RealityBites Posted October 24, 2010 Share Posted October 24, 2010 WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD? (Dog Trainer Version) Pavlov: we fed the chicken on the opposite side of the road each day at 4 p.m. until the chicken’s autonomic system actually began causing the chicken to cross the road at 4 p.m. without even questioning the “why.” B.F. Skinner: on prior occasions when the chicken voluntarily crossed the road, this behavior was followed immediately by a reinforcing consequence. Cesar Milan: I hissed at, pointed, poked, and intimidated the chicken until it raced across the road, because I am a strong leader… Barbara Woodhouse: You just say, “Walkies” with the right accent and place a crumpet on the other side of the road… Karen Pryor: by associating R+ with road crossing and P+ with standing still, with a VR schedule, and offering a reward in keeping with the Premack principle, we increased the intensity and frequency of the road crossing behavior. Bill Koehler: a few well-timed pops on the choke chain and the chicken was happy to cross the road. Nicholas Dodman: I gave the chicken fluoxetine, sertraline, paroxetine, carbamazepine, and azapirone and then it was happy to cross the road. Patti Ruzzo: I crossed the road, pausing every step to spit a treat out of my mouth like a human pez dispenser and the chicken followed along catching the treats. Electric Collar Advocate: whenever the chicken does not cross the road I give it an electric shock. But do not worry, the shock is no more than you would feel if you walked on a carpet wearing socks and it does not bother the chicken at all. The feathers standing up and the smell of burning flesh mean nothing. In fact, they are happier having nice clear communication than they would be otherwise. Yuppie: chickens are just like little people in feather jackets, and if you love them and give them diamonds and feel sorry for them all the time, they will be happy to cross the road for you. Paris Hilton: Because I put it in a Gucci bag and carried it. HSUS member: I do not know anything about animals, I have never been around animals and am not really fond of animals, but we passed a law mandating that chickens be kept without cages because animals belong only in the wild and cannot be happy coexisting with man, so now they are walking wherever they want. PETA member: chickens have the right to live in world without roads. Any chicken that lives within a hundred miles of a road is suffering an inhumane existence and might eventually be hit by a car so we should kill it today to ensure that it does not die tomorrow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Polgara's Shadow Posted October 24, 2010 Share Posted October 24, 2010 LMFAO! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
persephone Posted October 24, 2010 Share Posted October 24, 2010 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swizzlestick Posted October 24, 2010 Share Posted October 24, 2010 Esp. @ PETA! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmandaJ Posted October 24, 2010 Share Posted October 24, 2010 Behavioral psychology - the need to feed Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Rusty Bucket Posted October 24, 2010 Share Posted October 24, 2010 Colonel Sanders, the chicken was roasted and eaten and the eater crossed the road? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmandaJ Posted October 24, 2010 Share Posted October 24, 2010 Colonel Sanders, the chicken was roasted and eaten and the eater crossed the road? Gotta love the Colonel...finger lickin' good Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paptacular! Posted October 24, 2010 Share Posted October 24, 2010 Behavioral psychology - the need to feed These are the bits I enjoyed the most :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Esky the husky Posted October 24, 2010 Share Posted October 24, 2010 :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bisart Dobes Posted October 24, 2010 Share Posted October 24, 2010 Thanks - needed a laugh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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