Post Puppy Depression

[aussielover]

I felt very overwhelmed by my puppy initially.

It took me about a month to really bond with her and for her to feel like she was "mine".

But having said that, I have the strongest bond with her out of all my dogs- including the ones I bonded with instantly.

I think the hard times and all the training we went through really helped.

I would give it up to 6 months of age before I started getting really worried. I think maybe by then, if you haven;t bonded perhaps you never will??? But who knows, each dog and person are different

[SpotTheDog]

These are the first forums where I've seen this issue addressed so openly, and I'm really glad because I didn't bond with my dog at all initially.

I adopted him and within five days of bringing him home I was on a flight to the other side of the world for my father's funeral, and left the pup with my husband, who is 'not a dog person'. On my return it took months for me to feel love for him, or a feeling of more than just 'here is a four-legged set of tasks that I have neither the physical or emotional energy for, oh what a chore'.

With every one of my cats, I've bonded immediately. Cats are just different to me. I feel like I understand them implicitly. With dogs, the last dog I had I was a child, and I really hadn't realised just how much of a mystery they were to me until I got my own as an adult.

Gus, my dog, has just turned a year old. Things are much better. He knows me. I know him. He comes in for snuggles. He still doesn't 'look to me' as much as I'd like for his instructions on what to do next, so I have to change things up to achieve that - but I know it's my responsibility to work on that, not a flaw in him. He's actually one chilled out hound. I went away for a few days over the weekend and left him into kennels for four nights. It's a good local kennel and they were recommended to me. He coped fine in the kennel, but when I came to collect him I got the feeling that his greeting would have been just as exuberent regardless of who had collected him, and it was like he wasn't interacting with 'me' per se.

I brought him for a long walk after kennels and before home, and on this walk implemented my new leash walking regime (Gus pulls like a sled dog on a flat collar, and I don't want to go the halti route so I decided to work on 'be a tree'). We made some progress but he was looking at me like 'WTF? First kennels, now this? Are you a total bitch or what?'

But then we got home, back to the house. I put him in the yard through the garage, to give me a chance to get his bed out of the car, and so I could manage his reintroduction to the cats indoors after four nights away. When I walked into the house with his bed, I realised he was howling. Gus never makes noise, and he was standing in the yard, head down, howling at being left alone again so soon, even if only for three minutes. I got him to sit and then allowed him in the house, and it's as if everything clicked. He went from being standoffish to being completely delighted. Rolled on his bed. Sniffed the cats. Carried his toys around. Kept bumping past me for rubs. Eventually I sat on the kitchen floor and he came up and shoved his head into my chest, and just stood there, with his head down and pressed into my midriff and his tail swinging like a pendulum.

I just massaged his ears and thought "Yep, we'll get there eventually mate." :D

[poodlefan]

But then we got home, back to the house. I put him in the yard through the garage, to give me a chance to get his bed out of the car, and so I could manage his reintroduction to the cats indoors after four nights away. When I walked into the house with his bed, I realised he was howling. Gus never makes noise, and he was standing in the yard, head down, howling at being left alone again so soon, even if only for three minutes. I got him to sit and then allowed him in the house, and it's as if everything clicked. He went from being standoffish to being completely delighted. Rolled on his bed. Sniffed the cats. Carried his toys around. Kept bumping past me for rubs. Eventually I sat on the kitchen floor and he came up and shoved his head into my chest, and just stood there, with his head down and pressed into my midriff and his tail swinging like a pendulum.

I just massaged his ears and thought "Yep, we'll get there eventually mate." :D

Awww what a lovely story. My eyes are damp.

[huski]

Awwww STD that is a lovely story!

I'll never forget what it was like when we picked Micha up, we had met him and picked him out two weeks before when he was six weeks old and went back to pick him up at eight weeks. All the puppies (there were six) were out on the lawn playing and we said to each other no way will Micha remember us.... but sure enough as soon as we walked in the gate he ran straight up to my mum, jumped in her lap and put his big fat paw on her shoulder and looked at her like 'Took you long enough, let's go!'

Bonding with him happened very quickly which was very different to Daisy! But he's always been a very easily likeable dog.

Edited May 17, 2011 by huski

[Tilly]

We had a rottie previously who still brings a tear to my eye now even through we lost him in 2007 - we had a fantastic bond which only got better towards then end.

We got a GSD puppy in 2005 who I have never honestly really bonded with. Don't get me wrong - I do love him but I have never really felt a great connection too him. I think part of this was because of the connection I had with our rottie.

We then got another GSD puppy in 2009 ... I didn't bonded with him immediately - but it has definately grown over the time. I think the fact he was so cute really helped - but the constant vocalisation didn't. While I still refer to him as the brat etc - I am definately as attached to him as he is to me - but more so now then when he was younger. Doesn't mean I don't want to kill him sometimes or curse the day we got him ... actually I am dreading going home at the moment because I don't want to see what destruction he has caused while I have been away on a course. The routine changed a bit yesterday because my brother is away on holidays and I am leaving earlier to get to the course.

Yesterday it was a bent star picket (they couldn't pull it out of the ground so it was bent at a 90 degree angle!!! and a destroyed bed) ...

Edited May 17, 2011 by Tilly

[Henrietta]

Actually PF, it's very interesting that you mentioned the 'halo' effect of our old dogs. I am forever referring to our old girl as the easy one. One day, mum reminded me how, as an adolescent, she was quite destructive for a period there until we figured out her activity levels and training needs. How easily we forget. I dunno if Abby will make it so easy for me to forget. Time will tell, I guess.

[Shazzapug]

This is the sole reason why I didnt get another Boxer...after my 11 yr old Boxer girl had complications after a twisted bowl op....cos I know what I am like and I would have compared everything to Daphne....lucky for me a Pugs personality is just like my Daphne but in a smaller package.

[Isabel964]

I just tend to adore all dogs - I could take anyone's dog home from the park and love it I reckon. Dunno. But with my dogs - all but one was gotten at 12 weeks old or so pups and I have adored them immensely from the get-go. Good thing too because pups take ALOT of work and we often feel inadequate or question if we are doing things right or not.

The adult dog we got was in the newspaper, had to find a new home urgently. Went to see it, a red cloud kelpie about 4 years old. Human parents had split up, Mother had left with the kids, Father was left to sell the house and had found a job on a barge up North in WA. So we gave the dog a home. When we put him in our car, the father cried the saddest tears, so sad . Got him home, he wouldn't eat - he missed his Dad. or 2 weeks he hardly ate. My hubby marinated meat, bought fillet steak, chicken breast, tried things raw, roasted, canned food, dry food, fried meat, poached, marinated... nothing worked. But we gave him love and he started to eat and love us and feel at home. We loved that dog so much. We just had to get to know him.

I wonder..... should we need to make sure we are 'attracted emotionally' to a pup/dog before taking it home?

Maybe its like people - we are not all going to like or connect with everyone we meet, sometimes for no particular reason. Maybe its the same with dogs and people.

Or maybe is it because in your heart this dog is not the dog with your ex? (I'm so sorry for the heartache and loss of your partner and dog BTW, you must have been through such a tough time personally.)

I wonder though if it would be a good idea to rehome him since he is so young. I personally do not know what I am talking about, but I would think it would be much better if he was in a home with a human(s) that bonded with him and you had a dog you bonded with. The other thought I have is maybe an animal behaviourist can help you bond with your dog. You and the dog deserve a wonderful bonded life. Its such a special thing.

[RallyValley]

I have never not bonded with a dog I owned, which made it super hard when I had to rehome a dog I owned.

My parents didn't bond with Toby straight away (I did, I think it was my maternal instincts - probably my only ones - who sees a pup covered in fleas with a big worm bloat and all ribby and NOT feel protective/so much sympathy!) but I did. As his little personality came out to shine they bonded with him - especially breaking his leg at 9 weeks - nothing shows a bond more then almost losing the pup.

However there are dogs I have spent time with/ in my extended family where I think - I like you but I don't know if I could love you. My brothers stafford is very much like this for me. She is such a terrier, always off hunting for things, never checks in with the family - unless you are in her house then she is climbing into your lap for cuddles. ;) But I just think OMG that would drive me insane and make bonding so hard!

I am no idiot - I know if I got a dog that was not intelligent and biddable I would not bond as much, so I will never set myself up for that deliberately.

[7464]

I'd say it's pretty common but I can't speak from experience. I met Cody as a 5 week old and took him home at 8 weeks. I bonded with him on my visits to see him in the 3 weeks before I could take him home. He slotted right in to my life and has been a part of me ever since.

Don't force it. It will come if it's going to.

[Liath]

I bonded with my girl straight away when she was a puppy. She was my dog, my faithfull little companion. We got another pup when Phebes was 4 but i have never bonded with her. That pup is now 5. My girl has since passed on and we got another pup who is now year old. I have bonded with her, it took awhile. The bond isnt as strong as it was with Phebes and i find it grows stronger as time goes by. She will look at me with love and my heart melts and in she creeps just a litle bit more.

[7464]

I don't think I could love another dog like I love Cody which is why I haven't got him a companion. I don't want to bond with two dogs.

[Guest Panzer Attack!]

Once again, thank you so much for everyone's honest and thought-provoking replies. It is very much appreciated and has given me a lot of food for thought.

To the few people who have suggested that I should rehome him, like I said in my OP, I won't be doing that. He is a toy breed and will always be very rehomable should I decide to, he has a lovely nature, is very sweet and friendly, smart and will hit 5kg maximum. I am not going to chuck him as soon as it seems like I'm going to put some work into him. I'm kinda surprised that it's been mentioned more than once! Even if he got real sick and couldn't ever be the performance dog I want him to be, I'd keep him and do whatever I can to look after him, just like I did for my little girl.

Corvus, your response (as always) has resonated with me and I'm relieved that I'm not the only one who can't really fathom bonding to the point of love with someone or something the minute you set eyes on it. NO OFFENCE MEANT to anyone who does - I'm just a cold hearted individual

I don't know if I got it across in my posts - but I do like the pup. Yesterday we went to the beach for the first time and he had so much fun running like a nut and attacking vicious seaweed, and today we went for a nice loose lead walk to the local park and I let him run around like a loon. He is the first dog I have owned that will play with a toy, won't shy when he sees anything out of the ordinary, goes crazy with joy and wonderment when he sees anything new, the first dog that can run hapilly and without any difficulty, the first dog I've ever seen grow up... and it is overwhelming to know you are responsible for that tiny 2kg life force.

I have been thinking about it all day. I made an effort to relax with him today on our walk and he recalled a few times with distraction (a park... he's a pup who enjoys sniffing...) which was so nice! I gave him a tiny treat or a big pat and encouragement every time he checked in and what do you know... I kept looking down to see him hanging around me and not wanting to run away!! It was such a strange feeling! He even prefered to hang out with me than chase Barkly which is VERY weird and unlike he!

He also let me pick him up every single time I attempted to, something which he has never ever ever done before. I had to catch him on Luke's behalf twice, lol.

He's asleep in his crate now, after having a very good quiet evening, only crying when he needed to go toilet, and I actually have a strange feeling in my stomach when looking at him. A nice feeling.

So thank you to those who told me to rehome. In a strange way, you've helped me most of all. Because I realise now that if I lost him, I would be devestated.

Love,

a very relieved puppy owner xoxo

[Janba]

I didn't answer the poll a it varied between dogs. I had one dog I had a love hate relationhip with for about 3 years then we really bonded. He was a top dog, even though he had agression problems, and it broke my heart when he was PTS at 13.

The 3 I have now it varied. The dallie took a month or so till she really became her own person not a replacement for my previous dal, my black and white border was just always a really nice dog but I still think he would be happier with a family with did more with him but he has a loving home here for life. He is exactly what I was looking for at the time - a low drive BC - but it wasn't really what I wanted in hindsight.

Cole I fell in love with when I collected him at the airport and maybe because he was the result of a long planned dream. He is a dog that is very atuned to me and he tries his heart out for me.

I really think the bonding time varies from dog to dog and what your expectation are for the dog and it can differ from dog to dog.

Edited spelling

Edited May 17, 2011 by Janba

[Shazzapug]

Once again, thank you so much for everyone's honest and thought-provoking replies. It is very much appreciated and has given me a lot of food for thought.

To the few people who have suggested that I should rehome him, like I said in my OP, I won't be doing that. He is a toy breed and will always be very rehomable should I decide to, he has a lovely nature, is very sweet and friendly, smart and will hit 5kg maximum. I am not going to chuck him as soon as it seems like I'm going to put some work into him. I'm kinda surprised that it's been mentioned more than once! Even if he got real sick and couldn't ever be the performance dog I want him to be, I'd keep him and do whatever I can to look after him, just like I did for my little girl.

Corvus, your response (as always) has resonated with me and I'm relieved that I'm not the only one who can't really fathom bonding to the point of love with someone or something the minute you set eyes on it. NO OFFENCE MEANT to anyone who does - I'm just a cold hearted individual

I don't know if I got it across in my posts - but I do like the pup. Yesterday we went to the beach for the first time and he had so much fun running like a nut and attacking vicious seaweed, and today we went for a nice loose lead walk to the local park and I let him run around like a loon. He is the first dog I have owned that will play with a toy, won't shy when he sees anything out of the ordinary, goes crazy with joy and wonderment when he sees anything new, the first dog that can run hapilly and without any difficulty, the first dog I've ever seen grow up... and it is overwhelming to know you are responsible for that tiny 2kg life force.

I have been thinking about it all day. I made an effort to relax with him today on our walk and he recalled a few times with distraction (a park... he's a pup who enjoys sniffing...) which was so nice! I gave him a tiny treat or a big pat and encouragement every time he checked in and what do you know... I kept looking down to see him hanging around me and not wanting to run away!! It was such a strange feeling! He even prefered to hang out with me than chase Barkly which is VERY weird and unlike he!

He also let me pick him up every single time I attempted to, something which he has never ever ever done before. I had to catch him on Luke's behalf twice, lol.

He's asleep in his crate now, after having a very good quiet evening, only crying when he needed to go toilet, and I actually have a strange feeling in my stomach when looking at him. A nice feeling.

So thank you to those who told me to rehome. In a strange way, you've helped me most of all. Because I realise now that if I lost him, I would be devestated.

Love,

a very relieved puppy owner xoxo

That says it all.

[newfsie]

With my puppies, especially my newfie pups, i bonded instantly. I met them a few weeks before taking them home and it was a definite bond, I picked the ones I clicked with......But I also take in Rescue Newfie's and I especially remember my Annabelle. She was dog and people aggressive and a really sad case. But I would sit and cry, because our early life was so very difficult. Sometimes I thought I made a bad decision and we were not meant for each other

She had instantly bonded with me and I found it hard to give her what she needed in the first weeks, because she attacked our other dog. But our Behaviorist Trainer, who also seemed good with people had a heart to heart with me and asked me what I wanted to do.

So we made a plan, where I had to take on full responsibility of her and hubby took on the other dog. Our time together and our work together formed the most amazing bond. And she is now my heart dog. I adore her and she works well for me and has turned into a friendly devoted dog.

She gets on with other dogs and loves people now and I think all the training we did together has made this special bond. She depended on me and I look our for her to keep her out of trouble. It took about six months. i would now do anything for her.

Our most recent newfie rescue is again a click form day one, but he is such a sweet guy.

I am not sure how you will develop your relationship. it sounds like you have done everything, such as training etc. Maybe your grief for your previous dogs is what is really stopping your emotional bond. you sound like you are still grieving. I feel for you, take care

[tdierikx]

I think you are doing just fine PanzerAttack... each dog you share your life with will be different, and your relationship with them will also be different.

You obviously DO love this tiny terrorist on some level or you wouldn't be trying your hardest to bond with him. Take it at a pace that suits both of you and I think you'll finally click into a relationship that suits you both, OK?

Personally I've had a number of dogs, and each one has been different in the way they decide to share themselves with me - I have had 1 "heart dog", and I know that is a very tough act to follow for all of my subsequent furkids, but I'm not expecting them to be her either.

T.

[SmoothieGirl]

I've been lucky my dogs and developed a lovely relationship almost immediately, but I can imagine it can 'feel' like a bond isn't formed straight away quite a often for a few reasons:

- we are so excited to get them we have probably WAY too high expectations of the situation, especially if they themselves are overwhelmed and constantly learning puppies

- being overwhelmed by a new pup or dog doesn't mean you aren't bonding as such, more that you are still learning about each other and what form your relationship of hopefully many years will take, try not to have too many preconceptions

- we have to factor in the pups personality as well as our own. some dogs are just don't deliver want we want from them. if people are looking for a sooky, cuddly dog and they end up with an independent, self sufficient type, then it may come across as not bonding. look deeper, you probably have bonded, but doggy just doesn't want to be smothered and fussed all the time, changes may need to be made in the type of interaction you have with them

- at the end of the day, while a domestic dog/human interaction has been developed over history, they are still a vastly different species to us, and we need to respect that

PA I imagine you are doing a great job. All of the photos of Scooter shows a very happy healthy pup. Try not to focus too much on your 'bond' as such, because that starts to bring up thoughts of connection of the soul and mindset, BIG demands of a dog. Instead think of it in terms of a relationship, of which you may have many variations of it with him. You will have your play relationship, your working/training relationship and also one of co-habitation (well when he's solid on toilet training you will). In each you will have different demands of your pup and him of you. Development of these and establishment of mutual understanding will solidify your relationship. You might surprise yourself, if you focus on these things and give yourself a break, in a little while I think you'll find that 'bond' has quietly snuck up on the both of you.

Little example - Bronte is a great working dog, but I have learnt not to actually pat or touch her as a reward during obedience. She simply doesn't like it, she would prefer verbal praise, to watch my face change or for me to clap my hands to applaud her, and of course food or toy treats. BUT...this dog LOVES sleeping on my bed and morning cuddles. Just one her quirks that it took nearly two years to discover.

Edited May 18, 2011 by SmoothieGirl

[Animal House]

A good update to hear PA.

Sometimes, we just need to take a step back and not over think the situation. Especially when they are still puppies, and the world is their playground....just enjoy the craziness and fun stuff that pups are all about... like sniffing the grass, pouncing on shadows, doing zoomies, and then crashing and sleeping upside down. :

[Christina]

Guess sometimes people may feel overwhelmed by all the expectations & all the things we are told we must do & all the things we must have & get.

I see puppy, hold it & love it. That's as far as my mind goes at first.

I know the other stuff that needs doing & it kicks in after the initial wonderment. You have to accept a dog for what it is, whatever that is. Maybe it was all too soon for you to have another puppy.