Riley'n'Mia Posted September 17, 2010 Share Posted September 17, 2010 Hi all I haven't logged on for a really really long time hope everyone and their fur kids are all well. My beautiful and much loved 3 year old German Shepherd (Riley) died suddenly in a tragic and very distressing accident on Sunday afternoon by choking on a kong ball. My soon to be two year old daughter (Audrey) was with my husband and I at the time this happened along with our 3 year old JRT (Mia). To cut a long story short I tried to get the ball out of Riley's throat whilst my husband, Audrey and Mia all ran to get the car and rush Riley to the vets. By the time we arrived at the vets (being a Sunday and living in a rural area we had to wait a further 10 mins for the vet to arrive) he was gone. Audrey knows something has happened and that Riley isn't there any more but she keeps asking when he's coming back and saying "Riley asleep, Riley gone". He passed away in the back of the car and everytime we get in the car she gets all excited saying "Audrey pat Riley, Riley wake up" so I show her the back of the car and explain that he's asleep and is never going to wake up and she won't see him ever again. Audrey has been pretty good and coped well with the whole thing but at 3.30am today she woke up crying and saying "Audrey pat Riley, Riley wake up" I don't know if she was having a dream about him or what but she was pretty upset which of course made me cry (for the 1000th time) and probably made her worse. She then took 3 hours to fall back to sleep, she hasn't mentioned Riley again as yet today but I don't know if I am saying or doing the right things to help her and me crying in front of her probably doesn't help either. Any advice from people who have children and have lost a pet would be greatly appreciated ? Thanks, Jade Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
my_sibe_owns_me Posted September 17, 2010 Share Posted September 17, 2010 I am so sorry to hear this That must have be awful! And to be reliving it every day has to be killing you Do you follow a religion of some sort? You could tell her about heaven or reincarnation if that is in your religious beliefs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poodlefan Posted September 17, 2010 Share Posted September 17, 2010 I am sorry to hear of the loss of your beloved boy in such circumstances. Tell her the truth. She's probably doesn't quite understand what she saw but it would have been traumatic for her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TrinaJ Posted September 17, 2010 Share Posted September 17, 2010 (edited) Shadow died when Riley was 3 1/2 - I told Riley that Shadow got sick and the vet couldn't fix him and that he had gone to Heaven. He asked when he was coming back and I told him that he was with God now, as he was too special for this world and God was going to keep him. RIley had a little cry, said he would miss Shadow and that was it. To this day Riley still tells me that he misses Shadow but knows that he is safe in Heaven. My neighbours tried to tell me that I was wrong because they 'belive' dogs have no soul....I told them believe what you like, this is MY belief and that is all that counts in my home. Children are a lot stronger than what we give them credit for. I am so sorry for your tragic loss RIP beautiful boy... Edited September 17, 2010 by TrinaJ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aziah Posted September 17, 2010 Share Posted September 17, 2010 (edited) I'm so sorry for you loss Riley N Mia - how terribly tragic Edited September 17, 2010 by Aziah Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kendall Posted September 17, 2010 Share Posted September 17, 2010 I'm so sorry for your loss I wouldn't say he is asleep - that gives the impression that he WILL wake up one day - kids just don't understand the difference between 'sleep' and 'forever sleep' I have also heard that this can sometimes make kids fearful of 'sleep' if they think that they or someone close to them won't wake up. Just something to be mindful of (sorry if that just adds something horrible to think about with what you are already dealing with ) We say that our loved ones have gone to live in the stars and then we go and look out at the biggest brightest star. We have always been truthful in that we tell the kids that they have died and won't be with us anymore but we will always remember them. I find having the 'star' is helpful if they feel sad - we can go out and look at the stars and talk about whoever is missed. Thankfully, we have lost just two of our beloved animals and one dear grandparent since we've had kids but we have dealt with all passings in the same way. Big hugs to you - it is so hard to deal with your own grief as well as that of the children Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
griff Posted September 17, 2010 Share Posted September 17, 2010 so very sorry for your tragic loss R.I.P. Riley I would tell your daughter the truth Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss BeRidgierent Posted September 17, 2010 Share Posted September 17, 2010 Im so very sorry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrs tornsocks Posted September 17, 2010 Share Posted September 17, 2010 oh my goodness, that's so sad - so sorry for your loss. I think 'gone to heaven' or whatever you find appropriate to say he's gone away forever is okay. I agree the idea of sleep will make Audrey think he's coming back, or waking up. Hugs to you and your family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
harley Posted September 17, 2010 Share Posted September 17, 2010 I am very sorry for your loss. We lost our beloved staffy x when my daughter was 3 1/2 years old. I agree with Kendall that telling a young child their pet has gone to sleep may be confusing for them. In the research I did following our loss, most of the literature recommended against this because then the child may become frightened of going to sleep themselves. They think they will never wake up too. We told our daughter our dog had gone to heaven and that we may see her another day, when we go to heaven but that wont be for a long time yet. We also told her our dog was now free of pain and happily running in a grassy paddock. Our daughter asked lots of questions about this as this was her first loss. I have lots of photos around of our dog and sometimes our daughter will stop and look sadly at one of them but then say something like - I miss Rhoda, but she is happy now. You have suffered a traumatic loss. Give her lots of hugs and allow her to grieve too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kritta Posted September 17, 2010 Share Posted September 17, 2010 (edited) Sorry for your loss Riley'n'Mia, I found this website really useful, it helped me understand my grief a little better. Sorry tried to add the link but my computer skills aren't that great Search www.epitaph.com.au There is a section on children and Grief. Hope this helps. Edited September 17, 2010 by kritta Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Erny Posted September 17, 2010 Share Posted September 17, 2010 (edited) I am sorry to hear of the loss of your beloved boy in such circumstances. Tell her the truth. She's probably doesn't quite understand what she saw but it would have been traumatic for her. I tend to agree. I am certainly no expert 'on children' but like everyone else, I've been one. Children have a wonderful knack in taking from the truth what they need to take and only so much of it as they can manage. And I tend to find that children can see through things more than we give them credit for, so fudging isn't really appreciated (IMO). Let her know it was an accident and that everyone is sad and misses Riley. I'm sorry for your experience. T'would have been beyond dreadful. RIP Riley Edited September 17, 2010 by Erny Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OSoSwift Posted September 17, 2010 Share Posted September 17, 2010 We have lost two old cats and a dog since we have had our kids, we have another old dog we have though we were going to lose a couple of times. We tell them they have died, they are gone and not coming back. I have found they have no concept of death and do not tend to mourn as we do as they have no experience on what it means. Our almost 5 year old is now starting to understand that death is final. I have always believed in telling them exactly what is happening. A few animals that died when I was young the whole thing was sugar coated and I looked for some of those animals for years and also wondered why they didn't want to stay and chose to leave me. My five year old the other day was telling me how one of our cats got old, he died and he wasn't coming back. I said yes that is correct. He answered okay and that was that. We have had handraised calves that have died, or calves I have had to pull that have died, so being on a farm it is something they are exposed to from a very early age. She will not fully understand, but she will beable to move on know he is dead, he is gone and as much as it upsets all of you he will not and cannot come back. I am so sorry you lost a dog in this way, it is not the first time I have heard of this happening, although the Shepherd I knew of did live as his Kong went into his throat large hole first and he was just getting enough air through the small hole to get to the vet in time. You will cry and it will hurt, over time the better memories will be the first that spring to mind instead of the awful events at the end. Sending lots of hugs your way, it is a terrible way to lose a dog. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kynan Posted September 17, 2010 Share Posted September 17, 2010 (edited) Oh Jade! I am so so sorry to hear this RIP dear Riley Love and hugs to you and your family ETA Was it one of the solid red kong balls? Kynan has one and it is one of his favourites. Might have to put it away for good if it was the same sort after hearing about this tragedy Edited September 17, 2010 by Kynan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Firestone Posted September 17, 2010 Share Posted September 17, 2010 I am so very sorry. Hugs to you all. RIP Riley Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flaves Posted September 17, 2010 Share Posted September 17, 2010 I am so very sorry r and m Sending hugs to you all Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mortonplace Posted September 17, 2010 Share Posted September 17, 2010 lm also in tears reading your post Please tell her the truth l think it will help also if she didnt expect him to wake up l know its hard but tell kids the truth even if it hurts it is way better than a small white lie or even something that makes things easier ln the long run it is way easier...god bless i can amagine what your going through your self. You will all be in my prayers R.I.P. Riley run free beatiful boy to be reunited again one day Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Riley'n'Mia Posted September 17, 2010 Author Share Posted September 17, 2010 Oh Jade! I am so so sorry to hear this RIP dear Riley Love and hugs to you and your family ETA Was it one of the solid red kong balls? Kynan has one and it is one of his favourites. Might have to put it away for good if it was the same sort after hearing about this tragedy Hi Kynan Yes it was the kong with the hole in it tennis ball sized everyone said it was a 1 in a million chance of this happening and Riley had played with it at the park at least 4 days a week for at least 2½ years but I will NEVER let any dog Mia now or other dogs I may have in the future play with one of these again they get so slippery with the dogs spit. I couldn't get a grip on it I tried putting my fingers in the hole, rolling it around so he could breath through the hole anything I could think of but we just ran out of time and of course he was biting me whilst gasping for air through the whole ordeal. Thank you to everyone for their thoughts and prayers I will explain to Audrey that Riley has died and is not asleep hopefully that will make things a little easier for us all. His ashes came home yesterday and I can't even bring myself to look at them yet Mat has put them in the spare room until I am ready to let him go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bow Wow Posted September 17, 2010 Share Posted September 17, 2010 How utterly devastating for you and your family I agree with the others in that telling your child the truth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brennan's Mum Posted September 17, 2010 Share Posted September 17, 2010 OMGosh I am bawling my eyes out reading this I am so so sorry for your loss There are not enough words to describe how special our dogs are and how tragic of an accident this is. My deepest condolences Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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