Scarlett Dog Posted January 29, 2011 Share Posted January 29, 2011 We were recently invited to a mutual friend's BBQ. We haven't meet the hosts before but know our mutual friends well. As part of the invite, our pooch was also invited. As we like to get her out and about with us meeting as many new people and dogs as she can. We did ask a few questions about the host's dog and were assured they were dog friendly and regular's at their local dog park (which is neither here not there). Our girl is very well socialised, and has really only been around well socialised dogs supervised by people who know have some idea about dogs and what to look out for. Sadly, when we got to this BBQ it was a nightmare! The two dogs were nervous and consequently aggressive. The owners seemed to make it worse. We ended up asking for the dogs to be separated- we could see our pooch was not enjoying herself and a little on the stressed side. We wanted to leave but thought it a bit rude with all the trouble they went to. When we left they suggested we do it again (they thought having our pooch around their would somehow help their dogs). How do you even begin to explain without offending them? We suggested next time out our place and humans only and they laughing like it was a joke (the people are nice, we're happy to socialise with them, not their dogs). We don't want to make it seem like we're judging them harshly! I just don't want to put our pooch in the situation again. Has anyone had to deal with anything similar? Any words of wisdom? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dee lee Posted January 29, 2011 Share Posted January 29, 2011 I had a similar thing happen to me when i visited with an old friend. Our new (at the time) dog had not met her 2 dogs & she told me to bring Honey. One of her dogs bullied Honey & we had to lock him away. It was very uncomfortable & I have never taken her back. Social lives & dogs don't need to be compatible, just do what is best for your dog- which in this case is not to take it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Dog Posted January 29, 2011 Author Share Posted January 29, 2011 I had a similar thing happen to me when i visited with an old friend.Our new (at the time) dog had not met her 2 dogs & she told me to bring Honey. One of her dogs bullied Honey & we had to lock him away. It was very uncomfortable & I have never taken her back. Social lives & dogs don't need to be compatible, just do what is best for your dog- which in this case is not to take it. It was exhausting! I get the feeling it's a package deal though Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Rusty Bucket Posted January 29, 2011 Share Posted January 29, 2011 I usually have a back up plan when taking my dog to a new place that is someone's home, eg a crate or the car (big crate). My dog can be a little weird and uncomfortable when a new dog visits her yard, but she's fine with most dogs on neutral territory. But I find taking her to BBQs can be fraught with peril, the main one being chop and chicken bones. If these people aren't willing to respect your feelings I wouldn't have their dogs at your place, or take your dog to their place again. It's just not worth the stress. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mackiemad Posted January 29, 2011 Share Posted January 29, 2011 say yes to next time and then when you arrive sans dog say you were coming from somewhere and so couldn't bring the dog, somethig so it sounds like it was just not an option for whatever reason. if do that kind of thing enough times and you might be on good enough terms to try and educate them and help them out with their dogs a bit later on down the track? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
minxy Posted January 29, 2011 Share Posted January 29, 2011 Just had a similar thing happen last night. Went over to a friends for dinner - we've only seen this couple maybe once/twice in the last year, and they had just bought their first house 2 weeks ago. They said to bring our pup as they know we don't leave him outside after dark as we get multiple cane toads every single night, and we feel terrible if we have to crate him. They have a dog too, so they thought the boys would play. Well, we get there and their dog HATES Kyojin and lunges at him, snarling, snapping, trying to bite him. He spends the ENTIRE evening barking and growling and trying to find Kyojin to attack him. It was very uncomfortable. We had to leave Kyojin outside for a few hours, with their dog inside. Eventually they sent theirs out and put Kyojin back in as they felt guilty that their dog was being a pain and Kyojin wasn't reacting whatsoever. His barking was so bad that we had the three houses immediately across from them come out to see what was going on. One of them was even shining a torch on us for ages to check things out! They said they wanted to bring their dog to ours next time to see if theirs would behave better outside of his own territory. Very awkward indeed! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Montage Posted January 29, 2011 Share Posted January 29, 2011 Maybe try leaving it generic and say something like 'I feel that our dogs didn't really get along that well and I found it hard to relax and enjoy the BBQ'. That way you're not apportioning blame to their dogs and less likely to cause offense. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sheridan Posted January 29, 2011 Share Posted January 29, 2011 Don't take your dog at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rubiton Posted January 29, 2011 Share Posted January 29, 2011 Had our dog with us at Christmas one time. On the way back home stopped in for a while at some other relatives who have two SWF. Well I insisted that ours stay with us on the lead as I wasnt dumping her outside in a strange yard (it was suggested ours get dumped outside and their left to wander both inside then outside). The SWF were hostile but kept away til later on when one came past as a trial run then next trip lunged out of nowhere at our dog. Was too quick for me to deal with it but as it just missed and with my reaction it backed off. However what got me was the - just leave them to it they will work it out attitude. They arent kids they are dogs and if ours was to eventually be cornered and react hello one dead white dog and one set of owners saying its all our dogs fault. Therefore she stayed on the lead with us and we let her off afterwards at the nearby dog park where there were sociallised dogs (these people dont take their dogs there as someone 'in the know' told them the dogs dont need to walk as they will play with each other in the yard). I refuse to take her there again (and also insisted the OH doesnt take her there again after finding out that he took her there one warmish day and she was left outside in the yard on her own while the other dogs were kept inside inthe cool sometime before that) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swizzlestick Posted January 29, 2011 Share Posted January 29, 2011 Don't take your dog at all. Wasn't that the OP point? How to tell the host they would rather not take the dog, just themselves. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aidan3 Posted January 29, 2011 Share Posted January 29, 2011 Arrange for an on-leash walk somewhere. Walking somewhere together is a good way for dogs to socialise without too much pressure or risk. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jacqui835 Posted January 29, 2011 Share Posted January 29, 2011 say yes to next time and then when you arrive sans dog say you were coming from somewhere and so couldn't bring the dog, somethig so it sounds like it was just not an option for whatever reason. if do that kind of thing enough times and you might be on good enough terms to try and educate them and help them out with their dogs a bit later on down the track? This seems like a great idea, everyone wins. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poodlefan Posted January 29, 2011 Share Posted January 29, 2011 Your other option is to see these people at non dog friendly places like restaurants. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sheridan Posted January 29, 2011 Share Posted January 29, 2011 (edited) Don't take your dog at all. Wasn't that the OP point? How to tell the host they would rather not take the dog, just themselves. i.e. Tell them why. Edited January 29, 2011 by Sheridan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
corvus Posted January 29, 2011 Share Posted January 29, 2011 We had almost the exact same thing happen to us with OH's brother. Our dogs were fine, but OH's brother's dogs and his SIL's dog were not at all comfortable with our boys being there, despite us being assured beforehand that they would be fine with it. They have invited the dogs since then and if we have the option we just say no. When asked why we say it is too much hassle and the boys don't really enjoy it. If they don't know dog behaviour well enough to see their own dogs don't enjoy it, they aren't going to be able to tell if our dogs do! Incidentally, going for a walk together does IME tend to alleviate a lot of the tension, but IME it's hard to get people to agree to that. They want all the fun and doggy social dates but don't want to actually put in the effort to make sure it works. They just think their dog needs to do more of it to "get used to it". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Dog Posted January 29, 2011 Author Share Posted January 29, 2011 We certainly don't want to put her in that situation again. It's just to know sometimes until you're in the midst of it! They seem to be of the opinion that if our dogs keep meeting it will get better but from what we saw it would seem the dogs have a few issues. I'm happy to tell them the truth about it not being good for our puppy- I just don't want them to take it personally or think we treat our dog like a pricess or something. We're just trying to be responsible dog owners Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
all creatures Posted January 29, 2011 Share Posted January 29, 2011 (edited) See below first perhaps...did a forum boo-boo - hijacking a topic - oops The most awful thing my lovely BC did to me was at an off-leash dog beach in Perth. Hubby and I were in the waves keeping a close on the boy too - when he started sniffing at another dog owners bag - and promptly layed a big turd in it.... Hubby and I (out too deep to do anything) watched the scene unfold from the anonominity of the waves, whilst this horrified bag-owner woman came back and saw "the deed". The worst thing was that the people on the next towels pointed straight at our dog!! ...... it was fairly cringe-worthy when we finally plucked up enough courage to get out of the water adn acknowledge our dog...... What do u do??? (at least he never, ever humped anyone's leg....) (Edit - oops just read the rest of the thread.....sorry - my story inappropriate....but hope you got a smile anyway....) Is inviting dogs out to dinner a bit "humanising" at all? That's the home territory for the host families dog - unfair advantage. I don't know - personally I don't do it except only with family members... we are comfortable enough with each other to say when our dogs are pissing each other off....? Edited January 29, 2011 by all creatures Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Staranais Posted January 29, 2011 Share Posted January 29, 2011 Would they be receptive to you having the dogs there, but to go for a walk together on leash before dinner, then separate them (put yours in your car, or tie them up separately or put in separate rooms) afterwards during dinner? Or maybe have dinner, then go for an after dinner walk together with all the dogs? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
raz Posted January 29, 2011 Share Posted January 29, 2011 I'm happy to tell them the truth about it not being good for our puppy- I just don't want them to take it personally or think we treat our dog like a pricess or something. We're just trying to be responsible dog owners[/font][/size] So just tell them - No I'm not bringing my dog. Too bad if they take it personally. Good for you for being a responsible dog owner. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dee lee Posted January 30, 2011 Share Posted January 30, 2011 We certainly don't want to put her in that situation again. It's just to know sometimes until you're in the midst of it! They seem to be of the opinion that if our dogs keep meeting it will get better but from what we saw it would seem the dogs have a few issues.I'm happy to tell them the truth about it not being good for our puppy- I just don't want them to take it personally or think we treat our dog like a pricess or something. We're just trying to be responsible dog owners Personally, I'd just say that you want to have a good time and don't feel like you'd be able to relax if you brought your dog. That way it's not placing blame anywhere. I always find it stressful taking my dog to someone's house- I always have to watch her, even if there are no other dogs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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