Balance Between Your Fur Babies And Skin Babies

[CazReiAndKuma]

Hello all!

I am making a return to DOL after a long break. Within that time, I have given birth to my first son (who is now 13 months old) and have a 2nd baby due in July. I've never been happier!!

Before my skin baby came along, my fur babies (kuma and Rei) were my everything. They went everywhere with me, slept on the floor of my bedroom, and if I was at home, they were inside with me. I promised myself that would never ever change.

When I first found out i was pregnant with hayden, I transistioned them to sleep in the laundry, as hayden would be sleeping in our room. It worked really well! They were strangely more than happy to sleep in the Laundry.

When hayden arrived, nothing changed. They were still with me all the time. They were very good with hayden, though kuma is big and boisterous, he was very gentle and knew not to get in his face.

Then slowly.. day by day.. I got tireder, things got busier, I went back to work part-time.. the dogs started coming iside less and less. hayden got bigger and more interested, and Kuma struggled not to be all over him and licking him.. so they spent less and less time together.

hayden is now 13months and well and truly walking. The dogs are still great with him, though Kuma does unintentionally knock him over fairly often.

I feel really guilty at how my dogs have taken a back seat to my son. They don't deserve this. I'm returning to DOL to try and help me re-ignite my passion for my dogs.

So tell me, did your relationship with your dogs change when you had children? How did you cope? What did you do differently to what I have done? What advice do you have for me?

Thanks

[Aidan3]

Yes, definitely. You will probably never return to what you had, kids take up too much time. Take stock of your dogs, what they bring to you, and give them the opportunities to keep giving you that.

[Kavik]

I take a dog for a walk with my son in the morning (sometimes with him in stroller, sometimes walking or running at the park), and in the evening my husband looks after my son and I do another walk on my own with the dogs. I also do some training with them when my son has a nap, and go to training one evening a week and trials some weekends while my husband looks after the little one.

It took a while for that to get coordinated though, it was pretty crazy in the beginning and I fit it in wherever I could. Dogs are pretty flexible that way, they helped me keep my sanity in those early months of sleep deprivation and when I had sleeping issues. I'm sure they will help me again with the one I am due with in April

Also come join us in the preggers thread lots of support there

[jamieson]

Hello all!

I am making a return to DOL after a long break. Within that time, I have given birth to my first son (who is now 13 months old) and have a 2nd baby due in July. I've never been happier!!

Before my skin baby came along, my fur babies (kuma and Rei) were my everything. They went everywhere with me, slept on the floor of my bedroom, and if I was at home, they were inside with me. I promised myself that would never ever change.

When I first found out i was pregnant with hayden, I transistioned them to sleep in the laundry, as hayden would be sleeping in our room. It worked really well! They were strangely more than happy to sleep in the Laundry.

When hayden arrived, nothing changed. They were still with me all the time. They were very good with hayden, though kuma is big and boisterous, he was very gentle and knew not to get in his face.

Then slowly.. day by day.. I got tireder, things got busier, I went back to work part-time.. the dogs started coming iside less and less. hayden got bigger and more interested, and Kuma struggled not to be all over him and licking him.. so they spent less and less time together.

hayden is now 13months and well and truly walking. The dogs are still great with him, though Kuma does unintentionally knock him over fairly often.

I feel really guilty at how my dogs have taken a back seat to my son. They don't deserve this. I'm returning to DOL to try and help me re-ignite my passion for my dogs.

So tell me, did your relationship with your dogs change when you had children? How did you cope? What did you do differently to what I have done? What advice do you have for me?

Thanks

I had 2 Border Collies when my daughter was born 20 years ago. They were both boistrous and needed a lot of exercsze. They were my babies and slept on our bed and went everywhere with us. After my daughter was born one of them didnt cope as well as the other. However over time I got a routine and they got used to different BABY rules! Eventually it worked out( with a few disasters and a bit of stress along the way). No... I didnt have the same time for them but they were still loved and still our family.

All families change over time, they never stay the same and every member has to adjust. I think canine members adjust better than people sometimes! Its part of an ever evolving family, as long as they are loved and get some attention. Your children will grow to love your fur babies as my daughter did . In the end my daughter gave back so much to our dogs and she loved them too. So they actually got extra attention as the years sent by! They traveled around Australia with us, camped with us every Xmas and are in all our family photos. My daughter made Christmas presents for them when she was little. My lovely border collies have passed now, but they had wonderful happy loves with lots of adventure. They lived till 14 and 13 years old. Dont feel too guilty, you have to concentrate on your human babies now, but things will progress and your dogs will he happy to have children to love them in a few years time. The fact they have had that undivided attention before your children came along will make them all the more part of your family and they will adjust.

[julzjc]

You will get there. I have 4 kids 5,3,2,10mth and have my fur/scale kids ~ Amstaff, Sibe, 2 Rabbits, 2bearded dragons and a ridiculous amout of very large tropical fish . My OH works from 5am-5pm 6days a week (or away 3wks, home 3days) so its all on me.

I excerise the dogs every morning in the back yard when the kids eat breakfast. Fetch, tug, obedience training, frisbee, hose chasing (squirt water from one side of the yard to the other and they have to target touch the hose with their nose if the want another squirt). They will then sleep the entire day in the house with all of the kids running around. The kids train them aswell, even my 2yr plays fetch with them, tells them to sit, stay, bring it and they both obey. 3yr old and 5yr old girls even play tug with our Amstaff, she plays very gentle with them and drops it when they tell her, ensuring the kids always "win". Our Amstaff is constantly dropping the tug/ball at my 10mth olds feet, trying to entice him to play with her.

I walk them when I can in the mornings, could be everyday, could be once a fortnight but they are tired out from our morning sessions in the yard so they just sleep regardless if they get walked. I walk both dogs on my left, 5 + 3yr olds on my right and the boys in the double pram. I put haltis on the dogs on those days, not that they pull, they walk on loose leads behind the pram wheels. But heaven forbid anything unforseen happend, I can not afford for them to bolt and make me loose control of the pram near rds etc. Beter safe than sorry.

They are fed outside and put outside anytime I can not supervise them with the kids, ie having a shower,or when there are visiting kids that are not dog savy (alot of them) etc.

My OH takes them to an offleash beach at 5am on Sunday mornings and anytime he is off or home early (I have allergic reactions to too many mozzie bites ) I take them for 2hr bike rides or walks.

You need to try and and get up before your son and head outside before it gets too hot and just tire them out. Weather its just practising sit,stay drop etc with treats or playing fetch for 30min, it will calm them down for being inside with bub. The more time they spend with bub, the novelty of him will soon wear off and they will start ignoring him. Even put them on a long leash and attach them to the kitchen table so that your son can "visit" them but they can not hassle him. Give it 20-30min and let them off (make no fuss! dont even talk to or look at them!), they likely wont even look at your son, just plod over to a more comforable spot to lie down. I do this when I have elderly, fragile relitives visiting. my dogs are gentle with them but they initally want to give them "welcome paws" or "beat" them with waggy tails (big no no for relitives with blood clotting issues).

Hope this helps lol. Sorry for the novel but its what works for me.

[WreckitWhippet]

Nothing changed for me, the dogs lived as they had always lived ( inside ) and nothing changed for them. Of course there was now a little person in the house but that didn't worry them or her.

The two older dogs slept on my bed and remained with the run of the house, the others had their crate. Exercise meant pushing the pram at the same time or waiting until the OH came home from work and then going out after dinner ( I still do that now )

I'm proud to say that my dogs did not miss out on and wanted for nothing

[HugL]

My daughters are now 11 and 9. Some consolation for you is that while your time may be taken now, you will get time later with the dogs as the kids get older.

Like Kavik, I was able to keep taking them to training and had that as their quality time. It also kept me in with doggie people so I had another form of conversation away from kids.

I kept one of my dogs in quite a bit (older GSD x) and if my daughter go too close, she got moved away 3 times before being put in her room for a few minutes. This showed her that dogs weren't playthings.

Good luck with it and don't stress. I bet your dogs aren't. They're probably happy just having you home more often.

[julzjc]

I kept one of my dogs in quite a bit (older GSD x) and if my daughter go too close, she got moved away 3 times before being put in her room for a few minutes. This showed her that dogs weren't playthings.

x2. When my dogs are resting, no matter where, the kids know they are not allowed anywhere near them. 10mth LOVES the dogs but is so used to them being there that he is not curious about them so never crawls towards them. Kids are not allowed to bother the dogs when they are in their beds unless they ask me first. Vice versa the dogs arent allowed in any bedrooms unless they are invited in (they sit at the entrance and wait).

[~Shepherd~]

I make it work, and I am far from organised. I have 3 girls 5, 3 and 11 months. I have 3 bitches at the moment (a foster) a whippety thing, and 2 White German Shepherds. I work 2 days a week and co ordinate a rescue.

Day time is family focus, night time is dogs. They are indoors most of the time and do not get off their beds. I have trained them to slow walk when they see my kids. They all do.

THey all get an hour off lead at night when husband is home, then they get constant training through the day through normal interactions. I am not exhausted, I just have made it my routine.

I do have a supportive husband who does housework

I have 3 easy kids who sleep 7am - 7pm

I have and easy job

I work with the best rescue people ever who are also my friends

If this wasnt the case, things could be very different.

[CazReiAndKuma]

What fantastic replies. Thanks so much all of you, you've given me a lot to think about! I'm currently sitting on my patio on my husbands laptop, my one year old running amok around me, and my beautiful dogs are quietly sitting here watching him play. They are such good dogs. I need to make more time for them.

[Guest Willow]

Congratulations on your impending arrival!!!

My relationship with my dogs has changed since I had my baby. They still get walked most days, on the beach, with the baby strapped to me in a carrier, and we still play fetch in the backyard, and they still get taken to the vets at the drop of a hat, baby in tow We head out before 6am most days, so it's not to hot for my daughter (9 months old), but the thing I have found different is I am much less tolerant of their little "quirks". Things I didn't really notice or bother about before, such as the little one (dog) getting underfoot, or the Staffy "wheezing" at me when it's dinnertime.....stuff that used to just roll off me pees me off a bit now.....I find that when I have got five minutes "spare", I sometimes don't feel like running round the backyard with a tug toy. I have to remind myself that they still need that time from me.

Their life hasn't really changed at all, but my feelings about that have......I have to make time for things now, whereas before I had all the time in the world. It's just me most of the time as OH works away.

I'm thankful I have relatively lazy dogs, and that whilst one of them can be hard work with the baby (can be snappy & anxious) the other one is laid back & patient, and doesn't bat an eyelid at my attemts to teach her to give him belly rubs :D

We're having issues at the moment with one of them becoming increasingly stressed by her. He liked her as a newborn, because she just lay there, and he loves older kids, but she's at that age where she drops things & crashes toys on the floor, and is generally pretty unpredictable, and that freaks him out, so that's somehting that needs to be worked on, and at times I find myself feeling a little resentful about that (not his fault, I know).

I also have three cats & 2 rabbits, and if I'm being honest, there are days when I wish they would just leave me in peace for 10 minutes.

I just try to muddle along as best i can, but I often find myself thinking "jeez, I should have done more with you today". I try & chuck in some training with them as we go along.....right now they are learning to wait on their beds while Charlotte finishes eating, and then they are allowed to come lick up whatever landed on the floor Still, silly as it sounds, it's training, and it fills 20 minutes of the day for them.

Had a bit of a reality check the other day though, I found a lump on my old staffy, who has had mast cell cancer, and although it turned out to just be a lipoma, I realised how short my time is with them really, in the grand scheme of things.

I imagine it will get more interesting for them, as my daughter & future children become old enough to be interactive & fun, because they will have another person to play fetch with & con into giving belly rubs, and pinch biscuits off, instead of it just being boring old cranky mum all day :D

[CazReiAndKuma]

Thanks Willow, you sound very busy!!

Thanks again for all your replies, it's very interesting to hear how differently each family copes.

Yesterday I made a point of Hayden and I playing with the dogs from the time we got home till his dinner time, which I will attempt to make a daily occurrence. Then, as soon as Hayden went to bed, I let the dogs in for a snuggle in front of the tv. Again, something that used to just be standard, and no idea why I've let it go. I guess when bedtimes were all over the place and Hayden was up more of the night than not it was the last thing on my mind - but now that he's a good sleeper, there's no reason why not!

We're about to all go for a walk! They do walk quite well beside the pram on halters. Not on a loose lead mind you, but still pretty good, both on the left.

My husband is actually really useless at helping out. Does nothing with the dogs, nothing with Hayden other than play with him (he hasn't changed a nappy, given him a bath, or settled him for sleep, in 13 months!!) so yeah, it's all on me and that does make it a bit harder, but there's no excuse. The dogs were here first and I need to make time for them.

Here is my main area of guilt, and man does it eat me up - the dogs diet. They used to be fed extremely well, but since having Hayden and no longer working full time, money is tight, and I struggle to buy them the things I should to eat, and I'm starting to see it in their teeth and coats. Their coats that used to be shiny and vibrant are now dull and faded. Their teeth that used to be sparkly white are now yellowing and their breath smells - which makes it less enticing to have them inside also. I REALLY need to fix their diets. Some ideas on how to feed dogs well, but on a very tight budget, would be greatly appreciated.

[jesomil]

Dont be too hard on yourself CazReiAndKuma.

I find the animals become harder when I am pregnant and my tolerance levels are less but then it all gets back into a good routine once bub comes.

My dogs used to be my babies and my everything. They had the best of everything and were always with me. I used to say that it wouldnt change when I had kids but it did.

I still adore them and they are my sanity sometimes but the relationship has changed and now my kids are my everything.

I have got into a routine where pram and dogs go out every afternoon for a big run and then when kids go to bed at 7pm, then its dog time. Its when I do all the grooming, training and playing. I organise days off where hubby looks after kids so I can still compete with the dogs.

Training the dogs is great as it gives me something to work on and something for my mind to think about other than sleep and feed times for kids. Dogs have certainly been my sanity when having tough times with kids. Even sitting there brushing them is so relaxing.

I know what you mean with the food. I used to spend ages making sure they had a very good diet

Have you ever fed you dogs bones? I get bags of chicken bones for $1 from the local market and they do well on them. Giving only cheap kibble will affect their coats and teeth but if you mix it up with other things, you should get by.

I have found kibble like Bonnie in bulk bags is still cheap but much better than some of the other nasties out there.

I currently give the dogs advance but also alot of chicken bones and all of our left overs such as porrige in the morning, fruit and meat scraps later in the day.

[Liebhunde]

Caz I second the raw idea..be it chicken, beef or lamb. I used to get off cuts from the butcher which were quite often meaty bones. Great for the teeth and should help getting them back to pearly white..lol.. I give Star raw chicken wings and legs and his teeth are great.

Edited January 26, 2011 by Liebhunde

[Monah]

Nothing changed at all here..

[CazReiAndKuma]

Thanks girls. I spoke to hubby this morning and told him we REALLY need to do better by the dogs. Normally he couldn't really care less about the dogs, but I think he could tell how much it was bothering me, and he agreed.

We have just had a loan approved, and the money was going to be spent on a car, but instead it will now be spent on stuff for the DOGS! HAH! We're going to fix their fence, extend the patio so they have more shade, buy a new fridge for us, and the dogs will get our old fridge, so I'll actually be able to buy things like chicken necks and carcases and have somewhere to put it!!

At the moment they just get kibble and our scraps, but they'll now be getting 2 - 3 meat & bones meals a week, and once or twice a week I'll add some salmon or something to their kibble. Oh, and the money will also go towards getting both of their teeth professionally cleaned.

Yay!!