Grieving

[Paulp]

Poor kids

I know what it is like. I took my girls to a few dog shows, they are a lot yonger than yours but it got them excited again. Best of luck with it, I really feel for you. COuld you get to a flyball competion, kids love to watch things like that, or agility? I know quite a few rescue / adopted older dogs that do sports. Maybe you could visit a shelter with them? Might lift their spirits a little.

Thank you I appriciate these ideas as I didn't even think of all the fun stuff like flyball competions even if it's just for them to watch.

I have planned to go to a dog show in October just to have a look in the hope that the children will get excited and perhaps will have a new focus. I will look into flyball or agility.

Do you have the flyball contacts for your state? My kids think its the coolest thing ever and we havent even started yet!

Hello Chewbacca, I don't know anything about flyball. I just assumed I'd have to call Dogs NSW ? if not, can you tell me who I need to contact? Thank you

You will find all the info you need about competitions and contact details for clubs here

[Fleuri]

Poor kids

I know what it is like. I took my girls to a few dog shows, they are a lot yonger than yours but it got them excited again. Best of luck with it, I really feel for you. COuld you get to a flyball competion, kids love to watch things like that, or agility? I know quite a few rescue / adopted older dogs that do sports. Maybe you could visit a shelter with them? Might lift their spirits a little.

Thank you I appriciate these ideas as I didn't even think of all the fun stuff like flyball competions even if it's just for them to watch.

I have planned to go to a dog show in October just to have a look in the hope that the children will get excited and perhaps will have a new focus. I will look into flyball or agility.

Do you have the flyball contacts for your state? My kids think its the coolest thing ever and we havent even started yet!

Hello Chewbacca, I don't know anything about flyball. I just assumed I'd have to call Dogs NSW ? if not, can you tell me who I need to contact? Thank you

You will find all the info you need about competitions and contact details for clubs here

Thank you so much for this.

[TsarsMum]

We lost our rotti last nov less then 2 weeks after i had my baby. the kids never got to say good bye as he had fits and became aggressive when he came too.

My oldest still asks questions and talks about him ALOT (he was with us before her) she miss's him but they do need to move on. i think letting the talk about it as much as they want is good even if they get upset.

do you get another pup?? well thats up too you i think they will love it and it will help them move on a little (take there mind off it other dog) i think you should find the right breed for the family (i would not get the same breed as the missing dog) and bring a puppy home. once they see the pup i think it will change alot

[Archerlove]

Fleuri

I`m so sad for you all.I have three boys too ( )and the grieving when our beautiful Lab,Archer was put down unexpectedely after a terrible incident a few months ago was dreadful .They were totally inconsolable as were we all. It happend at a bad time for us any way and in the end my middle son had to see a clinical psychologist about his grief. The pain continues and we were advised not to get another dog for a while. As if. Our boy was and still is irreplaceable.

I do not feel one dog can be replaced with another as each has a special place in our hearts. Some good ideas above and I think you should all be commened for not rushing out and replacing him.After all there is a small chance he may come back to you.

Things we did to help them were spending time with friends dogs and talking about Archer as much as possible though this caused lots of tears and reminding ourselves how lucky we were to have had him in our lives at all.One thing I wish we had done was foster a/some dogs for a while.I have a friend who fosters and I do feel that might have helped them a bit. Someone above has suggested that.

Boys especially need someone to love.They often pour emotions on to a dog who will hear all secrets but not pass judgement. Knowing we would have another dog at some point gave us all something to look forward to.We had alist of possible names on the fridge which we addded to as ideas struck us.They enjoyed that.Also researching breeds and discussing which kind of dog we shoukd have next.

We recently chose a new puppy and the boys are over joyed (4 months on) but we still talk about Archer a lot.I kept some of his things and the boys have enjoyed giving them to the new puppy and telling her about `her big brother`!!!!

I`m sure you give your boys big hugs and lots of love and eventually the pain will not be as bad as it is now. It takes time.

[vernie]

Sorry to hear Fleuri, i really feel for you.

We lost our beautiful lab very suddenly under tragic circumstances just over a month a go. My 18 month old daughter kept going to the back door and calling for him - it totally broke my heart.

I came across a black lab toy puppy a few days later in a toy shop so every time she went to the back door, i gave her the toy and said "Here's Bailey'.

She carries the toy everywhere and Bailey Dog is now by her side more than ever.

We now have a 10 week old puppy, nothing like our old mate, but lovely just the same. Bails is still with us, but just in toy form (hehe, even tho his ashes are really under the cumquat tree)

If your children are open to the idea of getting a new furry buddie, then maybe take them to a breeder and let them choose one.

I have to say, it definitely helped me by getting another one (even tho he drives me slightly nuts ).

Happy days and best of luck.

Edited August 2, 2010 by vernie

[Fleuri]

Fleuri

I`m so sad for you all.I have three boys too ( )and the grieving when our beautiful Lab,Archer was put down unexpectedely after a terrible incident a few months ago was dreadful .They were totally inconsolable as were we all. It happend at a bad time for us any way and in the end my middle son had to see a clinical psychologist about his grief. The pain continues and we were advised not to get another dog for a while. As if. Our boy was and still is irreplaceable.

I do not feel one dog can be replaced with another as each has a special place in our hearts. Some good ideas above and I think you should all be commened for not rushing out and replacing him.After all there is a small chance he may come back to you.

Things we did to help them were spending time with friends dogs and talking about Archer as much as possible though this caused lots of tears and reminding ourselves how lucky we were to have had him in our lives at all.One thing I wish we had done was foster a/some dogs for a while.I have a friend who fosters and I do feel that might have helped them a bit. Someone above has suggested that.

Boys especially need someone to love.They often pour emotions on to a dog who will hear all secrets but not pass judgement. Knowing we would have another dog at some point gave us all something to look forward to.We had alist of possible names on the fridge which we addded to as ideas struck us.They enjoyed that.Also researching breeds and discussing which kind of dog we shoukd have next.

We recently chose a new puppy and the boys are over joyed (4 months on) but we still talk about Archer a lot.I kept some of his things and the boys have enjoyed giving them to the new puppy and telling her about `her big brother`!!!!

I`m sure you give your boys big hugs and lots of love and eventually the pain will not be as bad as it is now. It takes time.

Your poor boys, thats so sad :D but I'm glad to hear that they are finding joy with their new puppy. I had a talk with the our boys and the two older ones want to put up posters & flyers up again. oldest says one more time and middle son says two more times, once in spring and another in Summer. They want to wait until Feb next year before searching for another fur friend. So I'm considering this . I can't let them down. I do realise we need to move on, so I still plan to attend some shows and doggy events like flyball, maybe go visit some rescue dogs just to get the childrens minds thinking about other doggy things/possiblities. I agree big huggies and love are a must have to help heal the pain.

Thank you for your kindness.

[Fleuri]

Sorry to hear Fleuri, i really feel for you.

We lost our beautiful lab very suddenly under tragic circumstances just over a month a go. My 18 month old daughter kept going to the back door and calling for him - it totally broke my heart.

I came across a black lab toy puppy a few days later in a toy shop so every time she went to the back door, i gave her the toy and said "Here's Bailey'.

She carries the toy everywhere and Bailey Dog is now by her side more than ever.

We now have a 10 week old puppy, nothing like our old mate, but lovely just the same. Bails is still with us, but just in toy form (hehe, even tho his ashes are really under the cumquat tree)

If your children are open to the idea of getting a new furry buddie, then maybe take them to a breeder and let them choose one.

I have to say, it definitely helped me by getting another one (even tho he drives me slightly nuts ).

Happy days and best of luck.

So sorry to hear about your Lab Bailey. You must have a busy but joyful home with your 18 month old and 10 week old puppy. Enjoy every minuet of it. :D

happy days to you and thank you.

[Parkeyre]

I think fostering would be a great idea.

[rexiam]

Last year we lost 4 dogs in 6 months. Two in April and three days apart. Rex had cancer and Sam dissappeared off my parents farm while I was an hour away taking my kids to the movies. We were having some time out after the loss of Rex ( he was only two) and Sam & Rex would often get babysat at the farm if we were out. It was school holidays and the kids and I searched for Sam every day until school returned and I then kept up the search on my own. Sam had never wandered anywhere in her life. 3 weeks after she went missing I found her body. It was actually a relief as we had found her. The not knowing is the hardest, isn't it.

It was the most distressing time not knowing what happened to he, if she was safe. A few days after she went missing there was a big thunderstorm...well kids and I just cried as Sam was terrified of thunder and always slept with Master 5. My OH was away for all this and everytime he would ring I would be crying. The kids didn't cope at all. Whenever we have a birthday etc the dogs names always go on the cards. In fact the kids still do. Our animals are our fur kids and the kids siblings

My two children were 8 and 5 at the time of losing Rex and Sam and 6 months later we lost out 2 young dogs a week after they were desexed due to Parvo. We were at the vets daily and to watch them die was horrendous on us all. They also passed 3 days apart.

How did I get the kids through? Well I have a friend who is a grienf counsellor. She did a thing called Sandtray which is wonderful . Although watching my daughter put every dead thing( ornaments) in her tray was disturbing and distressing. They did drawings. We made plaques from pavers that they painted and decorated with me to remember them. We talked when someone wanted to and we cried buckets too. A lady on DOL who doesn't know how much she meant to me sent us beautiful bookmarks made out of my signature, the kids have photos in frames that she also made. She even did Santa hats with pics of the dogs wearing them!

I scrapbook too, so the kids have done lots of pages, written there favourite things. We have oohed and aahed over them. We have the dog tags of 2 of them hanging in the kitchen. They are still everywhere here.

We do have new dogs. I literally stumbled on an ad ( I say stumble as I had never been on to that website before ) and saw a Retriever for free. The lady lived an hour away. He was fat , had a terrible coat and just fitted in. The whole time he was here he never sat near the owner. He either sat with me, OH or played with the kids. We knew then that he was the dog for us. His old owner told him on leaving that his life was just about to start! I think Bear needed us as much as we needed him

The kids always wanted a smaller sized dog as well. We ended up with a Cocker Spaniel pup. He is just lovely and we are all smitten with him too. he was a suprise. The kids had no clue he was coming and they just spoilt him to bits!!!

I can't remember reading from your first post...do you have another dog?

It has been a long road and now 15 months on my kids still have days where they say that they miss there 4 dogs and wish them back. I let them go as its a normal grieving process. I still miss them too, so how can I expect the kids not to?

Edited August 2, 2010 by rexiam

[Monah]

rexiam, I vivdly remember the awful time you went through, worse thing I've ever heard

Fleuri, would love to hear how you and the kids get on in the futurexxxxxx

[LizT]

I haven't read all of this thread but just in case it wasn't mentioned be sure to tell your children that even if you get another dog the door is ALWAYS open for the absent friend should he return and emphasise that it is NOT a replacement but ANOTHER friend.

[TsarsMum]

i think they are really really in need to be told that the dog will probly wont be coming home. as harsh as it is they are never going to move past it. i would say to them look we will put posters etc up one more time. she will most likly never return.

i think you and they need to move past it the chances of the dog returning are so so small and they are in denial. they need to greave and move past whats happened.

after reading your last posts, i really think you need to let them see someone even the coucilar at school.

its been 6 months they need to see and understand that and i think you need to get a little tough on them (i know im going to get shot for this comment)

clearly you are all not ready for another dog but you need to get them talking and they need to get that the dog is not coming home. even hold a funeral sort of thing.

its time for them to lern to move on from what is happened.

[TsarsMum]

i just had another thought i wonder if they are worried if they get another dog the same thing will happen?? maybe this needs to also be discussed.

[Fleuri]

i think they are really really in need to be told that the dog will probly wont be coming home. as harsh as it is they are never going to move past it. i would say to them look we will put posters etc up one more time. she will most likly never return.

i think you and they need to move past it the chances of the dog returning are so so small and they are in denial. they need to greave and move past whats happened.

after reading your last posts, i really think you need to let them see someone even the coucilar at school.

its been 6 months they need to see and understand that and i think you need to get a little tough on them (i know im going to get shot for this comment)

clearly you are all not ready for another dog but you need to get them talking and they need to get that the dog is not coming home. even hold a funeral sort of thing.

its time for them to lern to move on from what is happened.

Hello dogluva 101,

They know that she may never return, we have discussed this already. I have even told them that it's possible that she may have died. I do think they understand this more now after all these months. They are not in denial. I think they are just bright,positive kids that what to feel that they have done everything they can to find their dog and just want wait a few more months before we look for a new doggy.

With further disscussions today and the last few days; I can see that they are understanding things better especially after I told them that by getting another dog it's not to replace our missing dog. And yes I am looking into getting professional help, even if It's for the sake of my peace of mind that I have done everything I can to help my children get through this.

[Fleuri]

Last year we lost 4 dogs in 6 months. Two in April and three days apart. Rex had cancer and Sam dissappeared off my parents farm while I was an hour away taking my kids to the movies. We were having some time out after the loss of Rex ( he was only two) and Sam & Rex would often get babysat at the farm if we were out. It was school holidays and the kids and I searched for Sam every day until school returned and I then kept up the search on my own. Sam had never wandered anywhere in her life. 3 weeks after she went missing I found her body. It was actually a relief as we had found her. The not knowing is the hardest, isn't it.

It was the most distressing time not knowing what happened to he, if she was safe. A few days after she went missing there was a big thunderstorm...well kids and I just cried as Sam was terrified of thunder and always slept with Master 5. My OH was away for all this and everytime he would ring I would be crying. The kids didn't cope at all. Whenever we have a birthday etc the dogs names always go on the cards. In fact the kids still do. Our animals are our fur kids and the kids siblings

My two children were 8 and 5 at the time of losing Rex and Sam and 6 months later we lost out 2 young dogs a week after they were desexed due to Parvo. We were at the vets daily and to watch them die was horrendous on us all. They also passed 3 days apart.

How did I get the kids through? Well I have a friend who is a grienf counsellor. She did a thing called Sandtray which is wonderful . Although watching my daughter put every dead thing( ornaments) in her tray was disturbing and distressing. They did drawings. We made plaques from pavers that they painted and decorated with me to remember them. We talked when someone wanted to and we cried buckets too. A lady on DOL who doesn't know how much she meant to me sent us beautiful bookmarks made out of my signature, the kids have photos in frames that she also made. She even did Santa hats with pics of the dogs wearing them!

I scrapbook too, so the kids have done lots of pages, written there favourite things. We have oohed and aahed over them. We have the dog tags of 2 of them hanging in the kitchen. They are still everywhere here.

We do have new dogs. I literally stumbled on an ad ( I say stumble as I had never been on to that website before ) and saw a Retriever for free. The lady lived an hour away. He was fat , had a terrible coat and just fitted in. The whole time he was here he never sat near the owner. He either sat with me, OH or played with the kids. We knew then that he was the dog for us. His old owner told him on leaving that his life was just about to start! I think Bear needed us as much as we needed him

The kids always wanted a smaller sized dog as well. We ended up with a Cocker Spaniel pup. He is just lovely and we are all smitten with him too. he was a suprise. The kids had no clue he was coming and they just spoilt him to bits!!!

I can't remember reading from your first post...do you have another dog?

It has been a long road and now 15 months on my kids still have days where they say that they miss there 4 dogs and wish them back. I let them go as its a normal grieving process. I still miss them too, so how can I expect the kids not to?

I am so sorry, that must have been so tragic for the whole famiy. I can't even imagine. Good to hear that your family is doing better. Yes we do have another dog, I've told the children we have to give him extra love.

[poodlefan]

They sound like great kids Fleuri.. when the time is right for a new pet, you can get a lot of advice here on an appropriate breed and breeder.

I wish you every happiness when your family is ready for a new dog.

[Fleuri]

They sound like great kids Fleuri.. when the time is right for a new pet, you can get a lot of advice here on an appropriate breed and breeder.

I wish you every happiness when your family is ready for a new dog.

Thank you poodlefan.

[rexiam]

I too have not read the previous posts

Monah Yes, it was a terrible time. It changed all of us. It was a huge learning experience for us all.

LizT yes I agree with your post. The children are certainly not deserting there dog if they get another. They will never be able to replace there lost dog. They are filling a void They need to know that the door will always be open.

dogluva I understand what you are saying. I just know that in my case I could never have gotten tough on my kids.

Fleuri You will know when you are ready to get another dog. If in doubt don't.

poodlefan is right You will get lots of great advice here when you need it on breed and breeders

Edited August 3, 2010 by rexiam