mantis Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 My daughter & her partner just bought a house on nearly 2 acres. My daughter was so happy she could finally get some dogs. She wanted a big dog, but her partner wanted a a Jack Russell, so they agreed to get one of each, (which I always suspected wasn't going to happen), because her partner is a control fresk & always wants to get gis own way. Anyway, my daughter wanted to adopt dogs from rescue, so two weeks ago she found a lovely Mastiff/Ridgeback cross puppy & put in an application. She had to give references, so her partner told her to put down his family & friends, but not use me as being her mum they would think I was biased. Straight away I knew he was going to sabotage that adoption. My daughter rang me toinght to say that her partner came home with a surprise, he has bought 2 Jack Russells from a backyard breeder for her birthday & they are picking them up on Sunday. I asked her if she was allowed to get a big dog & she said no, because they decided on only having 2 dogs. He got his own way again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parkeyre Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 I'd say "dear bf; too bad you spent your money, but i'm not having the pup. I'm giving it back to the breeder. I'm buying that rescue dog i love so much instead" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bully Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 I'd say "dear bf; too bad you spent your money, but i'm not having the pup. I'm giving it back to the breeder. I'm buying that rescue dog i love so much instead" I agree I'd tell the bf, "If you really loved me you'd get me the Mastiff/Ridgie that I really, really want!!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dogsfevr Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 Its your daughters battle ,she obviously accepts she is with a control freak & i gather picking the type of dogs isnt the only thing she doesnt get her way or her wants respected . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mantis Posted June 8, 2010 Author Share Posted June 8, 2010 (edited) Unfortunately this controls her. Does anyone know the name of a good hitman, who works cheap? Edited to add, I have lived back in Melbourne for two & a half years & he has never come inside my house, I think he is scared of my beautiful big boy. Edited June 8, 2010 by mantis Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kissindra Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 only you would know if she would be receptive of the discussion, but if you do broach your concerns with her outline from the start that she has your love and support and you acknowledge she is an adult and able to make her own choices...but when her OH does things like this you worry that his actions (be they deliberate or unintentioned) display a lack of consideration for her thoughts and feelings and perhaps that needs addressing. If she is fine with it then you need to let it go, if she is upset by what happened she needs to know she should expect her OH to address her concerns. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Rusty Bucket Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 how is bf going to stop the JR battle with snakes? You could try emailing her this link http://webcache.googleusercontent.com/sear...=en&ct=clnk Sorry about the cache link but the main one seems broken today. Happens occasionally. Being with a control freak - is a bit like alcohol addiction - even when the person in it can see how destructive it is, they have trouble stopping themselves, and it's hard for anyone else to help. And pointing out the truth doesn't always help. She knows how you feel about him, all you can do is not-help ie no looking after the JRT or anything else of his. And no giving them money or help, unless things change for the better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RubyStar Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 She needs to give the fella up obviously, and just live with the dogs SHE wants! What a jerk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mantis Posted June 8, 2010 Author Share Posted June 8, 2010 She needs to give the fella up obviously, and just live with the dogs SHE wants! What a jerk Unfortyunately they have just bought a house together, so that isn't going to be easy, she needed to dump him before that. She also wants a pet pig & pythom, that isn't going to happen, this guy doesn't even want to have kids. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tdierikx Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 Dump the boyfriend and get a dog... she can sue for her share of the house/property... from experience it's worth the hassle. T. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
badboyz Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 I would encourage her to say no to the dogs based on the fact that they are from a byber instead of a good registered breeder or rescue. A bit of an insult buying her badly bred dogs instead of well bred dogs for her birthday. Perhaps you may at least win that battle, rather than concentrating on the breed aspect. May give her time to think and research more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crisovar Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 All you can do is offer support if and when your daughter needs it, it really is not your place to try and do anything else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dandybrush Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 She needs to give the fella up obviously, and just live with the dogs SHE wants! What a jerk Unfortyunately they have just bought a house together, so that isn't going to be easy, she needed to dump him before that. She also wants a pet pig & pythom, that isn't going to happen, this guy doesn't even want to have kids. does she even notice he is controlling her? has she said anything to you? or was she happy about the 2 jack russels? if you say anything negative about her bf how does she react? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
corvus Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 Lots of folk take the path of least resistance. There's nothing wrong with it. If it really matters to her more than avoiding conflict, then it's up to her to do something about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowball Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 This sounds like the tip of the iceberg, and I suspect a very controlling man. There is not much you can do for your daughter but to make sure you keep the lines of communication open, boost her self esteem, praise her where she has strenghts, be there for her, tell her you love her always and want her to be happy. Try hard not to alienate him, so that you get to see your daughter still, if he is the type of man I have seen before, he will be only to pleased to have an exucuse to cut you out of her life so he has more control. Make sure she knows if the relationship gets too much you will always be three for her and point out some resources womens shelters etc that she can contact if she doesnt want to tolk to you (you GP should be able to id some for you) If I have read the situation wrong, and this is just a one off or he is just a normal jerk, than I am sorry and please dont take offence. I have seen a friend go through it, it is very very hard for the woman to make the break and with my friend it took years of her saying she needed to ,before she had the courage to leave the controlling jerk. emotional and fianncial control is a type of abuse and it is hard to watch, but I kept on listening when she wanted to talk and encouragad her in a general way, and boosted all the positives to make her feel good. I also gave her some postitive self esteem books, but she was open to that and happy to read it. anyway, hope I have read the situation wrong, apologies if I have, I have just seen it happen myself, and it starts slow and the it escalates slowly until he had total control. good luck, snowball Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bilbo Baggins Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 Well the old saying is she has made her so has to lie in it. You can only be there to pick up the pieces. The BYB is more the concern than the type of dogs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeavyPaws Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 I know it's the wrong gender for sympathy, but my brother had a very controlling girlfriend and it was almost impossible to get him out of that relationship. I'd go over and ask if he'd like to go for walk with me, and she'd literally burst into tears to stop him going, and start hitting him. He too had an issue with his dogs, she didn't like his GSD {BSL supporter}, so she actually sold it in the Trading Post while he was at work and staged it to look like it had run away. We all believed Sash had run way, so we were doing the frantic door-to-door, posters everywhere, police notified, ranger notified, calling the shelters everyday, and we were shocked at how nobody had seen this large, furry dog anywhere. so one day he stayed home from work, too miserable to go because he was sure Sash was dead, she went shopping, and who called on the home phone but a man complaining about the dog he'd bought from them on TP, saying she refused to be mated and he wanted his money back. PBF {psycho b*tch face, girlfriend's affectionate nickname to the family} actually claimed it must be someone who stole his dog, demanding a ransom. Really. She truly expected us all to believe that. Anyway, that was the last straw, messing with the dog he'd had for 11 years, and he got Sash back and dumped PBF on the roadside. Happy times all round. Hopefully your daughter comes around and gets rid of this bloke. Let her know all the dangers of buying from BYB, maybe hype it up a little with ravings about parvo-stricken puppies dying all over the place, two little puppies and how they wreck havoc if they're not exercised constantly, offer to help her with the adoption of the other dog in any way she needs. People in controlling relationships, male or female, need support from family members to make a move, or they never will. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dandybrush Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 I agree with what everyone is saying, you do not want to offend/upset your daughter regarding that relationship or she will cling to this guy more, just be there to chat about nothing/anything whatever she wants remind her that she can come to you about anything. Is she happy with this guy? maybe she isnt seeing his faults? could you point them out in an unobvious way? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JulesP Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 If he is scared of big dogs then I do think it is fair enough that he wants little dogs. It would be equally bad of your daughter to get a pet that her partner didn't want. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greytmate Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 If he is scared of big dogs then I do think it is fair enough that he wants little dogs. It would be equally bad of your daughter to get a pet that her partner didn't want. I agree. It is probably for the best that she didn't get her rescue pup. This topic isn't really about the dogs. If a person knows that their partner is willing to use underhand and dishonest tactics on them, they have a lot more to worry about than a couple of jrt puppies. If you can at least convince your daughter to see those pups as his pups, his to look after, and not belonging to her, it may make things easier for her if she does wake up and decide to get out. If she does accept the pups as hers, she is giving him the perfect tool to control her in future. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now