They Say You Know When It's Time .........how?

[mousie]

Hi there,

Not sure that anyone can give me the answer but I just feel like I need to talk - hope I don't go on too much.

I think I may be getting close to making the worse decision of my life. My beautiful Rotty girl, Alli, who is 8 1/2 is really starting to struggle. She's had arthritis for a while now with various meds not making much difference at all. Admittedly, she is carrying too much weight and I know this is my fault but please don't hang me. I guess I have been killing her with kindness as she's really gone through a lot in her time.

She is 5 years in remission from lymphosarcoma which is just amazing and I'm so lucky to have had her for this long. Now the arthritis seems to be getting worse and with winter upon us, I'm not sure she will be able to go on much longer. She's finding it harder to get up and down, every now and then one of her legs will give way, her back end looks as though its 'drooping' and I can see that her muscle is wasting away. She has also had incontinence problems off and on but I've noticed this has been worse over the last two days.

She hasn't eaten much for two days but I did start her on a strict diet yesterday and I know she's not happy about this. Once again, I know I should have started before now.

I hear people say that you know when the time has come. Is this the time? Is she telling me that she's tired and it's time to give her her wings? I know that the decision can only be mine but just some thoughts and experiences would be appreciated.

I'm actually waiting for my (her) vet to ring me and I know he won't tell me what to do but I just need to talk.

Thanks everyone.

[Sandra777]

As you say - it's not possible to answer your question as to "how", but honestly you do know when it's time.

If you have any doubts about it then examine why you have the doubts and what your emotions about each of those doubts is. Make absolute sure you aren't having doubts because of any emotion that has anything to do with the loss you will feel because it's not about what you will feel (as you know).

Very hard decision.

[mousie]

As you say - it's not possible to answer your question as to "how", but honestly you do know when it's time.

If you have any doubts about it then examine why you have the doubts and what your emotions about each of those doubts is. Make absolute sure you aren't having doubts because of any emotion that has anything to do with the loss you will feel because it's not about what you will feel (as you know).

Very hard decision.

Thanks Sandra777,

I definitely know this is not about me and all I want is what's best for her. It's just the thoughts of 'what if'? What if that wiggle of the stump means I'm okay or what if I go outside and she has eaten all the food in her dish? I guess I'm just hoping for a miracle.

[persephone]

Aahh this is the hard end of owning a dog . for you .

I try hard to look at it from the dog's POV.

Is she comfortable more than uncomfortable?

Is she sleeping well?

Is she enjoying food ?

Is she able to toilet independently and normally?

Is she still interested in what's going on?

Is she still 'happy' looking? Do her eyes have a sparkle?

I also prefer to send a dog over the bridge before I 'have to' . Before they cannot get up, before they are usually incontinent, before their eyes go dull and tired, and before they are in pain more often than not.

I like to know they are still happy somewhere in there, that I have saved them from days/weeks of being miserable because they can not be a dog.

I do not keep a dog alive just for me.

[Stitch]

A very hard decision but you will know when the times comes

However - is she not eating because of the diet you have put her on or because she isn't eating her normal food??

If she's not eating the diet food perhaps you could just give her what she likes but less of it???

Just a thought!

[persephone]

hey, mousie- I agree with STITCH - feed her her favourite- just 2/3 the quantity She needs to have something to enjoy and look forward to

[Sheridan]

I'm a firm believer that your dog will tell you when it's time. There will be something and it will be as clear as anything once you get what your dog is telling you.

[angelsophie]

Hey - first of all huge hugs to you and your obviously much loved rottie.

last year my avatar dog, my beautiful shadow was diagnosed after a rapid decline with cancer. she was 11 it was agressive and we were advise treatment would not be an option. I was told to enjoy her and I would know when it was time probably within the week. I sat there that day distraught and in tears not knowing how i would know when it was time. At first she ate cause I told her too not because she was hungry, they boosted her with fluids and we had a beautiful week. But at the end everyone was right, I knew it was her time and we gave her wings. I know I made the right choice for her. the hardest choice but the right one. You will know too.

With my cat she was 23 years old I had her since i was five. Her decline was over months and she was in the end incontinent, there were times I am sure she didnt recognise me and she was suffering from arthritis in both hips they thought she fractured at age 18 and despite monthly injections she was in pain. In hindsight as hard as it was letting her go I let her suffer for me I kept hoping she would fall asleep and not wake up because I didnt want to make that choice. I could have made a kinder choice earlier. But 23yrs together was tough to end.

I wish I had advice like persephone has mentioned back then and looked at it from her point of view and not mine. Your situation could be very different and I only mentioned mine to show youre not alone, loads of us have been there too. Good luck with your decison, will be thinking of you

[corvus]

We all know what it's like. I spent about the last 6 months of my last dog's life angsting to online friends and my mum about it. Everyone kept saying to me "You'll know when it's time". I did, but something I realised was that the "right time" was pretty flexible for her. It would have been the right decision to give her her wings a month earlier, and it probably would have been the right decision to wait another month as well. I was always looking for a point at which her down times outweighed her up times all of a sudden. There was no point. She had good days and bad days. In the end everything kind of came to a head at once. Her arthritis medication had stopped working, we had recently nearly lost her to a bowel blockage and it was obvious just making bowel movements was now quite uncomfortable, she was almost blind and deaf and would forget where she was and just stand there and start shaking in fear, she was making my other dog's life miserable, and she was no longer interested in spending time with us. She just wanted to be left alone.

I made a few friends out walking her. People with old pets need social support. They would see me with her and come and talk to me about their old dog as well. It helps to get it off your chest. We were in the vets a lot towards the end and her vet would ask us about all the age-related problems she knew we had with her and listen with infinite patience while I poured it all out. So I think talk to dog people about it. It really helped me come to terms with it and when I made the decision I was confident it was the right one. One thing someone said to me is that they went against their gut feeling with one dog and ended up having them die in terrible pain instead of peacefully. I think you just wait until it seems right and in the meantime angst about it all you like to us. People told me not to mourn her before she was gone, but I don't think there was any other way I could have handled it. I badly needed to prepare myself.

[pipsqueak]

Not a dog, but I've had a similar experience with a guinea pig. People kept saying that I would know the right time, but I fear for her I left it too long. Her right time was probably a month or so before I was ready to let her go. Each time I made the decision, she would show small signs of improvement. She finally got to the stage that I couldn't deny that she was suffering . In my heart of hearts, I wish I had of made the decision earlier for her sake, and pray that she doesn't hold it against me.

So, the right time is when you are both ready.

[dancinbcs]

Aahh :p this is the hard end of owning a dog . for you .

I try hard to look at it from the dog's POV.

Is she comfortable more than uncomfortable?

Is she sleeping well?

Is she enjoying food ?

Is she able to toilet independently and normally?

Is she still interested in what's going on?

Is she still 'happy' looking? Do her eyes have a sparkle?

I also prefer to send a dog over the bridge before I 'have to' . Before they cannot get up, before they are usually incontinent, before their eyes go dull and tired, and before they are in pain more often than not.

I like to know they are still happy somewhere in there, that I have saved them from days/weeks of being miserable because they can not be a dog.

I do not keep a dog alive just for me.

Very well said. I too prefer to let them go before I have to.

Two further points I rely on are:

1.Is there any hope for a decent recovery. If the answer is no then it is time.

2. When the next thing goes wrong I will give them their wings. Most oldies get to a point where they have multiple problems. IF you make the decision that one more problem is one too many then the decision is easy when the time comes.

[Stolzseinrotts]

Aahh this is the hard end of owning a dog . for you .

I try hard to look at it from the dog's POV.

Is she comfortable more than uncomfortable?

Is she sleeping well?

Is she enjoying food ?

Is she able to toilet independently and normally?

Is she still interested in what's going on?

Is she still 'happy' looking? Do her eyes have a sparkle?

I also prefer to send a dog over the bridge before I 'have to' . Before they cannot get up, before they are usually incontinent, before their eyes go dull and tired, and before they are in pain more often than not.

I like to know they are still happy somewhere in there, that I have saved them from days/weeks of being miserable because they can not be a dog.

I do not keep a dog alive just for me.

I totally agree with all of the above.

I too would rather let then go a little earlier.

It is never an easy call no matter how many times you do it.

[raineth]

some great answers fo you here

I was in very different circumstances to yours, with a young dog just over 12 months old.

He had a serious condition and we were told that without an operation he would have, at a maximum six months to live.

Darcy was going to an excellent university vet hospital under the care of a whole team of professionals.

But everything just went wrong. Something went wrong suring the operation and they had to resuscitate him.

They told me that something had gone wrong but we did not know what it was. We were all so hopeful that he would get better. He was so so shockingly sick. he was on ventilation and had a million tubes coming out of him. Some days it seemed as though he would make a small improvement but then the next day it would be gone.

He spent seven days on life support as his team of vets tried everything to make him better. Most of the time he was not really lucid. But on the fifth day when I was visiting him he woke up a little. He looked up at me while all the medical things were going on around him, and it was clear what that look meant; it was goodbye. He accepted what none of us humans could acccept - that he was not ever going to get better.

I had his head in my hands and I told him not yet - I told him that he was going to feel better again.

It took until the seventh day to realise DArcy was right and that he had known better than I had.

[Kelly_Louise]

some great answers fo you here

I was in very different circumstances to yours, with a young dog just over 12 months old.

He had a serious condition and we were told that without an operation he would have, at a maximum six months to live.

Darcy was going to an excellent university vet hospital under the care of a whole team of professionals.

But everything just went wrong. Something went wrong suring the operation and they had to resuscitate him.

They told me that something had gone wrong but we did not know what it was. We were all so hopeful that he would get better. He was so so shockingly sick. he was on ventilation and had a million tubes coming out of him. Some days it seemed as though he would make a small improvement but then the next day it would be gone.

He spent seven days on life support as his team of vets tried everything to make him better. Most of the time he was not really lucid. But on the fifth day when I was visiting him he woke up a little. He looked up at me while all the medical things were going on around him, and it was clear what that look meant; it was goodbye. He accepted what none of us humans could acccept - that he was not ever going to get better.

I had his head in my hands and I told him not yet - I told him that he was going to feel better again.

It took until the seventh day to realise DArcy was right and that he had known better than I had.

Oh how sad... but something we all frequently do... we hope.

I also believe it's in their eyes. Something changes, I can't say what it is - but they just look at you differently. Maybe it is the sympathy they feel knowing the tough decision we as humans face, and the sadness they know we will feel at having to let our friends go.

When my first cattle dog was pts - I remember very clearly my parents taking her away to the vet. She was waiting underneath her favourite tree, and I went to sit with her. I remember the look in her eyes. And even though I hoped, I knew she was not coming back from the vet. It was just an understanding, something in her eyes.

With my old girl now, she has arthritis and Cushings disease - and if she has another 'problem' - then we have agreed it will be time to let her go. She is 12 years old, been through 2 major leg operations, and constant testing, vet appointments and illness with her Cushings disease. I have no doubt, she would keep fighting if we allowed her too - she has a heart bigger than any I've known and would do anything to stay with us... but there has to come a time when you think about what you are asking them to fight, whether it is fair (or what they deserve) and how much is enough.

I will be absolutely CRUSHED the day I have to make that decision about Chloe... however, I console myself with the fact that she is older now (and they just can't live forever, no matter how much we wish they could), she's had a FANTASTIC life filled with lots of love, she's battled her way through illness and come out triumph, and she has been my best friend. When I have to let her go, I will do so with sadness at what I will miss, but pride that I was able to give back a little of the happiness she gave my family.

We've had alot of scares with Chloe... however, her eyes have never 'told me' that it's her time yet, and she keeps proving me right by bouncing back - sometimes better than ever.

Hugs to you though, it's the hardest part about sharing your life with a pet. But when you look back... the sadness you feel at letting them go - is worth all the good times, the happiness, the joy, the loyalty they bring.

[ophnbark]

The last one we lost just went and layed down and wouldn't left her head for anything. Her eyes said it all as well, she had had enough. It's never easy but they do let you know.