark when to be quiet etc, As long as his around my stupid auntie he will not lose weight,he will not know right from wrong etc.

I'm thinking of telling my mum either she gives my auntie her marching orders or I'm leaving. My boyfriend and I pay board to help my parents with food,electricity etc, Where my auntie isn't paying board cause she can't afford to as she has a car loan etc to pay for and no job. So the way I see it she will lose 2 good people who help her out and keep the bad one who doesn't. I'm really at a loss on what to do I want what is best for Rascal which he would get from me if it weren't for my bloody auntie. I don't see her leaving anytime soon and i don't see my mum kicking her out either.

[Mrs Rusty Bucket]

mumtoshelley

That must suck. I did find living with my parents really difficult for a long time because I had different ideas on how thing should be done. I felt like the personal house slave where as my siblings were never required to actually do their allocated daily house chores. But it was their rules or move out.

So as soon as I financially could - I moved out. I only came back briefly once because I moved back from interstate and that's how long it took me to find another place to live.

You should have the discussion with your mum, before you explode. Explain what your aunt is doing is unhealthy for your dog and causing you a great deal of stress and worry. And the only way out you can see at the moment is to move out. And let her come up with better ideas. It would be hard for her to turf her own sister out, but that may be what Auntie needs to get her act together. Ie she's bludging because she can.

But I'd be planning on moving out, saving bond or house deposit or whatever your plan is. It can take a while to find the right place so it wouldn't hurt to start looking now.

[tlc]

What a really crappy situation. The way I see it, it is your family home and your Auntie has to learn to respect the way you want things done. Can you just tell her in no uncertain terms that Rascal is your dog and you will be the one to deal with him. Why should he be rehomed when the simple answer is just to get her to but out. It would be a pity for you to have to move especially if your board and lodgings help your mum out.

[RuralPug]

Your parent's house, their rules, so if they permit your auntie to mistreat your dog, then you decamping with your boyfriend and dog is the only real solution.

I agree with talking calmly to your parents first though.

ET fix feral apostrophe.

Edited May 29, 2011 by RuralPug

[mumtoshelley]

mumtoshelley

That must suck. I did find living with my parents really difficult for a long time because I had different ideas on how thing should be done. I felt like the personal house slave where as my siblings were never required to actually do their allocated daily house chores. But it was their rules or move out.

So as soon as I financially could - I moved out. I only came back briefly once because I moved back from interstate and that's how long it took me to find another place to live.

You should have the discussion with your mum, before you explode. Explain what your aunt is doing is unhealthy for your dog and causing you a great deal of stress and worry. And the only way out you can see at the moment is to move out. And let her come up with better ideas. It would be hard for her to turf her own sister out, but that may be what Auntie needs to get her act together. Ie she's bludging because she can.

But I'd be planning on moving out, saving bond or house deposit or whatever your plan is. It can take a while to find the right place so it wouldn't hurt to start looking now.

Yes my Auntie is bludging off my mum cause she can't afford to buy anything for herself, she has no job so is on newstart allowance from centerlink. She has like $700 a month in loan payments. She won't go out looking for a job, She just stays at home and sleeps all day. She doesn't help around the house much at all only vacums the floor only cause its her dog that leaves hair everywhere. I brush Rascal every couple of days and bath him weekly, He hasn't been bathed this week cause he has sitches. She isn't a very clean person, doesn't bath her dog properly at all, it stinks all the time and is allowed to do what it wants.

My mum isn't brave enough to tell her any rules yet she tells me what to do etc. My auntie doesn't even pick her dogs waste up that is left up to me to do. Thank god Shelley knows i'm her owner and doesn't take to kindy to other people. Rascal loves my auntie cause he can get away with everything with her,where with me he has rules. I'm so much prefering the bigger dogs over the little dogs. Rascal has been with me since a puppy 12 weeks old nolw his 5 turning 6. My auntie has only been here for like 9-10 months and already Rascal has abanded me for her.

[mumtoshelley]

What a really crappy situation. The way I see it, it is your family home and your Auntie has to learn to respect the way you want things done. Can you just tell her in no uncertain terms that Rascal is your dog and you will be the one to deal with him. Why should he be rehomed when the simple answer is just to get her to but out. It would be a pity for you to have to move especially if your board and lodgings help your mum out.

I've told my auntie several times Rascal is my dog and I will train and bring him up the way I see fit. She doesn't listen goes in one ear out the other. Her own bloody dog doesn't even listen to a word she says,runs outside barking its head off, which my auntie blames my shelley for. She says Shelley gets out of her kennel and runs up the backyard which causes her dog to bark, Yes Shelley may hop out of her kennel and run up the backyard but she isn't barking or making any noise. I often listen out at night time as my room is just beside shelleys kennel and when my auntie goes out there I often don't hear a thing coming from shelleys kennel, Normally if she hops out of her kennel I hear her. Shelley is very well behaved if she barks and I say No quiet she listens and quietens down.

My mum always turns and says once my auntie is gone Rascal will turn back to me and then I can work with him to undo all the things my auntie has let him do. Problem being is 5kgs is way to much weight for a chihuahua, I never really had problems with his anal glands till my auntie came here. Rascal may have needed them expressed once but thats it. I use to feed Rascal chicken necks but since my auntie moved in every chicken neck I gave him she use to take off him and pull the meat off, give him the meat then throw away the bone.

[Mrs Rusty Bucket]

Mumtoshelley

I still think you should talk to your mum. Then at least it won't be a surprise to her when you do move out if she can't/won't stand up to her sister. I know how that feels. Especially when it's in her head that the whole situation is "temporary" ie easier to put up with the crap than risk a confrontation by saying what she wants/expects. I told my sister she can't come visit my house because she's too judgemental. She was surprised but last time she came she winced at every speck of dirt, especially in the kitchen and I thought I was being careful in there. Sigh. Her house isn't a whole lot different, she just doesn't see it.

[Erny]

I cannot imagine what it is like to have family who show no respect. I guess I am very blessed that way. If you obtained a letter from your Vet saying that Rascal is overweight and must prescribe to an exact diet to avoid detrimental or catastrophic health issues, do you think that would help jerk your Aunt into abiding by the feeding requirements you set down?

[mumtoshelley]

I cannot imagine what it is like to have family who show no respect. I guess I am very blessed that way. If you obtained a letter from your Vet saying that Rascal is overweight and must prescribe to an exact diet to avoid detrimental or catastrophic health issues, do you think that would help jerk your Aunt into abiding by the feeding requirements you set down?

Erny you should of been here when I told them how much the anal gland removal was going cost. The first thing my auntie said was when is he going to be put down. She even said it the first surgery he had to try and fix the abscess in his anal gland. My auntie is irresponable her cross breed dog has had 2 litters she wasn't going to get it spayed till my mum convinced her to do it. She was spayed at 4 or 5 years old. Her dog also use to escape her yard and did so here for awhile till my dad fixed the fence up. Even if the vet did write a letter I don't think my auntie would listen, She probably wouldn't even read it.

[redangel]

I take it that you work and Rascal is with your Aunt all day. What time are you putting into Rascal? Are you training Rascal? Where does Rascal sleep? Do you take rascal with you when you go out? In my experience dogs tend to bond to the person who is most dominant in their lives when in a shared household. It is not as simple as who is feeding them. My kids are great enablers: they feed the dogs willy nilly and let them beg for food. I adjust their food intake for the day taking this in account. When I am not home the dogs are making the kids slaves to their desires. When I get home they play by my rules, happy to do so. I took both to obedience school (they were already well behaved) to reinforce that I am dominant, to set their boundaries and cement our pack relationship. Dogs thrive when given boundaries. I cannot recommend how important training is.

As for your Aunt she seems beyond training. You may not be able to work with her but you can work with Rascal. You might not be able to talk to your aunt, but I would talk to your mum. I think the answer is being proactive about Rascal, as some people you cannot get through to.

[Christina]

Sounds like talking to your auntie or mum is like banging your head on a brick wall.

You can't change what they do so

Start looking for your own place.

Leave the dog in your room when you go out & put a lock on the door.

Supervise your dog at all times around the house & undo any damage as its done.

Don't poop scoop for your auntie or do anything else for her.

I don't know how you can live there but the reality is that it is your parents home.

[Red Fox]

I'm sorry but I find this all a little hard to understand.

He's your dog. Don't LET her change his food/take it away/give him extras. Feed him in a crate, take him with you when you leave the house (or have a friend care for him while you work if that is an issue). For a Chi this should be too difficult, he's only little.

How is she gaining access to his food in the first place (taking his chicken necks away and stripping the meat off)? Do you just stand aside and let her?

When she gives him a Kong what do you do? Do you take it away from Rascal or do you give in and let him have it? Or does this happen when you are not home?

Not having a go but it sounds like you need to be more assertive Stop picking up her dogs shit for one. Eventually someone will get fed up and say something to her.

And as for your dog abondoning you? Dogs are hedonists (pleasure seeking pain avoiding). It has nothing to do with "love" I can assure you ;)

[mumtoshelley]

I take it that you work and Rascal is with your Aunt all day. What time are you putting into Rascal? Are you training Rascal? Where does Rascal sleep? Do you take rascal with you when you go out? In my experience dogs tend to bond to the person who is most dominant in their lives when in a shared household. It is not as simple as who is feeding them. My kids are great enablers: they feed the dogs willy nilly and let them beg for food. I adjust their food intake for the day taking this in account. When I am not home the dogs are making the kids slaves to their desires. When I get home they play by my rules, happy to do so. I took both to obedience school (they were already well behaved) to reinforce that I am dominant, to set their boundaries and cement our pack relationship. Dogs thrive when given boundaries. I cannot recommend how important training is.

As for your Aunt she seems beyond training. You may not be able to work with her but you can work with Rascal. You might not be able to talk to your aunt, but I would talk to your mum. I think the answer is being proactive about Rascal, as some people you cannot get through to.

HI No I don't work i'm on the pension so I stay home unless I go shopping. I try and pay attention to Rascal but when my auntie is around he won't come to me, He will come if I have food but once he has the food he runs back to my auntie. I am the one to train Rascal but at the moment I can't cause of my auntie and her dog plus he won't listen when she is around. When my auntie isn't around Rascal comes to me and listens to me very well, the problem is my auntie. Rascal sleeps with my auntie,If I say no his sleeping with me,she makes sure she goes to bed early. I take Rascal for walks,take him to the vets.

Edited May 30, 2011 by mumtoshelley

[mumtoshelley]

I'm sorry but I find this all a little hard to understand.

He's your dog. Don't LET her change his food/take it away/give him extras. Feed him in a crate, take him with you when you leave the house (or have a friend care for him while you work if that is an issue). For a Chi this should be too difficult, he's only little.

How is she gaining access to his food in the first place (taking his chicken necks away and stripping the meat off)? Do you just stand aside and let her?

When she gives him a Kong what do you do? Do you take it away from Rascal or do you give in and let him have it? Or does this happen when you are not home?

Not having a go but it sounds like you need to be more assertive Stop picking up her dogs shit for one. Eventually someone will get fed up and say something to her.

And as for your dog abondoning you? Dogs are hedonists (pleasure seeking pain avoiding). It has nothing to do with "love" I can assure you ;)

Thats the problem around here If I tell her off or take what she has given Rascal I am the one to get into trouble from my parents. My aunties excuse as to why he can't have bones is his mouth is too small, She has no idea about dogs but claims to know it all. My dad and mum have mention there sick of my auntie aswell but they won't do anything.

[Erny]

HI No I don't work i'm on the pension so I stay home unless I go shopping. I try and pay attention to Rascal but when my auntie is around he won't come to me, He will come if I have food but once he has the food he runs back to my auntie. I am the one to train Rascal but at the moment I can't cause of my auntie and her dog plus he won't listen when she is around. When my auntie isn't around Rascal comes to me and listens to me very well, the problem is my auntie. Rascal sleeps with my auntie,If I say no his sleeping with me,she makes sure she goes to bed early. I take Rascal for walks,take him to the vets.

I think you need to start taking control. NILIF. TOT. Training and Training Classes. So your Aunt goes to bed early . Doesn't mean Rascal has to go as well.

ETA: And listen to Staranais :D ... refer next post .

Edited May 30, 2011 by Erny

[Staranais]

Sorry if this sounds harsh, but it seems to me that you are living in your mother's home - and since it's her home, I think she has a perfect right to run it how she likes, and she's allowed to have whoever she likes to stay.

Part of living with your parents is that they almost inevitably get a certain say over how you live, especially if you're still at all dependent on them financially or you're not paying market board for your room (I have no idea if you are or not).

If you don't like your mother's rules or how she runs her house, then you need to move out and get your own place, where you can run things the way you like them.

I'd say, move out now before you get too upset with your mother, that way you can preserve your good relationship with her. Families are important. Sounds like you and your mother just need your own space. That's not unusual - I think me and my mother would drive each other up the wall if we lived together permanently!

[Mrs Rusty Bucket]

MumtoShelley

I try and pay attention to Rascal but when my auntie is around he won't come to me, He will come if I have food but once he has the food he runs back to my auntie.

You're letting Rascal practice bad behaviour and learn how much fun it is. If he goes to her and you don't want him to - then go get him and put him on lead and keep him with you. Don't scold, just physically remove him. It's for his own health and safety. It's also part of NILIF.

What Erny said. NILIF and TOT. Take control back.

http://www.k9pro.com.au/pages/Behavioural.html

It may also help if you create a conditioned recall for him so he comes to you without thinking about it, ie at least three times a day - start for the first month or so when your aunt isn't around, call him and give him something yunmmy when he comes and loads of praise. When you start this training, don't call him with your special word when you think he won't come or he will learn to ignore it.

If you can't keep him on lead with you, consider crate training him. If you can't afford a crate, a large cardboard box will probably do for a chi tho you'd need to figure a way to make a door you can shut for it.

I am the one to train Rascal but at the moment I can't cause of my auntie and her dog plus he won't listen when she is around. When my auntie isn't around Rascal comes to me and listens to me very well, the problem is my auntie. Rascal sleeps with my auntie,If I say no his sleeping with me,she makes sure she goes to bed early.

Same here, go get him if he tries to sleep with her, keep him on lead or put him in his crate/box or your room if you can't be with him.

[Red Fox]

I'm sorry but I find this all a little hard to understand.

He's your dog. Don't LET her change his food/take it away/give him extras. Feed him in a crate, take him with you when you leave the house (or have a friend care for him while you work if that is an issue). For a Chi this should be too difficult, he's only little.

How is she gaining access to his food in the first place (taking his chicken necks away and stripping the meat off)? Do you just stand aside and let her?

When she gives him a Kong what do you do? Do you take it away from Rascal or do you give in and let him have it? Or does this happen when you are not home?

Not having a go but it sounds like you need to be more assertive Stop picking up her dogs shit for one. Eventually someone will get fed up and say something to her.

And as for your dog abondoning you? Dogs are hedonists (pleasure seeking pain avoiding). It has nothing to do with "love" I can assure you ;)

Thats the problem around here If I tell her off or take what she has given Rascal I am the one to get into trouble from my parents. My aunties excuse as to why he can't have bones is his mouth is too small, She has no idea about dogs but claims to know it all. My dad and mum have mention there sick of my auntie aswell but they won't do anything.

Your post confuses me

So your parents are sick of your Aunts behaviour, yet you get in trouble when you stand up to her?

Sounds like there is a need for some better communication in your household.

If you cannot all communicate like adults then perhaps it is time to move out for your own sanity.

I tend to agree with MRBs post:

You're letting Rascal practice bad behaviour and learn how much fun it is. If he goes to her and you don't want him to - then go get him and put him on lead and keep him with you. Don't scold, just physically remove him. It's for his own health and safety. It's also part of NILIF.

There's no point whinging about something if you are not prepared to take action and manage the situation.

Your Aunt cannot call your dog away from you if he is on a leash, she cannot take his food away from him if he is eating inside a crate whilst you supervise, she can't slip him extras or interfere with your training if you have the dog with you at all times. Given that Rascal is a small breed and you are home all day it shouldn't be that difficult...

[persephone]

It's hard ... but if you are at home all day ... then perhaps try having your dog stay with YOU , as others have suggested ... on lead, locked in your room..on your knee. That way he does what YOU want ;)