Connecting With Your Dog

[kyliegirl]

I have had Echo since December and I am still waiting for that connection. I don't exactly know why it hasnt yet, every other dog in my life I have felt a connection but with me and Echo it just isn't, I neither love nor hate him.

I spend a lot of time with him, every day I wake up, bring him out of his crate outside to pee, prepare breakfast for him, then later I spend around 20-30 mins organising which toys to give him and preparing meals in his treat toys that I have chosen and hiding them in the yard for him, at the end of work I take him to go for a walk, then home we play a game, dinner is fed and I let him rest an hr before playing a game with him for another 10-20 mins, then he goes to crate to bed. On Saturdays and Sundays I spend a lot more time training and playing outside with him and when not around him I will actively seek out new toys or buy more raw food for him or figure out other ways to entertain him. Yet with all the stuff I do to keep him happy and entertained I still cannot seem to get that connection? I am not seeing any sort of connection between us, I think he considers me the same way I consider him, which is we are of neutral ground to each-other.

Is there something wrong with me? I have no issues caring for him, walking him, grooming him, feeding. I don't mind spending the time prepping his raw meals or organising his monthly raw diet into bags. Maybe the connection will eventually come. But I am worried it wont?

[Max#1]

Lot's of people have written about this so I think it must be really common.

Do you think about life without Echo?

[GoldenGirl85]

I feel a bit the same with my pup...I do love her, I couldnt imagine not having her...but I cant help but feel we havnt clicked

[SmoothieGirl]

Funny, I thought that I had a similar issue with one of my horses years ago. He just seemed to be disconnected from me, we worked well together, but I didn't find that emotional bond until about 18 months after I got him. It finally dawned on me that he had connected with me, but I hadn't with him. He was only just four when I got him, so young and if we were at shows or comps when he was a bit overwhelmed I realised that he actually stood next to me holding either my sleeve or a corner of my clothing near my shoulder in his teeth. Once I figured out how much he looked to me to lead the way and show him how things were meant to be I just melted and we sort of 'clicked' after that.

I was thinking the same as Max though, how do you imagine life would be without him? That might be your answer. Are you involved in any dog sports at all where you partner him and have to develop and understanding? That may also help, getting a kick out of that meeting of the minds.

Edited April 6, 2011 by SmoothieGirl

[kyliegirl]

oh he will be with us until he dies, I just dont know why we cant connect :/

[Kajtek]

I think it's a bit like connecting with another person..... takes quite a bit of effort from both parties.

In my experience, it is a lucky draw then things just 'click' without any effort or time.

[Pretty Miss Emma]

I thought I felt this way with my young one. I sort of felt neither here nor there (although there was no way I would have given her up or been without her), especially when I campared her to my old girl.

Then one day she ran away from a friends house when I was working! That's when I knew that I really did love her heaps and I just hadn't realised that we had connected - just differently to my other dog! After spending 4 hours in tears searching for her, then finding her and having her so happy to see me I worked out that it's just different with each critter, a bit like with all the human friends we have! So maybe you do have a connection, just not the connection you were expecting.

[huski]

It probably wasn't till Daisy was around two years old that I started to feel any real connection with her.

Up until she was about 18 months old I didn't even really like her that much, TBH even though I never seriously considered rehoming her, there wasn't a lot about her that was likeable, she was difficult to live with every day. She didn't want to be pat or cuddled, didn't want to spend time with us, was constantly pushing us and challenging us etc. When she was around two I tried a different way of training her and that really helped with our connection.

[grace]

My dog will be four in a couple of weeks and we still havent connected.

[Bjelkier]

I have found I have bonded with each of my dogs at different times.

Mistral - right away

Alchemy - took about 5 months

Dante - instantly

Lestat - honnestly, never. He's 7 now and I'm still trying to connect with him. Funny really as he is the favourite amoung our friends and family.

[corvus]

I have never had an instant connection with an animal. It takes time to get to know them, and until I do to me they are a bundle of possibilities and not much else. And a dash of chaos. I expect it to take months. A year. Some fires burn slow.

I lost a pet rabbit when she was 6 months old once. She was just reaching maturity and I felt like I was starting to get to know her. Losing her at that moment felt like being robbed. It felt like she was stolen from me and all those possibilities puffed away into nothingness before they could be realised. I was cheated, and I have never felt so bitter about one of my pets passing away. For me, learning all about an animal and who they are and how they behave is a big part of the wonderment of having companion animals. I take my time and savour it. I would remind you that there's no rush. Maybe your relationship is just a slow burning one.

[kyliegirl]

wow I am glad its not just me then, I guess I will just need to give it more time.

[Erny]

What time do you spend training with him? I think working with a dog, having a goal (eg. to teach stay work; improve drops; etc. etc) and working to achieve these things in such a way that your dog is enthusiastic, happy and willing, really helps in connecting. Because when you think about it, "connecting" is really about understanding one another - knowing how they tick and think. In the dog/human relationship, you need to work out what works best for the dog and the dog needs to work you out to better understand what you want (and ergo, what gets him what he wants, the fastest).

In my Boarding & Training, there are some dogs who take a bit longer than others might, for us to 'click' or 'connect', but I do believe that we do so fairly quickly because of the fact that my job with them is to train them and consequently that is my mainstream time spent with them.

ETA: I have had that "instant" connection - it has happened to me three times in my life time. Twice with horses and once with a dog (Kal, my avatar girl and soul mate .... bhcs). But it doesn't necessarily happen instantly with every animal/pet that I have owned or come across in my lifetime.

Edited April 6, 2011 by Erny

[dee lee]

Perhaps you are just expecting too much?

Try and relax and just enjoy him as your dog, stick to basics and concentrate on caring for him.

Keep positive and even if you dont have a bond, then still focus on the good things.

I'm sure it will improve- it's only been a few months.

[huski]

What time do you spend training with him? I think working with a dog, having a goal (eg. to teach stay work; improve drops; etc. etc) and working to achieve these things in such a way that your dog is enthusiastic, happy and willing, really helps in connecting. Because when you think about it, "connecting" is really about understanding one another - knowing how they tick and think.

Yes! This, definitely

It sounds simple but I think the more you train your dog and enjoy training your dog, the more you begin to understand them and find being in each others' company rewarding.

I did train Daisy quite a lot in the first two years but none of the methods we used really clicked for us and 90% of the time it was just plain frustrating. When I changed how I was training her and the goals we had for each training session were clearer and more achievable our relationship really improved.

[persephone]

You need to BOTH 'do' something- to learn to trust each other, and work in/as a TEAM !

All my dogs have been love at first sight - my heart skipped a beat, and that was that . Maybe because I never sought then out - none were planned ..they all just 'found' me ?

[kyliegirl]

well atm everything is training for us, we always do regular sit/drops and have been doing recall and place along with stand on two legs etc. So on average its about 20 mins to an hr of training each day. Should I be pushing him more with training? I thought the pace we were going was good for him as I am trying not to have him shut down on me.

[Red Fox]

Took a while. For the first 12 months or so he just wasn't interested in me. As a pup I would move close to him and he would take off to his crate. I would drop a saucepan and he would hide for hours. He would behave badly in public and I would drag him home embarrassed and upset. Training was hard as he wasn't engaged with me, worst of all I felt he didn't trust me.

Like Huski I built a bond through training (and learning a better way to do it). The more we worked together the more we bonded and the more focussed and confident my has dog become. Learning to be a strong leader and most of all to be assertive has helped a great deal.

He's now 2.5 yrs and it's only been the past 8 or so months that we have really connected.

My cat however I have never bonded with. I dont hate him as such (well except when he eats my vaccuum cord, phone charger and clothes dryer cords all within a week ) but he's just kind of 'there'. Perhaps it's just that I'm not really a cat person? He is my sons cat though and they are very strongly bonded.

[Her Majesty Dogmad]

Some have been instant for me such as my "Echo" in my avatar but he was a little shit when I got him home and required some effort from me, he had some very bad habits that were hard to bear.

Others have been slower to leave their pawprints on my heart but they did, it just took time. I'm the same with people, I'm sure we all are so don't be too hard on yourself!

[Leema]

I don't find I bond to dogs very quickly, if at all.

It takes me 6 months + to bond.

I am beginning to bond to Winona at the moment. Just today I looked at her and thought, "I do like you". But at the same time, if she I rehomed her tomorrow it wouldn't bother me.

With Chip, I haven't bonded to him at all. I appreciate him for being a secure and confident dog, and I am very happy with him in temperament and conformation, but he was never going to live with me forever and that's fine with me. I can talk quite confidently about his future in other homes with no distress. :p

However, looking at Clover and knowing that she is going to die someday makes me cry! Just looking at her sometimes, knowing that, crying! Clover and I connect. I think perhaps my connection with other dogs is compromised because they will never be half as wonderful as Clover.