Dogs And Relationship Break Ups

[chicko]

I was in the same situation as you were about 2 years ago. We had been together for 7 years, engaged, had 2 dogs and 2 houses. I was very lucky as i have great parents who took me and the dogs bakc.

He was also the same as your partner, he did love them but didnt really go out of his way to walk (unless i asked him) or feed them.

We did have the discussion about the dogs and he realised that yes he did want them but he didnt want the responsibility. He enjoyed his travelling and living where ever he wanted (that wasnt dog friendly) I did end up with both dogs.

I think you just need to sit down your your partner/ex and have the chat, if you do decide to split the dogs up..they will survive and try something different if they are home all day, like a dog walker or dog day care.

if you need any advice feel free to PM me

[Adza]

A friend of mine split from partner and had 2 dogs couldn't bear separating them, so they shared, he would come visit the dogs or he could take the dogs for the weekend etc and work it out like some people do with kids. Suppose depends if the both of you cant come to an agreement. But there's a lot more involved in that sort of decision and can get difficult (if you live far away etc) so it might work for certain people, it did with them.

Depends where you end up too I suppose..

Good luck hope if works out for you

[Sheilaheel02]

Hugs Teal. Long term relationship breakdowns are difficult. Been there, done that.

In my situation the fact that I would keep my dogs with me was never in doubt. They were always entirely my responsibility, however, he did care for them if I was unwell or had to travel for work. I did suggest that if he wanted to he could take over ownership of my cat because they were quite bonded. He declined as he didn't want any responsibility and would rather an 'unencumbered' and 'nice' life. There was some heated debate about what would happen with our one joint property. We had other properties owned individually. In the end I sold my investment property and bought him out so I could continue to live rurally.

I would by lying if I said it was all amicable, but at the end of the day I'm sure he knew better than to dare suggest, even in jest, that he had some claim on the dogs!!!

In your situation, I'd do as others have suggested, have the conversation now about what happens with the dogs.

Good luck.

S

Edited December 14, 2010 by Sheilaheel02

[Bubitty]

I am really sorry for your situation.

Your split sounds amicable though. Is there any way you can keep both dogs and he gets full visitation rights and contributes to their food/meds etc?

OH and I have agreed that if we split, he keeps Bitty, I keep Bubby but he will contribute financially every month so Bubby continues to live his normal lifestyle.

[Mrs Rusty Bucket]

Hi Teal

This seems like a friendly break up - if you're contemplating staying in the same house after you split. It should be ok to discuss the idea with your soon to be ex.

If it's likely to be unfriendly - I'd take the dogs out first, with no warning and hide them with a friend he wouldn't know. I've heard of ex's doing extremely unpleasant things to their ex partner's pets and I wouldn't risk it.

So if it's friendly break up - do you think you could cope with the idea of "shared custody" ie he has them for a week then you have them for a week. It would be a bit rude if he agrees to have them only on weekends, but if that works for you, why not. He may only want occasional visiting rights - would you be ok with that? You may find that he starts with shared custody of some sort and gradually you end up with them more and more often, until he only occasionally has them or when you need someone to look after them for you. If you don't want to separate the dogs, then keeping them together but splitting their time between you might be the way to solve it.

[Ravyk]

Teal, I'm sorry to hear about the break up.

I don't really have any advice to give other than hugs.

If OH and I ever break up, the dogs won't be split up and will stay with the person who can most financially afford to support them, and as much as it breaks my heart-that will most likely mean OH would keep them. I'd keep my snake and frog, and probably the chickens but he'd take the aquariums.

[cannibalgoldfish]

My pets have always been mine. Right from the start. But I'm a cynical twisted old thing who always keeps in mind that forever is only a thing that happens while you are in love. If I split up, pets go with me. I havent been in the situation where the ex can provide more of a home simply because I don't let it happen. After a break up with the grumpy old man many years ago I got my cat and dog, he kept his dog. I bought a friend for mine because he hated being alone. of course then the ex got a new girlfriend who hated dogs and he dumped his dog on me telling me to find him a home of he gets put down. Sadly his dog ended up at the RSPCA and was put down. No one wanted GSP x that leaps 6 foot fences and have no training what so ever

If you can give your pets a home then do it. If you have to split them, they will be ok. Or you will have to get a friend for the one you left. I have just entered a new relationship and there is no question who owns the pets. Should we get another together it will belong to one of us. We might share it, but at the end of the day it will live with who bought it.

[Teal]

Thanks for all the replies. I am not really sure what is happening and realistically it is not going to happen for months at

least. I don't want to do anything as my whole life is basically built with OH, my home etc which I love and don't want to leave but if I am honest the time has come.

I haven't really spoken to my OH about the dogs as I haven't spoken to him about much, other than establishing both of us are not happy anymore and that it's not a good time to sell a house! I am pretty positive he would say he wants dougall, but as mentioned before I am not keen on this arrangement. I guess we will just have to wait and see when the time comes as I suppose where he is going to live will have a big effect on it.