Staying In Different Houses, With Different People Day To Day

[Simply Grand]

The situation is, my friend has a 3 year old dog. The friend (and dog) live in a share house with two flatmates. She (my friend) has a boyfriend of about 8 or 9 months, who lives by himself. My friend stays at her boyfriend's house most nights - at least 5 nights per week, sometimes every night of a week.

The dog spends most days/nights at my friend's house, either with my friend when she's home, with the flatmates, or on her own if they are out. She spends 1 or 2 nights a week at the boyfriend's house. She spends an average of 1 or 2 nights a week at my house - not consistently, sometimes it's 1 night in 3 weeks, sometimes a weekend or a week at a time, depending on what my friend is doing.

I generally don't mind having the dog, and Saxon loves her, but some of her behaviour, as well as how she and Saxon interact sometimes, is not what I'd prefer from my own dogs. Nothing bad, just my friend and I have different training philosophies and acceptable behaviours, and without having her consistently here I can't get my ideal behaviour from her and Saxon. That's a bit annoying but not a big deal.

Over that last couple of months though, my friend has started to complain about her dog misbehaving. Apparently she is less affectionate towards my friend, not coming over to her voluntarily for cuddles, not coming over when called, not making eye contact with my friend, and she has apparently run away from my friend at both her own house and her boyfriend's house - as in front door opens, she bolts off, run downs the street and won't come back .

I think the dog is totally confused about where she belongs and who she belongs with, given that day to day she could be staying at any one of 3 houses, with any of 3 different groups of people. She's a clever dog, and affectionate, but can be stubborn and defiant. I think she needs a clear leader, clear rules and consistency to be a happy, well adjusted dog but I don't see how that can happen when she effectively only spends maybe 2 nights per week with her owner :D

Hmmm ok now I read this back, I know the topic is a question, but I think I know the answer and this is really just a vent... any comments would be interesting though, I'm quite willing to hear that I'm being a drama queen

[ash&elar]

Well I know that there is plenty of other people here that have much more knowlegde then me but my opinion is...

That yes she is confused, she doesn't see her "owner" as her owner, friend, boss etc whatever you want to call it...

I think your friend needs to spend alot more time with her dog... esp if she expect such obedience. even as simple as coming when called and wanting cuddles from her.

[Loving my Oldies]

Well I know that there is plenty of other people here that have much more knowlegde then me but my opinion is...

That yes she is confused, she doesn't see her "owner" as her owner, friend, boss etc whatever you want to call it...

I think your friend needs to spend alot more time with her dog... esp if she expect such obedience. even as simple as coming when called and wanting cuddles from her.

+1.

That poor dog. She has no routine and she doesn't know who is her "person". I think your friend needs to have a good hard look at what she is doing to the dog. :D

[Simply Grand]

Yeah... that's what I thought :D I feel really sad for the poor dog. She is actually a very sweet dog, and quick and keen to learn. She learns really quickly when I teach her things, quicker than Saxon. With the right attention she could actually be an incredible dog (not that she's bad at all, she just doesn't know where she belongs, I think she's just trying to get whatever attention she can).

My friend definitely isn't horrible, I think she just isn't ready to give a dog the attention it really needs, especially a companion dog (the dog's a Pug x so she loves her people!) My friend was given the dog as a gift so it's not like she chose to take it on, but I guess I think if you choose to keep the dog, you need to make it a priority and give it what it needs.

[OSoSwift]

She needs to put more time and effort inot her dog.

Infact it sounds like this dog would think the person who is her owner is the least likely to actually be her owner. She needs to get her act sorted, think of the dog and include the dog in more of what she does. Why can't the dog go with her everynight she is staying at the boyfriends??

[Simply Grand]

I don't know why the dog can't stay at the boyfriend's when my friend stays there! I initially dog-sat because it was a new relationship and she didn't want to force her dog on him (I can understand that, but I have to say, I would be expecting to take my dog to my boyfriend's house after not very long, if I was spending a lot of time there - but I'm single so don't listen to me...)

Apparently the boyfriend doesn't mind the dog now, but I'm not sure, the dog still doesn't spend much time there. I said to my friend today that the boyfriend's house shoud be the first option, if they are to have a long term relationship, not the last - as in only if she and the boyfriend are away or something should she be looking for her friends or flatmates to take the dog.

I do feel bad, she is really a great friend to me, and I think she does care about the dog in her own way. I just can't get my head around leaving your dog with other people so often :D

[Skruffy n Flea]

i'm thinking you need to impress upon your friend that dogs are pack animals and this continuing disconnection is very much confusing her dog because it doesn't know where it belongs [did someone say that already!??!]

do what you can because your friend is being non compos mentis and that puts her dog at grave risk...

[becks]

Yes, it will be the dog not knowing what to expect from day to day. One of mine was living part time with my dad (coming back here at weekends) In the end, I told my dad to keep her full time, as she was starting to play up and it wasn't in her best interest to be shipped back and forth, either she stay with him full time or with me. She is much better, now, when she just comes for holidays.

[bark]

I agree with all the others and you will have to make that hard decision to raise it with your friend bore the undesired behaviour becomes worse.

My dog used to go to day care one day a week, and 2 other houses so that he wouldn't be at home by himself during the week while I worked. However I always made a point of spending the whole w/e with with him so he knew he was my little boy and would sometimes take a day off work for more bonding.

Now he just goes to one house for 2 days a week and the rest of the time he's at home

[kiesha09]

I think she needs to have a REALLY hard look at herself and if she is ready to give this dog all that it needs. If she isn't prepared to put in the effort and look after her dog then she should maybe look at rehoming him. It's just not fair on the dog or you really.

My dogs live between 2 different houses - mine and my bf's and they are perfectly fine. They adapt well to the different houses and the different sets of rules. At bf's house they aren't allowed on the couch so they don't get on it whereas at mine they do. So I don't think the problem lies in moving them around to different places as they are all very adaptable.

The problem lies in the fact that the relationship is breaking down between her and the dog because she isn't ever around. She needs to take responsibility for this and own up to the fact that this is why her dogs behaviour is becoming not acceptable. So she needs to do something about it.

I understand the dog was a gift but if she wasn't up to the responsibility of having the dog she should not have accepted it.

Good luck having the conversation with your friend!

[poodlefan]

Absolutely this is affecting the dog's behaviour. The social bond between your friend and her dog is failing.

I've been in a situation that wasn't dissimilar in some ways.

I picked up a housemate when my friend left her husband. Her two dogs came too. As happens my friend got back into the dating scene and the dogs spent more and more time away from her and with me.

I decided this wasn't fair on her dogs or me and I had the "big chat". I suggested that she either need to find the time for her dogs or think about rehoming them. It had the shock value I thought it needed and she started spending more time with them AND incorporating them into time with her boyfriend.

All dogs need routine, boundaries, time and attention from their owners. She's getting the dog she's raising. The social bond your friend had with this dog is being erroded by your friend's behaviour. Either she cowboys up and reworks her priorities or she finds the dog a new home IMO. The dog is losing out big time.

Edited November 16, 2010 by poodlefan

[ellz]

Absolutely.

Dogs are very much like small humans in that they need consistency and firm, but fair, boundaries.

It could be that the "goal posts" are set in different places in the different environments and that is causing confusion.

[Loving my Oldies]

Absolutely.

Dogs are very much like small humans in that they need consistency and firm, but fair, boundaries.

It could be that the "goal posts" are set in different places in the different environments and that is causing confusion.

I don't even the goal post settings would help here, because there are too many goal posts .

Poor dog. I'm glad she has you on her side, Saxonpup, and hopefully you will be able to make your friend see the damage she is doing to her little dog.

[Her Majesty Dogmad]

Poor soul doesn't know whether she's coming or going. The owner needs to change her routines and accommodate the dog properly or give her to someone that will.

Dogs are not human, they are not children but like children, they are a 24/7 commitment and that's not what this dog is getting.