Advice Only :)

[Staffygirl88]

Hi

My Amstaff pup is 13 weeks old. She's settled in well, especially with my son which is great because he used to be scared of dogs. This is a strange question and I don't know if anyone else can answer it for me or not but any ADVICE would be great. I don't feel like I've bonded with her at all. She's been with me for 5 weeks now. She follows me when we're outside (when inside she's on her bed unless having a play or training session) and I have her on my lap for a cuddle most nights but I don't feel like I love her. Am I just a bad person or is it normal? Since I had my son I haven't gone ga ga over any type of baby, expecially pups because I know how much work they can be. Will it just take more time or will it never happen? Any advice on how to create a bond would be good as well.

[whiskedaway]

I think it will take more time. While I really liked Akira, she was sooooo frustrating up until she was about 5 months old. I never really bonded with her, though OH did, and I felt a little bad. However, as she's gotten better behaved, I've noticed that I love her more and more every day. When I'm at home, she's always around and we play and train together. I think being much more aware of what her personality is has really helped. Oh and her growing up and not being quite so naughty has helped too!

[Christina]

You are not a bad person obviously because you have posted here & it bothers you

Could be that you just don't really know her yet. I bet if there was something wrong with her or she had an accident you would be really upset, even though you don't realise it.

Sometimes at this age they are wriggly & active & always seem to do something naughty a lot of the time & you need eyes in your bum so can seem like a lot of work.

You will be fine & love her soon I am sure.

[aussielover]

I didn't bond to Mindy until she was about 16 weeks. I loved her and was aware she was cute, only a puppy etc. but she was just so much hard work that i felt pretty overwhelmed by her. I was more focussed on trianing her and getting good behvaviours from her i couldn't really enjoy her, but I suppose that is normal.

I've always rather enjoyed very young baby puppies (8-12 weeks) when they are somebody elses and you get to play with them for an hour and them hand them back

When its your own dog, you are (rightly) to focussed on laying down ground rules and training to really enjoy.

When she is older and you have formed a bond with her, you will put these hard days at the back of your mind or even look back on them and laugh.And you'll wish you dog was still the tiny pup you first got (but deep down be really glad they have matured into something more manageable lol)

Maybe some more placid puppies would be easier to bond to when they are babies; I wouldn't know, Mindy is my first baby puppy, I've always gotten slightly older puppies, which does seem to make a difference.

Give her and yourself more time, it is still early days yet!

[W Sibs]

You're not a bad person.

Like the others have said, just give it time

[WreckitWhippet]

Time may help but sometimes it just never happens. I had a pup that would turn himself inside out for me, he was a quick learner and did everything that was asked of him but there was no connection for me, we were just going through the motions.

I sent him back to his breeder for that very reason.

[B-Q]

It can just take time. When we got Elliot after my cat Panda died it took me probably 6 months to feel like I loved him, we got him just 3 weeks after Pand died and I just don't think I could do it.

My sisters dog I love, she's very cute and sweet but there is no connection there.

[SpotTheDog]

It's tough, isn't it?

I have mixed days about Gus (and feel terrible about them).

I'm trying to keep my eyes firmly focused on the future with Gus, and I'm committing to setting up a proper routine.

When I got Gus, I had him 48 hours and my father died, so I had to leave him for 4.5 weeks with my husband. When I got back in early September I had to start from scratch with him, and it's really only been seven weeks since then. Some moments I look at him and I love him, others it's a case of frustration and upset and 'bloody dog'.

A lot of that has been because I'm in the middle of grieving and some days I can be great, and other days I can't cope if I put too much milk in my coffee. Stick a growing pup in the middle of that rollercoaster, with his own good days and bad days, and as you can imagine the going isn't too smooth.

Additionally my husband is leaving with the army on Tuesday next until the end of January, and it's just me and the animals until he gets back, but I'm hoping I can set up an easier routine for me and them when he goes and I have faith that it'll all work out. We'll look back on these difficult times and laugh, me and the menagerie, and by the time himself returns in 2011 we'll be a close knit unit of happy, chilled out fur-family.

Oh - and I'm currently studying for exams in February and applying for a new job, so between dad, army, exams, job, puppy and six cats, I suppose it wouldn't be unreasonable for me to give myself a break when I have a bad day!?

[Aziah]

Time may help but sometimes it just never happens. I had a pup that would turn himself inside out for me, he was a quick learner and did everything that was asked of him but there was no connection for me, we were just going through the motions.

I sent him back to his breeder for that very reason.

I echo RSG's post (minus the returning to the breeder part, I WAS the breeder! I found her a really wonderful pet home)...for whatever reason we just didn't 'gel'.

On the other hand Ive recently experienced the same thing BUT this time with a little effort we did manage to bond and I'm very pleased

ETA: You get on and feel for some people and others you don't - same same for dogs you might own IMO

Edited October 20, 2010 by Aziah

[matilda1]

I had this problem with a horse once.

She was beautiful and a very well bred show winner (pure Clydesdale)

She was sweet and well behaved and didn't do anything wrong, but for some reason I just found her personanlity bland and we never really bonded.

I sold her to a lovely home in QLD and the new owner and her became the closest of friends in a matter of weeks.

On the flip side , when i got my Katie as a pup we bonded IMMEDIATELY.

I had actually purchased a different pup in the litter and went to collect him, when....around the corner came little Katie, made eye contact with me and I just KNEW she was the pup for me. I pleased with the breeder until she allowed me to swap pups.

It was INSTANT. We just 'clicked' and haven't looked back since. I go to work....and I miss her.

And the new dog SKYE that has just arrived 2 days ago from Mildura pound (Kelpie) has a strong bond with my husband already. It's the first day today that hubby has gone to work and she's looking for him everywhere even though I am home with her.

[Staffygirl88]

I think it will take more time. While I really liked Akira, she was sooooo frustrating up until she was about 5 months old. I never really bonded with her, though OH did, and I felt a little bad. However, as she's gotten better behaved, I've noticed that I love her more and more every day. When I'm at home, she's always around and we play and train together. I think being much more aware of what her personality is has really helped. Oh and her growing up and not being quite so naughty has helped too!

Thanks for that I was beginning to think I was just a horrible person. Everyone else sees her and loves her (she is absolutely beautiful) but they haven't had to clean poop out of their house or off their back porch or explain to their landlord why there's wood missing from the house etc etc lol

I really want this to work. I gave away a dog probably four months before I got Topaz. He was too high energy for me and my son, he was always hyper it was unreal! But that's a different (and sad) story. But basically, I really want this to work for me and my son.

[poodlefan]

SG88:

Thanks for that I was beginning to think I was just a horrible person. Everyone else sees her and loves her (she is absolutely beautiful) but they haven't had to clean poop out of their house or off their back porch or explain to their landlord why there's wood missing from the house etc etc lol

That sounds a lot like resentment. Is it possible that a pup is just too much work right now?

[Staffygirl88]

You are not a bad person obviously because you have posted here & it bothers you

Could be that you just don't really know her yet. I bet if there was something wrong with her or she had an accident you would be really upset, even though you don't realise it.

Sometimes at this age they are wriggly & active & always seem to do something naughty a lot of the time & you need eyes in your bum so can seem like a lot of work.

You will be fine & love her soon I am sure.

I've already rushed her to the vet twice since I got her. First time wasn't even three days after getting her home I took her to the vet (a 2 hour drive for me with a 2yr old boy as well) and it turned out she had worms, vet had already prescribed medicine to thicken her stool etc which wasnt needed after i got home and out came the worms

Then I had to rush her down again just last week, she stopped eating and drinking and was really lethargic. Turned out she chewed a tap pipe in my backyard that had a glue or something covering it to stop it freezing, she'd eaten that and gotten really sick and had to stay at the vet overnight. I was worried for her then and I do care about her, I just don't feel a bond yet. I'm hoping it will just take a little more time

[Staffygirl88]

SG88:

Thanks for that I was beginning to think I was just a horrible person. Everyone else sees her and loves her (she is absolutely beautiful) but they haven't had to clean poop out of their house or off their back porch or explain to their landlord why there's wood missing from the house etc etc lol

That sounds a lot like resentment. Is it possible that a pup is just too much work right now?

I came here for advice not criticism. You can't hear the tone of my keyboard so don't assume my mood please.

Didn't you read the LOL as in I was having a joke about it not being resentful

Edited October 21, 2010 by Staffygirl88

[poodlefan]

SG88:

Thanks for that I was beginning to think I was just a horrible person. Everyone else sees her and loves her (she is absolutely beautiful) but they haven't had to clean poop out of their house or off their back porch or explain to their landlord why there's wood missing from the house etc etc lol

That sounds a lot like resentment. Is it possible that a pup is just too much work right now?

I came here for advice not criticism. You can't hear the tone of my keyboard so don't assume my mood please.

Didn't you read the LOL as in I was having a joke about it not being resentful

Perhaps you've assumed my motives for asking that question.

Whatever.

Edited October 21, 2010 by poodlefan

[Staffygirl88]

Time may help but sometimes it just never happens. I had a pup that would turn himself inside out for me, he was a quick learner and did everything that was asked of him but there was no connection for me, we were just going through the motions.

I sent him back to his breeder for that very reason.

I'm really hoping we can bond so I don't have to do that to her. I would only send her back to her breeder if she didn't bond with me or my son. They seem to get along really well already and my son's always asking for her

[Staffygirl88]

It's tough, isn't it?

I have mixed days about Gus (and feel terrible about them).

I'm trying to keep my eyes firmly focused on the future with Gus, and I'm committing to setting up a proper routine.

When I got Gus, I had him 48 hours and my father died, so I had to leave him for 4.5 weeks with my husband. When I got back in early September I had to start from scratch with him, and it's really only been seven weeks since then. Some moments I look at him and I love him, others it's a case of frustration and upset and 'bloody dog'.

A lot of that has been because I'm in the middle of grieving and some days I can be great, and other days I can't cope if I put too much milk in my coffee. Stick a growing pup in the middle of that rollercoaster, with his own good days and bad days, and as you can imagine the going isn't too smooth.

Additionally my husband is leaving with the army on Tuesday next until the end of January, and it's just me and the animals until he gets back, but I'm hoping I can set up an easier routine for me and them when he goes and I have faith that it'll all work out. We'll look back on these difficult times and laugh, me and the menagerie, and by the time himself returns in 2011 we'll be a close knit unit of happy, chilled out fur-family.

Oh - and I'm currently studying for exams in February and applying for a new job, so between dad, army, exams, job, puppy and six cats, I suppose it wouldn't be unreasonable for me to give myself a break when I have a bad day!?

It is hard looking after my boy through the day and always keeping an eye on Topaz in case she needs to go out and trying to do little training sessions with her through the day as well But I think I'll get there, giving up gets you nowhere (unless you're giving up smoking or something along those lines of course). I do love her but I just don't feel a connection yet. I'd do anything for the little rascal. I'm also having problems with family health and that adds to the daily stress. I do have good and bad days I'm not perfect and I don't claim to be.

I'm hoping to re-enrol in college next year so don't put me off! But I'm also out of work at the moment

I'm looking forward to her being an adult that's for sure! I'd like to be able to share my bed with her or not have to lock her in her crate at night for fear of her going to the toilet somewhere through the house and me not finding it or finding it by stepping in it ;)

Right now she's curled up on her bed snoring so I'm pretty happy. She already knows to go straight to her bed when she's inside, now to just keep her there when the little one's going mad lol

[Staffygirl88]

SG88:

Thanks for that I was beginning to think I was just a horrible person. Everyone else sees her and loves her (she is absolutely beautiful) but they haven't had to clean poop out of their house or off their back porch or explain to their landlord why there's wood missing from the house etc etc lol

That sounds a lot like resentment. Is it possible that a pup is just too much work right now?

I came here for advice not criticism. You can't hear the tone of my keyboard so don't assume my mood please.

Didn't you read the LOL as in I was having a joke about it not being resentful

Perhaps you've assumed my motives for asking that question.

Whatever.

I didn't assume anything about your motive. I just get when people assume about me. One thing I've learned in life is that there is never a right time to have a baby or get a puppy. Life happens and you just have to deal with it the best you can. I'm doing the best I can, maybe someone else can do it better and good on em. I've never claimed to be perfect in any way.

[poodlefan]

I didn't assume anything about your motive. I just get when people assume about me. One thing I've learned in life is that there is never a right time to have a baby or get a puppy. Life happens and you just have to deal with it the best you can. I'm doing the best I can, maybe someone else can do it better and good on em. I've never claimed to be perfect in any way.

None of us are.

Damn difficult to give advice without asking clarifying questions. In the title of your thread you asked for advice, not sympathy. I wanted to probe how you are feeling about this pup.

As I said, whatever.

Edited October 21, 2010 by poodlefan

[Staffygirl88]

I didn't assume anything about your motive. I just get when people assume about me. One thing I've learned in life is that there is never a right time to have a baby or get a puppy. Life happens and you just have to deal with it the best you can. I'm doing the best I can, maybe someone else can do it better and good on em. I've never claimed to be perfect in any way.

None of us are.

Damn difficult to give advice without asking clarifying questions. In the title of your thread you asked for advice, not sympathy. I wanted to probe how you are feeling about this pup.

As I said, whatever.

You said I sounded resentful. That's not a clarifying question that's a statement. I'm not asking for your sympathy, but I don't want nasty replies and your reply falls in the nasty bin. So if you've got nothing nice to post then don't post at all.