People Who Just Don't Understand...

[Kelly_Louise]

Yesterday I was out walking Sasha, and we met Sasha's boyfriend Max and his Dad, so as usual we walked together. At the end of the walk, we allow Sasha and Max some free time to play... and boy do they get into it. They like to rumble and play rather roughly - with time in between where they just hug and kiss each other, and it's hysterical to watch as they love it so. Anyway, we always move away to an unpopulated area away any paths, as sometimes the sight of 2 largish dogs playing roughly scares people as they think they are fighting. We try to be considerate, and they are kept on lead so it's not overly rough and tumble, but you could get knocked over if you're not paying attention!!!

Anyway, from the corner of my eye I see a lady with a little girl about 2 years old. They catch my attention cause they seem to be coming our way, and there is nothing our way and no reason for them to be heading in our direction. They come within 2 metres of us, and Sasha and Max are jumping on each other, chasing each other, chewing each other and play growling and air snapping at each other (as they do in their own fashion) and the lady says 'my daughter wants to pat the dogs'.

I say, well they are playing as you can see... but she starts moving forward with the child - towards two dogs who are still in the middle of rumbling each other and dodging each other and are solely concentrating on each other. We have to quickly pull them apart and I put Sasha into a heel position, and poor Max, who is still a pup, thinks it's still play time and is still jumping around at Sasha and is barking wildly to get her attention and doesn't understand why it's come to a halt all of a sudden (usually they just stop of their own accord when they're tired).

So the lady approaches me and says 'we want to pat that one', pointing at Sasha because she is sitting calmly. And I say, no I'd rather you didn't. Firstly, Sasha doesn't really like being approached by strangers - and I do not allow any random person to approach her unless I can see they are willing to control their kids (ie, not run at her yelling, with arms up and waving as this lady's child was) and will follow my instructions on how to treat her (because I don't want people scaring her). If you're coming into my dogs space, it's by my rules - as I don't allow her to invade other people's space.

She eyes me up while again shifting forward to us and I say no again, and she pulls the girl away huffily. She looks at Max (who LOVES attention from everyone) but he is still trying to jump at Sasha to play, so she says 'don't worry then' and storms off (like it's somehow our fault).

I'm sorry, but I find this really, really rude. We are always considerate of other people, and know that not everyone likes dogs so we follow basic common courtesy and don't bother others - why is it too much to ask that people who don't have dogs/or don't like dogs give us the same respect???

No wonder some kids grow up not knowing how to behave around dogs... I can't tell you how many times we've had kids (who are just barely walking) run up to Sasha while the parents are just jogging along behind them laughing apologetically. I find it rude to have our space invaded when we are just trying to go about our own day... cause if I allowed Sasha to get into their space they would kick up such a fuss.

Why can't we have the same respect that we give?

Anyway, I'm in a bad mood today and just wanted to get that out there!!!

[persephone]

I can understand - but perhaps if you had explained to them that your dog was not good with strangers ??? I will usually crouch down to a kid's level, and say how pleased I am that she wants to pat my dog - but my dog gets very worried by strangers, and doesn't like being patted by them ... the kid usually just nods & agrees

[Kelly_Louise]

I did actually explain to the lady, the first time I said no I'd rather you didn't - and then said it's because she's quite nervous of strangers and it scares her easily as nicely as I could (I didn't go on to say I can see you can't control your child as well even though I wanted to)... I said this even though she didn't ask either of our permission, just stated that her child wanted to pat a dog and started forward at us.

But even after I said that to the Mum, she stood looking at me for a while and when the child complained that she wasn't patting a dog yet, still was pushing the girl forward towards Sasha - hence the second, way more blunt, no.

To be honest, I was way too angry at her rude attitude that I simply didn't want to be nice... although I did try.

[Kelly_Louise]

But you have a good idea persephone, that I can use in future for people who are less demanding and more considerate of us

[fainty_girl]

Sounds like you did the right thing, but this lady just didn't get what you were saying. If a child was upset by not being able to pet your dog and it is something that happens to you a lot, you could tell the child that Sasha loves to do tricks instead (assuming Sasha knows some kind of dog trick and is happy to do one).

Just an idea ...

Edited April 8, 2011 by fainty_girl

[haven]

Unfortunately there are twits on either side of the 'divide'

I teach my 2.5yo Daughter excellent manners and common sense around dogs, she knows never to approach a dog tied up or eating, never to pat a dog without permission, the correct way to pat a dog etc, however we have had one incident where we were at a kids playground and some random dog (lab x so not small either) came barreling over to us and before her Dad could pick her up it ran into her full tilt and knocked her flying. Luckily she was unhurt, the owner was very apologetic and I was able to give him a recommendation to see an excellent trainer to help him train his dog not to do that in future, which was very fortunate timing since, as it turned out, his wife was pregnant and they were very concerned about their dog behaviour after the baby was born.

Next time try talking to the child instead of dealing with the parent, they are the ones that are going to carrying their knowledge and attitudes into the next generation that shapes dog ownership. If Mum or Dad are being rude and pushy just ignore them, get down to the kids level and tell them simply and clearly that they cannot pat your dog for whatever reason, or should not pat them right at that moment for whatever reason, that it is very important that they ask first before patting etc etc. I can tell you that even a young child can understand and remember what you say if you keep it simple.

[persephone]

I can tell you that even a young child can understand and remember what you say if you keep it simple.

..and they are usually very accepting of reasons ,such as 'scared of strangers' ... worried about being hurt ...a bit too bouncy ...

[Kelly_Louise]

I see your points, and take them on board. I usually am quite good with the littlies, or the ones whose parents ask first. I usually let them come up and ask them to put their hand out for Sasha to sniff and lick (cause it scares her less than attempting to pat her), sometimes I give them a treat if I have one, to give to her which is good for Sasha and also a delight to the kids - I explain why it has to be like that and usually they are really good at understanding. I show that respect if people respect us first.

I guess I'm just grouchy because I don't like people just invading our space and making demands - like Sasha is there to be a showpony. We don't bother other people, and I really don't want to be bothered either - I just want to enjoy my time with my dog and friends without having to always worry about people who obviously know nothing about dogs, or people who are not watching their kids etc. I find it really, really, really rude...

I had a little boy of about 6 come running up one day (his parents were on the other side of the lake, he'd ridden his bike), straight into Sasha's face (I asked him nicely to please back up and give her some space) and I moved her away, he came again and every time she moved her face out of the way he moved so he was right in front of her face. After asking several times and trying to explain nicely, I actually had to say quite sharply 'please don't do that, move away from my dog'. I felt awful honestly, but he was just one of those kids and his parents still weren't around yet... and I have a responsibility to keep Sasha safe.

Another time, little boy of about 5 (mum was talking to friend with back turned) came running at her screaming loudly, waving his arms around above his head. I stopped Sasha and asked Mum to stop son coming at us (politely), she did, we started walking past, Mum turned her back, and kid ran up full pelt behind Sasha and yelled something (Sash tucked tail and ran to the other side of me as she got a fright).

I've also had adults just come up and also stick their hands in Sasha's face numerous times without warning.

I guess it's happened a few too many times, so I get fairly p!ssed about it now.

Goodness I sound so anti-social... and I'm not really LOL... just annoyed.

[fuzzy82]

I think that was rude, and I don't think we should have to explain things to other people's kids. If I was in a similiar situation I would NOT explain anything to a kid, I would tell the adult " I would prefer if they didn't meet, he's a bit reactive" (which I have done) and then it's up to them to explain it to their kids. I hate talking to kids, I hate kids, and I'm not gonna babysit someone else's kid for them. They certainly wouldn't not make any allowances for my dogs if they don't like dogs (nor cats, and I have had people come into MY house and tell me they "hate cats", which I find incredibly rude. I tolerated their noisy annoying kid without having to tell them I hate their kid).

I don't mind kids meeting my poodle x, she loooooves kids, but I don't let my puppy meet people on walks, as he is quite reactive. He's fine in training classes, so there he gets to meet people. On walks he just goes stupid, so I have body blocked kids and simply told them 'No' when they have been running towards him, and if there is an adult around I tell the adult it's better if they don't meet the puppy.

When I do let my poodle x meet kids, I expect the kids to know how to behave around dogs, or for the parent to know and supervise sufficiently. If they do anything I don't like, doggy goes away (I will say "alright, that's enough" and take her away).

I don't care if that makes me anti-social, I didn't ask them to come and pat my dog.

Edited April 8, 2011 by fuzzy82

[haven]

I guess I'm just grouchy because I don't like people just invading our space and making demands - like Sasha is there to be a showpony. We don't bother other people, and I really don't want to be bothered either - I just want to enjoy my time with my dog and friends without having to always worry about people who obviously know nothing about dogs, or people who are not watching their kids etc. I find it really, really, really rude...

I've also had adults just come up and also stick their hands in Sasha's face numerous times without warning.

I guess it's happened a few too many times, so I get fairly p!ssed about it now.

Goodness I sound so anti-social... and I'm not really LOL... just annoyed.

All valid things, it was rude and you've every right to be irritated by it

I don't think we should have to explain things to other people's kids. If I was in a similiar situation I would NOT explain anything to a kid, I would tell the adult " I would prefer if they didn't meet, he's a bit reactive" (which I have done) and then it's up to them to explain it to their kids. I hate talking to kids, I hate kids, and I'm not gonna babysit someone else's kid for them. .

Of course you don't have to explain anything to anyone if you don't want to, however your combative attitude doesn't solve the problem. The OP told the adult more than once that the child couldn't pat the dog and she didn't listen. When she eventually did take the child away she possibly told it some kind of nonsense as to why it couldn't pat the dog and nobody learned anything or benefited from the encounter. My suggestion isn't about 'babysitting' someone else's kid for them, it's part of a potential solution to the problem. Instead of talking to the rude and pushy adult, in this scenario you simply tell the child "Thank you for asking me first, it's very important to ask before patting a strange dog, but my dog has a sore ear right now and might be a bit grumpy about being patted so you can't pat him right now". Problem solved, you circumvent the rude and pushy parent, the child will probably be more likely to listen than the parent and hopefully they will take some important information away and apply it to all of their future encounters with dogs.

You can continue to do it your way, but it's only to your own detriment if you want to help solve the problem instead of having to deal with it over and over in the future ;)

[fuzzy82]

I have yet to meet the same kid more than once, so the way I see it I can save time by not explaining it over and over, or I can spend the extra time and explain it over and over. Either way, it doesn't help me. The result I want is for my dog to be left alone, which I accomplish either way.

I'm really not trying to be combative or difficult about it, I just really hate talking to kids. I find it painful to listen to kids talking.

Edited April 9, 2011 by fuzzy82

[twodoggies2001]

I have yet to meet the same kid more than once, so the way I see it I can save time by not explaining it over and over, or I can spend the extra time and explain it over and over. Either way, it doesn't help me. The result I want is for my dog to be left alone, which I accomplish either way.

I'm really not trying to be combative or difficult about it, I just really hate talking to kids. I find it painful to listen to kids talking.

More's the pity. Probably kids don't like you either

[Mervin]

I think that was rude, and I don't think we should have to explain things to other people's kids. If I was in a similiar situation I would NOT explain anything to a kid, I would tell the adult " I would prefer if they didn't meet, he's a bit reactive" (which I have done) and then it's up to them to explain it to their kids. I hate talking to kids, I hate kids, and I'm not gonna babysit someone else's kid for them. They certainly wouldn't not make any allowances for my dogs if they don't like dogs (nor cats, and I have had people come into MY house and tell me they "hate cats", which I find incredibly rude. I tolerated their noisy annoying kid without having to tell them I hate their kid).

I don't mind kids meeting my poodle x, she loooooves kids, but I don't let my puppy meet people on walks, as he is quite reactive. He's fine in training classes, so there he gets to meet people. On walks he just goes stupid, so I have body blocked kids and simply told them 'No' when they have been running towards him, and if there is an adult around I tell the adult it's better if they don't meet the puppy.

When I do let my poodle x meet kids, I expect the kids to know how to behave around dogs, or for the parent to know and supervise sufficiently. If they do anything I don't like, doggy goes away (I will say "alright, that's enough" and take her away).

I don't care if that makes me anti-social, I didn't ask them to come and pat my dog.

I don't care for kid's that much either, but it is easy to see that you need to see a therapist about your attitude towards them, dogs are often like there owners.

[Red Fox]

I think that was rude, and I don't think we should have to explain things to other people's kids. If I was in a similiar situation I would NOT explain anything to a kid, I would tell the adult " I would prefer if they didn't meet, he's a bit reactive" (which I have done) and then it's up to them to explain it to their kids. I hate talking to kids, I hate kids, and I'm not gonna babysit someone else's kid for them. They certainly wouldn't not make any allowances for my dogs if they don't like dogs (nor cats, and I have had people come into MY house and tell me they "hate cats", which I find incredibly rude. I tolerated their noisy annoying kid without having to tell them I hate their kid).

I don't mind kids meeting my poodle x, she loooooves kids, but I don't let my puppy meet people on walks, as he is quite reactive. He's fine in training classes, so there he gets to meet people. On walks he just goes stupid, so I have body blocked kids and simply told them 'No' when they have been running towards him, and if there is an adult around I tell the adult it's better if they don't meet the puppy.

When I do let my poodle x meet kids, I expect the kids to know how to behave around dogs, or for the parent to know and supervise sufficiently. If they do anything I don't like, doggy goes away (I will say "alright, that's enough" and take her away).

I don't care if that makes me anti-social, I didn't ask them to come and pat my dog.

I don't care for kid's that much either, but it is easy to see that you need to see a therapist about your attitude towards them, dogs are often like there owners.

What?! So because somebody doesn't particuarly like other peoples kids and would prefer to talk to the adult who is supposed to be in charge they need to see a therapist? errrrrrr......

If a child runs at my dog I don't stop to kneel down and gently explain "Oh no dear, please don't do that to the doggie, he doesn't really like it..." No bloody way. I use my body to block my dog and say NO! as loudly as I have to, to make them stop then and there - BEFORE my dog has the change to react.

Kids are fast - dogs are faster. If you have a reactive dog why the hell would you chance it? And who is going to be the one that gets the blame if something goes wrong? Wont be the kid I assure you.

[haven]

I have yet to meet the same kid more than once, so the way I see it I can save time by not explaining it over and over, or I can spend the extra time and explain it over and over. Either way, it doesn't help me. The result I want is for my dog to be left alone, which I accomplish either way.

I'm really not trying to be combative or difficult about it, I just really hate talking to kids. I find it painful to listen to kids talking.

I should have been more specific, what I meant was that one person taking the time to make a simple explanation to one kid hopefully means that the situation improves in the future for everyone IYKWIM.

I think that was rude, and I don't think we should have to explain things to other people's kids. If I was in a similiar situation I would NOT explain anything to a kid, I would tell the adult " I would prefer if they didn't meet, he's a bit reactive" (which I have done) and then it's up to them to explain it to their kids. I hate talking to kids, I hate kids, and I'm not gonna babysit someone else's kid for them. They certainly wouldn't not make any allowances for my dogs if they don't like dogs (nor cats, and I have had people come into MY house and tell me they "hate cats", which I find incredibly rude. I tolerated their noisy annoying kid without having to tell them I hate their kid).

I don't mind kids meeting my poodle x, she loooooves kids, but I don't let my puppy meet people on walks, as he is quite reactive. He's fine in training classes, so there he gets to meet people. On walks he just goes stupid, so I have body blocked kids and simply told them 'No' when they have been running towards him, and if there is an adult around I tell the adult it's better if they don't meet the puppy.

When I do let my poodle x meet kids, I expect the kids to know how to behave around dogs, or for the parent to know and supervise sufficiently. If they do anything I don't like, doggy goes away (I will say "alright, that's enough" and take her away).

I don't care if that makes me anti-social, I didn't ask them to come and pat my dog.

I don't care for kid's that much either, but it is easy to see that you need to see a therapist about your attitude towards them, dogs are often like there owners.

Sheesh, steady on! So Fuzzy isn't that keen on kids, plenty of people feel that way and there isn't anything necessarily wrong with that, it certainly doesn't mean that he/she needs therapy

I wonder if your dogs are rude and over reactive?

[Tilly]

Sometimes the apple may fall from the tree ... but it rolls down the hill far enough that to grows up strong and straight ...

Just sometimes you do find a wonderful little child who will stop and ask if they can pat the doggy ... only for me to explain - sorry but he doesn't like strangers patting him - little girl smiles and said "ok" before continuing her ride ... only to have the father go mental at you for having a "dangerous dog" in the park. If his daughter can't pat the dog then it must be dangerous and all dogs in the park should be able to be patted by his daughter.

The guys loud, threatening, in-your-face behaviour was totally over the top and the guy didn't seem to realise how close he was going to being bitten by a dog who wanted to protect his owner. I had to turn my back on the guy and push him away so I could get the dog out away from the barrier and move away. I am sure his wife was extremely embarrased by his behaviour ...

[Mervin]

I'm really not trying to be combative or difficult about it, I just really hate talking to kids. I find it painful to listen to kids talking.

You have misunderstood me(as I think you have the rest of the world) the way you hate is unhealthy, it is quite sad really, as I'm sure at some stage in your life you were a child. What happened dear, what makes you hate the child within? If you don't talk to kids, how are they supposed to learn the right way to approach a dog.

[Dogsrawesome]

Mum never let me pat other dogs that weren't mine. She always used to say it wasn't safe, although i never liked it lol but she never gave in and i guess i really respect other people when i ask to pat there dogs if they say no i reply saying thats okay and i walk away haha i dont take it to heart so i think parents have to teach there kids to ask before demanding to pat someones dog.

[mr.mister]

I'm really not trying to be combative or difficult about it, I just really hate talking to kids. I find it painful to listen to kids talking.

You have misunderstood me(as I think you have the rest of the world) the way you hate is unhealthy, it is quite sad really, as I'm sure at some stage in your life you were a child. What happened dear, what makes you hate the child within? If you don't talk to kids, how are they supposed to learn the right way to approach a dog.

Who cares? If you don't like kids you don't bloody well like kids. Up until very recently I was the same. For me, I'd had a bad experience personally, but it is no-one's business to judge and to declare who should and shouldn't see a therapist. Those feelings and decisions are one persons, and one persons alone.

[B-Q]

People don't tend to want to talk to Buster when I have him out. He looks right through strangers like he doesn't see them and he's not the most lovey looking dog, having Quinn is totally different. She's quite shy but very pretty,she will smile sweetly at people but doesn't really want the attention - she will talk to people if they are polite (hold out their hand for a sniff, maybe a scratch under the chin) but she hates people coming down to pat her head - and everyone seesm to think that if she ducks away, if they scruff her up she'll want to play... hmm.

We were at the markets a couple of weeks ago and a guy saw her bi eyes and wanted to show his wife, he tried to get her attention and when that didn't work he started hopping around like he was going to grab her face. Easier option... just wait. I'll stand beside you, ask for a sit and a a look and you can look at her oh so cool eyes if its that important.