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My Beloved Jake Gone Too Soon


casowner
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Thank you all for your very kind words they have made me cry everytime I read them. Yes we lost our precious boy to bloat, we put him to bed after midnight. We had been calling him for a couple of hours and I thought he had gone next door to be with the sheep as some new lambs have been born in the last couple of days and he likes to be with them. He came home and in the morning while I was still asleep my OH let him out. A few hours later we were about to go out and couldn't find him so cursing we went next door and searched for ages to no avail. When we called back home I was cursing him as we had to cancel our plans and then I said lets just have a really good look here for him as it is very out of character for him not to either be with the stock or at one of his guarding points at home (mainly laying on the high side of the corner by the joeys). We found him right under a bush and I knew immediately what it was.

The vet said that he had probably been sick the night before which explains why he didn't come when called for several hours but with him he never showed when he was sick or hurt. He had survived so much longer than he should have and I know in my heart he wanted us to find him before he left us. It is a guilt that I will carry my entire life, something my head knows I couldn't have known but when it comes to grief rationality has no place with me. I had been so angry at him for what I thought was him being naughty when in fact he had tried to do everything to be with us, there are too many "what if's" and "if only's" but I can not take any of them back. I do know that we were with him at the end, he didn't die alone and that he knew how much we loved him.

I can not bear to move his bowl or bed which is by the back door, his food bowl is getting emptier because the birds are eating it and everytime I walk outside I still believe he is here and go to feed him. The house no longer feels safe, you do not realise the comfort that he had brought us until he is gone. I am changing my routines as I am thinking about things differently now all because of this void that we have been left with.

It is so true that you never know what you have got until it is gone, and what we had will remain a part of our hearts forever.

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Oh Cas- I am crying again.. I know that guilt and the pain of seeing your boy like that - it is how I lost my Kieran . It is not your fault - bloat is a non discriminatory barsteward of a thing, and not something I would wish on any dog or owner, no matter how much I dislked them.

May your expected new arrival help heal the wounds grief and guilt have etched into your heart. :laugh:

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