Connecting With Your Dog

[Inka3095]

I didn't know it was possible not to bond with a dog - I can fall in love with one from 50 paces lol...

A couple of years ago I fostered a male pointer x, and had the experience of being indifferent about a dog. I didn't dislike him, I just didn't like him (even though he was gorgeous and my Mum fell in love with him almost immediately lol) - he was a foster though, so I thought my subconscious self was just awesome and preventing the sadness when he was rehomed...

Sadly I was wrong - I still think about the little beagle girl I fostered last year for 5 months almost every day - I fell in love with her sooo fast it was stupid - and she was a LOT more work than the pointer

So now I think it's possible to never click with a dog

Edited April 6, 2011 by Inka3095

[huski]

well atm everything is training for us, we always do regular sit/drops and have been doing recall and place along with stand on two legs etc. So on average its about 20 mins to an hr of training each day. Should I be pushing him more with training? I thought the pace we were going was good for him as I am trying not to have him shut down on me.

Do you do any shaping with him? Play any training games or set small goals for each training session you have with him?

[persephone]

Your training does sound pretty 'tame'.. :p What else do you two do together? What 'thinking games' or exercises do you do - where you both take part ?

[Liath]

We got a 6 month old puppy in October last year, its taken this long for us to connect. We alsp have a cav but i have never connected with her. I love her dearly but there is no connection.

[persephone]

It's interesting to read these comments. A few of my Brothers' dogs I do not have much communication/connection with ... but they are HIS, so that's ok :p Some dogs I have had around me, though, the connection is so strong it is felt as a physical thing!

[Erny]

I have had Echo since December and I am still waiting for that connection. I don't exactly know why it hasnt yet, every other dog in my life I have felt a connection but with me and Echo it just isn't, I neither love nor hate him.

I spend a lot of time with him, every day I wake up, bring him out of his crate outside to pee, prepare breakfast for him, then later I spend around 20-30 mins organising which toys to give him and preparing meals in his treat toys that I have chosen and hiding them in the yard for him, at the end of work I take him to go for a walk, then home we play a game, dinner is fed and I let him rest an hr before playing a game with him for another 10-20 mins, then he goes to crate to bed. On Saturdays and Sundays I spend a lot more time training and playing outside with him and when not around him I will actively seek out new toys or buy more raw food for him or figure out other ways to entertain him. Yet with all the stuff I do to keep him happy and entertained I still cannot seem to get that connection? I am not seeing any sort of connection between us, I think he considers me the same way I consider him, which is we are of neutral ground to each-other.

Is there something wrong with me? I have no issues caring for him, walking him, grooming him, feeding. I don't mind spending the time prepping his raw meals or organising his monthly raw diet into bags. Maybe the connection will eventually come. But I am worried it wont?

Kyliegirl .... apart from what I've already posted, re-read what you've written. Everything is about what you do for Echo, not about what you share together. I still stick by the 'training' as working out how their minds tick; how to make training as fun and motivating as you can; how to make it as easy as possible for your dog to understand what you want, really does go a good way towards teaching you how their minds tick.

But you could also try to see past what you are seeing at the moment - look at what Echo provides you; what he does for you; what little daft ways he might have; and so on.

Perhaps there's a bit of 'glass half empty' instead of 'half full' there. Looking in a different light, from a different angle, might help you.

ETA: Oh - I like to keep training sessions really quite short (most of the time). I think I spend more time playing motivation games/reward in between commands than I do on the commands themselves. So whilst I might be 'working' with my dog for half an hour, only 5 or 10 minutes of that might be actively lumped as my boy being under any formal command or performing any particular trick. I like to keep training fast and fun. Save for when I'm working in the teaching phase .... the training is kept calm and steady. But still fun :p.

Edited April 6, 2011 by Erny

[persephone]

yes, I agree with erny's slant ... find something in which YOUR DOG gets to be the 'clever one' let him show you, and share with you, his talents.

is he a good sniffer-out-of treats/tracks/toys?

is he able to carry things well... or fetch/retrieve?

Will he pull a rope to open doors, or dig a hole on command?

Does he always do a particular thing which you can turn to your advantage?

I LOVE hunting with my dogs ... even if it is just following rabbit scents across a paddock.. or trying to find feral cats .

Working sheep, too :p

they are PARTNERSHIPS ... I rely on the dogs' skills/senses/instincts ...the dog relies on my eyes , and my ability to read a scene and provide guidance . It is a two way trust, building a great enjoyment

Just my experience

Edited April 6, 2011 by persephone

[Sheridan]

I think, with wheatens and kerries, I was pre-programmed to click.

[aussielover]

You've only had him 2 months and probably been focussing a lot on manners, toilet training, nipping, training, trying to prevent destruction etc which makes it hard to appreciate the pups personality and bond with them.

I bonded instantly with my first dog but I was much younger and she was my dream dog. Not having full responsibility also made it much less stressful.

My current dog was quite a cheeky pup which made for stressful times. She is now my "one" and our bond is really strong, I am her person. I didn't really feel a strong connection with her until 5-6 months. During this time we had done a lot of training- puppy class, advanced puppy class and obedience as well as her specific guide dog training. We also did a lot of trick training which was a lot of fun and a very good way to bond with your dog. By 6 months she had changed from a little monster to a reasonably well behaved and settled dog. I would say that I have a stronger bond with her than either of my previous dogs, even though I bonded to them almost instantly and it took some time and a lot of work with her. Although I loved my previous dog a lot, I feel mindy is more devoted to me (clover was my mums heart dog i think).

[jacqui835]

well atm everything is training for us, we always do regular sit/drops and have been doing recall and place along with stand on two legs etc. So on average its about 20 mins to an hr of training each day. Should I be pushing him more with training? I thought the pace we were going was good for him as I am trying not to have him shut down on me.

Strangely, it wasn't through training that I bonded with my dog - though without the training it no doubt would have been harder because I wouldn't be able to do as much as I do with him (like take him everywhere etc). When I first got him, I had a few moments of omg, what have I gotten myself into, and there was even a time, as he started to get very big and very strong where I thought one day he might try and hurt me (this was maybe at 4 months after having the 100th person tell me about how dobes turn on their owners). And I'd spent 3 years meeting and spending time with dobermans, so it wasn't like I didn't know it could work.

I don't know exactly when it happened, but it was like I somehow just started to understand him, and him me. He used to move away from hugs as a puppy, and always maintained a bit of distance. That's all gone now, his favourite spot is on my lap. He even hugs me back when I hug him by wrapping his head around my shoulders. I don't even understand how I used to be scared of him, and when other people are it's just weird. Like I said, I couldn't tell you when or how it happened, only that it did, and by the time he was a year old I loved him more than I loved just about anything else in my life (much to the dismay of my bf).

I agree with the people who said working as a team. We did a few activities, like exploring, investigating silly things really, but just reading each others reactions and working together, and I think that really changed things for us. We learned to trust each other, and with that came a sort of sense of peace from being around him, and I think he gets it from me too, just because we know we're in it together, and we look out for each other.

The only advice I can think of is to try and not worry about that sort of thing, just try and enjoy each other's company and what you each have to offer, and do as much as you can together.

[corvus]

:p I don't really understand how you can love an animal but have no connection with them. I've met animals I don't really like through no fault of their own, but that doesn't mean I can't understand them, work effectively with them, and discover aspects of their nature I do like after all. You get out what you put in. What can you love about an animal if you can't connect with them on some level?

[~*Shell*~]

I didn't have a real connection with Zero until he had been here for 18 months - he was an aggressive, wary, difficult, reactive nightmare who didn't want anything to do with me. He was just so hard to be around and do anything with. Don't get me wrong, I loved him (or loved the idea of him, i'm still not sure) but I didn't like him very much. He made life difficult because life with him was a constant battle.

Earning his trust and finally finding someone who could help with his problems really was the turning point for us. A lot of that was because we started to understand eachother and now we work really well together. He's turned into such a mumma's boy and has become the easiest dog in the world to live with. He's my heart dog and I now wouldn't change those first 18 months for anything - it was a steep learning curve for both of us and I think it's made what we have really strong.

[hortfurball]

Kyliegirl, you haven't mentioned pats, stroking Echo or cuddling. How is the physical connection between you? (That sounds so wrong but you know what I mean :p ) The studies on dogs reducing stress in humans (and also the dog) are based on patting/stroking the dog.

I bonded instantly with Kuges but it took a while with Ella, it was a slow burn connection that only made it to 100% when she was about 5 years old. Very similar to Jacqui835's experience - she would retreat from cuddles (which always confused me as Kuges was always a snugglepot) or wriggle so that it was impossible to cuddle her. She has been called the doggy equivalent of an ADHD child by one vet and so many times I just wanted to say to her "Chill out you silly cow." Instead of being a calming influence, her restlessness exhausted me and put me on edge. We joke that she's 9 going on 2, not much of a joke as everyone who meets her thinks she's 2 or 3 and can't believe she's 9.

She was a bit of a daddy's girl which also didn't help, she always seemed pleased when I came home, but was overjoyed when he did, whereas Kuges was the opposite. I personally think she believed there wasn't room for her, that she wasn't really 'mine'. When the relationship ended and there was no 'daddy', just me, it was almost instantaneous. A few weeks after he moved out her devotion switched to me and I felt the change. It was like the penny dropped and she went "Oh, I'm yours!"

The bond between us is quite different to the calm, placid, strong and unfaltering connection with Kuges, it is powerful and vibrant, much like the dog! When I met Kuga's eyes, it made me smile and I could feel my expression soften. When I meet Ella's eyes I want to laugh and jump for joy. BTW, she cuddles now, with the same mad exuberance as everything else, so it's more grinding her forehead into you than snuggling.

[kyliegirl]

Erny- I think maybe you are right, I have tried to keep training sessions short between 1-5 mins, it adds up to 20-1 hr a day we do. I will try to introduce more to him.

huski- I have done some shaping with him, but honestly it does take him a very long time to learn something new atm :p it took him 2 weeks to finally get "drop" and he is still learning spin after go knows how manny sessions. He also doesnt seem to offer anything new for me to click for

peresphone- I try to do just that, we noticed he loves holding and carrying things so we get him to carry the newspaper to the door, we havent tried anything else, thanks I will start looking for more things to encourage.

jacqui- I am in no way afraid of Echo, nor afraid of his behaviour or personality, he is a very surprisingly confident and head strong puppy, but I am well prepared for that. I hope soon we will click, for now I guess I will work on trying to get some shaping done.

hortfull - I thought that would be obvious that we would be patting, hugging and scratching Echo? Of course we do all this, I give him belly rubs, hug him and wrestle with him, I play hide and seek with him and play with toys with him. We still have problems with him jumping on us so for the moment I cannot say I can just lay down or sit with him and pat him as he is really a firecracker atm.

Thanks everyone for the info so far, I am going to try harder on being more interactive. I guess I feel that I am also failing him so I am having a hard time connecting with him for this. I have made some mistakes along the way,one of them I really have no idea how to combat or fix and every time it happens it leaves me frustrated and disconnected with Echo. I have no idea what I can do to encourage him to offer behaviours, I tried the box and he loses interest in it or he ignores the box just sits for 20 minutes staring at me and waiting for attention/food. He is a slow learner, some things he picks up a little faster but others take ages which make it hard to introduce new tricks as I don't want to confuse him with similar actions for new behaviours.

Edited April 6, 2011 by kyliegirl

[CaseyKay]

Two of my current dogs I fell in love with the first day. Adore both of them.

My oldest girl she is nearly 11. I have never felt a bond with her. Despite this we competed successfully in agility, obedience and tracking. We work really well together but we aren't buddies. Strangely enough if you ask any of my friends and family they all say how much they love this dog. That she is the "best dog ever" or their favourite of my dogs. She is extremely well-behaved and a nice easy dog to have around. Doesn't really have any bad habits. I'm not sure why we never clicked. She was a pretty full on puppy but settled about 8 months.

[poodlefan]

What time do you spend training with him? I think working with a dog, having a goal (eg. to teach stay work; improve drops; etc. etc) and working to achieve these things in such a way that your dog is enthusiastic, happy and willing, really helps in connecting.

Couldn't agree more. I think training promotes the bond between dog and owner better than anything else. :p

I suggest you attend some classes. Nothing like being with other folk and their dogs to make you appreciate your own sometimes

Edited April 6, 2011 by poodlefan

[wuffles]

It took me a little while to bond with our rescue boy and in the end it didn't happen through training (he is not much fun to train). It just came through spending time with him.

I took him to dog parks, even when there was no-one else there, and just let him be a dog. He sniffed and peed and ran around and then came back and sat with me. I walked around, he generally followed, I gave him pats, we met another dog, they played, he came and leaned on me for pats...

We went for lots of walks all over the neighbourhood, or drove somewhere and explored a different neighbourhood. We'd stop at lakes and he would have a swim and watch the birds, we'd meet children who fell in love with him, I would people watch and he'd just sit with me.

None of these activities were chores like making his food or teaching him manners... it was just a fun, relaxing time.

[RallyValley]

I connected to Toby instantly out of sympathy :p Poor little boy, had the biggest bloated wormy tummy, was ribby and on the car ride home I was picking fleas off him. :D The first thing I did when I got him home was give him a flea bath that the water ran red because of all the flea bites, then we wrapped him all towel and he was all shivery and cold so I had to cuddle him tight.

My old girl Lilly I loved her but we didn't really bond that much, she always though I was a bit of a pest (we got her when I was 7) and only as she became an older dame and I learned to respect her boundries did she show that I was more then an annoyance and actually appreciated my company. RIP Lilly

[whiskedaway]

It took me a long time to bond with Akira - to be honest, I only think it's been in the last four or so months that I've felt that connection. She was a nightmare at first, especially with her fear - OH and I spent the first month going "what did we do?" because she was so afraid of everything. As she started to become a well behaved dog, that was when I started to bond with her. I'd send her to her kennel for bedtime, and she'd go with no fights at all, get into bed and give me a sloppy kiss and that was when I realised that I was starting to love her more and more every day.

Halo took a couple of weeks to bond with - I absolutely adore her now. She loves her pats and cuddles (whereas Akira never did as a puppy) and that made it a lot easier for me.

[Monah]

I wish I had trouble connecting.. I bond far too fast, it can be a problem...and this is why I can never do fostering. :p

I agree with the training comments. Dogs (and owners hopefully) really do connect through training.xxxxxxx

Lovely dog BTW :D xxxxx