Post Puppy Depression

[fuzzy82]

I felt very overwhelmed with my new puppy. The first two weeks were the worst, then we kind of settled into a routine that worked, but I was still so absorbed in everything puppy all the time that I had no time for anything else, and it made me a bit grumpy around friends and I felt like I had no energy for anything else. I did slowly start to bond with him though, I think he was maybe 5 months when I realised I was starting to really love his personality, and now that he's nearly 10 months I can't imagine life without him. He's not perfect, he has bad knees, which means I can never do agility with him (he was my little agility prospect) and he's shortsighted so he has trouble with recognition, especially in the dark, and as a result he's also reactive. But those things just makes him extra special, because it triggers a protective instinct in me and I wouldn't have him any other way.

I hadn't had a puppy since I was a kid, and back then it was mostly my parents who dealt with all the puppy stuff, so I wasn't prepared at all. The puppy books make it all sounds easy and fun, and it wasn't fun at all to begin with. I adopted an adult dog about 6 weeks before I got my puppy, and she was the perfect dog, she would just lie quietly next to me when I wasn't doing stuff with her and never did anything bad or wrong, so it was a huge shock to get a puppy who didn't know anything and acted like he was on speed all the time and when given a choice of things he could stick his nose in, he would always pick the worst thing possible.

Edited May 17, 2011 by fuzzy82

[Odin-Genie]

I instantly bonded with my elkhound the moment I first saw him with the rest of the litter at the breeder's place. He had to be our dog!!! And the bond grew stronger each day, each year, even though he was quite difficult and high maintenance as a puppy. And the bond has continued to grow. He is my very special dog.

With my goldy, it took longer. I always cared for her when she came home as a puppy but the strong bond wasn't there. The bond really happened when she was around six months even though she was a comparatively low maintenance puppy. Now of course she is my little princess

[Kirty]

Most of my dogs I have bonded with straight away. It was love at first sight with Pia and I just love everything about her. Maisie was a gorgeous little bundle of fur who needed so much love and assistance that I bonded with her very strongly from the start as well. But I was living at home then so my mum did a lot of the work with her as well. Definitely makes it easier! Champa is 9yo and I still haven't really bonded with him. I love him but I don't like him. He is a stubborn, selfish dog who really has no desire to be with us unless he wants something (food). In hindsight, I should have rehomed him years ago but he has health problems, he can be DA with some dogs and he is a fence jumper, so rehoming was never really an option.

[macka]

I think it took me a few weeks to bond with Archer, mainly because that's how long it took before he settled in and stopped crying the whole time! Big sook that he is.

However whilst I loved both of my dogs pretty much from the start, now that they are maturing into adults I love them even more and I really appreciate how much easier they are to live with! I definitely prefer adults to puppies these days.

I think it's normal to feel overwhelmed for the first few weeks/months.

[Alibi]

I took alittle while to bond to my dog when she was a puppy, i think i get a bit over whelmed with "what the hell have i done" kind of thing and stress abit. My sister was the same when she got her puppy, but it goes and now i love my dog to bits and we have a very strong connection, just took awhile to foster.

[Guest Panzer Attack!]

Anyway, the point I was trying to make was I think sometimes if we get a puppy/cat/dog without meeting with them first to see if we bond, it's a fairly big chance we take. I think when we mourn the loss of another pet, and then try to replace them, we naturally make comparisons between the new one & the old one, and if we expect to feel the same about them, then we are setting ourselves up for disappointment.

So if/when I eventually get another dog when one of mine passes, I will be meeting the pup in person and choosing one myself. However long it takes.

This is a big point, I didn't meet Scooter before purchasing, but had (and still have) a lot of faith in my breeder. I had really really loved (the look and idea of) another pup but wasn't too upset when she kept him as pick of the litter because 1) her dogs! and 2) I hadn't met any of them anyway. It's been an interesting experience for sure! Nothing quite so weird as having a dog dropped off at the airport by a big burly man and looking into the airline crate for the first time having nfi what to expect. She has been so wonderful and supportive throughout everything and I couldn't have picked anyone better.

Bahaha I do feel a lot better knowing how many people cried! We have our first show training session on Thursday, and I think it'll be nice to have an instructor helping me give Scooter guidance and all that. I'm also going to Croydon as soon as he has his last set of shots to sign up for their older puppy class. I know all the theory, I'm just terrified about putting it into practice, and really need the help.

Thanks sooooooooooooooo much everyone that replied. We're going to go for a bit of a walkies and I'm going to attempt ! to relax and just let him be a puppy.

E xxxxxx

[haven]

How fast you bond depends on a lot of things I think, like how much they need to bond with you and how dependent they are. I can't answer the poll because all of the dogs I have had as an adult have been different. I bonded quickly with my GSD, probably because he was in such a bad way physically and mentally (I didn't know if he was even going to live). With my Rotti it felt like it took longer, because she was so confident and independent and a lot more dog oriented and less people oriented than I was used to. To be honest, the relationship I have with her is that much sweeter and more valuable to me because we took our time to get to know one another and learned to appreciate our differences and little character 'flaws' instead of bonding instantly.

Don't worry and don't rush it, it's likely that you have bonded (or begun to bond, more correctly) with your pup but it's just different to what you have experienced before so you don't realise it, every relationship you have is unique

It also sounds like your grief over losing your other dogs is getting in the way somewhat and your expectations are also leading you astray a bit, which is probably something every owner experiences to a degree. When we have a companion for a long period of time, even though we may rationally understand that a new animal may be very different, it can take a period of time to adjust to the fact that we do not have the same relationship with the new animal as we did with the old because you remember the bond you had in the end, after years to get to know each other, not the bond you had on day one. You will have that again though, in time!

EFC

Edited May 17, 2011 by haven

[Agility Dogs]

My girl was love at first site. We haven't always had the relationship we do now, but that was more to do with my abilities as a handler/owner than it was our 'bond' IYKWIM.

I always liked my boy, but it has taken a long time to bond in the same way that I did with my first girl.

My current puppy has an even stronger bond with me than the other two - which is just amazing.

Overall I like all 3 of them and have come to the conclusion that it is about emptying out all expectations and loving each of them for what they are, not what you hoped they would be or what you have had in another animal.

[W Sibs]

My girl was love at first site. We haven't always had the relationship we do now, but that was more to do with my abilities as a handler/owner than it was our 'bond' IYKWIM.

I always liked my boy, but it has taken a long time to bond in the same way that I did with my first girl.

My current puppy has an even stronger bond with me than the other two - which is just amazing.

Overall I like all 3 of them and have come to the conclusion that it is about emptying out all expectations and loving each of them for what they are, not what you hoped they would be or what you have had in another animal.

I like this.. because that's so true.

[Puppybella]

Wow!

This topic has been so comforting to read! Thanks Panzer attack and everyone else for your experiences! I can relate to so many things you have said. I completely agree that whilst the internet and DOL are wonderful resources, they can be the source of a lot of angst - so much conflicting information and MUST DOs and DON'T DOs, such detail that sometimes I wondered if all the other people a full time puppy raisers!

I've had a new puppy for 2 weeks now, and I've been on edge for most of the time and feel like I'm missing out on the enjoyable puppy time. I'm a person that gets easily anxious at the best of times and a perfectionist to boot, which isn't so good when it comes to puppies! Little Bella is beautiful and really quite well behaved but I'm so nervous about doing the wrong thing that I feel like I'm constantly hovering and I can't get anything done in peace, even when she's locked up because I'm worried she'll have an accident. Outside I feel like a party-pooper mother because I'm constantly taking sticks from her because I'm scared she'll swallow something (she's a dachshund and apparently they eat everything). I think I'm all the more nervous because I was the one with the idea of getting a dog, and although the rest of the family agreed and love her too, I'm worried she'll turn into a badly behaved dog that we'll end up resenting.

In the last couple of days I've started to relax and recognise that we will raise her and train her the best we can, and that accidents and inconsistencies will happen but we will get there in the end in our own way. This topic has made me feel even better

[Esky the husky]

It's strange, I never bonded with Esky much at first.

I think I was so worried something might happen to her that I became a bit over protective.

Around the 7-8 month mark I felt like we were bonding more but now it seems like that has gone away.

Our 'personalities' just seem to clash heaps. I'm stubborn, she's stubborn. Some days it's such a battle of wills.

She is a lot more bonded to my OH, so I might just have to face the fact that she's his dog. I really feel like I've done something wrong and feel awful a lot of the time. I love her, I just find it really hard to like her some days

[JulesP]

I've bonded immediately with every dog I've owned. Most before I had even seen them! I didn't see Brock or Amber before I went and picked them up. But it didn't occur to me that I wouldn't. I had no expectations of how things were going to be. No high hopes, dreams etc. They were just cute fluffy pups.

The puppies have never overwhelmed me, I love having puppies! The cats have been a different story. I've only really bonded with my first cat and she sort of broke my heart with her cat behavior. I've bonded with most of my horses too.

I think you are over thinking things.

[Shazzapug]

I voted instantaneous....which is a very hard connection to ignore once you have felt it. And it is easier to let the dogs go that you dont have that instant connection with.

As a breeder I think I have an instant connection with puppies as they are born lol...and I see that instant connection when new puggy owners come to pick up their puppies...I love seeing that whole body acknowledgement of the hearts connecting :D cos it is a physical reaction. I know the ones I run on for showing that dont work out get re-homed before they are 12 mths old, specially if I dont have that connection with them. But I see it in the people that come look at them, and the pugs can feel it too as they seem to know that in their behaviour. So, if you dont look at your little guy and wonder sadly what life would be like without him, maybe he would better re-homed. As many have said there isnt room in your heart yet for another dog.

I had a lovely couple come to look at a 3 year old male pug one day that I hadnt considered re-homing but I was willing to re-home him to someone if they had that connection with him. But they left without him to think about it...I knew they wouldnt take him as it was way too soon to replace their adult pug with another adult pug...but they did get a puglet from another breeder, an 8 week old.

[huski]

I think everyone on DOL knows about my difficulties with Daisy, who was not the first dog we'd had which I think made it harder because the other two are quite different to her in some ways. We got her at eight weeks and it wasn't until she was around 18 months to two years that I really started to like her and bond with her. She never wanted to be pat or cuddled or really even spend time with us. She was very strong willed and wouldn't have a problem growling or biting you if you made her do something she didn't want to do. She had a lot of food drive at home and would steal food off our plates as we were eating and bark at us all the time if we had food or if she could see or smell food somewhere, but the instant you left the house her scent drive was 10000000 times stronger than her food drive so she'd not even notice steak if you were waving it under her nose, which made training her very difficult. She wasnt a likeable dog and living with her sometimes was awful.

Most of it was finding a training method that worked for us, but it's also about accepting her for who she is. She'll never be a super cuddly affectionate dog and she'll have challenging moments but we understand each other a lot more now and we also enjoy each other a lot more. But yeah - it took a lot of time to get there! I hope I'll be more prepared for my next puppy though

Edited May 17, 2011 by huski

[Sayreovi]

I've bonded immediately with every dog I've owned. Most before I had even seen them! I didn't see Brock or Amber before I went and picked them up. But it didn't occur to me that I wouldn't. I had no expectations of how things were going to be. No high hopes, dreams etc. They were just cute fluffy pups.

The puppies have never overwhelmed me, I love having puppies!

This is exactly how I felt for my first two, Jovi was different due to circumstances surrounding her.

With Nova it was within a week as he was a very busy puppy and also for most of his teenage life it was difficult not to get annoyed as he was a pain in the arse! He was too full on for a novice owner, though I never once thought about giving him up......I was just as stubborn as him and gradually we got there and now he is a sweet cuddly old man :D

Darcy has been the only one I met before I picked up, I fell in love straight away, he was a beautiful well behaved perfect puppy who was happy just being near me (and usually me alone :p) I adore him as an adult, he just got better with age and he is my "baby boy"

Jovi was a very special puppy and I would have balled my eyes out if we didn't connect straight away but as soon as I picked her up she chose me even though she sat on my sisters lap most of the 10 hour trip home :p I really do believe she is my heart dog, she "gets" me well and she is an intensified version of her father (Darcy)

[Bubitty]

A few years ago I got a puppy which I returned after a few days. I just could not bond with this puppy, found everything to be a trial and just felt overwhelmed by everything. In hindsight I was just not ready for this puppy. He was a puppy that I had picked out myself and I got first pick of the litter.

I did not like this poor puppy. I felt that it was inferior to my older dog and there was this overwhelming feeling that I just wanted my life to “reset” and be like it was before this puppy came along.

Two years later I got Bitty who was/is the light of my life! She was a crazy, madcap, bull in a china shop pup. VERY different to the kind of dog I thought I would like and the complete opposite to my older dog who I have on a pedestal! In fact my breeder picked her out for me and I was not very keen with her pick but went along with it anyway. I fell head over heels in love with her when she came home! It’s so hard to explain but while she is full of “antics” and silliness, everything she did was perfect in my eyes!

I really don’t know what to say. Maybe I wasn’t ready back then or maybe I hadn’t found the right puppy.

[cmkelpie]

I know when I got my first puppy I struggled a lot initially. My previous dog was not perfect but we were in sync. If I spoke a certain way she would always listen and I just knew her SO well. Then this little bundle of devil puppy came along that seemed to know nothing, which of course she did not :D

I spent so much time and energy trying to get her to 'behave' that I forgot how important and wonderful the puppy stage is! I really missed out on enjoying her for a little while, until I learned to laugh. I accepted that she would grow up and with training she would learn and in the mean time her boundless energy and enthusiasm made things so enjoyable for me!

I wanted so hard for her to be the perfect dog straight away, which was of course not going to happen! I had very unrealistic expectations about this little girl.

Now she is 15mths old and I have another pup that is 6mths old and I would not change a thing. My older one has grown into a gorgeous dog and with the little one, I am simply enjoying the puppy stage.

Best of luck with your little one, lower your expectations and I am sure you will be fine

Edited May 17, 2011 by cmkelpie

[corvus]

I am still bewildered about this idea that you CAN instantly bond with an animal. I never have. They always seem like a little slice of chaos to me for a number of months. I don't really 'bond' with them until I understand them, and I don't understand them until I've got to know them, and it takes me several months to get to know them, at least. I just let it happen at its own pace. It's not like I don't love them in the meantime. I love forging that connection and finding ways to bridge the species divide. There is nothing sweeter than an animal that has just worked out they can communicate with you. I LOVE that moment a puppy learns they can sit and you will give them what they want. They just light up, as if they are saying "What, I can TALK to humans?? This just gets better and better!"

I think maybe it would help to remember that puppies are a bit chaotic to begin with. It takes time to learn to predict them and find ways to communicate with them and basically come into alignment together.

[poodlefan]

Poodlefan's tricks to bonding with a puppy:

* Do not compare it with your existing or departed dogs. That way lies heartache. They're individuals like we are and personality takes time to develop. Give them time - your other dogs had it. You'll never "replace" those other dogs.. just add new dogs to your family.

* Expect the "oh my God what have I done" phase. It's normal. It takes time to develop routines for you and puppy, and all pups do some things that honestly make you want to throttle them at times.

* Take your puppy to training. Nothing IMO helps build trust and understanding than working together to develop skills and manners. Avoid the comparisons to other dogs here too - different pups learn.. differently!! You may have to shift your training techniques to get the most out of the new addtion.

* Don't be too hard on yourself. Not everyone falls in love with their pup on day 1. We don't often fall in love with our partners or family members on day 1 either. ;)

* Try to avoid fault picking and focus on the positives. Even seemingly demonic pups have them and comparing a pup to a mature dog that knew your life well is unfair.

* Accept that some pup/owner combinations simply don't work. If you get no joy from the dog, talk with its breeder or rescuer, contemplate responsible rehoming to a family or situation that suits the pup better. Training will help there - pups with manners get better chances for new homes.

And yes, these were developed the hard way. After 3 poodles, a Whippet puppy took time to adjust to. He's not like them - he's just Howard now. And I love him dearly.

ETA: There's one more thing I'll mention. Old and dearly departed dogs sometimes develop a 'halo effect'.. we remember them with love and sometimes forget that they were little buggers as pups too. It's easy to forget that all pups bring some upheaval and take time to fit in with us.

Edited May 17, 2011 by poodlefan

[fuzzy82]

Wow!

This topic has been so comforting to read! Thanks Panzer attack and everyone else for your experiences! I can relate to so many things you have said. I completely agree that whilst the internet and DOL are wonderful resources, they can be the source of a lot of angst - so much conflicting information and MUST DOs and DON'T DOs, such detail that sometimes I wondered if all the other people a full time puppy raisers!

I've had a new puppy for 2 weeks now, and I've been on edge for most of the time and feel like I'm missing out on the enjoyable puppy time. I'm a person that gets easily anxious at the best of times and a perfectionist to boot, which isn't so good when it comes to puppies! Little Bella is beautiful and really quite well behaved but I'm so nervous about doing the wrong thing that I feel like I'm constantly hovering and I can't get anything done in peace, even when she's locked up because I'm worried she'll have an accident. Outside I feel like a party-pooper mother because I'm constantly taking sticks from her because I'm scared she'll swallow something (she's a dachshund and apparently they eat everything). I think I'm all the more nervous because I was the one with the idea of getting a dog, and although the rest of the family agreed and love her too, I'm worried she'll turn into a badly behaved dog that we'll end up resenting.

In the last couple of days I've started to relax and recognise that we will raise her and train her the best we can, and that accidents and inconsistencies will happen but we will get there in the end in our own way. This topic has made me feel even better

Make sure you take loads and loads of photos during the first few weeks. In a few months when everything settles down you can look back and marvel at how tiny she was:)

As for picking things up, the first cue my puppy learnt was 'drop it'. He was always picking up socks and other stuff he found on the floor, so I kept treats on me at all times and any time he picked something up I would hold a treat in front of his nose and say 'drop it' and now he drops anything (including dead animals and bones outside) without me offering the treat. It's important that you always trade objects, don't just take them off her. You'll have a resource guarder in no time if you just take stuff off her.

Practice it a lot with toys and bones etc, give her a treat, then give the object back. That way she learns that it's fun when you take stuff from her, most of the time she will get a treat and/or get it back after a few seconds.