Letting Go Of Your Dog

[Little Gifts]

It is the start of a new year and I should be feeling on top of the world but my heart is very heavy today. I have a staffy who is just shy of 16 years and 5 months. She has dementia and cancer and is blind and deaf (from old age). Prior to xmas we had so much rain that she spent most of her times just lying around indoors. But it has been mostly sunny for all this week and I have come to realise that she hasn't bounced back to her normal self.

The vet said when she goes downhill from the cancer it will be quick and I think I am witnessing her deterioration now. She is still eating but her mobility is poor - like she is just too tired to bother now. She follows us everywhere and will just flop on the floor next to us rather than lie on one of the dog beds sprinkled conveniently around the house. She doesn't have the strength to play with the other dogs, although she did start a food fight 2 nights back. First fight she has ever lost but she did cause an injury to the younger dog before going down. She has lost her spunk - it's gone from her face.

My vet will be open again on Monday so I will give her metacam until then in case she is in any pain (don't think she is but don't want to risk it). There may be something they can do to keep her comfortable in case this is just a temporary thing but my heart is telling me her time is coming. I didn't know I would feel this sad because she has always been a tough, non-smoochy kind of dog. But I have had her in my life for over 15 years and now that just seems like it isn't long enough. She isn't my heart dog but she committed to me and I committed to her a long time ago after she came into my life unexpectedly as my first ever rescue staffy.

I have read posts on here from people saying they wish they had let their dogs go sooner than they did. I am not wanting to be one of those people. But now I am facing it I am not sure. If she is not in pain and is still eating and drinking and toileting is that still enough of a life? If she is wanting to still be around us even though she doesn't want to play or walk is that still enough? We've made a lot of allowances for her ageing so far and will keep making them as need be but how far is too far?

Up until the last couple of days I never had any doubts that I'd know when the time was right, but that's because it still seemed like such a long way off. So I'd appreciate others advice now.

Thank you

Alyson

[Loving my Oldies]

I have read posts on here from people saying they wish they had let their dogs go sooner than they did. I am not wanting to be one of those people. But now I am facing it I am not sure.

Alyson, that is from hindsight mostly. Although some of the stories people tell of what they have/are doing for their dogs make me want to tell them to stop thinking of themselves and to let the dog go.

However, it is a very personal thing.

I also don't agree with people who say that you will know when the time is right.

Do dogs think about their quality of life? Do they remember when they were young and strong? Do they think it is their time? Is a warm bed and a sated appetite and the love of their humans enough?

Who knows.

In the final analysis, we just need to try to do the right thing by our beloved pets; how can we do more?

[Erny]

I have read posts on here from people saying they wish they had let their dogs go sooner than they did. I am not wanting to be one of those people. But now I am facing it I am not sure. If she is not in pain and is still eating and drinking and toileting is that still enough of a life? If she is wanting to still be around us even though she doesn't want to play or walk is that still enough? We've made a lot of allowances for her ageing so far and will keep making them as need be but how far is too far?

Up until the last couple of days I never had any doubts that I'd know when the time was right, but that's because it still seemed like such a long way off. So I'd appreciate others advice now.

Thank you

Alyson

.... It's an awful time we reach, when it comes to these things. This is my take on it - every 'take' is personal, IMO. It doesn't matter which different dog we have in our lifetime, I don't think we'll ever know the "am I leaving it too long or am I too soon?" answer in the absence of a crystal ball. I sometimes ask myself if I acted too hastily, in my avatar girl's case (bhcs) and if I did, I hope that she forgives me. I think that if your girl is not in pain and is wanting to be around you it doesn't matter that she doesn't want to play or go for walks any more. It's not a crime to grow old. If she's not in pain then I think you have some time. Just my opinion. You're the only one who can know and you'll know it when you know it because when it comes to it, our decision if based in humanity has to be the right one when we can know no better.

Edited January 1, 2011 by Erny

[sallyandtex]

We had to let our 17 yr old staffy X ridge go 1 year ago.

Vet said she doesn't see many larger dogs that old, but we had known the day was coming from about 1 year prior to "the" day. He was such a tough old bugger until then.

Basically you will know in your heart.

Zac was eating, etc but summer was very hard and he didn't really want to walk more than a very short distance. Many days he would just lie in bed.

One day he fell over and gave us "that" look that said "I need to go to another place now", he had been looking like that for a few weeks prior, but this time we laid with him and cried and cried as we knew it really was time.I had to convince hubby we needed to let Zac go, even after we had him to the vets for that purpose.

It's really hard, and how do we know if they are in any/much pain? They seem to stay around just for us. Its your personal choice, and the vet was SOOO kind and sat with us for ages and said we could talk more and bring him back in (go with some pain killers) but I knew that he would be MUCH happier to be let go.

SO sorry for you, it's really hard.

[cowanbree]

I assess each dogs quality of life when I have to make the decision. I have never known it was the right time, every time I have agonised it. Are they in pain, are they eating, are they mobile enough to potter round and take themselves out to the toilet? I don't expect my oldies to play or keep up with the young dogs, that is part of aging and we have to adjust our expectations. My 15yr old sleeps 90% of the day but still likes to follow me around when she is awake. She enjoys a stroll out to get the mail and a cuddle on the couch. As long as they seem to be enjoying their life that is enough for me. Perhaps get the vet to access your dog, she may beneift from some arthritis meds.

[Sandra777]

If she's still happy to follow you around, is eating and can get outside when she needs to then it really is a matter of when you feel ready to let her go. There is no reason she should have to go for walks or play - she's an old lady so why would she want to!

If it comes the time that she no longer tries to be with you, no longer eats and is incontinent then you need to consider what is best for her. (Some people will cope with an incontinent dog, some won't, this is entirely a personal issue as long as it's not affecting the dog's health)

You do know when the time has come - I believe this very strongly.

All of my oldies which I have had to help to the bridge have quite clearly indicated when life is no longer enjoyable for them. And IMO that's what it's all about at that age.

No they don't comprehend death as we do but they have clearly shown me they are no longer happy to be with me so it's time for me to make the decision to let them go.

Hard decision and one you can only make for yourself or you will always wonder if you did the right thing.

Edited January 1, 2011 by Sandra777

[Cockerlover]

Only yesterday I gave my best friendof 16years (Foundation bitch),

the best gift I could !!after 16 years of companionship ,faithfullness & joy ,I personally felt it was time for her to sleep in peace ,they cannot tell us verbally, of thier desire ,but I feel very strongly, only u as the owner ,know when the time has come .

The hardest part for me was finding the courage to let her go with dignity .

It tore me apart, but I felt I owed her that .

also looking back on the past few days /weeks I realised one cannot consider ones own feelings & I feel we all owe it to or beloved pets to selflessly ,(putting aside yr saddness & loss)

let them go <they never really leave us ,& will be carried in your heart & memories forever .

regardless of thier age .

A very hard dessision to make & it sure takes courage ,but imo, we owe them peace .

Someone once said to me "better a day to soon ,Than a day to late .

[Isabel964]

I'm so sorry for what you are going through. But I know she had and had a wonderful life with you. In case it helps, my stuffy cross was 14 and riddled with cancer and the vet said there nothing left to do. Ge also said when he started the downhill decline it would be fast. He gave him 2 weeks tops. So we took him home and continued to give him the best life we could. He was slow and getting weaker but eating ok. One night at about 1am I woke to find him trying to stand up on his bed/mattress. I got up and helped him. He was very weak, I got him to lay down and dragged the matress out to the lounge and the whole family sat there with him watching tv. At 6am he took a few gasps and i held him and he died in my arms. He was weak but did not seem in pain, he seemed to be content laying there with us around him.

It was heartwrenching to lose him. Have the emergency vet details handy, i chose not go there because he seemed not in any pain. I hope this helps in some way.

[Little Gifts]

Thank you everyone. This is all very helpful. We have got an appointment for the vet early next week anyway - it was a check up visit. We already have some toileting issues due to the dementia, particularly if it is raining she wears a nappy now or just goes wherever she fancies! But it's the cancer side of things that worries me most I guess. I don't know what's going on inside her body. I can feel the masses on the outside and am guided by the fact she still eats and drinks and excretes so her organs must still be functioning. She has lost some weight and some body condition but I don't know if the new mobility probs are the cancer spreading or the onset of arthritis (which she has never had before). She is a very tough dog - always has been. She has mammary cancer and the vet said it is likely to show up next in her lungs but apart from some minor choking when eating (which we manage) her breathing and snoring has not changed. But like you have all said - if she has basic functioning and is happy even doing nothing then that's ok. Christmas Day she was running around with the other dogs wearing a big bow and today she is just loping from person to person and flopping down next to them like that's all she has in her. It just seems like such a big change in her like it is all going to go downhill fast with me not being ready for it.

I had to pts her son 3 years ago due to injury and knew that was the right thing for him. I still go to call him sometimes.

[Pretty Miss Emma]

Something one of my vets once said to me was - you know when the time is right because it's when you are able to make the decision that it is time. In some respects too late and too early mean different things for everyone. I'm a big believer in you will know when the time is right, we are so lucky with our pets that we can do this for them rather than make them continue suffering. So the time is right when you know the time is right (you will be sensible enough to weigh up health, quality of life, emotions in the best way you can).

Well that's my take on it and it has worked for me through several pets (and each time is just as hard as the last, if not harder).

Good luck.

[newfsie]

I was given this a few year ago, when i was struggling with the decision of putting our Zacky to sleep.

Only a fortnight ago i had to put our sweet Tobias to sleep and I feel it was the right time for him. It was all about Tobias, not us. And only yesterday one of our horses, I did not want him to suffer........

It is a very difficult thing to do and I am so sorry..........This poem has helped me

IF IT SHOULD BE

If it should be that I grow weak

And pain should keep me from my sleep,

Then you must do what must be done,

For this last battle cannot be won.

You will be sad, I understand.

Don't let your grief then stay your hand.

For this day, more than all the rest,

Your love for me must stand the test.

We've had so many happy years.

What is to come can hold no fears.

You'd not want me to suffer so;

The time has come -- please let me go.

Take me where my need they'll tend,

And please stay with me till the end.

Hold me firm and speak to me,

Until my eyes no longer see.

I know in time that you will see

The kindness that you did for me.

Although my tail its last has waved,

From pain and suffering I've been saved.

Please do not grieve -- it must be you

Who had this painful thing to do.

We've been so close, we two, these years;

Don't let your heart hold back its tears.

--- Anonymous ---

[cavNrott]

Mother Moocher.

Although some of the stories people tell of what they have/are doing for their dogs make me want to tell them to stop thinking of themselves and to let the dog go

Unless you are sharing your life with the dog in question you are in no position to judge or accuse anyone of thinking only of themselves. How could you know when you're not involved in any way? I'm sure the sharp sting in that comment hurt a few of us. Some comments are best left unspoken.

I also don't agree with people who say that you will know when the time is right

When you have very close and loving bond with your dog you do know when the time is right. They make it clear, there is no doubt. If you are lucky enough to form that special bond with a dog, communication exists. If you've never experienced that special soul mate relationship with a dog I guess you wouldn't know.

Puppy Sniffer. You will know if the time is right. Don't doubt your dog, she'll tell you. You will see it in her eyes, she will ask for your help. Don't worry about anything else. Just do what you know is right for your dog.

EFS.

Edited January 1, 2011 by cavNrott

[Jed]

For me, eagerly eating ,being happy, having some mobility is important.

Things such as continence are unimportant (I hope someone doesn't pt me to sleep when I am incontinent).

You can see when they are in pain. The ones I have had which died of cancer went down hill suddenly, and there was no decision to be made - it made itself. The ones who were old, and perhaps in heart failure were more difficult.

Let your vet be your guide. I thought my two well loved 14 year olds were going to the bridge, my vet says otherwise, and indeed, they continue to be happy.

I do truly believe that dogs to go to the Rainbow Bridge, and I do truly believe someone they know comes for them. Thinking about that helps. My dogs which perished in the fire were so peaceful I can only think someone came for them and they gently went to their other life, where they all wait for me.

We miss our dogs, but they step through a doorway to another life. It is our responsibility to open the door for them and be happy for them. The most difficult and best thing we ever do for them.

A few years ago, my 14.5 year old Cavalier crossed the bridge This is her dairy. I hope it gives you comfort

9th April I have been dreaming of the Rainbow Bridge a lot lately.

This morning, I didn't feel very well. The boss took me outside to the toilet, carried me back and sat beside my bed. I had a little nap.

When I awoke, I could see the Rainbow Bridge - right where the wall used to be. It glowed blue, pink, orange, and glittered - The Boss and I both knew it was time for me to cross - The Boss stroked my head, and said " it's time, go safely, little one ".

The bridge was so big - I didn't think I would be able to cross it. Then I saw a movement in the middle - a little gold dog, shining in the light, long ears flying as she ran towards me over the bridge. When she got closer, I saw it was my old friend Flora - the silver had gone from her golden coat, the clouds had lifted from her eyes - she was a glowing golden dog now - - and she greeted me with a big lick.

Then I saw another dog, raven black and silver white, running to catch up with Flora - and a big red and white dog - my dear grand-daughter Trixie, and Holly, my big friend from puppyhood. With Holly was another dog, like her, who I had never seen before. Flora leaned over and said "That is Emma, she is Holly"s grandmother, and she was come with us to help you cross, and to see The Boss again. She hopes The Boss will know she is here with us today.

""How will I ever cross, Flora, I am old and small, and I do not think I can walk up that big bridge?""Just close your eyes, and think of crossing, and you will be able to, Nancy" Flora said.

Emma went to The Boss, saw the sadness, and put her paw on The Boss' knee. I looked at The Boss and wagged my tail...my aches and pains seemed to leave me.The Boss said "I know your friends are here Nancy, to take you to the Empyrean fields. I see you wagging at them . I see the far journey in your eyes. I hope Trixie and Flora and Holly have come for you......... to guide you on your journey home.

"Emma looked sad, and put her other paw on The Boss' other knee and looked into her face. The Boss absently reached out a hand and caressed Emma's head .. "Wonder why I did that?" The Boss asked absently. "It is almost as if Emma is here too, but she crossed the Rainbow Bridge long before you came, little one"

"Come on, Nancy, time to go home, The Boss understands that we can only be here for a short while, and accepts that" Trixie said. The Boss put a hand on each side of my face and said "safe journey, and happiness with your friends, keep watch for me at the entry to The Bridge"I closed my eyes, and left the shell behind -

I ran across the bridge with my friends- I looked at myself - I too was silver and raven, my feathers glittering in the glow of the bridge, my eyes were bright and full, - and we all looked back at The Boss - she was sad that we had gone, but happy for us too.

Don't grieve for me, I knew the love of a family, the affection of friends, the kindness of strangers, I had a warm bed by the fire when it was cold, a cool spot on the bathroom floor when it was hot - I had nice food, treats, car rides, trips to the beach and park, plenty of toys, lots of friends, I had babies which I loved, and in return I gave my all.

We are all thinking of you, Puppy Sniffer

Edited January 1, 2011 by Jed

[stellnme]

People used to tell me that I would know when it was time for my 16 year old lovely girl to go, but I thought HOW will I know? She declined over a period of two weeks, but it was when she tried to join the other dogs in welcoming home my OH and her legs went from under her and I realised I did know. It was time. We gave her the best night and took her to the vet the next day. It's so hard, Puppy Sniffer, but if you feel you can, when the time comes, let your face be the last thing your dog sees as she goes to the Bridge. As someone has said previously, you will know in your heart.

[Isabel964]

It's just so hard, and all we know is we do our best. It's all our pets want from us. I had a cat with kidney failure and I cancelled the vet visit 7 times. I didn't know if it was time or not. When I took him for pts, god it hurt and felt so bad. I was wracked with guilt and hated what I had done. But the next year his brother also got kidney failure, and I put it off so long that one morning he fell off my dressing table having the most dreadful convulsions and making the most agonizing noises. I stayed with him for a couple of minutes until things settled and went straight to the vet to pts. So it happens, sometimes a bit early or a bit late, and we do our best. Talk to the vet, and do what you feel is best when you feel it's right. I think we get better at it with experience. When I took my Milo to the vet to pts in 2008, it was so sad, but I knew it was his time.

[benshiva]

Mother Moocher.

Although some of the stories people tell of what they have/are doing for their dogs make me want to tell them to stop thinking of themselves and to let the dog go

Unless you are sharing your life with the dog in question you are in no position to judge or accuse anyone of thinking only of themselves. How could you know when you're not involved in any way? I'm sure the sharp sting in that comment hurt a few of us. Some comments are best left unspoken.

I also don't agree with people who say that you will know when the time is right

When you have very close and loving bond with your dog you do know when the time is right. They make it clear, there is no doubt. If you are lucky enough to form that special bond with a dog, communication exists. If you've never experienced that special soul mate relationship with a dog I guess you wouldn't know.

Puppy Sniffer. You will know if the time is right. Don't doubt your dog, she'll tell you. You will see it in her eyes, she will ask for your help. Don't worry about anything else. Just do what you know is right for your dog.

EFS.

OH my Goodness you are so right Our darling Shiva let us know March last year that she wanted to go. I can't explain how but we knew.

Puppy Sniffer you WILL know. It sounds like you have a very special bond with your girl. Sending very gentle hugs to you xx

[JRzipper]

Up until the last couple of days I never had any doubts that I'd know when the time was right, but that's because it still seemed like such a long way off. So I'd appreciate others advice now.

Thank you

Alyson

Hi Alyson,

My advice is to have the vet check her out before you make any decisions. This is after a very emotional situation with my old Bullmastiff girl last month.

She's a tough old bird but is almost deaf, blind in one eye and has had a couple of stroke-like epidsodes. In the preceding weeks she had lost weight rapidly but when she couldn't eat her dinner I feared the worst as she never fails to clean her bowl. She had her head on one side with her tongue hanging right out and had laboured breathing. She couldn't even drink water and it was heartbreaking to see her try. She looked so terrible and depressed that I thought her time had come so with a very heavy heart I wrestled her into the car and we headed off to the vet. I fully expected not to bring her home and was absolutely devastated. The vet quickly went over her and apart from enlarged lymph nodes in her neck and a raised temp couldn't immediately see the problem but on closer inspection found a large swelling under her tongue that extended right back down into her throat. Turns out it was a big deep abcess that burst while we were at the vets waiting for blood test results. Within minutes she was drinking and after a couple of weeks of antibiotics and metacam she is a new dog - happy, putting weight on and looking years younger.

It is like a miracle to me to still have my lovely old girl with me after making the decision that it was "time", and although I know most times it doesn't work out like this, it just shows that it's worth a checkup to make sure our assumptions about what is going on are right.

JR

[Kirty]

I don't know how you do it. I was supposed to have my Dane put to sleep weeks ago, but I just can't bring myself to do it. I guess my situation is different because my dog is only 18 months old, and to me, she seems healthy and happy. The vet says she is in a lot of pain, but I just don't see it. I feel sick every time I think about it.

[OSoSwift]

IT is very hard and sometimes it is an easier call to make than other times.

For me the way I help myself come to the decision is to put the dogs needs first and foremost. That can be the hardest bit because we just do not want them to go - we love them.

Try to think of it as something we do for them rather than to them.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing, it is easy to look back and say it was too early or late. The best decision you make is the one you make for you, your dog and the one you make now. You love your dog you are not going to leave her in agony or not eating, so the time will be right for you and your dog.

I have an aged Stafford and there are some days when I wonder if it is close. I really feel for you it is never an easy decision and always filled with sadness, guilt and wanting it to just go away.

We are thinking of you at this time

Jed that had me bawling my eyes out, such a beautiful piece of writing.

[Baileys mum]

For me, eagerly eating ,being happy, having some mobility is important.

Things such as continence are unimportant (I hope someone doesn't pt me to sleep when I am incontinent).

You can see when they are in pain. The ones I have had which died of cancer went down hill suddenly, and there was no decision to be made - it made itself. The ones who were old, and perhaps in heart failure were more difficult.

Let your vet be your guide. I thought my two well loved 14 year olds were going to the bridge, my vet says otherwise, and indeed, they continue to be happy.

I do truly believe that dogs to go to the Rainbow Bridge, and I do truly believe someone they know comes for them. Thinking about that helps. My dogs which perished in the fire were so peaceful I can only think someone came for them and they gently went to their other life, where they all wait for me.

We miss our dogs, but they step through a doorway to another life. It is our responsibility to open the door for them and be happy for them. The most difficult and best thing we ever do for them. ;)

A few years ago, my 14.5 year old Cavalier crossed the bridge This is her dairy. I hope it gives you comfort

9th April I have been dreaming of the Rainbow Bridge a lot lately.

This morning, I didn't feel very well. The boss took me outside to the toilet, carried me back and sat beside my bed. I had a little nap.

When I awoke, I could see the Rainbow Bridge - right where the wall used to be. It glowed blue, pink, orange, and glittered - The Boss and I both knew it was time for me to cross - The Boss stroked my head, and said " it's time, go safely, little one ".

The bridge was so big - I didn't think I would be able to cross it. Then I saw a movement in the middle - a little gold dog, shining in the light, long ears flying as she ran towards me over the bridge. When she got closer, I saw it was my old friend Flora - the silver had gone from her golden coat, the clouds had lifted from her eyes - she was a glowing golden dog now - - and she greeted me with a big lick.

Then I saw another dog, raven black and silver white, running to catch up with Flora - and a big red and white dog - my dear grand-daughter Trixie, and Holly, my big friend from puppyhood. With Holly was another dog, like her, who I had never seen before. Flora leaned over and said "That is Emma, she is Holly"s grandmother, and she was come with us to help you cross, and to see The Boss again. She hopes The Boss will know she is here with us today.

""How will I ever cross, Flora, I am old and small, and I do not think I can walk up that big bridge?""Just close your eyes, and think of crossing, and you will be able to, Nancy" Flora said.

Emma went to The Boss, saw the sadness, and put her paw on The Boss' knee. I looked at The Boss and wagged my tail...my aches and pains seemed to leave me.The Boss said "I know your friends are here Nancy, to take you to the Empyrean fields. I see you wagging at them . I see the far journey in your eyes. I hope Trixie and Flora and Holly have come for you......... to guide you on your journey home.

"Emma looked sad, and put her other paw on The Boss' other knee and looked into her face. The Boss absently reached out a hand and caressed Emma's head .. "Wonder why I did that?" The Boss asked absently. "It is almost as if Emma is here too, but she crossed the Rainbow Bridge long before you came, little one"

"Come on, Nancy, time to go home, The Boss understands that we can only be here for a short while, and accepts that" Trixie said. The Boss put a hand on each side of my face and said "safe journey, and happiness with your friends, keep watch for me at the entry to The Bridge"I closed my eyes, and left the shell behind -

I ran across the bridge with my friends- I looked at myself - I too was silver and raven, my feathers glittering in the glow of the bridge, my eyes were bright and full, - and we all looked back at The Boss - she was sad that we had gone, but happy for us too.

Don't grieve for me, I knew the love of a family, the affection of friends, the kindness of strangers, I had a warm bed by the fire when it was cold, a cool spot on the bathroom floor when it was hot - I had nice food, treats, car rides, trips to the beach and park, plenty of toys, lots of friends, I had babies which I loved, and in return I gave my all.

We are all thinking of you, Puppy Sniffer

Jed that was absolutely beautiful & now I'm bawling my eyes out Actually this whole thread is making me cry

Edited January 1, 2011 by Baileys mum