What Does It Mean To Love A Dog?

[SkySoaringMagpie]

Inspired by Diva's post in the thread about reasons people get rid of their dogs, I'm wondering what bringing a dog into one's life means to different people.

I've also noticed that sometimes people's desire for an animal is very much about their own needs, and when those needs change, so too does the animal's status in the family - usually to the point of no longer having a status*. Was it ever really love?

I've also had the experience of having a dog in the house that I have come to love over time, but haven't liked very much while working through problems. Our POV has always been that once they are here, they are here for better or worse, and if something serious happened like incurable HA, we would be the ones to take them to the vet. So far, that's remained true and in fact, the process of going through the wringer of working out the problems has eventually created the bond. Ultimately tho' what sits behind that is values rather than emotion, ie, once you tame something you're responsible for it.

Perhaps this is a long winded way of picking up a point someone made in the rescue thread recently. That is, many people are emotionally affected by the dire stories of rescue but not nearly as many people follow through with reliable practical help. Perhaps love is what you do, not what you say.

What do you think?

*I'm not talking here about reluctant responsible rehomes driven by circumstances.

Edited to put link in

Edited June 3, 2010 by SkySoaringMagpie

[Verdant Amphibian]

In my family we've always view dogs as members of the family and not just immediate family either but extended family. Our family dogs were part of my Nanas family too and vice versa if something happened to her it was a given that her chi rebecca would have come to live with us. Our dogs spent so much time visiting each other that the council had to put notes in their files. It's the same deal with my great aunt. If something happens to my parents my brother and I will probably fight over their dogs Meg and Pippa (they are our sisters after all). When I get a dog (4 weeks and counting) my parents will feel the same.

The only dog I ever had that felt like mine was our parson russell terrier Kerry who adopted me when she was 12 and I was 11. She got arthritis and got to sleep on a bed for the first time in her life (mine) and lived another 5 years. I loved her madly.

Living out of home I've only had my two birman cats evie and kirby they've come with me through 5 moves including a few months where I had to live with my parents after a relationship ended. My life has changed a great deal in the years I've had them, I now have two young children and went through stages when the children were newborn that they got hadly any attention, Kirby got territorial and started peeing and pooing in front of the kitty litter (which she still does) and I was sick of being touched and took virtually no pleasure in their company. But I felt responsible for them, they were part of my family, so we worked through it, made efforts to minimise the changes for them - getting a cat net for over the cot so they could continue to sleep on the bed without me stressing and things are, mostly, back to normal and I love my kitties again. Evie still thinks babies are evil but in a couple of months Nina (who only just turned one) will stop trying to put Evie in her mouth and Evie will accept that Nina is actually human.

Having experienced times when I haven't felt much affection for my pets (although this could well have just been post natal) I think we do but as there isn't the same biological imperitives on loving our pets as their is on loving our children sometimes when our pets become a burden for whatever reason it's our beliefs about what's right, responsible and our memories of how we felt for our pets during better times that makes us work through them until we are able to love them again.

[Trisven13]

I've also had the experience of having a dog in the house that I have come to love over time, but haven't liked very much while working through problems.

Perhaps love is what you do, not what you say.

What do you think?

Firstly - I think that sometimes the kindest thing you can do for some dogs is to rehome them. I've told this story many times before but will cut it down for those who haven't read it before. Eleven and a half years ago I felt really sorry for a Miniature Pinscher X JRT that was in a pet shop for weeks. He had been purchased but they returned him because they lived in a unit. So enter stupid me who knew absolutely nothing about Min Pin's but was looking for a companion for my JRT. For the princely sum of $75.00 I purchased this little dog (around 15 weeks old) who had spent 5 plus weeks living in a crate in the corner of the pet shop.

For 8 years I loved Tigger, trained Tigger and tried really hard to put up with his behaviours that drove me insane. He was NOT suited to a home with children, not because he didn't like kids (because he loved them), but the parents who visited him sent him into fits of stress. He was a nervous nightmare who was so smart but couldn't stay as that meant you walked away from him. He shook, he barked, he nipped strangers visiting the property if I wasn't around. Quite simply, for someone with young kids and constant visitors both he and I were living a nightmare. He also had a terrible habit (born from poor socialisation obviously) of nipping the back legs of dogs he was frightened of. One day he took that too far with my greyhound Bart who gave him a lovely open-mouthed correction but connected with the edge of his eye and pushed his eye out of the socket. Taking this little dog to the vet in a serious state of shock with his eye sitting on his muzzle I realised that I had caused it. I had kept him in an environment in which he was uncomfortable - sure I could get rid of Bart who was threatening his safety due to his size, but that wasn't going to fix his problems with visitors.

I rehomed Tigger to a home where he is adored, where he goes to training (and is almost learning to stay ) and where, most importantly, he is happy. I see him often and he is always happy to see me but he NEVER EVER wants to come home with me. I am crying just typing this as it was the hardest decision I've ever made but it was the right one. Sometimes the kindest thing someone can do for their dog is to find it a new home.

I think we have to be so careful sometimes because many, many times a dog is better off being surrendered to a pound by a useless owner than staying alive in their backyard with no human contact. Dogs have no fear of euthanasia, they have no concept of it (and sadly I have seen many dogs pts in a pound environment) whereas they do understand neglect. I'd much rather, personally, see a dog pts than living a life of misery in a backyard. Sure if a dog is leaving one of us to go to the pound then that is not a good thing but very few of these dogs leave a good home for the pound.

[Dame Aussie]

I got my first dog when I was about 18 months old.

A friend of my parents used to breed Boxers and his beautiful girl Grace had a litter, and he let me choose a puppy. I chose the pick of the litter :D . A beautiful boy, Max. He was mainly an outside dog but definitely a member of the family.

He died of a brain tumour when he was 11 and we were dog-less until I was about 14 when we got 2 brother/sister Chi X JRT pups from an aquaitance whos dog had pups. They slept in our bed, ate off our plate, and were generally spoilt rotten.

They still live with my Mum, they are 13 now and still spoilt little buggers . My Mum wont even speak about either of them passing it upsets her so much.

Now I have my two who are DEFINITELY a part of the family.

The love, trust,loyalty and fun each of my dogs has brought to my life is unmatched and I could NEVER give that up. Small backyard, new baby, divorce,overseas trips, behavioural issues, whatever, we work through them, the dogs are with us for good.

ETA: I agree Trisven. Some of the dogs I have seen surrendered were far better off away from the people who owned them. I just don't understand those people.

Edited June 3, 2010 by Aussie3

[SkySoaringMagpie]

I think we have to be so careful sometimes because many, many times a dog is better off being surrendered to a pound by a useless owner than staying alive in their backyard with no human contact. Dogs have no fear of euthanasia, they have no concept of it (and sadly I have seen many dogs pts in a pound environment) whereas they do understand neglect. I'd much rather, personally, see a dog pts than living a life of misery in a backyard. Sure if a dog is leaving one of us to go to the pound then that is not a good thing but very few of these dogs leave a good home for the pound.

I agree with this wholeheartedly. Humane PTS is far from the worst thing that can happen to a dog. Unfortunately I think PTS is still a no go area for so many people even if they are disconnected from the dog.

Perhaps that is because PTS except in certain very clear sanctioned circumstances runs counter to a lot of the Judeo-Christian beliefs our society is based on. Look at the difficulties humans have with human euthanasia or with spay-aborting pregnant rescues.

[furballs]

I just love dogs, they are very special creatures, they make me laugh, give me love and companionship but most of all I love to see a happy, well adjusted dog who spends it life playing, warm and well fed.

I believe in getting a pet for life, no matter what (unless of course there really is no other option). I have one dog in particular that at times I can't stand to even look at. I actually felt hate towards her a few months ago and it was seriously affecting my life because i didn't want her living with me anymore. To clarify, she savagely attacked my old dog when she was 14 years old and my pup when she was 10 weeks old and left her with a very nasty swollen face.

I would never rehome her though because I know she wouldn't be happy being moved and I am the only one who really understands her and can predict her behaviour. It's not her fault she is moody, aggressive and a downright bitch sometimes because she has so many health problems. I can't blame her for feeling angry a lot of the time because she probably feels like crap. Given my feeling towards her, I would still dig up thousands of dollars for vet work if I had to because she is still my dog.

I also foster dogs and I can't even begin to imagine how someone can just decide they don't want their dog anymore, it's completely beyond my understanding.

[jesomil]

My relationships with my dogs have changed over the years.

In my 20's, I lived and breathed my dogs. They were my children and I spent my life training/showing/trialling. Everything I did was dog related, there was nothing else. I think alot of people without children have this close relationship with their dogs.

Then in my 30's I had my first baby. Everything changed. I still loved my dogs but a little person had come along who had changed me forever.

The dogs were hard work for a few months after the baby but we worked through that and got into a new routine.

I love my dogs and would never be without them but my children come first. They are still very much loved members of the family and there is absolutely no circumstance that would prevent me from keeping them, but my relationship with them has definately changed.

I think there are some circumstances where dogs are better somewhere else and also I think that people shouldnt feel pressured to keep a dog that doesnt fit in with their life. Some people make their life a misery trying to accommodate their dogs needs. While that works for some, I believe others should be able to make the decision without shame to rehome.

Edited June 3, 2010 by jesomil

[SkySoaringMagpie]

I think there are some circumstances where dogs are better somewhere else and also I think that people shouldnt feel pressured to keep a dog that doesnt fit in with their life. Some people make their life a misery trying to accommodate their dogs needs. While that works for some, I believe others should be able to make the decision without shame to rehome.

I think there are limited sets of circumstances where you can be sure that the dog can be rehomed and as a result the issue will disappear or be sufficiently mitigated and it's win/win for the dogs and humans. Trisven's example is one, another is people with kids rehoming to a no kid home if the dog or kids are at risk, very drivey dogs being rehomed to working or experienced homes etc.

As someone else pointed out tho', for one person "doesn't fit in with their life" means "either the dog or the kids are going to be killed or seriously injured and we have tried everything including qualified help". For others it means "doesn't match the curtains".

A while ago an acquaintance of mine was talking about rehoming her poodle cross and getting a different dog because "she didn't feel a bond with him". She didn't walk him, or train him and she left discipline to her husband. For me, that's ridiculous and sad. Sometimes the bond comes magically and sometimes it comes over time through doing things to nuture that bond - like training and walking your dog. I think that kind of thinking is just another example of people being selfishly romantic about dog ownership at the dog's expense.

[Henrietta]

It all depends on the personal limitations of, not just the individual, but the whole family too. I'm another who thinks that PTS is not the worst thing in the world. The people who make that really hard decision to PTS a dog for behaviourial issues are not even in the same world as the folks who dump their latest puppy upon maturity or when it starts acting like a dog. There is no comparison. Edit - I know no one said that, I'm just reiterating.

I have a dog with behaviourial issues (fear aggression). I do like to look on the bright side though... The issues do not effect our home life at all, I trust her with my family (albeit grown up family) without getting into a debate about 'trusting' animals. I have to take extra care in public, I can't do all the activities I wanted to do with my dog and I do get a lot of comments from 'dog' people about how hard it must be to live with (which quite frankly it isn't now that I know what I am doing).

On the good side though, I have had to learn about dog signals, behaviour, training. My knowledge is still pretty sketchy but I am learning and I am better at finding answers to questions previously unknown. I may not be able to train for agility/obedience, go for offlead beach runs... BUT I have different goals and different things make me happy right now. I have learnt that it is important to work with the dog in front of you and not worry about what other people are doing.

My dog is by no means the biggest challenge in the world either, I would say that many of the cases that must be seen by behaviourists would be more challenging, but as a new dog owner, this is pretty challenging. But, if I can't come out of this and be a better dog owner (and perhaps even a better trainer!), then I don't think I should own a dog. I say this because I have been given the opportunity to learn about dogs through my dog and if not presented with challenges I may not have learnt so much or at least been slower to discover how much I truly love dogs and learning about behaviour/training etc.

I hope to never have to make the decision to PTS and I cannot think of a circumstances that would cause me to do so in my personal situation. This has got to do with the combination of my dog, myself, my family and those who help me out so much like my behaviourists and trainer friends. It's not just about how much I love my dog, although I love her dearly. I know rehome is not an option. But really, I am lucky. So many people have to make these tough decisions, but I would say they are mostly the right decisions.

This probably the best thing that has happened to me as a dog owner. I have completely rambled, I don't know if I have even answered your question...

EFS and to add stuff.

Edited June 3, 2010 by Emm

[Odin-Genie]

In my family we've always view dogs as members of the family and not just immediate family either but extended family.

Same here. To me not only my dogs are family but my sister's dog as well, or my dog's littermate who is with my sister's BL. They are included in all dinner/family invitations. Sometimes the dogs have sleepovers.